Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is a widespread belief that people nowadays no longer put interest in the original meaning of festivals, especially when it comes to traditional and religious ones, and that most of them prefer to prioritize their personal interests. From my perspectives, I strongly disagree with this point of view according to the list of explanations below.

I believe that people do not forget the core values of traditional events as well as religious festivals, instead, they put less effort to celebrate those as they have so many other things to concern. To be specific, people in the modern era have to face a fraught of stress and unpleasant things, as they are striving for a better life. They even seek extra jobs in vacations, holidays and festivals with the desire to earn more money. Thus, activities like going out to celebrate a festival are not on their top concern. An example about celebrating Christmas could demonstrate this point. Christmas used to be one of the most biggest events of the year in my country; however, this situation has changed for the past five years. Chistians still go to the church, yet they are unlikely to exaggerate the festival. It is obvious that people in the modern decades understand the values of events related to traditional and religious, they just not afford to celebrate it in the recent years.

Moreover, people have a tendency to spend time on their own rather than celebrating festivals because they want to express themselves. In particular, in the past twenty years, the world has witnessed a significant change in human personalities, some terms of characteristics have emerged, such as introvert, extrovert or ambivert. As a result, people have a deeper insight of who they are and what they like, therefore, they want to show off themselves and also want to discover the world. For example, in Tet holiday, an vital traditional holiday in Viet Nam, in the past, this is the occasion for people to go home, go back to their hometown and reunion with their family, they would spend their holiday in such way. Nevertheless, there is a remarkable change in the past ten years, where young people utilize the holiday as a vacation, they travel to different places of the country to experience the costumes of those regions, and likely to spend the last three or four days of the holiday with their family. I agree that during festival periods, young generations prefer focusing on their own’s goods instead of following the traditional costumes; however, I believe they still aware of the meaning of those events.

In conclusion, although people mainly want to enjoy themselves during festivals, I believe that they all understand the reasons for these celebrations.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "put interest in" -> "take an interest in"
   Explanation: "Take an interest in" is a more natural and precise phrase in formal English, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "From my perspectives" -> "From my perspective"
   Explanation: "From my perspective" is grammatically correct and more commonly used in formal writing, correcting the plural form to singular for consistency with the singular subject "I".

3. "put less effort to celebrate" -> "put less effort into celebrating"
   Explanation: Adding "into" after "celebrating" corrects the prepositional phrase, making the sentence grammatically correct and more natural.

4. "a fraught of stress" -> "a multitude of stress"
   Explanation: "A multitude of stress" is a more appropriate and natural expression, replacing the incorrect "a fraught of stress" which is a misuse of the word "fraught".

5. "They even seek extra jobs in vacations, holidays and festivals" -> "They even seek additional employment during vacations, holidays, and festivals"
   Explanation: "Additional employment" is more precise and formal than "extra jobs", and "during" is the correct preposition to use with the list of events.

6. "Chistians" -> "Christians"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "Christians" to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

7. "unlikely to exaggerate the festival" -> "unlikely to celebrate the festival with the same enthusiasm"
   Explanation: "Exaggerate" is incorrectly used here; "celebrate with the same enthusiasm" is a clearer and more appropriate expression in this context.

8. "people in the modern decades" -> "people in the modern era"
   Explanation: "Decades" is not the correct term to describe a period of time in this context; "era" is more suitable and formal.

9. "they just not afford to celebrate" -> "they simply cannot afford to celebrate"
   Explanation: "Cannot afford" is the correct phrase for expressing financial inability, and "simply" is more formal than "just" in academic writing.

10. "some terms of characteristics" -> "certain characteristics"
    Explanation: "Some terms of characteristics" is awkward and unclear; "certain characteristics" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.

11. "they want to show off themselves" -> "they want to express themselves"
    Explanation: "Show off themselves" is informal and slightly colloquial; "express themselves" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse.

12. "vital traditional holiday" -> "important traditional holiday"
    Explanation: "Vital" is not typically used to describe holidays; "important" is more accurate and appropriate in this context.

13. "they travel to different places of the country" -> "they travel to various parts of the country"
    Explanation: "Places of the country" is vague and less formal; "various parts of the country" is more precise and formal.

14. "following the traditional costumes" -> "adhering to traditional customs"
    Explanation: "Costumes" is incorrect in this context; "customs" refers to the practices and traditions of a culture, which is more appropriate here.

