negative effects of gaming addiction,solution and conclusion

Furthermore, gaming addiction can also lead to antisocial behavior to maintain their gaming habits and can also be dangerous to society. For example, young individuals, particularly those who are not fully cognizant, may engage in deviant behaviors such as verbal aggression, provoked by violent content, or inflicting violence on others. It can be seen that the experience of violence in cyberspace can be unconsciously transferred to the real world. Individuals' courage may increase when they gather in groups and are among many other people, such as in high school or college. Therefore, they start to believe they can comfortably employ verbal aggression, even insult others, especially with groups they consider weaker (such as the group of young girls)(Hidayat et al., 2022). This creates groups of young individuals who contribute to societal insecurity. In addition, teachers and parents often underestimate the ability of peer groups to self-regulate, which can also lead to learning distractions. They say they attend study groups but spend most of their time in online internet cafes around their school, which can also lead to poor teaching and learning outcomes in the classroom. This also puts a strain on schools and parents who must support affected students.

Finally, it can be seen that game addiction among young people has brought many consequences, even serious ones. Therefore, we also need to come up with some practical solutions to reduce this situation. For example, in China, the government has issued a "playtime for minors" policy. After this regulation was issued, all minors will only be allowed to play games on weekends and only play for 1 hour at a time(Yu, 2023). Although there are still cases of using adult ID cards and playing more than the regulations, it can be seen that the game addiction situation in China has improved since the regulation was issued. In addition, not only the government but also family and friends play an extremely important role in reducing game playing time. Because of parental neglect, children will spend most of their time on mobile devices and then turn to online games addiction.. This will be worse if parents do not have time to control and limit it, gradually children will become addicted, and immersed in their own world. Therefore, parents can gradually draw their children out of their world by organizing family trips, spending time talking together, or playing board games – which can attract the curiosity of most children. These things not only create memories for children but also strengthen the bond between family and friends (Rajan et al., 2018).

In summary, this essay has discussed the negative effects of game addiction on young people, affecting both individuals and society. It has also suggested some solutions to reduce game addiction among youth. As technology develops, the ability of young people to engage with technology will also increase. Therefore, it is crucial to address these issues to prevent minors from losing control while gaming. This not only impacts their studies and mental and physical health but also complicates social interactions. By promoting healthy habits and increasing parental involvement in time management, we can help children develop a proper awareness of gaming and understand the risks associated with game addiction. By fostering a balanced approach to gaming, we can assist young people in developing countries in harnessing the positive aspects of gaming while minimizing potential harms.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, enhancing the flow and formality of the essay.
"can also lead to antisocial behavior to maintain their gaming habits" -> "may also contribute to antisocial behavior in order to maintain their gaming habits"
Explanation: "May also contribute to" is more precise and academically appropriate than "can also lead to," which is somewhat vague and informal. The phrase "in order to" clarifies the purpose of the behavior.
"can also be dangerous to society" -> "may also pose a threat to society"
Explanation: "Pose a threat" is a more precise and formal expression than "be dangerous," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"young individuals, particularly those who are not fully cognizant" -> "young individuals, particularly those who are not fully aware"
Explanation: "Aware" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "cognizant," which can be less familiar to some readers.
"It can be seen that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce evidence, fitting better in academic writing.
"they start to believe they can comfortably employ verbal aggression" -> "they begin to believe they can freely employ verbal aggression"
Explanation: "Freely" is more precise than "comfortably," which is less formal and can be misleading in this context.
"This creates groups of young individuals who contribute to societal insecurity" -> "This fosters the formation of groups of young individuals who contribute to societal insecurity"
Explanation: "Fosters the formation of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the causative effect of the behavior.
"They say they attend study groups but spend most of their time in online internet cafes around their school" -> "They claim to attend study groups but actually spend most of their time in online internet cafes near their school"
Explanation: "Claim to" is more accurate and formal than "say," and "near" is more precise than "around," which is vague.
"puts a strain on schools and parents who must support affected students" -> "places a burden on schools and parents who must support affected students"
Explanation: "Places a burden" is a more formal and precise term than "puts a strain," which is somewhat colloquial.
"game addiction among young people has brought many consequences, even serious ones" -> "game addiction among young people has resulted in numerous, even severe, consequences"
Explanation: "Resulted in" is more formal and precise than "brought," and "numerous, even severe" is a more academically appropriate way to describe the extent of the consequences.
"we also need to come up with some practical solutions" -> "it is essential to develop practical solutions"
Explanation: "It is essential to develop" is more formal and assertive than "we also need to come up with," which is less formal and somewhat conversational.
"After this regulation was issued, all minors will only be allowed to play games on weekends and only play for 1 hour at a time" -> "Following this regulation, minors are permitted to play games only on weekends and for one hour at a time"
Explanation: "Following this regulation" is more formal than "After this regulation was issued," and "are permitted" is more precise than "will only be allowed," which is less formal.
"Although there are still cases of using adult ID cards and playing more than the regulations" -> "Despite ongoing instances of using adult ID cards and exceeding the regulations"
Explanation: "Despite ongoing instances" is more formal and precise than "Although there are still cases," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"Because of parental neglect" -> "Due to parental neglect"
Explanation: "Due to" is a more formal preposition than "Because of," which is slightly less formal.
"gradually children will become addicted" -> "gradually, children become addicted"
Explanation: Removing "will" makes the sentence more direct and formal, fitting better in academic writing.
"immersed in their own world" -> "immersed in their virtual world"
Explanation: "Virtual world" is a more specific and formal term than "their own world," which is vague and less precise.
"organizing family trips, spending time talking together, or playing board games" -> "organizing family outings, engaging in conversations, or playing board games"
Explanation: "Outings" and "engaging in conversations" are more formal and precise than "trips" and "spending time talking," respectively.
"strengthen the bond between family and friends" -> "strengthen the bond

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative effects of gaming addiction and proposing solutions. The first part of the essay outlines the negative consequences, such as antisocial behavior and poor academic performance, which are relevant to the topic. The second part introduces practical solutions, including government regulations and parental involvement, which directly respond to the prompt’s request for solutions. However, while the essay covers both aspects, it could benefit from a more explicit connection between the negative effects and the proposed solutions, ensuring that each solution directly addresses the specific negative consequence mentioned.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly link each negative effect with a corresponding solution. For example, after discussing antisocial behavior, they could directly follow up with a solution aimed at mitigating that specific behavior. This would create a more cohesive argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that gaming addiction is detrimental to both individuals and society, and it consistently argues for the need for solutions. The use of phrases like "it can be seen" and "therefore" helps to reinforce the writer’s stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive, particularly in the solutions section, where the writer could emphasize the necessity of action more strongly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use more definitive language when discussing the solutions. Instead of stating that "we also need to come up with some practical solutions," they could assert that "it is imperative to implement practical solutions." This would enhance the persuasive quality of the argument and reinforce the urgency of addressing gaming addiction.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas related to the negative effects of gaming addiction and supports them with examples, such as the reference to the "playtime for minors" policy in China. The writer also extends their ideas by discussing the role of parents and peers in mitigating gaming addiction. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion of peer influence could benefit from additional examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples or data that illustrate the points made. For instance, when discussing the impact of peer groups, including statistics or studies that show the correlation between peer influence and gaming addiction would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of gaming addiction, its negative effects, and potential solutions. The writer does not deviate from the main subject, which is commendable. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more concise, particularly in the elaboration of certain points that may stray slightly from the central theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should review each paragraph to ensure that all content directly relates to the prompt. They could also consider using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph, which would help guide the reader and reinforce the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By making the suggested improvements, the writer could enhance the clarity, coherence, and persuasive power of their essay, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, addressing the negative effects of gaming addiction followed by proposed solutions. The logical flow is generally maintained, with a progression from identifying issues to suggesting remedies. For instance, the transition from discussing antisocial behavior to the impact on education is coherent, as both points relate to the broader theme of societal consequences. However, some ideas could be better linked; for example, the connection between gaming addiction and the strain on educational systems could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Consequently") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. A more explicit connection between the effects of gaming addiction and the proposed solutions would also strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of gaming addiction, such as its effects on behavior and education, and solutions proposed. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the paragraph discussing solutions is somewhat shorter and less detailed compared to the one outlining the negative effects, which may give the impression that solutions are less important.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is developed with sufficient detail. Aim for a balance in the length of paragraphs, ensuring that each key point is adequately explored. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they cover multiple ideas, which can help maintain focus and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "therefore," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, which may detract from the overall sophistication of the writing. For instance, the use of "can also" appears multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the essay’s cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "consequently," "as a result," and "on the other hand." Additionally, varying sentence structures can improve cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex sentences that still maintain clarity. This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid band score of 7 for coherence and cohesion, focusing on improving the logical organization, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of gaming addiction. Terms such as "antisocial behavior," "deviant behaviors," and "societal insecurity" are effectively employed to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the repeated use of "addiction" could be diversified with terms like "dependency" or "compulsion."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "addiction," consider using "compulsion" or "obsession" in different contexts to avoid redundancy and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "young individuals, particularly those who are not fully cognizant" could be clearer if "cognizant" were replaced with "aware" or "mindful," as these terms are more commonly understood. Additionally, the phrase "can also be dangerous to society" is vague; specifying how it is dangerous would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of using broad terms, they should provide clear definitions or examples. For instance, instead of saying "can also be dangerous to society," the writer could specify how gaming addiction leads to specific societal issues, such as increased crime rates or diminished academic performance.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality. Words such as "aggression," "consequences," and "regulation" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid understanding of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer can further enhance their writing by proofreading for any potential typographical errors or inconsistencies. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help maintain and improve this skill.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To elevate this score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice and revision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases such as "it can be seen that the experience of violence in cyberspace can be unconsciously transferred to the real world" and "this creates groups of young individuals who contribute to societal insecurity" exhibit effective use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the repetitive use of "can be seen" and "may" in several sentences detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "it can be seen that," alternatives like "this suggests that" or "this indicates that" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or starting sentences with adverbial phrases could further enrich the sentence variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some punctuation issues that could be addressed. For example, in the sentence "especially with groups they consider weaker (such as the group of young girls)(Hidayat et al., 2022)," there is a lack of space before the citation, which disrupts readability. Additionally, the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in longer sentences where clauses are joined.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should pay closer attention to the placement of citations and ensure that there is consistent spacing. Furthermore, reviewing comma usage in complex sentences can enhance clarity. For instance, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid run-on sentences and ensure that each idea is clearly articulated. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on punctuation rules can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, it could achieve an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Furthermore, gaming addiction may also contribute to antisocial behavior in order to maintain gaming habits and may also pose a threat to society. For example, young individuals, particularly those who are not fully aware of the consequences, may engage in deviant behaviors such as verbal aggression, provoked by violent content, or inflicting violence on others. It is evident that the experience of violence in cyberspace can be unconsciously transferred to the real world. Individuals’ courage may increase when they gather in groups, especially in environments like high school or college. Therefore, they begin to believe they can freely employ verbal aggression, even insulting others, particularly those they perceive as weaker, such as young girls (Hidayat et al., 2022). This fosters the formation of groups of young individuals who contribute to societal insecurity. Additionally, teachers and parents often underestimate the ability of peer groups to self-regulate, which can lead to distractions in learning. They claim to attend study groups but actually spend most of their time in online internet cafes near their school, which can result in poor teaching and learning outcomes in the classroom. This situation places a burden on schools and parents who must support affected students.

Finally, it is evident that game addiction among young people has resulted in numerous, even severe, consequences. Therefore, it is essential to develop practical solutions to address this issue. For example, in China, the government has implemented a “playtime for minors” policy. Following this regulation, minors are permitted to play games only on weekends and for one hour at a time (Yu, 2023). Despite ongoing instances of using adult ID cards and exceeding the regulations, it can be seen that the situation of game addiction in China has improved since the regulation was introduced. Furthermore, not only the government but also family and friends play an extremely important role in reducing gaming time. Due to parental neglect, children often spend excessive time on mobile devices, leading to online game addiction. This problem worsens if parents do not have time to monitor and limit gaming, as children gradually become addicted and immersed in their virtual world. Therefore, parents can help draw their children out of this world by organizing family outings, engaging in conversations, or playing board games—activities that can capture the curiosity of most children. These experiences not only create lasting memories for children but also strengthen the bond between family and friends (Rajan et al., 2018).

In summary, this essay has discussed the negative effects of game addiction on young people, impacting both individuals and society. It has also suggested some solutions to reduce game addiction among youth. As technology develops, the ability of young people to engage with technology will also increase. Therefore, it is crucial to address these issues to prevent minors from losing control while gaming. This not only affects their studies and mental and physical health but also complicates social interactions. By promoting healthy habits and increasing parental involvement in time management, we can help children develop a proper awareness of gaming and understand the risks associated with game addiction. By fostering a balanced approach to gaming, we can assist young people in harnessing the positive aspects of gaming while minimizing potential harms.