fbpx

Nowadays, many people decide to have their first child in their later life. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, many people decide to have their first child in their later life. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Young people in modern society indeed decide to have a first child later than the previous generation. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this phenomenon and then argue that the advantages of this development are eclipsed by the disadvantages involved.

There are some factors responsible for the decision to have a first child at a later age in youngsters nowadays. Chief among these is that due to the development of technology, youngsters nowadays have a different mindset compared to previous generations. As a result, they want to have a stable profession and good financial ability before getting married and having their first child, which can provide them an opportunity to give their child the best conditions for both physical and mental development. Another reason is that some young people nowadays would like to have a free life, which allows them to have a flexible schedule without thinking about family meals or children's school time. For example, some adults who already have children want to have a chance to hang out with their coworkers after work like the single but they can not.

The drawbacks brought about by giving birth late in the minds of young people, nevertheless, could far outweigh the financial stability benefits. Perhaps one of these is that children can feel distant from other family members, especially their parents. This results from the generation gap between the old and the young. It would be really difficult for parents to catch the information that the young generation is talking about, and over time, it will lead to many conflicts in life. The second issue is that giving birth late can result in many health problems for both mother and children. For instance, children born when their mothers are old are at high risk of cardiovascular diseases.

In conclusion, financial stability and freedom reasons can be given to explain why young people choose to give birth late nowadays. However, this phenomenon can produce some negative impacts as family relationships and health issues which are of greater significance.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Young people in modern society indeed decide to have a first child later than the previous generation." -> "Contemporary youths tend to defer having their first child compared to the preceding generation."
    Explanation: Replacing "Young people in modern society indeed decide" with "Contemporary youths tend to defer" aligns with a more formal tone and avoids unnecessary emphasis.

  2. "This essay will discuss the reasons behind this phenomenon and then argue that the advantages of this development are eclipsed by the disadvantages involved." -> "This essay will explore the factors contributing to this trend and subsequently argue that the drawbacks associated with this development outweigh the benefits."
    Explanation: The phrase "reasons behind this phenomenon" is replaced with "factors contributing to this trend" for a more precise expression. Additionally, the use of "eclipsed by" is replaced with "outweigh" for clarity and conciseness.

  3. "There are some factors responsible for the decision to have a first child at a later age in youngsters nowadays." -> "Several factors contribute to the choice of delaying the first childbirth among contemporary young individuals."
    Explanation: The phrase "There are some factors responsible for the decision to have a first child at a later age" is refined for conciseness and formality.

  4. "Chief among these is that due to the development of technology, youngsters nowadays have a different mindset compared to previous generations." -> "Foremost among these factors is the impact of technological advancements, leading to a distinct mindset among today’s youth compared to earlier generations."
    Explanation: The phrase "Chief among these is that due to the development of technology" is revised for clarity and a more formal structure.

  5. "As a result, they want to have a stable profession and good financial ability before getting married and having their first child, which can provide them an opportunity to give their child the best conditions for both physical and mental development." -> "Consequently, they aspire to establish a stable career and financial foundation before embarking on marriage and parenthood, affording their children optimal conditions for physical and mental development."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased to enhance clarity and formality while maintaining the intended meaning.

  6. "Another reason is that some young people nowadays would like to have a free life, which allows them to have a flexible schedule without thinking about family meals or children’s school time." -> "Another factor is the desire among some contemporary individuals for a more unrestrained lifestyle, providing them with a flexible schedule unconstrained by family meals or children’s school commitments."
    Explanation: The phrase "would like to have a free life" is replaced with "desire for a more unrestrained lifestyle" for a more sophisticated expression.

  7. "For example, some adults who already have children want to have a chance to hang out with their coworkers after work like the single but they can not." -> "For instance, some parents, despite having children, yearn for opportunities to socialize with their colleagues after work, akin to their single counterparts, but find it challenging to do so."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined to improve clarity and formality. The phrase "hang out" is replaced with "socialize" for a more formal tone.