15. "their own’s goods" -> "their own interests"
    Explanation: "Goods" is incorrectly used here; "interests" is the correct term to describe personal pursuits or activities.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which people have forgotten the meanings of traditional and religious festivals. The writer clearly states their disagreement with the notion that people have completely lost interest in these meanings. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of both sides of the argument. While the writer provides reasons for their disagreement, they do not sufficiently acknowledge or analyze the opposing viewpoint, which could demonstrate a deeper engagement with the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly outlining the opposing perspective before refuting it. This could involve acknowledging that some individuals may indeed prioritize enjoyment over tradition, and then explaining why this does not apply universally. This balanced approach would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently expressing disagreement with the idea that people have forgotten the meanings of festivals. Phrases like "I strongly disagree" and "I believe that people do not forget the core values" reinforce this stance. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should aim for more straightforward language and sentence structure. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports the central argument will help maintain a consistent and clear position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about why people may seem to prioritize enjoyment over the meanings of festivals, such as the stress of modern life and changing social dynamics. However, the support for these ideas can be somewhat vague. For instance, the example of Christmas lacks specific details or statistics that could strengthen the argument. The discussion about Tet holiday also introduces relevant points but could benefit from deeper analysis and clearer connections to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include more concrete examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies or surveys that reflect changing attitudes towards festivals or providing more detailed anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, each idea should be clearly linked back to the main argument to reinforce the overall thesis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between modern attitudes towards festivals and their meanings. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off course, such as the lengthy explanation of personality types (introvert, extrovert, ambivert) that does not directly relate to the main argument about festivals.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central question of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in addressing all parts of the question, supporting ideas with concrete evidence, and maintaining focus throughout the discussion. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the claim that people have forgotten the meaning of traditional and religious festivals. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the pressures of modern life that detract from festival celebrations, while the second paragraph shifts focus to the changing nature of personal expression during these times. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the connection between the stress of modern life and the desire for personal expression is not explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use transitional phrases to link ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing the stress of modern life, a sentence could be added to explain how this stress influences personal choices during festivals. Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the main point before moving to the next idea.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body, and conclusion are distinct, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the shift in personal expression and the other on the specific example of Tet holiday. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve clarity.
  • How to improve: The writer should consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing new ideas or examples. For instance, after discussing the change in behavior during Tet holiday, a new paragraph could start to elaborate on the implications of this change. This would help maintain focus and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "for example," which help in linking ideas. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "it is obvious that people in the modern decades understand the values of events related to traditional and religious" could benefit from a clearer link to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "conversely," and "on the other hand." Furthermore, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create smoother transitions. For instance, instead of repeating "people," the writer could use "they" or "individuals" in subsequent sentences to maintain cohesion without redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "widespread belief," "core values," "fraught of stress," and "significant change." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the arguments. For example, phrases like "put interest" could be replaced with "show interest" or "demonstrate interest," which would sound more natural.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "people" and "festivals," consider using alternatives such as "individuals," "celebrations," or "events." Additionally, exploring academic or formal vocabulary related to the topic could elevate the essay’s tone.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "a fraught of stress" is incorrect; the correct expression would be "a lot of stress" or "a great deal of stress." Similarly, "exaggerate the festival" is vague and could be better articulated as "celebrate the festival extravagantly" or "emphasize the festival’s significance."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that the chosen words fit the sentence structure and overall message. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise synonyms, but it is essential to ensure that these synonyms fit the context appropriately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Chistians" instead of "Christians," "an vital" instead of "a vital," and "costumes" instead of "customs." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can help identify errors, but manual proofreading is also crucial as automated tools may not catch all mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding their vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a few compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "people nowadays no longer put interest in the original meaning of festivals" and "they just not afford to celebrate it in the recent years" shows an attempt to incorporate varied structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies that hinder clarity, such as "the most biggest events" (should be "the biggest events") and "they just not afford" (should be "they just cannot afford").
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex clauses and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can improve fluency. Additionally, revising awkward phrases for clarity and correctness will strengthen the overall writing. Regularly reading high-quality essays can also provide examples of effective sentence structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "a fraught of stress" is incorrect; it should be "a lot of stress" or "a fraught with stress." The phrase "they are unlikely to exaggerate the festival" is also misleading; the intended meaning might be clearer if rephrased. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "instead" in the second sentence of the second paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common grammatical structures and rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and appropriate word forms. Proofreading for errors and using grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation can enhance clarity; for example, using commas to separate clauses can improve the flow of ideas. Engaging in exercises that focus on specific grammatical points can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widespread belief that people nowadays no longer take an interest in the original meaning of festivals, especially when it comes to traditional and religious ones, and that most of them prefer to prioritize their personal interests. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this point of view for the reasons explained below.

I believe that people do not forget the core values of traditional events as well as religious festivals; instead, they put less effort into celebrating them as they have so many other things to consider. To be specific, people in the modern era have to face a multitude of stress and unpleasant situations as they strive for a better life. They even seek additional employment during vacations, holidays, and festivals with the desire to earn more money. Thus, activities like going out to celebrate a festival are not their top concern. An example of celebrating Christmas could demonstrate this point. Christmas used to be one of the biggest events of the year in my country; however, this situation has changed over the past five years. Christians still go to church, yet they are unlikely to celebrate the festival with the same enthusiasm. It is obvious that people in recent decades understand the values of events related to tradition and religion; they simply cannot afford to celebrate them in recent years.

Moreover, people have a tendency to spend time on their own rather than celebrating festivals because they want to express themselves. In particular, in the past twenty years, the world has witnessed a significant change in human personalities, and certain characteristics have emerged, such as introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. As a result, people have a deeper insight into who they are and what they like; therefore, they want to show themselves and also want to discover the world. For example, during Tet holiday, an important traditional holiday in Vietnam, in the past, this was an occasion for people to go home, return to their hometown, and reunite with their family; they would spend their holiday in this way. Nevertheless, there has been a remarkable change in the past ten years, where young people utilize the holiday as a vacation. They travel to various parts of the country to experience the customs of those regions and are likely to spend the last three or four days of the holiday with their family. I agree that during festival periods, young generations prefer focusing on their own interests instead of adhering to traditional customs; however, I believe they are still aware of the meaning of those events.

In conclusion, although people mainly want to enjoy themselves during festivals, I believe that they all understand the reasons for these celebrations.