Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep.
What problems can lack of sleep cause?
What can be done about lack of sleep?
Along with economic thriving, increasing number of people have to work hard and divert deeply attention to their jobs, leading insufficient sleep to become common in the world. There are several indications of this issue on individuals, and viable solutions should be produced to address this phenomenon.
When it comes to sleep deprivation, the first negative impact that humans have to suffer from is the depreciation of cognitive function. This contributes to worsened concentration, memory and decision making. As a result, lacking sleep would decrease work and school performance as well as increase risk of accident. The second effect is linked to mental health issues, causing depression, anxiety, irritability, and emotional instability. If individuals always have adequate and good sleep every day, they will keep away the psychological diseases mentioned above, and it is likely considered a therapeutic method for themselves to get in high spirit.
To have enough mental and physical health to struggle with the challenges in life, humankinds should come up with feasible solutions to the lack of sleep. At the beginning, each individual should sustain a regular sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at consistent time, even weekends, which helps regulate their circadian rhythms. Simultaneously, spend time on physical activities every day. In addition, people should develop an evening routine that helps them unwind before bedtime, such as taking a bath, reading books, especially avoiding electronic devices, and disconnect from work issues and allow the mind to settle. In consequence, they could easily fall into a good sleep quickly.
In conclusion, some effects might be caused by lacking sleep, and several actions need to be taken to deal with this condition.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"increasing number of people" -> "a growing number of individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "increasing number of people" with "a growing number of individuals" is more formal and precise, aligning with academic style.
"divert deeply attention" -> "devote significant attention"
Explanation: Changing "divert deeply attention" to "devote significant attention" improves the expression by using more formal language and maintaining clarity.
"leading insufficient sleep to become common" -> "resulting in the prevalence of insufficient sleep"
Explanation: The substitution of "leading insufficient sleep to become common" with "resulting in the prevalence of insufficient sleep" enhances the formality of the sentence and provides a more structured expression.
"indications of this issue on individuals" -> "manifestations of this issue in individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "indications of this issue on individuals" with "manifestations of this issue in individuals" is more academically appropriate and conveys the idea more precisely.
"viable solutions should be produced" -> "effective solutions should be devised"
Explanation: Changing "viable solutions should be produced" to "effective solutions should be devised" elevates the formality and sophistication of the language.
"humankinds" -> "humans"
Explanation: Using "humans" instead of "humankinds" is more grammatically correct and aligns with standard academic language.
"sustain a regular sleep schedule" -> "maintain a consistent sleep schedule"
Explanation: Replacing "sustain a regular sleep schedule" with "maintain a consistent sleep schedule" improves the precision and formality of the expression.
"regulate their circadian rhythms" -> "align their circadian rhythms"
Explanation: Substituting "regulate their circadian rhythms" with "align their circadian rhythms" maintains clarity while using a more nuanced and precise term.
"Simultaneously, spend time on physical activities every day." -> "Concurrently, engage in daily physical activities."
Explanation: The replacement enhances formality and clarity by using "concurrently" and expressing the idea more precisely.
"allow the mind to settle" -> "facilitate mental relaxation"
Explanation: Changing "allow the mind to settle" to "facilitate mental relaxation" introduces a more sophisticated and academically appropriate expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt. It identifies the problems associated with lack of sleep, specifically highlighting cognitive function decline and mental health issues. It also proposes solutions, such as maintaining a regular sleep schedule, engaging in physical activities, and adopting a calming evening routine.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or real-life situations related to the problems caused by lack of sleep and offering more detailed and varied solutions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, emphasizing the negative impacts of sleep deprivation and suggesting proactive measures to address the issue.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the author’s position on the importance of addressing sleep deprivation and its consequences.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, discussing both the problems and solutions in a logical sequence. It offers some specific details, such as the impact on cognitive function and mental health.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more elaborate examples or evidence to support each point. Consider expanding on the consequences of sleep deprivation and offering additional details about the suggested solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, focusing on the problems and solutions related to lack of sleep. However, there are a few instances where the connection between economic thriving and sleep deprivation could be more explicitly explained.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made in the essay directly relates to the prompt. Clarify the link between economic thriving, increased workload, and its specific contribution to the prevalence of insufficient sleep.