  8. "The drawbacks brought about by giving birth late in the minds of young people, nevertheless, could far outweigh the financial stability benefits." -> "However, the drawbacks associated with delayed childbirth in the minds of young individuals could significantly surpass the benefits of financial stability."
    Explanation: The phrase "brought about by giving birth late" is revised for conciseness and clarity. The use of "nevertheless" is replaced with "However" for a smoother transition.

  9. "Perhaps one of these is that children can feel distant from other family members, especially their parents." -> "One potential consequence is that children may experience a sense of distance from other family members, particularly their parents."
    Explanation: The phrase "Perhaps one of these is" is replaced with "One potential consequence is" for a more direct and formal expression.

  10. "This results from the generation gap between the old and the young." -> "This stems from the generation gap between older and younger generations."
    Explanation: The phrase "between the old and the young" is refined for brevity and precision.

  11. "It would be really difficult for parents to catch the information that the young generation is talking about, and over time, it will lead to many conflicts in life." -> "Parents may find it challenging to comprehend the information discussed by the younger generation, potentially resulting in long-term conflicts."
    Explanation: The phrase "It would be really difficult for parents to catch the information" is revised for conciseness and clarity.

  12. "The second issue is that giving birth late can result in many health problems for both mother and children." -> "Another concern is that delayed childbirth can lead to various health issues for both the mother and the child."
    Explanation: The phrase "The second issue is that" is replaced with "Another concern is that" for a smoother transition and to avoid unnecessary enumeration.

  13. "For instance, children born when their mothers are old are at high risk of cardiovascular diseases." -> "For example, children born to older mothers face an elevated risk of cardiovascular diseases."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for conciseness and clarity. The phrase "children born when their mothers are old" is revised to "children born to older mothers" for a more formal expression.

  14. "In conclusion, financial stability and freedom reasons can be given to explain why young people choose to give birth late nowadays." -> "In conclusion, the decision of contemporary young individuals to delay childbirth can be attributed to considerations of financial stability and personal freedom."
    Explanation: The phrase "financial stability and freedom reasons" is refined for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both parts of the question. It discusses the reasons behind the trend of having a first child later in life and presents arguments regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Relevant sections include the introduction and conclusion.
    • How to improve: The explanation of reasons could be more nuanced, exploring a wider range of factors. Additionally, providing a clearer indication in the introduction about the intention to discuss both sides of the issue would enhance task response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of having a first child later in life outweigh the advantages. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in the thesis statement and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, provide a brief outline of the main points in the introduction, clearly stating that the essay will argue against the advantages outweighing the disadvantages.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development and support. The reasons for having a child later are discussed, and examples are given. However, the development could be more in-depth. For instance, the impact on family relationships and health issues could be explored in greater detail with additional examples or evidence.
    • How to improve: Elaborate further on each supporting point. Provide specific examples or statistics to enhance the depth and credibility of the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons for having a first child later and the drawbacks associated with it. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing adults with children wanting to hang out with coworkers, which is not directly related to the question.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and points directly contribute to addressing the prompt. If using examples, connect them explicitly to the main argument to avoid any tangential discussions.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and maintains a clear stance throughout, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of intent, and relevance of examples. Further development of supporting ideas and careful consideration of each example’s contribution to the argument would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. It starts by introducing the topic, discussing reasons for delayed parenthood, and concludes with a clear stance. However, there is room for improvement in the flow within paragraphs. For example, the transition from discussing reasons to drawbacks could be smoother, creating a more seamless progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through different points. For instance, introducing a sentence like "Turning to the drawbacks," before discussing disadvantages would signal the shift in focus and improve overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas, such as reasons and drawbacks. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, aiding clarity. However, there is a slight imbalance in paragraph length, with the paragraph discussing drawbacks being notably shorter. This can affect the overall visual balance of the essay.
    • How to improve: Aim for more consistent paragraph lengths to create a visually balanced and cohesive essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph fully develops its idea. In this case, the paragraph on drawbacks could be expanded to provide more depth and support for the stated disadvantages.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional words ("however," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "these"), contributing to coherence. However, there is a limited variety in the use of these devices, and some transitions could be more nuanced.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used. Consider incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the contrary," or "conversely," to add sophistication to the essay’s structure. This will help establish stronger connections between ideas and improve overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some relevant terms used effectively to convey ideas. For instance, phrases like "development of technology," "flexible schedule," and "generation gap" contribute to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in the expression of ideas and arguments.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different expressions for key concepts. For instance, instead of frequently using the term "young people," consider alternatives such as "youth" or "the younger generation." Additionally, introduce more complex and nuanced vocabulary to elevate the sophistication of the language used.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision. However, there are instances where words could be more accurately chosen to convey the intended meaning. For instance, in the sentence "This results from the generation gap between the old and the young," the term "old" could be replaced with a more specific descriptor, such as "older generations."

