Nowadays, Influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

Nowadays, Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity.
What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity?
What solutions can you suggest?

While many species become extinct due to human activities affecting the global ecosystem resulting in loss of biodiversity, several causes can be identified, and some solutions could help to tackle this problem.
There are two underlying reasons that can be proposed to explain this tendency. Firstly, humans transform the environment artificially which leads to demolish organism’s natural habitats. Example, people continuously cut down the trees to construct new roads, or excessive fishing doesn't allow enough time for fish to reproduce. Human activities that exceed natural resources bring about rapidly exhausted natural resources and degrade the flora and fauna. Damaging organisms’ natural habitats is considered a reason for biodiversity loss. Secondly, humans have been burning more and more fossil fuels such as oil and coal to release CO2. This contributes to increasing the environment and air pollution levels. Consequently, the majority of species will suffer from serious health problems. Besides, this is one of the main reasons for exacerbating climate change impacts, and some species which do not have adaptability will become extinc.
However, several effective solutions could be put forward to solve the issues mentioned above. The government should set strict laws to protect natural areas. At this time, human overexploitation activities will be limited. If any over-extration, the state will have severe penalties, including monetary fine or revoke the license. It is also crucial to humans to promote individual’s awareness of protecting the environment and biodiversity.
In conclusion, there are various causes of loss of biodiversity, and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle this problem. Implementing regulations and enhancing human awareness make a great contribution to mitigate the consequences of human activities via biodiversity.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "While many species become extinct" -> "While numerous species become extinct"
   Explanation: Replacing "many" with "numerous" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning better with academic style.

2. "human activities affecting the global ecosystem" -> "human activities impacting the global ecosystem"
   Explanation: "Impact" is a more precise term in this context, emphasizing the direct influence of human actions on the ecosystem.

3. "resulting in loss of biodiversity" -> "resulting in biodiversity loss"
   Explanation: Using "biodiversity loss" as a noun phrase is more formal and commonly accepted in academic contexts than the passive construction "loss of biodiversity."

4. "some solutions could help to tackle this problem" -> "certain solutions could help address this issue"
   Explanation: "Address" is a more formal synonym for "tackle," and "issue" is often preferred over "problem" in academic writing for its neutrality.

5. "humans transform the environment artificially" -> "humans alter the environment artificially"
   Explanation: "Alter" is a more precise term than "transform" in this context, suggesting a change in the environment’s state.

6. "leads to demolish organism’s natural habitats" -> "leads to the destruction of organisms’ natural habitats"
   Explanation: "Destruction" is more specific and formal than "demolish," and "organisms’" is the correct possessive form.

7. "people continuously cut down the trees" -> "people continuously clear-cut trees"
   Explanation: "Clear-cut" is a more specific term for the removal of trees, and it is commonly used in environmental and forestry contexts.

8. "excessive fishing doesn’t allow enough time for fish to reproduce" -> "excessive fishing does not permit sufficient time for fish to reproduce"
   Explanation: "Does not permit" is more formal than "doesn’t allow," and "sufficient" is more precise than "enough" in this context.

9. "bring about rapidly exhausted natural resources" -> "rapidly exhaust natural resources"
   Explanation: "Exhaust" is the correct verb form in this context, and removing "bring about" simplifies the sentence without losing meaning.

10. "Damaging organisms’ natural habitats is considered a reason for biodiversity loss" -> "Damage to organisms’ natural habitats is considered a cause of biodiversity loss"
    Explanation: "Damage" is a more direct and formal verb choice, and "cause" is preferred over "reason" in academic writing for causal relationships.

11. "humans have been burning more and more fossil fuels" -> "humans have increasingly burned fossil fuels"
    Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more precise adverb than "more and more," and "burned" is the correct past tense form.

12. "This contributes to increasing the environment and air pollution levels" -> "This contributes to increased environmental and air pollution levels"
    Explanation: "Increased" is the correct form to describe the result of the action, and "environmental" is a more formal term than "the environment."

13. "the majority of species will suffer from serious health problems" -> "many species will suffer from significant health issues"
    Explanation: "Many" is more appropriate than "the majority" in this context, and "significant health issues" is a more formal and precise phrase.

14. "some species which do not have adaptability will become extinc" -> "some species lacking adaptability will become extinct"
    Explanation: "Lacking adaptability" is a more precise and formal way to describe the characteristic, and "extinct" should be spelled correctly.

15. "Implementing regulations and enhancing human awareness make a great contribution to mitigate the consequences" -> "Implementing regulations and enhancing human awareness significantly mitigate the consequences"
    Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "make a great contribution," and "mitigate" is the correct verb form in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the primary causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions. The author identifies two main causes: habitat destruction due to human activities and pollution from fossil fuels. These points are relevant and well-articulated, providing a clear understanding of the issues at hand. Additionally, the proposed solutions, such as government regulations and raising public awareness, are pertinent and demonstrate a thoughtful approach to the problem.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could provide more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made about the causes and solutions. For instance, citing specific statistics on deforestation rates or pollution levels could strengthen the argument. Furthermore, discussing the effectiveness of existing solutions or providing case studies of successful biodiversity conservation efforts would add depth to the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, emphasizing the importance of addressing biodiversity loss due to human actions. The introduction sets the tone, and the body paragraphs consistently reflect this stance. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the solutions section, where the language is somewhat tentative.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and assertiveness, the author should use more definitive language when presenting solutions. Phrases like "the government should" can be strengthened to "the government must" to convey urgency. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main thesis will help reinforce the position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in identifying causes and solutions. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the author mentions habitat destruction and pollution, there is limited elaboration on how these factors interconnect or their broader implications on ecosystems. The solutions are introduced but lack detailed exploration of how they could be implemented effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, discussing how specific laws could be structured or what public awareness campaigns might look like would provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, linking the causes and solutions more explicitly could help in illustrating the relationship between human actions and biodiversity loss.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of biodiversity loss and human impact, with each paragraph contributing to this central theme. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "serious health problems" for species could be elaborated to clarify how this relates specifically to biodiversity loss rather than general ecological health.
  • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently referring back to the concepts of biodiversity and its importance in each paragraph. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring that all examples directly illustrate the impact on biodiversity will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The causes of biodiversity loss are discussed in a logical sequence, with the first cause focusing on habitat destruction and the second on pollution and climate change. However, the transition between the causes and the solutions could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing causes to solutions feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that ties the two sections together.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "To address these pressing issues, several solutions can be implemented" would provide a clearer transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. The first body paragraph focuses on causes, while the second addresses solutions. However, the paragraph discussing solutions could benefit from further development and clarity. For instance, the mention of penalties for over-extraction feels somewhat vague and could be elaborated upon to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples or explanations. In the solutions paragraph, consider breaking down the proposed solutions into separate points, each with its own supporting detail. This could involve discussing the importance of laws in one sentence and then elaborating on community awareness initiatives in another, creating a more structured and comprehensive approach.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences could benefit from additional linking words to enhance the flow. For example, the phrase "Besides" is used, but alternatives like "Moreover" or "In addition" could provide variety and improve the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" to add information, "On the other hand" to present contrasting ideas, or "As a result" to indicate consequences. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain clarity. For example, instead of repeating "humans," consider using "individuals" or "people" to vary the language.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of biodiversity and human impact on the environment. Terms such as "extinct," "biodiversity," "habitats," "pollution," and "climate change" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of human activities and their impacts. For instance, the phrases "human activities" and "natural habitats" are used multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "human activities," alternatives like "anthropogenic actions," "human interventions," or "man-made activities" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "devastating impact" instead of just "impact."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "demolish organism’s natural habitats" could be more accurately expressed as "destroy" or "degrade." Furthermore, the term "exhausted natural resources" is somewhat awkward; "depleted" would be a more precise choice. Additionally, the phrase "the majority of species will suffer from serious health problems" lacks specificity about the types of health problems or how they relate to biodiversity loss.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. For instance, instead of "serious health problems," they could specify "declining populations" or "increased mortality rates." Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate technical terms related to ecology and conservation could also enhance precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Notably, "extinc" should be corrected to "extinct," and "over-extration" should be "over-extraction." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s understanding and perception of the writer’s proficiency.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should incorporate proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from peers or instructors, can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "While many species become extinct due to human activities" and "There are two underlying reasons that can be proposed" showcases an ability to construct complex sentences. However, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from clearer segmentation. For example, the sentence "Human activities that exceed natural resources bring about rapidly exhausted natural resources and degrade the flora and fauna" could be simplified for better clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence beginnings and consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones. Incorporating more transitional phrases can also help in maintaining the flow and coherence of ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "humans," the writer could use phrases like "One significant factor is…" or "Additionally, it is important to note that…"

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "demolish organism’s natural habitats" should use "organisms’" to indicate the plural possessive form. Additionally, the sentence "Example, people continuously cut down the trees to construct new roads, or excessive fishing doesn’t allow enough time for fish to reproduce" lacks a proper introductory phrase and could be restructured for clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, possessive forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help in enhancing clarity. For example, breaking down the sentence "If any over-extraction, the state will have severe penalties, including monetary fine or revoke the license" into clearer parts could improve understanding: "In cases of over-extraction, the state will impose severe penalties, which may include monetary fines or the revocation of licenses."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

While many species become extinct due to human activities impacting the global ecosystem, resulting in biodiversity loss, several causes can be identified, and certain solutions could help address this problem.

There are two underlying reasons that can be proposed to explain this tendency. Firstly, humans alter the environment artificially, which leads to the destruction of organisms’ natural habitats. For example, people continuously clear-cut trees to construct new roads, and excessive fishing does not permit sufficient time for fish to reproduce. Human activities that exceed natural resources result in the rapid exhaustion of these resources and degrade the flora and fauna. Damage to organisms’ natural habitats is considered a cause of biodiversity loss. Secondly, humans have increasingly burned fossil fuels such as oil and coal to release CO2. This contributes to increased environmental and air pollution levels. Consequently, many species will suffer from significant health issues. Moreover, this is one of the main reasons for exacerbating climate change impacts, and some species lacking adaptability will become extinct.

However, several effective solutions could be put forward to solve the issues mentioned above. The government should set strict laws to protect natural areas. At this time, human overexploitation activities will be limited. In cases of over-extraction, the state should impose severe penalties, including monetary fines or revoking licenses. It is also crucial for individuals to promote awareness of protecting the environment and biodiversity.

In conclusion, there are various causes of biodiversity loss, and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle this problem. Implementing regulations and enhancing human awareness significantly mitigate the consequences of human activities on biodiversity.