Not enough students choose science subjects in university. Reasons and effects on society?

As the world becomes globalized, education has been a topic of ongoing debate among individuals. While some argue that pupils tend to opt for other fields such as linguistics and information technology rather than science subjects as they can help individuals to have a better life by earning a lot of money and a proper career path. In this essay, I will explore some logical justifications and articulate some effects on society.

One compelling argument in favor of pursuing some realistic majors such as linguistics and information technology has become prevalent in today’s world. To begin with, Linguistics plays a crucial role in assisting students to communicate with foreigners, which is a prerequisite to have a better pay compared to others. Not only that, but it also helps them apply for some international corporations in some parts of the world, which creates a favorable condition for them to have more sources of income. Added to this is the fact that Information technology is one of the intriguing occupations for young individuals. This is a lucrative employment nowadays. because the advent of technology has developed swiftly, alluring a plethora of users. As a result, the employees in this field can earn a lot of money from those using technology.

Irrespective of the benefits of linguistics and information technology, this can cause a host of issues for those learning science subjects such as biology, research and physics. First and foremost, students have faced unemployment after graduating from science fields. This is because their income does not meet the demand for their current living. This can make them feel dissatisfaction and demotivation compared to other fields having opportunities to earn lots of money such as linguistics and information technologies. Added to this the fact that science subjects can be less reliable in a student's life. If they want to earn plenty of money in science subjects, they will need to enrich knowledge and experience as well in order to be an expert. This can be time-consuming for students to contribute their career path to pursuing in the long run. Thus, students feel monotonous while learning some science subjects at school.

In summary, the advent of technology has increasingly become popular in some parts of the world. These subjects related to linguistics and information technology which have high integration can be better than science subjects as they help students earn money and gain their knowledge by communicating with distinct types of individuals. However, science subjects are quite abstract, making students feel monotonous and unfulfilled in later on.

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Errors and Improvements:

