fbpx

Nowadays, consumers often buy products online instead of in-person stores or markets, leading to the disappearance of traditional markets. What problems will be caused by this trend? What is the solution?

Nowadays, consumers often buy products online instead of in-person stores or markets, leading to the disappearance of traditional markets. What problems will be caused by this trend? What is the solution?

Nowadays, people frequently purchase things online rather than in in-person stores or marketplaces, resulting in the disappearance of traditional markets. This essay attempts to discuss the problems and propose certain solutions to the problem.

There are several serious problems associated with buying products online instead of in-person stores or markets, leading to the disappearance of traditional markets. One particular problem with the disappearance of traditional markets is the loss of social interaction. Traditional markets provide a social space where people interact, share stories, and build a sense of community. The shift to online shopping may lead to a lack of social engagement. Another problem that needs to be considered is the cultural erosion of traditions. Traditional markets are crucial in preserving cultural heritage and fostering community ties. The disappearance of these markets can result in the loss of cultural identity.

Measures should indeed be taken to address this issue. One possible solution is the promotion of online platforms for local vendors. By doing this, government initiatives can offer workshops to teach local vendors how to list products online and reach a broader customer base. In addition, the government should cultural preservation programs. For example, cultural festivals, food fairs, and artisan showcases can be organized to highlight the unique offerings of traditional markets.

In conclusion, there are various problems associated with consumers often buying products online instead of in-person stores or markets, leading to the disappearance of traditional markets. However, these problems can be solved when the abovementioned measures are taken properly.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "In contemporary times" adds formality and sophistication to the introduction, aligning with academic style.

  2. "purchase things" -> "acquire goods"
    Explanation: Substituting "purchase things" with "acquire goods" elevates the vocabulary, offering a more refined and formal expression commonly found in academic writing.

  3. "in-person stores or marketplaces" -> "brick-and-mortar establishments or traditional marketplaces"
    Explanation: Replacing "in-person stores or marketplaces" with "brick-and-mortar establishments or traditional marketplaces" enhances precision and formality, providing a clearer and more specific description.

  4. "problems associated with" -> "challenges linked to"
    Explanation: Swapping "problems associated with" with "challenges linked to" introduces a more nuanced and sophisticated term, contributing to a more academic tone.

  5. "One particular problem" -> "A specific issue"
    Explanation: Changing "One particular problem" to "A specific issue" maintains clarity while introducing a more formal and precise expression.

  6. "loss of social interaction" -> "diminishment of interpersonal engagement"
    Explanation: Substituting "loss of social interaction" with "diminishment of interpersonal engagement" conveys the idea more formally, using advanced vocabulary without sacrificing clarity.

  7. "shift to online shopping" -> "transition to e-commerce"
    Explanation: Replacing "shift to online shopping" with "transition to e-commerce" employs a more formal term, suitable for academic writing, while succinctly expressing the idea.

  8. "may lead to a lack of social engagement" -> "could result in diminished social interactions"
    Explanation: Changing "may lead to a lack of social engagement" to "could result in diminished social interactions" maintains a formal tone and provides a more precise description of potential consequences.

  9. "Another problem that needs to be considered" -> "Another aspect warranting consideration"
    Explanation: Substituting "Another problem that needs to be considered" with "Another aspect warranting consideration" introduces a more sophisticated expression while maintaining the focus on the issue at hand.

  10. "Measures should indeed be taken" -> "Appropriate measures should be implemented"
    Explanation: Replacing "Measures should indeed be taken" with "Appropriate measures should be implemented" maintains formality and avoids the casual tone of "indeed."

  11. "government initiatives can offer workshops" -> "government initiatives can facilitate workshops"
    Explanation: Changing "government initiatives can offer workshops" to "government initiatives can facilitate workshops" introduces a more precise and formal term, enhancing the overall academic tone.

  12. "cultural preservation programs" -> "programs for the preservation of cultural heritage"
    Explanation: Substituting "cultural preservation programs" with "programs for the preservation of cultural heritage" provides a more specific and formal description, aligning with academic language standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt by discussing the problems caused by the trend of buying products online and proposing solutions. It mentions the loss of social interaction and cultural erosion as problems and suggests promoting online platforms for local vendors and organizing cultural preservation programs as solutions. However, the analysis of these issues is somewhat brief and lacks depth.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide a more detailed analysis of the problems associated with online shopping and the proposed solutions. Elaborate on the consequences of the disappearance of traditional markets, and offer a more thorough discussion of how the suggested solutions can effectively address the identified problems.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by consistently arguing that the shift to online shopping is causing the disappearance of traditional markets and discussing the associated problems and solutions. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • How to improve: Continue to express a clear position but strengthen the argument by providing more in-depth analysis and supporting evidence. Consider addressing potential counterarguments to further solidify the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the problems and solutions adequately. However, some points, such as the loss of social interaction and cultural erosion, could benefit from more extensive development. Specific examples and illustrations would enhance the overall depth of the essay.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on each problem and solution by providing concrete examples and supporting details. This will add substance to the essay and make the arguments more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the problems and solutions related to the trend of buying products online and the disappearance of traditional markets. However, the points made could be more focused, and some aspects, such as the cultural erosion of traditions, need further clarification.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made directly relates to the topic, and avoid vague statements. Provide more clarity on how online shopping specifically contributes to cultural erosion, for instance, to strengthen the relevance of the content.

