New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, where the advance of technology, especially the advent of the Internet, has brought people various merits, it is commonly said that the experience of both consumers has improved significantly. However, others argue that the traditional ways of purchasing and selling are better in general. While I agree with this viewpoint, there are some drawbacks that partially weaken the advantages.

One of the most significant benefits for consumers is undoubtedly convenience. With access to the Internet, they can buy necessary goods and foods from any location, at any time. Moreover, while in the past, they had to spend long hours searching for items in crowded markets or massive supermarkets, at the present, they could simply turn on the mobile phones, hold some taps and the products are ready to be delivered.

Another noticeable advantage of technology-supported shopping is that it provides consumers with relief. No longer do they need to beware of thieves and shoplifters, thanks to the invention of security cameras and gates. In addition, they can easily calculate the total expenditure on shopping with the calculator integrated in smartphones, instead of counting it line by line in an expense book.

However, it is undeniable that there are some downsides regarding technology applying to shopping. For instance, many consumers in developing countries don't have access to the Internet. Furthermore, this type of trading requires a fundamental knowledge of technology, which may be inappropriate for toddlers as well as the elderly.

In conclusion, although technology has totally changed the way consumers purchase, it is possible that original shopping still can hold a certain position in modern society. Nevertheless, I believe that the improvements of technology and the government can tackling these issues, making technology transform the lives of consumers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "has brought people various merits" -> "has brought various benefits to people"
   Explanation: "Merits" is somewhat vague and informal. "Benefits" is a more precise and formal term in academic writing.

2. "experience of both consumers" -> "consumer experience"
   Explanation: The phrase "experience of both consumers" is unnecessarily wordy. Simplifying it to "consumer experience" maintains clarity and conciseness.

3. "While I agree with this viewpoint" -> "While I concur with this perspective"
   Explanation: "Viewpoint" is a common term but "perspective" is slightly more formal and fitting in academic contexts. "Concur" is a more sophisticated alternative to "agree."

4. "partially weaken" -> "partially mitigate"
   Explanation: "Weaken" is less precise here. "Mitigate" better conveys the idea that the drawbacks reduce the impact of the advantages rather than completely negate them.

5. "One of the most significant benefits for consumers is undoubtedly convenience." -> "Undoubtedly, one of the most significant advantages for consumers is convenience."
   Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow and clarity. "Advantages" is slightly more formal than "benefits."

6. "hold some taps" -> "tap a few buttons"
   Explanation: "Hold some taps" is unclear and awkward. "Tap a few buttons" is a clearer and more idiomatic way to describe interacting with a mobile device.

7. "Another noticeable advantage" -> "Another noteworthy advantage"
   Explanation: "Noticable" is somewhat informal. "Noteworthy" is a more sophisticated alternative.

8. "No longer do they need to beware of thieves and shoplifters" -> "They no longer need to be wary of thieves and shoplifters"
   Explanation: The phrase "No longer do they need to beware" is overly formal and awkward. "Be wary" is a more natural expression.

9. "instead of counting it line by line" -> "rather than tallying each item individually"
   Explanation: "Counting it line by line" is a bit awkward and less formal. "Tallying each item individually" is a clearer and more formal expression.

10. "there are some downsides regarding technology applying to shopping" -> "there are some drawbacks associated with the application of technology in shopping"
    Explanation: "Downsides regarding technology applying to shopping" is unclear and awkward. "Drawbacks associated with the application of technology in shopping" is clearer and more formal.

11. "may be inappropriate for toddlers as well as the elderly" -> "might be unsuitable for both young children and the elderly"
    Explanation: "Inappropriate" is somewhat subjective. "Unsuitable" is a more neutral and formal term. Additionally, "toddlers" is more commonly used than "young children" in academic writing.

12. "In conclusion, although technology has totally changed the way consumers purchase" -> "In conclusion, while technology has indeed revolutionized consumer purchasing habits"
    Explanation: "Totally changed" is somewhat informal. "Revolutionized" is a more formal and impactful term. Additionally, "consumer purchasing habits" is a more precise phrase than "the way consumers purchase."