"pupils tend to opt for other fields such as linguistics and information technology rather than science subjects" -> "students often choose disciplines like linguistics and information technology over scientific fields"
Explanation: The suggested improvement replaces "pupils" with "students" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "opt for" is replaced with "choose," and "other fields" is replaced with "disciplines" for clarity and precision.
"a lot of money" -> "substantial income" or "significant earnings"
Explanation: "A lot of money" is colloquial; "substantial income" or "significant earnings" are more formal and precise alternatives.
"a proper career path" -> "a viable career trajectory"
Explanation: "Proper" is a vague descriptor. "Viable" clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"articulate some effects on society" -> "discuss societal impacts"
Explanation: "Articulate" is slightly informal; "discuss" is more appropriate in an academic context.
"One compelling argument" -> "A compelling argument"
Explanation: "One" is unnecessary and can be omitted for conciseness.
"has become prevalent" -> "is increasingly prominent"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is slightly informal; "increasingly prominent" is more formal and precise.
"Linguistics plays a crucial role in assisting students to communicate with foreigners" -> "Linguistics plays a crucial role in facilitating intercultural communication"
Explanation: The suggested improvement enhances precision and removes redundancy.
"have a better pay" -> "command higher salaries"
Explanation: "Better pay" is informal; "command higher salaries" is more formal and precise.
"a plethora of users" -> "a multitude of users"
Explanation: "Plethora" is slightly informal; "multitude" is more formal and appropriate.
"irrespective of" -> "However"
Explanation: "Irrespective of" is informal; "However" maintains formality and transitions effectively to the contrasting argument.
"host of issues" -> "array of issues"
Explanation: "Host" is slightly informal; "array" is more formal and precise.
"First and foremost" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is more informal; "Firstly" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"have faced unemployment after graduating" -> "face unemployment upon graduation"
Explanation: Using the present tense makes the statement more direct and immediate.
"their income does not meet the demand for their current living" -> "their income may not meet their cost of living"
Explanation: "Does not meet the demand for their current living" is awkward; "may not meet their cost of living" is clearer and more concise.
"make them feel dissatisfaction" -> "lead to dissatisfaction"
Explanation: "Make them feel dissatisfaction" is awkward; "lead to dissatisfaction" is more concise and direct.
"demotivation" -> "loss of motivation"
Explanation: "Demotivation" is slightly informal; "loss of motivation" is more formal.
"opportunities to earn lots of money" -> "opportunities for significant earnings"
Explanation: "Lots of money" is informal; "significant earnings" is more formal and precise.
"can be less reliable in a student’s life" -> "may offer less stability for students"
Explanation: The suggested improvement clarifies the meaning and maintains formality.
"can be time-consuming for students to contribute their career path to pursuing in the long run" -> "can require significant time investment to pursue as a long-term career"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and unclear; the suggested improvement is more concise and precise.
"monotonous" -> "tedious"
Explanation: "Monotonous" is slightly informal; "tedious" is more formal and appropriate.
"advent of technology has increasingly become popular" -> "rise in technological advancements"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant; the suggested improvement is clearer and more concise.
"high integration" -> "strong integration"
Explanation: "High integration" is slightly informal; "strong integration" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing reasons why students might prefer majors such as linguistics and information technology over science subjects. It also touches on the effects these choices have on students of science subjects, like unemployment and dissatisfaction. However, the essay does not fully explore broader societal impacts, focusing instead primarily on the individual consequences.
- How to improve: To better address all elements of the question, the writer should consider the wider societal effects of fewer students choosing science subjects. This might include discussing potential gaps in scientific research, challenges in healthcare advancements, or implications for technological innovation. Providing examples of these societal impacts would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear statement of intent to explore reasons and articulate effects, suggesting a structured approach. However, the position becomes muddled as the discussion shifts back and forth between the advantages of non-science subjects and the disadvantages for science students, without clearly arguing a stance on the impact of these trends.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to clearly articulate a consistent stance from the introduction through to the conclusion. This could be achieved by clearly stating the main argument in the introduction and reinforcing this perspective in each paragraph, ensuring that each point directly supports the overarching thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents initial ideas about why non-science subjects might be appealing and discusses the consequences for students in science fields. However, the ideas are not fully extended or supported with concrete evidence or examples. The assertions made, such as students facing unemployment, are largely speculative and lack data or sources to substantiate them.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific evidence, such as statistics, studies, or real-world examples, that back up the claims. Additionally, extending ideas could involve a more in-depth analysis of each point, such as exploring why technology fields offer more opportunities beyond simply "earning a lot of money."
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the preference for non-science subjects and its implications. However, the narrative occasionally deviates into general discussions about the benefits of linguistics and IT without directly tying these back to the impact on science education or broader societal effects.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on linking each point explicitly back to the main question of why fewer students choose science and the resulting societal impacts. Avoiding general statements and ensuring that each paragraph contributes directly to addressing the prompt will help maintain a focused and coherent argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to respond to the prompt but lacks depth in analysis and evidence, which are necessary to achieve a higher band score. By more comprehensively addressing the question, maintaining a clear position, supporting ideas with evidence, and staying focused on the topic, the essay could be significantly improved.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting clear arguments and supporting examples in each paragraph. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, stating the issue and the essay’s purpose. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, discussing the benefits of fields like linguistics and information technology and contrasting them with the challenges of studying science subjects. Finally, the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there are some minor instances where the logical progression could be improved, such as the transition between the benefits of linguistics and information technology to the drawbacks of studying science subjects.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, when transitioning from discussing the benefits of linguistics and information technology to the challenges of studying science subjects, provide a clearer bridge sentence that links the two concepts together. This will help maintain the coherence of the essay’s argumentation and improve the overall flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the benefits of linguistics, the advantages of information technology, and the drawbacks of studying science subjects. Furthermore, the paragraphs are coherent internally, with each containing a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph transitions to ensure a smoother flow between ideas.
- How to improve: Work on enhancing paragraph transitions by using transitional phrases or sentences to connect related ideas between paragraphs. For instance, when transitioning from discussing the benefits of linguistics to the advantages of information technology, use a transitional phrase like "In addition to linguistics, another field that offers significant advantages is information technology." This will help readers follow the progression of ideas more seamlessly throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include cohesive devices such as "To begin with," "Not only that, but," "Irrespective of," and "In summary." These devices aid in signaling shifts between different arguments and paragraphs, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay. However, there is a need for more diverse and sophisticated cohesive devices to further strengthen the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used in the essay to include a broader variety of linking words, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Nevertheless," and "On the other hand." Additionally, consider integrating cohesive devices within sentences to create smoother transitions between ideas. This will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay, contributing to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "globalized," "prevalent," "intriguing," "plethora," "demotivation," and "integration." These choices contribute to the richness of the essay and show an attempt to use varied vocabulary to express ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to science subjects to strengthen the argument. For instance, using terms like "biotechnology," "quantum mechanics," or "genetic engineering" can add depth and precision to discussions about science disciplines.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. For example, terms like "globalized," "lucrative employment," and "integration" are employed appropriately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the term "abstract" is used to describe science subjects, which may not accurately capture the breadth of topics within scientific disciplines.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices by selecting terms that precisely reflect the intended meaning. Instead of "abstract," consider using descriptors like "complex," "specialized," or "theoretical" to better characterize science subjects. Additionally, ensure that each term used aligns closely with the context to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with only minor errors observed throughout the text. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "justifications" (justifications) and "contribut[e]" (contribute).
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or utilizing spell-check tools to catch and correct errors before submission. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and practicing spelling exercises can help reinforce accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary and generally maintains spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement in precision and specificity of vocabulary choices, particularly concerning the discussion of science subjects. By incorporating more specialized terminology and ensuring precise vocabulary usage, the essay can further strengthen its lexical resource and overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, including some compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For example, while there are instances of complex sentences, they could be more varied in their construction to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive voice constructions. This can be achieved by consciously varying sentence length and structure throughout the essay. Additionally, aim to include more transitional phrases and conjunctions to connect ideas and improve coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fairly good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some notable errors throughout the essay that impact clarity and precision. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("education has been a topic"), incorrect word choice ("logical justifications"), and inconsistent tense usage ("Information technology is one of the intriguing occupations" vs. "This is a lucrative employment nowadays"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and unnecessary capitalization ("Linguistics" and "Information technology").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review basic grammar rules, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used appropriately. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation rules, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