    • How to improve: To improve precision, carefully select words that precisely capture the intended meaning. Avoid using general terms when more specific ones are available. Consider the nuances of each word choice and its impact on the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling, with only a few minor errors. For instance, in the sentence "Chief among these is that due to the development of technology," there is a minor issue with the use of "due to." It would be more precise to say "Chief among these reasons is the impact of technology development."

    • How to improve: Continue practicing accurate spelling, paying attention to common pitfalls such as the appropriate use of prepositions. Proofread essays carefully to catch any inadvertent spelling errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing spelling and grammar tools to enhance accuracy.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, but there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, refining precision, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader array of words and refining language choices, the essay can achieve a higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There is a proficient use of transitional phrases such as "Chief among these," contributing to the coherence of ideas. Moreover, the writer employs a mix of dependent and independent clauses, enhancing sentence diversity.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays versatility in sentence structures, incorporating more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or parallelism, would elevate the sophistication of the writing. For instance, consider integrating sentences with conditional clauses to express hypothetical situations, providing a nuanced layer to the arguments.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with well-constructed sentences. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "young people… has a different mindset." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in certain complex sentences.
    • How to improve: Paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement and consistently using commas in complex sentences will enhance overall grammatical accuracy. For example, in the mentioned instance, correct usage would be "young people… have a different mindset." Additionally, ensure proper comma placement to clarify the structure of complex ideas.

In summary, the essay effectively employs a variety of sentence structures, contributing to coherence and clarity. However, addressing minor grammatical issues, particularly related to subject-verb agreement and punctuation, would further refine the writing and potentially elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Contemporary youths often opt to delay having their first child, a departure from the previous generation. This essay will delve into the factors contributing to this trend and argue that the drawbacks associated with this shift outweigh the benefits.

Several factors play a role in the decision to postpone the first childbirth among today’s young individuals. Chief among these is the impact of technological advancements, shaping a distinct mindset in today’s youth compared to earlier generations. Consequently, they aspire to establish a stable career and financial foundation before entering into marriage and parenthood, aiming to provide their children with optimal conditions for physical and mental development. Another factor is the desire among some contemporary individuals for a more unrestrained lifestyle, allowing them a flexible schedule unrestricted by family meals or children’s school commitments. For instance, some parents, despite having children, yearn for opportunities to socialize with their colleagues after work, akin to their single counterparts, but find it challenging to do so.

However, the drawbacks associated with delayed childbirth in the minds of young individuals could significantly surpass the benefits of financial stability. One potential consequence is that children may experience a sense of distance from other family members, particularly their parents, stemming from the generation gap between older and younger generations. Parents may find it challenging to comprehend the information discussed by the younger generation, potentially resulting in long-term conflicts. Another concern is that delayed childbirth can lead to various health issues for both the mother and the child. For example, children born to older mothers face an elevated risk of cardiovascular diseases.

In conclusion, the decision of contemporary young individuals to delay childbirth can be attributed to considerations of financial stability and personal freedom. Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize the potential negative impacts on family relationships and health, making it necessary to weigh the consequences carefully.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice