Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this today’s contemporary world, there are some significant reflection as to whether children who were brought up in working-class families should be received well-rounded education from some childcare centers or covering by care-taking from their grandparents. In attemp to delve deeper into this controversial topic, I have intention to investigate the rationale as well as hold the assertion that the latter will be the best choice for our children.
Initially, proponents for bringing children up in some childcare centers have put forward undeniable proportions. Chief among them is the comprehensive strageties and valuable experience from staffs in this field, they would straightforwardly approach and carefully nourish children properly and decently. Furthermore, they will have some brilliant plans in order to stimulating childrens attitudes toward academic learning and pro- activity, thereby enhancing higher scholastic performance and and bonding between similar age-leveled peers, lead to buiding solidarity and intriguing envinonment.
In contrast, those who support care-taking from grandparents including myself have been suggesting some realistic and pratical advantages. First of all, they argued that grandparents are regarded as the guiding light who show the best in their paternal grandchildren. Furthermore, they are closed members with children so they can constitute tight bonding with grandchildren in easy way. Obviously, care-taking from grandparents is far overwelming great facilities and amenities from childcare centers, owning to their comprehensive nourishment and dedication whithout any financial fee, not only cut down economic burdens but also boost the impression and affection between them.
Taking everythink into consideration,it is apparent that both approaches have their own benefits. Nevertheless, I strongly assert that grandparent’s child-rearing will be the best choice for those families who are constantly under considerable pressure between their business and family affairs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this today’s contemporary world" -> "In today’s contemporary world"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "this" corrects the grammatical error and streamlines the phrase for a more formal and natural flow.
"significant reflection as to whether" -> "significant reflection on whether"
Explanation: "Reflection on" is the correct idiomatic expression for discussing thoughts or opinions about something, whereas "reflection as to" is less common and slightly awkward in this context.
"should be received well-rounded education" -> "should receive a well-rounded education"
Explanation: "Receive" is the correct verb form for the passive construction, and "a" is the appropriate article before "well-rounded education" to indicate that it is a type of education.
"covering by care-taking" -> "covered by care-taking"
Explanation: "Covering" is not the correct preposition to use here; "covered" is the correct form to indicate being protected or cared for by someone or something.
"In attemp to delve deeper" -> "In an attempt to delve deeper"
Explanation: "In attemp" is a typographical error; "In an attempt" is the correct phrase to indicate an effort or endeavor.
"I have intention to investigate" -> "I intend to investigate"
Explanation: "I have intention" is grammatically incorrect; "I intend" is the correct form of the verb "intend" in this context.
"proponents for bringing children up" -> "proponents of bringing children up"
Explanation: "For" is incorrectly used; "of" is the correct preposition to introduce the noun phrase "bringing children up" in this context.
"comprehensive strageties" -> "comprehensive strategies"
Explanation: "Strageties" is a typographical error; "strategies" is the correct word.
"straightforwardly approach" -> "approach straightforwardly"
Explanation: "Straightforwardly" is an adverb and should be used after the verb it modifies, which is "approach" in this case.
"carefully nourish children properly and decently" -> "carefully and properly nourish children"
Explanation: The phrase "and decently" is redundant and awkward; removing it improves the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"stimulating childrens attitudes" -> "stimulating children’s attitudes"
Explanation: "Childrens" is a possessive form and should be "children’s" to correctly indicate possession.
"pro- activity" -> "proactivity"
Explanation: "Pro-activity" is a compound noun and should not be hyphenated as "proactivity" in formal writing.
"and and" -> "and"
Explanation: The extra "and" is a typographical error and should be removed for grammatical correctness.
"envinonment" -> "environment"
Explanation: "Envinonment" is a typographical error; "environment" is the correct spelling.
"closed members" -> "close members"
Explanation: "Closed" is incorrectly used; "close" is the correct adjective to describe relationships or proximity.
"constitute tight bonding" -> "constitute a tight bond"
Explanation: "Bonding" is a gerund and should be a noun; "a tight bond" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"far overwelming great facilities" -> "far outweighing great facilities"
Explanation: "Overwelming" is a typographical error; "outweighing" is the correct verb form to compare the advantages of facilities.
"boost the impression and affection" -> "enhance the impression and affection"
Explanation: "Boost" is somewhat informal and vague; "enhance" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"Taking everythink into consideration" -> "Taking everything into consideration"
Explanation: "Everythink" is a typographical error; "everything" is the correct word.
"grandparent’s child-rearing" -> "grandparents’ child-rearing"
Explanation: "Grandparent’s" should be plural to match the noun "grandparents" correctly, and the apostrophe is needed for the possessive form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding childcare—care from grandparents and childcare centers. The first half discusses the advantages of childcare centers, such as professional staff and structured learning environments. The second half presents the benefits of grandparental care, emphasizing emotional bonds and financial savings. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for childcare centers is less developed compared to that for grandparents.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both perspectives are equally explored. Consider providing more specific examples or statistics related to childcare centers to strengthen that argument. This would create a more comprehensive discussion of both views.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring grandparental care, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing both views and asserting a personal opinion could be smoother. The phrase "including myself" is somewhat informal and could be better integrated into the argument.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases to clearly signal shifts in perspective. For instance, after discussing both views, explicitly state your opinion with a phrase like "In my view," to reinforce your stance. This will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in favor of grandparental care, but lacks depth in the argument for childcare centers. For example, while it mentions the benefits of professional staff, it does not elaborate on what these benefits entail or how they compare to the emotional support provided by grandparents.
