Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, several advertisements aimed at children show lots of negative information. Some people argue that it should be banned. I totally agree this point of view.
Firstly, advertisements give manipulation and misleading Information.Children are more impressionable and less able to distinguish between genuine information and persuasive tactics used in advertising. Advertising can manipulate their desires, making them want products that may not be good for them.
Secondly, advertising creates unnecessary consumer demand. Some advertising can make children feel they need to own products that they really don't need. Moreover, it often encourage children to compare themselves to others, or feel inferior if they don't own the latest products.
But not all advertising is bad, there is an opinion that advertising can also have educational purposes if designed carefully. For example, advertisements can encourage children to eat healthy, exercise or participate in outdoor activities. If advertising regulations are tightened, it will ensure that children's ignorance will not be taken advantage of to spread negative content.
In conclusion, although advertising have positive effects, but it also has many negatives affect to children. I hope the government will pay attention to advertising content aimed at children.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"show lots of negative information" -> "display a significant amount of negative content"
Explanation: "Display a significant amount of negative content" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding the vague and informal "lots of."
"I totally agree this point of view" -> "I fully support this viewpoint"
Explanation: "I fully support this viewpoint" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "totally agree" and the grammatically incorrect "this point of view."
"advertisements give manipulation and misleading Information" -> "advertisements provide manipulative and misleading information"
Explanation: "Provide" is more appropriate than "give" in this context, and "manipulative and misleading information" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality.
"Children are more impressionable and less able to distinguish" -> "Children are more impressionable and less capable of distinguishing"
Explanation: "Less capable of distinguishing" is grammatically correct and more formal than "less able to distinguish."
"Advertising can manipulate their desires" -> "Advertising can manipulate their desires"
Explanation: The verb "can" is redundant after "Advertising," so removing it improves the sentence structure and formality.
"making them want products that may not be good for them" -> "leading them to desire products that may not be beneficial for them"
Explanation: "Leading them to desire" is more precise and formal than "making them want," and "beneficial" is more academically appropriate than "good."
"Some advertising can make children feel they need to own products" -> "Certain advertisements may lead children to believe they need to own products"
Explanation: "Certain advertisements may lead children to believe" is more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "Some advertising can make."
"it often encourage children to compare themselves" -> "it often encourages children to compare themselves"
Explanation: "Encourages" should be singular to agree with the singular subject "it," and "compare" should be "compare themselves" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"there is an opinion that advertising can also have educational purposes" -> "there is an opinion that advertising can also serve educational purposes"
Explanation: "Serve" is a more formal and precise verb than "have" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"If advertising regulations are tightened" -> "If advertising regulations are strengthened"
Explanation: "Strengthened" is a more precise and formal term than "tightened" in this context, referring to the improvement of regulations.
"children’s ignorance will not be taken advantage of" -> "children’s vulnerability will not be exploited"
Explanation: "Vulnerability" is a more precise term than "ignorance" in this context, and "exploited" is more appropriate than "taken advantage of" for formal writing.
"although advertising have positive effects, but it also has many negatives affect to children" -> "although advertising has positive effects, it also has numerous negative effects on children"
Explanation: "Has" should be used instead of "have" for subject-verb agreement, and "numerous negative effects on children" corrects the grammatical error and enhances formality.
"I hope the government will pay attention to advertising content aimed at children" -> "I hope the government will pay attention to the advertising content targeting children"
Explanation: "Targeting" is a more precise and formal term than "aimed at," and the addition of "the" before "advertising content" corrects the grammatical structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative effects of advertising aimed at children and the potential for positive impacts. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the idea that such advertising should be banned. The response leans towards agreement but lacks a nuanced discussion of the implications of a ban or the conditions under which advertising could be acceptable. For instance, the essay mentions educational advertising but does not elaborate on how this could coexist with a ban on harmful advertising.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their position regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the ban. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where advertising might be beneficial or harmful, thereby providing a more balanced view. Including a clear thesis statement that outlines the stance and the reasoning behind it would also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear agreement with the idea that advertising aimed at children should be banned. However, the position becomes less clear in the latter part of the essay when discussing the potential benefits of advertising. Phrases like "not all advertising is bad" introduce ambiguity, which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument. The conclusion reiterates a concern about negative effects but does not decisively reaffirm the initial position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument and by ensuring that each paragraph contributes to a cohesive narrative. A more definitive conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates the stance would also help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative effects of advertising, such as manipulation and creating unnecessary consumer demand. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions that advertising can manipulate desires, it does not provide specific examples or studies that illustrate this effect on children.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points being made. This could involve citing statistics on children’s susceptibility to advertising or referencing studies that show the impact of advertising on children’s behavior. Additionally, expanding on the discussion of educational advertising with examples of successful campaigns could provide a more balanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of advertising on children. However, the introduction of the idea that advertising can have educational benefits creates a slight deviation from the main argument regarding the potential ban. This could confuse readers about the primary focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the question of whether advertising aimed at children should be banned. If discussing the positive aspects of advertising, it should be framed within the context of how these aspects could influence the decision to ban or regulate advertising aimed at children. Keeping a tight focus on the prompt will enhance the coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and cohesion to achieve a higher band score. Addressing the identified weaknesses will lead to a more robust and compelling argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is commendable. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs follow a logical order. The first paragraph discusses the negative impacts of advertising, while the second introduces a counterargument regarding potential benefits. However, the transition between the negative aspects and the counterargument could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "But not all advertising is bad" feels abrupt and could benefit from a more cohesive transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the third paragraph, which introduces the counterargument, lacks a clear structure. The ideas presented are somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument’s progression. The conclusion also introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the main points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details. For the counterargument, start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the positive aspects of advertising. In the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new concepts.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Moreover," which help to organize the ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "If advertising regulations are tightened" introduces a new idea but lacks a clear link to the preceding argument about the educational potential of advertising.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will further improve coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "manipulation," "misleading," and "consumer demand." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "advertisements aimed at children" and "negative effects." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary related to advertising and its effects. For instance, instead of repeating "advertisements," you could use terms like "commercials," "promotions," or "marketing strategies." Additionally, using phrases like "adverse consequences" instead of "negative effects" would enrich the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "give manipulation" which should be "manipulate." The phrase "negative information" is vague; it would be more effective to specify what kind of negative information is being referred to. Furthermore, "affect" should be "effects" in the context of the last sentence, as it refers to the outcomes rather than the action.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "give manipulation," use "manipulate" or "influence." Clarifying vague terms by providing specific examples or descriptions can also enhance precision. For instance, instead of "negative information," you could specify "misleading claims" or "unhealthy lifestyle choices."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of spelling accuracy, but there are notable errors, such as "Information" (should be lowercase) and "encourage" (should be "encourages" to match the subject). The phrase "negatives affect" should be corrected to "negative effects." Such errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, checking for capitalization errors and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice applications can help identify and correct spelling mistakes before submission.