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing both the problems associated with lack of sleep and suggesting practical solutions. To improve, enhance the depth of the response by providing more specific examples and strengthening the link between economic factors and sleep deprivation. Additionally, offer more comprehensive support for each point to further bolster the essay’s overall effectiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by introducing the issue of insufficient sleep and presenting its effects on cognitive function and mental health in a coherent manner. The progression of ideas is clear, moving from the problems to the proposed solutions. However, there is a slight disconnect between the first and second paragraphs. The first paragraph focuses on the problems, while the second paragraph abruptly shifts to solutions without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding a transitional sentence at the end of the first paragraph that introduces the upcoming discussion on solutions. This will create a smoother transition between the two sections, improving overall coherence.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the problems of sleep deprivation and the proposed solutions. However, the length of the paragraphs varies, with the second paragraph being significantly longer than the first. This discrepancy may affect the overall balance and flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths to maintain a consistent rhythm in the essay. Consider breaking down the second paragraph into two shorter paragraphs to create a more visually appealing and well-structured essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transition words ("When it comes to," "Simultaneously," "In conclusion"), effectively to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and synonyms, to enhance the fluidity of the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "and," consider incorporating other conjunctions like "however," "therefore," or "furthermore" to add nuance and sophistication to the writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, attention to the mentioned areas of improvement will contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "economic thriving," "cognitive function," "circadian rhythms," and "therapeutic method." However, there is room for improvement in introducing more nuanced and contextually fitting vocabulary to enhance the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, consider incorporating more specific and sophisticated terms related to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using the phrase "lack of sleep," you might employ synonyms like "sleep deprivation" or "insomnia." Additionally, explore synonyms for common words to add depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally precise, but there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "divert deeply attention" could be more precisely expressed as "devote considerable attention."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Proofread your essay to identify areas where more specific or fitting terms could be employed. Consider using a thesaurus to explore alternative words that might better capture the nuances of your ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory; however, there are a few errors, such as "humankinds" (should be "humankind") and missing articles in some places.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling details during proofreading. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, review the rules for article usage to ensure proper inclusion where needed.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more refined and sophisticated expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, and there is an attempt to vary the sentence beginnings. However, the range could be broader, and the complexity of sentence structures could be increased for a higher score. For example, more complex compound and compound-complex sentences could be incorporated to showcase a more sophisticated command of language.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, try incorporating complex sentences with multiple clauses. Experiment with different sentence types, such as conditional sentences, parallel structures, or rhetorical devices. This will add depth and complexity to your writing, contributing to a more varied and advanced language usage.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, in the first sentence, "increasing number of people" could be better phrased as "an increasing number of people." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "humankinds" instead of "humankind." Punctuation is generally used correctly, but attention to finer details, such as comma splices or misuse of commas, could enhance accuracy.
- How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully, paying special attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to identify and correct errors. Focus on refining your use of commas to avoid ambiguity and enhance the overall clarity of your sentences. Taking the time to revise and edit will contribute to a more polished and grammatically accurate essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
With economic prosperity, an increasing number of individuals find themselves working diligently, devoting significant attention to their jobs. Consequently, the prevalence of insufficient sleep has become a common issue worldwide. There are several manifestations of this problem in individuals, and effective solutions should be devised to address this phenomenon.
When considering the repercussions of sleep deprivation, the primary negative impact is the depreciation of cognitive function. This results in worsened concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities. Consequently, a lack of sleep can lead to a decrease in work and school performance, as well as an increased risk of accidents. The second effect is closely tied to mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, irritability, and emotional instability. Adequate and regular sleep can serve as a preventive measure against these psychological conditions, contributing to a therapeutic sense of well-being.
To maintain both mental and physical health in order to confront life’s challenges, individuals should adopt feasible solutions for the lack of sleep. Firstly, it is crucial for each person to maintain a consistent sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, including weekends. This practice helps align their circadian rhythms, promoting overall well-being. Concurrently, engaging in daily physical activities contributes to a healthy lifestyle and facilitates mental relaxation.
Additionally, individuals should develop an evening routine that aids in unwinding before bedtime. This routine may include activities such as taking a bath, reading books (while avoiding electronic devices), and disconnecting from work-related issues to allow the mind to settle. By incorporating these habits, individuals are more likely to easily fall into a restful sleep.
In conclusion, the effects of lacking sleep are manifold, and it is imperative to take proactive measures to address this condition. By maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, aligning circadian rhythms, and incorporating daily physical activities, individuals can significantly improve their sleep quality and overall well-being.