.Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.
Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
It is utterly undeniable that being self – employed is increasing in popularity compared to working stably in an organization. This essay will shed light on the cause of this phenomenon. and its drawbacks.
To begin with, many people nowadays have a tendency to start up or to be a freelancer due to the following reasons. Firstly, self – employment offers individuals the flexibility to set their working hours, allowing for a better work – life balance. Additionally, people see self – employment as a means of creating they job security. They may feel more in control of their destiny and less susceptible to economic downturns or corporate downsizing.
However, this phenomenon also has several weakness. Self employed individuals may experience period of intense workload followed by slower periods, making it difficult to predict income and plan for the future. Moreover, potential drawback that is job security can lead complacency and lack of motivation when self – employment feel that they job is secure, they may not feel the need to work as hard or be as productive, there is no immediate threat of job loss.
With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations the conclusion is self – evident. I believe that being self employed is a result of a number factors which is conducive to its popularity; however, Self – employed communities also have to face many limitations of this type of work.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"being self-employed is increasing in popularity compared to working stably in an organization" -> "self-employment is gaining popularity relative to stable employment in organizations"
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone by using the hyphenated term "self-employment" and rephrasing the comparison for clarity and conciseness.
"This essay will shed light on the cause of this phenomenon. and its drawbacks." -> "This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend and its associated drawbacks."
Explanation: The suggested change replaces the colloquial expression "shed light on" with a more academic and direct phrasing. Additionally, the conjunction "and" is removed to enhance sentence structure.
"start up or to be a freelancer" -> "start a business or become a freelancer"
Explanation: The revised phrase eliminates redundancy and simplifies the expression by using "start a business" instead of "start up" and separating the options more clearly.
"self-employment offers individuals the flexibility to set their working hours" -> "self-employment provides individuals with the flexibility to determine their working hours"
Explanation: The suggested change uses a more formal and precise language, replacing "offers" with "provides" and rephrasing for clarity.
"creating they job security" -> "establishing job security"
Explanation: The corrected phrase uses the appropriate verb "establishing" to convey the idea more accurately, maintaining a formal tone.
"period of intense workload followed by slower periods" -> "periods of intense workload followed by slower phases"
Explanation: The revision replaces "workload" with "phases" for variety and clarity while maintaining a formal tone.
"there is no immediate threat of job loss" -> "there is no imminent threat of job loss"
Explanation: The change substitutes "immediate" with "imminent" for a more precise and formal expression.
"With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations the conclusion is self-evident." -> "Considering all the aforementioned arguments and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident."
Explanation: The revised sentence streamlines the expression by replacing "theses" with "arguments" and rephrasing for clarity and formality.
"Self-employed communities also have to face many limitations of this type of work." -> "Self-employed individuals also encounter various challenges inherent in this type of work."
Explanation: The suggested change uses the term "individuals" for clarity and replaces "limitations" with "challenges" for a more nuanced and formal tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt. While it explores reasons for the increasing popularity of self-employment and mentions some drawbacks, it lacks depth in discussing the disadvantages of being self-employed. The second paragraph mentions potential drawbacks briefly, but it lacks elaboration and specific examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should dedicate more space to discussing the disadvantages of self-employment, providing concrete examples and explanations. A balanced exploration of both the advantages and disadvantages is essential for a comprehensive response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position on the increasing popularity of self-employment, emphasizing flexibility and job security. However, the position on the drawbacks is less clear, and the essay seems to lean towards the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their stance on the drawbacks of self-employment. If the intention is to highlight the drawbacks, more emphasis and development of these points would strengthen the essay’s overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the reasons for choosing self-employment but lacks depth and elaboration. For example, the concept of job security is mentioned but not sufficiently developed or supported with specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should provide more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence for each idea presented. This would contribute to a more convincing and well-supported argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the reasons for the popularity of self-employment and some drawbacks. However, there are instances of unclear expression, such as the phrase "the conclusion is self-evident," which does not contribute meaningfully to the topic.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that all statements contribute directly to the essay’s central argument. Clarity and precision in language will help maintain focus on the topic.
