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.Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

.Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.
Why might this be the case?
What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

It is utterly undeniable that being self – employed is increasing in popularity compared to working stably in an organization. This essay will shed light on the cause of this phenomenon. and its drawbacks.
To begin with, many people nowadays have a tendency to start up or to be a freelancer due to the following reasons. Firstly, self – employment offers individuals the flexibility to set their working hours, allowing for a better work – life balance. Additionally, people see self – employment as a means of creating they job security. They may feel more in control of their cleeding and less susceptible to economic downturns or corporate downsizing.
However, this phenomenon also has several weakness. Sell employed individuals may experience period of intense workload followed by slower periods, making it difficult to predict income and plan for the future. Moreover, potential drawback that is job security can lead complacency and lack of motivation when self – employment feel that they job is secure, they may not feel the need to work as hard or be as productive, there is no immediate threat of job loss.
With all of the aforementioned theses and explanations the conclusion is self – evident. I believe that being self employed is a result of a number factors which is conducive to its popularity; however, Self – employed communities also have to face many limitations of this type of work.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "being self – employed" -> "engaging in self-employment"
    Explanation: Replacing "being self-employed" with "engaging in self-employment" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea of actively participating in the self-employed status.

  2. "working stably" -> "working steadily"
    Explanation: Substituting "working stably" with "working steadily" maintains formality while expressing the idea of consistent employment.

  3. "shed light on the cause" -> "examine the reasons"
    Explanation: Changing "shed light on the cause" to "examine the reasons" is a more academic expression, providing a clearer indication of the essay’s purpose.

  4. "start up" -> "establish"
    Explanation: Replacing "start up" with "establish" adds a more formal tone, conveying the idea of initiating a business or freelancing.

  5. "to be a freelancer" -> "to work as a freelancer"
    Explanation: Changing "to be a freelancer" to "to work as a freelancer" clarifies the role and aligns with formal language standards.

  6. "self – employment" -> "self-employment"
    Explanation: Correcting the hyphenation to "self-employment" ensures consistent usage and adheres to formal writing conventions.

  7. "cleeding" -> "spending"
    Explanation: Correcting "cleeding" to "spending" improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "job security" -> "employment security"
    Explanation: Replacing "job security" with "employment security" is a more precise term, suitable for academic discourse.

  9. "period of intense workload" -> "periods of high workload"
    Explanation: Adjusting "period of intense workload" to "periods of high workload" enhances precision and readability.

  10. "corporate downsizing" -> "organizational downsizing"
    Explanation: Substituting "corporate downsizing" with "organizational downsizing" maintains formality and provides a more accurate term.

  11. "Sell employed individuals" -> "Self-employed individuals"
    Explanation: Correcting "Sell employed individuals" to "Self-employed individuals" ensures grammatical accuracy and formal language usage.

  12. "complacency and lack of motivation when self – employment feel" -> "complacency and reduced motivation when self-employed individuals feel"
    Explanation: Adjusting "complacency and lack of motivation when self-employment feel" to "complacency and reduced motivation when self-employed individuals feel" improves clarity and maintains formality.

  13. "they job is secure" -> "their job is secure"
    Explanation: Correcting "they job is secure" to "their job is secure" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  14. "the aforementioned theses and explanations" -> "the aforementioned points and explanations"
    Explanation: Changing "the aforementioned theses and explanations" to "the aforementioned points and explanations" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  15. "Self – employed communities" -> "Self-employed communities"
    Explanation: Correcting "Self – employed communities" to "Self-employed communities" ensures proper capitalization and grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses the reasons behind the increasing popularity of self-employment and highlights the drawbacks associated with it. However, the explanation could be more detailed and specific. For instance, when discussing the advantages, it briefly mentions flexibility and job security without providing concrete examples or elaborating further.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more specific examples and details to support the points made. For instance, when discussing job security, the essay could mention industries or professions where self-employment is perceived as more secure and provide examples of individuals who have benefited from this.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position on the topic. It recognizes both the advantages and disadvantages of self-employment. However, the expression of the position lacks depth, and the transitions between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should strengthen the thesis statement and use smoother transitions to guide the reader through the different aspects of self-employment. Additionally, providing a more nuanced perspective on the topic, perhaps acknowledging that the choice between self-employment and traditional employment depends on individual preferences and circumstances, would add depth to the stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in extending and supporting them. For instance, when discussing the advantages of flexibility and job security, it provides brief explanations without offering examples or evidence to bolster the claims.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should extend its ideas by providing examples, statistics, or anecdotes that add depth and credibility to the arguments. Including real-world examples of successful self-employed individuals or statistics on the growth of the gig economy would strengthen the essay’s support for its points.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but exhibits some issues with coherence. There are instances where ideas are introduced abruptly, and the overall flow is disrupted.
    • How to improve: To maintain better focus, the essay should ensure a smoother flow between ideas. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the different parts of the essay. Additionally, each paragraph should connect logically to the previous one, contributing to a cohesive and well-structured argument.