As the world becomes more interconnected, the choices students make regarding their university studies have sparked ongoing discussions. Some argue that students often choose disciplines like linguistics and information technology over scientific fields, as these avenues offer substantial income and a viable career trajectory. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind this trend and its societal impacts.

A compelling argument supporting the preference for disciplines like linguistics and information technology is their increasing prominence in today’s world. Linguistics plays a crucial role in facilitating intercultural communication, which not only enhances students’ earning potential but also opens doors to international employment opportunities. Similarly, the field of information technology is experiencing strong integration into daily life, offering lucrative career prospects due to the rise in technological advancements and the multitude of users it attracts.

However, this preference for certain majors can lead to a host of issues for students pursuing science subjects such as biology, research, and physics. Firstly, graduates in these fields may face unemployment upon graduation, as their income may not meet their cost of living. This disparity can result in feelings of dissatisfaction and demotivation compared to fields like linguistics and information technology, which offer opportunities for significant earnings. Moreover, pursuing a career in science subjects may offer less stability for students, as it can require significant time investment to become proficient and may offer less immediate financial reward.

In conclusion, while fields like linguistics and information technology offer enticing prospects for students, the preference for these disciplines over science subjects can have societal impacts. While these subjects provide opportunities for substantial income and career advancement, they may also lead to dissatisfaction and a loss of motivation among students pursuing science-related fields. It is essential for educational institutions and policymakers to address these disparities and ensure that all students have equal opportunities to pursue their chosen fields of study.