By addressing these areas, you can improve your lexical resource score and overall essay quality. Aim for a more varied vocabulary, precise word choices, and careful attention to spelling to enhance clarity and effectiveness in your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("I totally agree this point of view.") and compound sentences ("Moreover, it often encourage children to compare themselves to others, or feel inferior if they don’t own the latest products."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are quite basic or repetitive in structure. For instance, the phrase "advertisements aimed at children show lots of negative information" could be rephrased to use more complex structures, such as relative clauses ("Advertisements that target children often present a plethora of negative information.").
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and clauses. For example, using conditional sentences ("If children are exposed to misleading advertisements, they may develop unrealistic expectations.") or participial phrases ("Having been exposed to manipulative advertising, children may struggle to distinguish between needs and wants.") can add depth to your writing. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "give manipulation and misleading Information" should be revised to "manipulate and mislead children." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a space after the period in "information.Children" and inconsistent capitalization of "Information." The phrase "although advertising have positive effects, but it also has many negatives affect to children" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("advertising has") and a misuse of "affect" instead of "effects."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially after periods and commas, will enhance readability. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify and correct common mistakes. Practicing writing complex sentences can also help reinforce correct grammatical structures.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, a significant amount of advertising is aimed at children, and much of this content displays a significant amount of negative information. Some people argue that it should be banned, and I fully support this viewpoint.

Firstly, advertisements often provide manipulative and misleading information. Children are more impressionable and less capable of distinguishing between genuine information and the persuasive tactics used in advertising. This manipulation can lead them to desire products that may not be beneficial for them.

Secondly, advertising creates unnecessary consumer demand. Certain advertisements may lead children to believe they need to own products that they really do not require. Moreover, it often encourages children to compare themselves to others, making them feel inferior if they do not possess the latest items.

However, it is important to note that not all advertising is detrimental. There is an opinion that advertising can also serve educational purposes if designed carefully. For example, advertisements can encourage children to eat healthily, exercise, or participate in outdoor activities. If advertising regulations are strengthened, it will ensure that children’s vulnerability is not exploited to spread negative content.

In conclusion, although advertising has positive effects, it also has numerous negative effects on children. I hope the government will pay attention to the advertising content targeting children.