Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary society, besides trading and food&beverage, worldwide travelling has become one of the most developed industries in the world. Going global helps us obtain such many things like growing economic countries up, spreading various cultures out to tourist who curious about nation's tradition. However, everything has two sides. The development of international tourism also has some drawbacks such as tensity amongst people. From my point of view, I lean on the unacceptable side and will analize my perception below.

To begin with, international travelling do has some disadvantages, which worth to be aware of. First, it can create a couple of misunderstandings or frustration between visitors and local people. Visitors are able to put on some short skirts or tank tops without realizing it, which result in disrespect local customs and traditional. In order words, it causes tension between residents and tourists. even creating prejudice in single countries's citizen. Second, some traditional customs might not be understood because lacking of knowledge. Whereas, numerous of travellers unintentionally ridicule or critize it lead to increasing tension. For example, a lot of worldwide tourists can not help with having meals by hands of Indians for a reason that involving to usanitary problem.

Nevertheless, its benifits do outweigh the drawbacks. In general, international tourism play a vital role in developing countries relationships and fostering cultural understanding. Travelling helps people experience actual local customs encouraging believe in every global citizen. For example, Western people have many prejudices on Muslims because of its extreme believe. In spite of it, they have a change to realize Islamic people as not aggressive and extreme as media's description. In additional, when travellers visit foreign countries, they are able to be educated and deep researched in various life styles and culture. Therefore, visitors can immersive themself in its environment, motivating them give up cultural predudices gradually.

In conclusion, even though global travelling does has many disadvantages such as tension or misunderstandings amongst people, there are still numerous benefits do outweigh the drawbacks, mitigrating conflicts for instance. For me, I do believe in the second idea and unacceptable to the first one.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the contemporary society" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "contemporary society" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary specificity.

2. "besides trading and food&beverage" -> "besides trade and food and beverage"
   Explanation: Correcting the punctuation and capitalization of "food and beverage" improves readability and adherence to standard English usage.

3. "going global helps us obtain such many things like growing economic countries up" -> "globalization helps countries grow economically"
   Explanation: Replacing "going global helps us obtain such many things like growing economic countries up" with "globalization helps countries grow economically" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more precise and formal.

4. "spreading various cultures out to tourist who curious about nation’s tradition" -> "spreading various cultures to tourists who are curious about national traditions"
   Explanation: Correcting grammatical errors ("out to" to "to" and "nation’s tradition" to "national traditions") and using "are curious" instead of "curious about" improves the sentence structure and formality.

5. "tensity amongst people" -> "tensions among people"
   Explanation: Replacing "tensity" with "tensions" corrects the spelling and grammatical form, enhancing the professionalism of the text.

6. "I lean on the unacceptable side" -> "I am inclined to the view that it is unacceptable"
   Explanation: Replacing "I lean on the unacceptable side" with "I am inclined to the view that it is unacceptable" refines the expression to a more formal and precise academic tone.

7. "will analize my perception below" -> "will analyze my perspective below"
   Explanation: Correcting "analize" to "analyze" fixes a spelling error, and replacing "perception" with "perspective" provides a more appropriate term for a personal viewpoint in academic writing.

8. "do has some disadvantages" -> "has some disadvantages"
   Explanation: Removing "do" corrects the grammatical error, aligning with the correct verb form in this context.

9. "which worth to be aware of" -> "which are worth noting"
   Explanation: Replacing "which worth to be aware of" with "which are worth noting" corrects the grammatical structure and uses a more formal phrase.

10. "put on some short skirts or tank tops" -> "wear short skirts or tank tops"
    Explanation: Replacing "put on" with "wear" corrects the idiomatic expression to a more natural and formal choice.

11. "result in disrespect local customs and traditional" -> "result in disrespecting local customs and traditions"
    Explanation: Correcting "result in disrespect local customs and traditional" to "result in disrespecting local customs and traditions" fixes grammatical errors and corrects the plural form of "traditions."

12. "single countries’s citizen" -> "citizens of individual countries"
    Explanation: Replacing "single countries’s citizen" with "citizens of individual countries" corrects the possessive form and clarifies the reference.

13. "lacking of knowledge" -> "lack of knowledge"
    Explanation: Replacing "lacking of knowledge" with "lack of knowledge" corrects the grammatical structure and simplifies the phrase.

14. "unintentionally ridicule or critize" -> "unintentionally ridicule or criticize"
    Explanation: Correcting "critize" to "criticize" fixes a spelling error.

15. "benifits" -> "benefits"
    Explanation: Correcting "benifits" to "benefits" fixes a spelling error.

16. "play a vital role in developing countries relationships" -> "play a vital role in developing country relationships"
    Explanation: Changing "countries relationships" to "country relationships" corrects the plural form to singular, aligning with the context of "developing country."

17. "encouraging believe in every global citizen" -> "encouraging belief among all global citizens"
    Explanation: Replacing "encouraging believe" with "encouraging belief" corrects the verb form, and changing "every global citizen" to "all global citizens" corrects the grammatical structure.

18. "In additional" -> "In addition"
    Explanation: Correcting "In additional" to "In addition" fixes a spelling error.

19. "immersive themself" -> "immerse themselves"
    Explanation: Correcting "immersive themself" to "immerse themselves" fixes a grammatical error and corrects the possessive form.

20. "mitigrating conflicts for instance" -> "mitigating conflicts, for instance"
    Explanation: Replacing "mitigrating" with "mitigating" corrects a spelling error, and adding a comma after "

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding international tourism. It presents the idea that tourism can create tension while also highlighting its benefits. However, the response leans more towards the negative aspects without fully developing the positive side, which could lead to an impression of imbalance. The essay states, "its benefits do outweigh the drawbacks," but this assertion lacks sufficient elaboration and supporting examples.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. This could involve providing more concrete examples of how tourism fosters understanding, alongside the examples of tension. A clearer structure that dedicates specific paragraphs to each side of the argument would also help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the idea that international tourism creates tension. However, the phrase "I lean on the unacceptable side" is somewhat vague and could confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates this position but does not clarify the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement in the prompt.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in a more straightforward manner, perhaps by stating, "I strongly agree that international tourism creates tension." Consistently reinforcing this position throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, would improve clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative impacts of tourism, such as misunderstandings and cultural disrespect. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes weak or unclear. For instance, the example about tourists wearing inappropriate clothing lacks depth and could benefit from further explanation. The positive aspects of tourism are mentioned but not sufficiently developed.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing misunderstandings, the writer could elaborate on specific instances or statistics that illustrate the impact of these tensions. Similarly, when discussing the benefits of tourism, more concrete examples of cultural exchange or understanding would enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of international tourism. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as the mention of "Western people have many prejudices on Muslims." This point, while relevant, could be better tied back to the main argument about tourism specifically.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate back to the central question of whether tourism creates tension or understanding. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without deviating from the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from more balanced development of ideas, clearer articulation of the position, and stronger supporting examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of international tourism to its benefits feels abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the negative aspects, while the second shifts to the positive without a clear linking statement. This can confuse the reader about the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal the transition to the benefits of international tourism. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis statement will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the first body paragraph mixes several ideas about misunderstandings and disrespect for local customs, which could be better organized into separate sentences or even a separate paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This can help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences to enhance clarity. For instance, the sentence about tourists wearing inappropriate clothing could be split into two sentences for better readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "In additional" is incorrect and should be "Additionally," which detracts from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in contrast," and "as a result." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly to maintain professionalism in writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "international tourism," "cultural understanding," and "misunderstandings." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as "tension" and "disadvantages," which appear multiple times without synonyms or alternatives. Additionally, phrases like "going global" and "worldwide travelling" could be replaced with more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance the overall quality.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "tension," you could use "friction," "conflict," or "discord." Similarly, replace "disadvantages" with "drawbacks," "downsides," or "challenges." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify word choice.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "growing economic countries up" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, "tensity" is not a standard term; "tension" would be more appropriate. The phrase "in order words" should be "in other words," indicating a lack of attention to precise language.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review phrases and terms for correctness and appropriateness. For example, instead of "growing economic countries up," consider "boosting the economies of developing countries." Regular practice in writing and revising can help refine precision in vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benifits" (benefits), "analize" (analyze), "usanitary" (unsanitary), and "predudices" (prejudices). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine. After completing your essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Practicing writing and revising can also help reinforce correct spelling over time.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—you can enhance your lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. While there are some complex sentences, such as "In order words, it causes tension between residents and tourists," the overall variety is insufficient. Many sentences are simple or compound but lack complexity, which can hinder the essay’s overall effectiveness. For instance, phrases like "which result in disrespect local customs and traditional" show attempts at complexity but are grammatically incorrect.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "although," "because") and relative clauses (e.g., "which," "that"). For example, instead of saying "Visitors are able to put on some short skirts or tank tops without realizing it," the writer could say, "Although visitors may choose to wear short skirts or tank tops, they often do so without realizing the potential disrespect to local customs."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "international travelling do has some disadvantages" should be "international travelling does have some disadvantages." Additionally, phrases like "which result in disrespect local customs and traditional" are grammatically incorrect and should read "which results in disrespecting local customs and traditions." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "even creating prejudice in single countries’s citizen"), further detract from clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying and correcting common errors. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules—such as when to use commas and apostrophes—will improve clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also be beneficial. For example, revising sentences like "For me, I do believe in the second idea and unacceptable to the first one" to "In my opinion, I agree with the second idea and find the first one unacceptable" would improve clarity and grammatical correctness.

Overall, the essay would benefit from increased attention to grammatical accuracy and a broader range of sentence structures to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and revision will aid in addressing these weaknesses.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, besides trade and food and beverage, international tourism has become one of the most developed industries in the world. Globalization helps countries grow economically and spreads various cultures to tourists who are curious about national traditions. However, everything has two sides. The development of international tourism also has some disadvantages, which are worth noting, such as tensions among people. From my point of view, I am inclined to the view that it is unacceptable, and I will analyze my perspective below.

To begin with, international tourism does have some disadvantages that are important to consider. First, it can create misunderstandings or frustrations between visitors and local people. Tourists may wear short skirts or tank tops without realizing it, which can result in disrespecting local customs and traditions. In other words, this behavior causes tension between residents and tourists, even creating prejudice among citizens of individual countries. Second, some traditional customs might not be understood due to a lack of knowledge. As a result, numerous travelers unintentionally ridicule or criticize these customs, leading to increased tension. For example, many international tourists may struggle with the practice of eating with their hands in India, which can be perceived as unsanitary.

Nevertheless, the benefits of international tourism do outweigh the drawbacks. In general, international tourism plays a vital role in developing country relationships and fostering cultural understanding. Traveling helps people experience actual local customs, encouraging belief among all global citizens. For instance, Western individuals often hold many prejudices against Muslims because of extreme beliefs. However, they have the opportunity to realize that Islamic people are not as aggressive or extreme as media portrayals suggest. In addition, when travelers visit foreign countries, they can be educated and deeply research various lifestyles and cultures. Therefore, visitors can immerse themselves in these environments, motivating them to gradually abandon cultural prejudices.

In conclusion, even though global tourism has many disadvantages, such as tensions or misunderstandings among people, the numerous benefits do outweigh the drawbacks, mitigating conflicts, for instance. For me, I firmly believe in the latter perspective and find the former unacceptable.