- How to improve: Expand on each point made by providing examples or evidence. For instance, when discussing the advantages of childcare centers, include specific programs or activities that enhance child development. This will not only support your ideas but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing childcare options relevant to working parents. However, there are instances of vague language and grammatical errors that can distract from the main argument, such as "some significant reflection" and "in attemp to delve deeper." These phrases can confuse readers and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in language. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can help maintain focus. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic of childcare options, avoiding any tangential discussions that do not directly support the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion of both views, enhancing the depth of ideas presented, and ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear transitions. For instance, the transition between discussing childcare centers and grandparents could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. The introduction sets the stage but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next by using transitional phrases that connect ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. For example, the paragraph on childcare centers is longer and more detailed than the one on grandparents, which may create an imbalance in the discussion.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each viewpoint is given equal attention and detail. This could involve expanding the paragraph on grandparents to include more specific examples or arguments. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "initially," "furthermore," and "in contrast," which help to signal shifts in argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For instance, repetitive phrases like "care-taking from grandparents" could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in addition," and "however." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help to create a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical organization, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will help to elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on common phrases and lacks variety. For instance, terms like "care-taking," "grandparents," and "childcare centers" are repeated without synonyms or variations. Phrases such as "working-class families" and "tight bonding" show some attempt at using diverse vocabulary, but overall, the essay could benefit from more sophisticated word choices and expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "childcare centers," you might use "nursery facilities" or "daycare establishments." Additionally, phrases like "nurturing environment" or "supportive atmosphere" could replace "care-taking" to add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "some significant reflection" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, "proportions" in "undeniable proportions" is an incorrect choice; "arguments" or "points" would be more appropriate. The term "overwelming great facilities" is also imprecise and should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, replace "significant reflection" with "important considerations" and "overwelming great facilities" with "superior resources." Reading more academic texts can help familiarize you with precise language usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. Words like "attemp" (attempt), "strageties" (strategies), "environoment" (environment), and "whithout" (without) indicate a lack of attention to spelling. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource for your IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("In contrast, those who support care-taking from grandparents including myself have been suggesting some realistic and practical advantages"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences being either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, "In this today’s contemporary world, there are some significant reflection as to whether…" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. The frequent use of phrases like "have been suggesting" indicates a reliance on certain structures rather than a broader variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "they argued that," the writer could use "While some argue that…" or "Although many believe that…". Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents choose childcare centers, they may…") could add depth and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "In attemp to delve deeper into this controversial topic" should be "In an attempt to delve deeper into this controversial topic." The phrase "the comprehensive strageties and valuable experience from staffs in this field" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("staff" is uncountable and should not be pluralized). Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas (e.g., after introductory phrases) and run-on sentences (e.g., "not only cut down economic burdens but also boost the impression and affection between them") hinder readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For instance, breaking long sentences into shorter ones can help avoid run-ons and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to present both sides, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and careful proofreading will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s contemporary world, there is significant reflection on whether children raised in working-class families should receive a well-rounded education from childcare centers or be cared for by their grandparents. In an attempt to delve deeper into this controversial topic, I intend to investigate the rationale behind both perspectives and assert that the latter is the best choice for our children.

Initially, proponents of bringing children up in childcare centers present undeniable advantages. Chief among them are the comprehensive strategies and valuable experience provided by the staff in this field. They can straightforwardly approach and carefully nourish children, ensuring their proper development. Furthermore, these centers often implement brilliant plans to stimulate children’s attitudes toward academic learning and proactivity, thereby enhancing their scholastic performance and fostering bonds between peers of similar ages, which leads to a solid and intriguing environment.

In contrast, those who support care-taking from grandparents, including myself, suggest several realistic and practical advantages. First of all, grandparents are often regarded as guiding lights who bring out the best in their grandchildren. Additionally, they are close members of the family, allowing them to constitute a tight bond with the children easily. Clearly, care from grandparents far outweighs the great facilities and amenities offered by childcare centers, thanks to their comprehensive nourishment and dedication without any financial cost. This not only alleviates economic burdens but also enhances the impression and affection between them.

Taking everything into consideration, it is apparent that both approaches have their own benefits. Nevertheless, I strongly assert that grandparental child-rearing is the best choice for families who are constantly under considerable pressure balancing business and family affairs.