In conclusion, while the essay successfully addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, development of ideas, and clarity of expression. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more comprehensive and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a coherent structure by addressing both problems and solutions related to the disappearance of traditional markets due to online shopping. It begins with an introduction outlining the issue, then proceeds to discuss the problems associated with this trend and finally suggests solutions in the subsequent paragraph. Each point is clearly presented, allowing the reader to follow the logical progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the essay’s structure further. You might want to explicitly introduce each problem and its consequences before diving into solutions. This could improve the essay’s flow and aid in reinforcing the cause-and-effect relationship between the problems and the proposed solutions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consists of three distinct paragraphs: an introduction, a body paragraph addressing problems, and a subsequent paragraph offering solutions. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the prompt, ensuring a clear separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the separation of ideas into paragraphs is evident, strengthening the body paragraph about problems by breaking it down into smaller sections could improve clarity. For instance, dedicating separate sections to each problem (social interaction, cultural erosion) with clear topic sentences would enhance the structure and readability of this paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices moderately well to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. Transition phrases like "One particular problem," "Another problem that needs to be considered," and "In addition" are used to connect ideas logically.
    • How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns (it, they, this), synonyms (e.g., "traditional markets" could be alternated with phrases like "brick-and-mortar marketplaces"), and more diverse transition words (e.g., moreover, consequently, nonetheless). This would add depth and coherence to the essay by creating smoother connections between sentences and ideas.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing problems caused by the shift to online shopping and proposing viable solutions. To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the structure and utilizing a broader range of cohesive devices to create a more seamless flow between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While it touches upon different aspects of the issue, it lacks variety in expressing ideas. For instance, the repetitive use of the phrase "traditional markets" could be diversified to avoid monotony. Furthermore, the vocabulary employed is somewhat basic, and there is room for incorporating more sophisticated terms to enhance lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more nuanced terms. Instead of consistently using "traditional markets," explore alternative phrases such as "local marketplaces," "conventional bazaars," or "historic trading venues." Additionally, aim to integrate more advanced vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise, with clear communication of ideas. However, there are instances where the choice of words could be more specific to convey nuanced meanings. For example, the term "cultural erosion" is somewhat broad, and a more specific phrase could be employed to precisely capture the concept.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "cultural erosion," consider alternatives like "diminution of cultural heritage" or "gradual loss of traditional values." This enhances the precision of your language and ensures a more accurate representation of your ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors, such as the unnecessary repetition of the preposition "in" in the phrase "in in-person stores." Additionally, there is an omission in the sentence "In addition, the government should cultural preservation programs," where the word "support" is missing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, carefully proofread your essay to identify and rectify minor errors. Pay close attention to prepositions and ensure that each sentence is grammatically sound. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing spelling and grammar tools to further refine the precision of your written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used effectively. For example, there is a mix of straightforward statements ("Nowadays, people frequently purchase things online") and more complex sentences that delve into specific issues and solutions ("Measures should indeed be taken to address this issue").
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as the use of appositives, conditional sentences, or inversion for rhetorical effect. Experiment with combining short sentences to create compound-complex structures where appropriate.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and there are only minor instances where sentence structure could be refined. For instance, the phrase "leading to the disappearance of traditional markets" might benefit from rephrasing for clarity.
    • How to improve: While overall grammar is sound, pay close attention to sentence construction for clarity. It may be beneficial to rephrase certain sentences to avoid potential confusion and enhance the overall coherence of ideas.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is used correctly for the most part, with appropriate commas, periods, and question marks. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined for greater precision. For example, in the sentence "Traditional markets provide a social space where people interact, share stories, and build a sense of community," consider using a semicolon before "share stories" to emphasize the close relationship between these ideas.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay careful attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences. Experiment with semicolons, colons, and dashes to add variety and clarity. Review the use of commas in lists to ensure consistency.

In summary, the essay displays a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with a varied sentence structure and mostly accurate punctuation. To improve, focus on incorporating more complex sentence structures and refining punctuation for enhanced clarity. Overall, the essay is well-written and effectively communicates ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Nowadays, individuals frequently opt for online purchases over visiting brick-and-mortar establishments or traditional marketplaces, resulting in the gradual disappearance of these conventional markets. This essay aims to discuss the challenges linked to this trend and propose specific solutions.

A specific issue arising from the diminishing presence of traditional markets is the diminishment of interpersonal engagement. Traditional markets serve as social spaces where people interact, share stories, and foster a sense of community. The transition to e-commerce could result in diminished social interactions, potentially leading to a decline in community bonds. Another aspect warranting consideration is the cultural erosion of traditions. Traditional markets play a pivotal role in preserving cultural heritage and fostering community ties. The disappearance of these markets can result in the loss of cultural identity.

Appropriate measures should be implemented to address these challenges. One potential solution is the promotion of online platforms for local vendors. Government initiatives can facilitate workshops to teach local vendors how to list products online and reach a broader customer base. Additionally, the government should support programs for the preservation of cultural heritage. This can include organizing cultural festivals, food fairs, and artisan showcases to highlight the unique offerings of traditional markets.

In conclusion, there are various problems associated with the increasing trend of consumers opting for online purchases rather than visiting in-person stores or markets, leading to the disappearance of traditional markets. However, these problems can be addressed when the abovementioned measures are implemented effectively.”

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *