Nowadays in many countries, more and more people are spending their time away from their families. Why is this? What are the effects on themselves and on their families?

It is commonly thought that humans use less time for family. this essay aims to discover thẻ cause and effect behind this trend.
It can be said that the problem of individuals not spending much time with family can be due to many reasons. Young people are now living busier lives and devoting time to work. Because they face competition in today's life, they don't have time for family. In addition, people also face a generation gap. It is considered the key to difficulties in expressing feelings to members and reaching consensus. As a result, it weakens family bonds and loses the bond between members.
it is possibly said that this trend may bring some undesirable impacts. Firstly, spending less time with family weakens family bonds because members feel a lack of interest, sharing, and connection with each other. Therefore, it leads to mental problems such as depression,.. moreover, the psychology of adolescents will be affected. Due to lack of care and attention from their parents, they are influenced by bad behaviors around them. So teenagers will follow a path toward criminal behaviors.
in conclusion, while the problem of some people doesn’t care about family can be attributable to a range of causes, and there are various negative impact stemming from this trend

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"use less time" -> "allocate less time"
Explanation: "Use less time" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Allocate less time" is a more formal and precise alternative that fits better within the context of discussing time management.
"this essay aims to discover thẻ cause" -> "this essay aims to explore the causes"
Explanation: "Discover the cause" is somewhat informal. "Explore the causes" maintains the intended meaning while employing a more formal tone.
"It can be said that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It can be said that" is a weak phrase often used in colloquial speech. "It is evident that" asserts the point with more authority and formality.
"living busier lives and devoting time to work" -> "leading busier lives and dedicating time to work"
Explanation: "Living busier lives" is slightly awkward. "Leading busier lives" is more sophisticated and aligns better with academic style. "Dedicating time to work" is more formal than "devoting time."
"they don’t have time for family" -> "they lack time for familial interactions"
Explanation: "Don’t have time for family" is informal. "Lack time for familial interactions" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea.
"It is considered the key to difficulties" -> "It is regarded as pivotal in"
Explanation: "The key to difficulties" is vague and informal. "Regarded as pivotal in" is more formal and specifies the importance of the generation gap in causing difficulties.
"spending less time with family weakens family bonds" -> "Reduced familial interaction undermines familial cohesion"
Explanation: The original phrase is clear but lacks academic formality. "Reduced familial interaction" is more formal, and "undermines familial cohesion" is a more sophisticated way to express the idea.
"it leads to mental problems such as depression,.." -> "it can lead to mental health issues such as depression,"
Explanation: Adding "can" emphasizes the potentiality of the outcome, making the statement more precise. Also, "mental health issues" is a more formal term than "mental problems."
"moreover, the psychology of adolescents will be affected" -> "Furthermore, adolescents’ psychological well-being will be impacted"
Explanation: "Moreover" is slightly informal. "Furthermore" is more suitable for academic writing. "Psychological well-being" is a formal term, and "impacted" is more precise than "affected."
"Due to lack of care and attention" -> "Owing to a deficiency in care and attention"
Explanation: "Due to lack of care and attention" is somewhat informal. "Owing to a deficiency in care and attention" is more formal and precise.
"they are influenced by bad behaviors around them" -> "they are susceptible to negative influences"
Explanation: "Bad behaviors around them" is informal. "Susceptible to negative influences" is a more formal and precise way to convey the idea.
"So teenagers will follow a path toward criminal behaviors." -> "Consequently, teenagers may gravitate towards delinquent behaviors."
Explanation: "Follow a path toward criminal behaviors" is somewhat informal. "Gravitate towards delinquent behaviors" is a more formal and nuanced expression.
"while the problem of some people doesn’t care about family" -> "while the issue of some individuals’ neglect of family"
Explanation: "Doesn’t care about family" is informal. "Neglect of family" is a more formal way to express the concept.
"can be attributable to a range of causes" -> "can be attributed to various factors"
Explanation: "Attributable to a range of causes" is slightly informal. "Attributed to various factors" is a more formal and precise phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons why people spend less time with their families and outlining the effects on themselves and their families. However, the coverage is brief and lacks depth. While it acknowledges factors such as busy lifestyles and the generation gap, it could provide more specific examples or elaborate on each point further.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into each reason provided and explore additional factors contributing to the issue. Providing concrete examples or personal anecdotes could enhance the clarity and relevance of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend of spending less time with family has negative consequences. However, the expression of this position is somewhat vague and lacks conviction. While the conclusion reiterates the negative impacts, the body paragraphs could strengthen the argument by providing more compelling evidence or reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should explicitly state and support its position throughout the essay. This could involve offering stronger arguments, citing relevant research or statistics, and logically connecting ideas to reinforce the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons behind reduced family time and its effects. However, these ideas are underdeveloped and lack sufficient elaboration or evidence. For instance, while mentioning the impact on adolescents, the essay could provide specific examples or studies to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and development, the essay should provide more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence for each point made. This could involve conducting research to bolster arguments and ensuring that each idea is thoroughly explored and expanded upon.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the reasons for decreased family time and the resulting effects. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes somewhat tangential, such as briefly mentioning competition in today’s life without directly connecting it to the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic of why people spend less time with their families and the consequences of this trend. This could involve avoiding unnecessary tangents and consistently tying arguments back to the central theme.