13. "making technology transform the lives of consumers" -> "thus enabling technology to significantly impact consumers’ lives"
    Explanation: "Transform the lives of consumers" is slightly informal. "Impact consumers’ lives" is a more formal and precise alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges both sides of the argument regarding the impact of new technologies on consumers’ lives and presents a clear opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating further on how new technologies are transforming consumers’ lives.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, agreeing that technology has transformed consumers’ experiences while acknowledging some drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the stated position and avoids ambiguity or contradictory statements.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples such as convenience and security improvements due to technology. However, the development and support of these ideas could be further expanded and substantiated.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of discussion, provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point, incorporating relevant data or statistics where possible to support arguments effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the impact of technology on consumer experiences. However, it briefly digresses into issues of internet access and technological literacy in developing countries.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid delving into tangential topics unless directly relevant to the main argument. If discussing related issues, ensure they are tightly linked to the central theme of technology’s influence on consumer behavior.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a coherent argument, enhancing the depth of analysis and providing more robust examples could strengthen the response and potentially elevate the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and states the writer’s viewpoint clearly. Each body paragraph discusses a specific advantage or disadvantage of technology in shopping, followed by a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother at times, particularly between the second and third body paragraphs where the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "Furthermore," can help readers follow the progression of thought more smoothly from one paragraph to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but there is room for improvement in structure and effectiveness. Each paragraph generally focuses on one main idea, such as convenience or security, which is good for clarity. However, some paragraphs could be more developed, particularly the conclusion, which is quite brief and could benefit from summarizing the main points more robustly.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Develop each point with specific examples or details to strengthen the argument. In the conclusion, restate the thesis and briefly recap the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to provide a more cohesive ending.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices effectively, such as "however," "in addition," and "for instance," to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. These devices help to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the writer’s argument. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions could be more nuanced.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence further. Consider using devices like "moreover," "nevertheless," "on the contrary," or "conversely" to add variety and sophistication to the essay’s structure. Ensure these devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas and strengthen the overall coherence of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, further attention to paragraph structure, smoother transitions between ideas, and the strategic use of a wider range of cohesive devices will help elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "contemporary era," "advantages," "drawbacks," "undeniable," "fundamental," and "inappropriate," among others. There is an attempt to incorporate varied terminology to convey ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a solid lexical repertoire, further enhancement can be achieved by integrating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "undeniable," consider using alternatives like "inescapable" or "indisputable" to add depth and nuance to your argument.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "hold some taps," the word "taps" seems ambiguous and could be replaced with "touches" or "clicks" for clearer communication. Additionally, phrases like "in modern society" could be replaced with more specific terms or concepts.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider substituting vague terms with more precise alternatives. Furthermore, strive to avoid clichés or overused expressions, opting instead for language that is specific to the context of your argument. Reading widely and expanding your vocabulary through deliberate practice can aid in achieving greater precision in expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. Words like "appropriate" are spelled correctly, and there are no glaring spelling mistakes that detract from overall readability.
  • How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can reinforce correct spelling patterns and reduce the likelihood of mistakes in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating complex sentences alongside simpler ones. For instance, complex sentences such as "In the contemporary era, where the advance of technology, especially the advent of the Internet, has brought people various merits," showcase the ability to construct intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional sentences like "While I agree with this viewpoint, there are some drawbacks that partially weaken the advantages," adds depth to the argumentation.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more sophisticated structures like parallelism, inversion, and varied clause types (e.g., relative clauses, participial phrases). This can elevate the essay’s complexity and fluency, contributing to a higher score. Also, be cautious of run-on sentences; ensure each sentence conveys a clear and concise idea.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("others argue that the traditional ways of purchasing and selling are better in general") and punctuation errors (missing comma in "Moreover, while in the past, they had to spend long hours searching for items in crowded markets or massive supermarkets, at the present, they could simply turn on the mobile phones…"). Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, review the use of commas to ensure they are appropriately placed for clarity and coherence. Consider utilizing resources like grammar guides or proofreading tools to identify and rectify such errors systematically.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions. By refining sentence structures to include more complexity and addressing minor grammatical errors, the essay can further enhance its clarity and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, where technology, especially the Internet, has brought various benefits to people, it is commonly believed that consumer experiences have significantly improved. While I concur with this perspective, there are some drawbacks that partially mitigate these advantages.

Undoubtedly, one of the most significant advantages for consumers is convenience. With access to the Internet, they can buy necessary goods and foods from any location, at any time. Moreover, while in the past, they had to spend long hours searching for items in crowded markets or massive supermarkets, at present, they could simply tap a few buttons on their mobile phones, and the products are ready to be delivered.

Another noteworthy advantage of technology-supported shopping is that it provides consumers with relief. They no longer need to be wary of thieves and shoplifters, thanks to the invention of security cameras and gates. In addition, they can easily calculate the total expenditure on shopping with the calculator integrated into smartphones, rather than tallying each item individually in an expense book.

However, there are some drawbacks associated with the application of technology in shopping. For instance, many consumers in developing countries don’t have access to the Internet. Furthermore, this type of trading requires a fundamental knowledge of technology, which might be unsuitable for both young children and the elderly.

In conclusion, while technology has indeed revolutionized consumer purchasing habits, it is possible that traditional shopping methods still hold a certain position in modern society. Nevertheless, I believe that with improvements in technology and government initiatives, these issues can be addressed, thus enabling technology to significantly impact consumers’ lives.