In conclusion, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt, it could benefit from more specific examples, a deeper exploration of ideas, smoother transitions, and improved coherence for a more comprehensive and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic, but there is a slight redundancy in stating that the essay will discuss the cause and drawbacks of self-employment. The body paragraphs attempt to provide reasons for the popularity of self-employment and its drawbacks. However, the organization could be improved for clarity and coherence. For instance, the reasons for choosing self-employment are presented in a somewhat scattered manner without a clear progression.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a clear structure for body paragraphs, perhaps one reason per paragraph with supporting details. Ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Additionally, avoid redundancy in the introduction by directly stating the main points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are somewhat inconsistent. There is an issue with the formatting and spacing, causing the essay to appear as one large block of text. Paragraph breaks should be utilized to distinguish different ideas and facilitate readability.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each distinct idea is presented in a separate paragraph. Use paragraph breaks appropriately to improve the overall structure of the essay and make it more reader-friendly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with" and "additionally," to signal the organization of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. The transition between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, and the connections between sentences could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases and words, to create a smoother flow between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices not only at the beginning of paragraphs but also within sentences to enhance overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the logical progression of ideas to strengthen the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety is present, there is room for improvement. For instance, the phrase "cleeding" is unclear and may be a typographical error. Additionally, there’s a repetition of certain terms, such as "self-employed," which could be diversified for richer lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Replace unclear terms like "cleeding" with precise language. Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrases, such as finding alternative ways to express "self-employed."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses imprecise vocabulary, affecting the overall clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "creating they job security" could be improved for accuracy. Additionally, there is a lack of precision in statements like "the conclusion is self-evident," which does not precisely summarize the main points.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by carefully selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. In the mentioned phrase, replace "creating they job security" with a more precise expression, such as "establishing job security." Ensure that summary statements accurately reflect the main arguments presented in the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of spelling accuracy, but there are noticeable errors, such as "cleeding" instead of "spelling." Spelling accuracy is crucial for conveying a professional and polished impression.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling, and consider proofreading your work to catch and correct errors. Utilize tools like spell-check software to enhance accuracy. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling mistakes will contribute to improved overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay displays competence in vocabulary usage and spelling, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and accuracy. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are used, but there is a lack of complex structures. For instance, the essay tends to rely on basic sentence constructions, such as "It is utterly undeniable that" and "To begin with." There’s limited variation in sentence length and complexity, impacting the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses and different sentence patterns. For example, use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to create a more engaging and varied writing style. Introduce transitions between ideas to improve coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Sell employed individuals," "creating they job security") and word choice ("cleeding" instead of "spending"). The misuse of articles, such as "the" in "the conclusion is self – evident," contributes to overall language imprecision. Punctuation errors include missing commas and inconsistent use of hyphens.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word choice. Additionally, focus on correct punctuation, ensuring consistent use of commas and proper placement of hyphens. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify errors.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy would elevate its overall quality. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that an increasing number of individuals are opting for self-employment over steady employment in organizations. This essay aims to explore the reasons behind this trend and its associated drawbacks.

To commence, there is a growing inclination for people to engage in self-employment or work as freelancers for various reasons. Firstly, self-employment provides individuals with the flexibility to set their working hours, contributing to a better work-life balance. Additionally, many view self-employment as a way to establish job security, feeling more in control of their earnings and less vulnerable to economic downturns or organizational downsizing.

However, this shift in employment choice also presents some disadvantages. Self-employed individuals may encounter periods of high workload followed by slower periods, making it challenging to predict income and plan for the future. Furthermore, a potential drawback is that the perceived job security can lead to complacency and reduced motivation. When self-employed individuals feel their job is secure, there may be a tendency to not work as diligently or be as productive, as there is no immediate threat of job loss.

In conclusion, the popularity of self-employment is influenced by various factors conducive to its appeal. Nevertheless, self-employed communities also contend with limitations associated with this type of work.

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