In summary, while the essay provides a reasonable exploration of the reasons for the popularity of self-employment, it falls short in adequately addressing the disadvantages and lacks depth in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. To improve, the writer should dedicate more attention to the disadvantages, clarify their position on drawbacks, and provide more detailed explanations and examples to support their arguments. Additionally, maintaining precision in language will contribute to a more focused and coherent essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the reasons for the increasing popularity of self-employment. The body paragraphs discuss the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment. However, there is some inconsistency in the logical flow. For instance, the essay begins with the advantages of self-employment but later shifts to the drawbacks without a clear transition. This can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, maintain a clear and consistent structure. Consider using transition sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Ensure that the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages is smooth and well-signaled.
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but there are issues with structure and effectiveness. Paragraphs are not well-developed, and there is a lack of coherence within some of them. For example, the second paragraph discusses reasons for choosing self-employment but lacks depth and specificity. The essay would benefit from more focused and elaborative paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen each paragraph by providing more detailed explanations and examples. Develop a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and follow it with supporting details. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into more concise ones to improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "to begin with" and "moreover." However, their usage is limited, and the overall variety is lacking. The transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to improve overall coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the use of diverse cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., however, additionally, consequently) and pronouns to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to the logical progression of ideas and ensure that each transition contributes to the overall flow of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and attempts to use cohesive devices, there is room for improvement. Strengthening paragraph structure, enhancing logical flow, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some varied words and phrases are used, there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of terms such as "self-employed" and "job security" could be addressed by incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of frequently using "self-employed," you might use terms like "freelancer," "entrepreneur," or "independent worker" to add variety. Additionally, strive to introduce more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage in certain instances. For example, in the phrase "creating they job security," there is a grammatical error, and the word "they" seems out of place. This affects the precision of the language. Precise vocabulary usage is essential for conveying ideas clearly and effectively.
- How to improve: Focus on refining your language for precision. Review your sentences to ensure correct grammar and word usage. In this case, the phrase could be revised to "creating their job security." Additionally, be cautious about using pronouns correctly to avoid confusion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "theses" instead of "these" and "complacency" instead of "complacence." These errors, though not pervasive, impact the overall spelling accuracy of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay more thoroughly. It may be beneficial to use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, pay careful attention to commonly misspelled words during the revision process. Developing a habit of revisiting and editing your work will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.
Overall, while the essay presents a generally coherent response to the prompt, addressing these lexical resource aspects will contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in sentence structures, predominantly relying on simple and compound sentences. For instance, there is a repetitive use of the same sentence pattern, such as "It is utterly undeniable that…" and "To begin with…". Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly phrased, affecting the overall coherence and flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex and compound-complex sentences. Varying the length and complexity of sentences will contribute to a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. Moreover, pay attention to sentence clarity and coherence to ensure the smooth flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that hinder comprehension. For example, "creating they job security" should be "creating their job security." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "Self employed individuals may experience period of intense workload," where it should be "periods of intense workload." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, are also present.
- How to improve: Proofread carefully to identify and correct grammatical errors, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of pronouns. Additionally, work on using punctuation correctly, including commas, periods, and apostrophes. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch overlooked mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy are essential to elevate the overall quality of the writing. Revising and proofreading with a focus on these aspects will contribute to a more polished and effective response.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is undeniable that self-employment is gaining popularity relative to stable employment in organizations. This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend and its associated drawbacks.
To start, many individuals nowadays opt to start a business or become a freelancer for several reasons. Firstly, self-employment provides individuals with the flexibility to determine their working hours, allowing for a better work-life balance. Additionally, people perceive self-employment as a way to establish job security, feeling more in control of their destiny and less susceptible to economic downturns or corporate downsizing.
However, self-employed individuals also encounter various challenges inherent in this type of work. They may experience periods of intense workload followed by slower phases, making it difficult to predict income and plan for the future. Moreover, a potential drawback is that job security can lead to complacency and a lack of motivation. When self-employed individuals feel that their job is secure, they may not work as hard or be as productive since there is no imminent threat of job loss.
Considering all the aforementioned arguments and explanations, the conclusion is self-evident. I believe that being self-employed is a result of a number of factors conducive to its popularity. However, self-employed communities also have to face many limitations of this type of work.