Overall, while the essay addresses the key elements of the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and relevance. By providing more thorough explanations, stronger arguments, and maintaining focus, the essay could enhance its effectiveness in addressing the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It starts with an introductory statement that outlines the aim of the essay, followed by two body paragraphs discussing reasons and effects. However, the lack of a distinct conclusion paragraph slightly affects the overall logical organization.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating a separate conclusion paragraph that summarizes the main points and provides closure to the essay. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, providing sufficient explanation and examples to support the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure its content, but there are some issues with coherence within paragraphs. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses reasons why people spend less time with their families, but it transitions abruptly to discussing the generation gap without a clear link between the two points.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Additionally, use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, providing a smoother flow of information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "It can be said that" and "Moreover." However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices employed, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, consequently, however, in addition). This will help create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensure cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, covering a variety of aspects related to the topic. For instance, it explores reasons behind the trend, such as busy lifestyles and generational gaps, and discusses potential consequences, including weakened family bonds and negative effects on adolescents’ psychology.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using phrases like "spending time with family," explore synonyms or alternative expressions to add depth to your arguments. Additionally, strive to incorporate specialized vocabulary related to family dynamics and societal trends to enrich the discussion further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some precision in vocabulary usage, with clear communication of ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, phrases like "living busier lives" could be replaced with more specific terms like "hectic schedules" or "demanding lifestyles" for clearer expression.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Consider using adjectives and adverbs to provide more nuanced descriptions and avoid ambiguity. Thesaurus tools can be helpful in finding more precise alternatives for commonly used terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thẻ" instead of "the," "attributable" is misspelled as "attributable," and "possibly" is incorrectly written as "possibily."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, utilize spell-checking tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, proofread your writing carefully, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Practicing spelling through regular reading and writing can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. It utilizes a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, more complex compound and compound-complex sentences could be incorporated to enhance variety and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enrich the essay’s structure, try incorporating a variety of sentence types, such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Utilize transitional phrases to connect ideas and vary the length and complexity of sentences for a smoother flow and increased coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("It is commonly thought that humans use less time for family"), article usage ("the cause and effect"), and verb tense consistency ("It can be said" vs. "It is considered"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent use of capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Pay attention to article usage, particularly when introducing concepts or discussing specific issues. Moreover, practice using commas correctly, especially after introductory phrases, and maintain consistency in capitalization for proper nouns and the beginning of sentences. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct such errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that more and more individuals allocate less time to their families nowadays. This essay aims to explore the causes and effects behind this concerning trend.

It is regarded as pivotal in today’s society that individuals are leading busier lives and dedicating time to work. Consequently, they lack time for familial interactions. Furthermore, the presence of a generation gap exacerbates this issue, making it challenging for family members to express their feelings and reach consensus. As a result, familial bonds are weakened, and the connection between family members is lost.

Reduced familial interaction undermines familial cohesion. Members feel a lack of interest, sharing, and connection with each other, leading to mental health issues such as depression. Furthermore, adolescents’ psychological well-being will be impacted. Owing to a deficiency in care and attention from their parents, they are susceptible to negative influences. Consequently, teenagers may gravitate towards delinquent behaviors.

In conclusion, while the issue of some individuals’ neglect of family can be attributed to various factors, there are various negative impacts stemming from this trend. It is crucial for individuals to prioritize familial relationships to maintain a healthy and supportive family environment.