: Nowadays, many people decide to leave their hometown to big cities to look for a job for themselves instead of staying in their own country to work for convenience. Write an essay to show some causes and solutions of this problem

: Nowadays, many people decide to leave their hometown to big cities to look for a job for themselves instead of staying in their own country to work for convenience.
Write an essay to show some causes and solutions of this problem

There is no denying the fact that there has been a noticeable trend where individuals choose to leave their hometowns and migrate to big cities in search of employment opportunities. This state of affairs can be attributed to a host of factors and some viable solutions that can be adopted to alleviate this problem will be outlined in this essay.
There are two main contributors to the fact that numerous individuals choose to relocate from their homelands to urban centers in search of employment opportunities rather than remaining in their home country. Chief of these is that many birthplaces, particularly in rural areas, often face a scarcity of job opportunities. The absence of diverse employment prospects prompts individuals to seek opportunities in larger cities, where the job market is more diverse and dynamic, leading to a concentration of the workforce in urban centers. An added to this is that big cities tend to provide better infrastructure, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle amenities. The allure of an enhanced quality of life serves as a significant pull factor for individuals looking to relocate from their hometowns, further contributing drastically to the demographic shift towards urban areas
As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like, I am convinced that these problems would be solved if the following solutions are adopted. An immediate remedy is the implementation of comprehensive rural development initiatives. Governments can focus on creating robust job opportunities in local areas, ensuring a diverse and sustainable job market that diminishes the necessity for migration. This entails not only investing in existing industries but also actively promoting the establishment of new businesses, fostering a robust local economy. A sustainable solution to this is that the authorities should enhance local amenities and infrastructure in hometowns to match the standards of contemporary living. These strategies aim to make hometowns more attractive, providing residents with an equally comfortable and fulfilling lifestyle, thereby eliminating the imperative for migration.
In conclusion, issues accompanied with the fact the migration of individuals from hometowns to big cities in search of employment are indeed problematic. Nonetheless, I believe that these issues would be well-addressed if the proposed methods are implemented.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is no denying the fact that" -> "It is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more concise and academically formal way to introduce a statement that is widely accepted as true, avoiding the redundancy of "the fact that" and enhancing the flow of the sentence.
"a host of factors" -> "a multitude of factors"
Explanation: "A multitude of factors" is a more precise and formal term that better suits academic writing, emphasizing the variety and extent of the factors being discussed.
"some viable solutions that can be adopted to alleviate this problem will be outlined" -> "several viable solutions to address this issue will be outlined"
Explanation: "Several viable solutions to address this issue" is more direct and formal, improving clarity and aligning better with academic style by avoiding the passive construction "can be adopted" and using "address" instead of "alleviate" for a more precise term in the context of problem-solving.
"Chief of these is that" -> "The primary reason is that"
Explanation: "The primary reason is that" is a clearer and more direct way to introduce the main cause, avoiding the awkward and informal construction "Chief of these is that."
"often face a scarcity of job opportunities" -> "frequently experience a shortage of job opportunities"
Explanation: "Frequently experience a shortage of" is more precise and formal, replacing "often face a scarcity of" to better suit the academic tone and provide a clearer description of the employment situation.
"The absence of diverse employment prospects" -> "The lack of diverse employment opportunities"
Explanation: "The lack of diverse employment opportunities" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"An added to this is that" -> "Furthermore, it is also the case that"
Explanation: "Furthermore, it is also the case that" is a more formal and academically appropriate transition, replacing the colloquial "An added to this is that."
"better infrastructure, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle amenities" -> "better infrastructure, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle amenities"
Explanation: This is a correction to maintain parallel structure and grammatical consistency in the list of amenities.
"serves as a significant pull factor" -> "serves as a significant draw"
Explanation: "Serves as a significant draw" is a more formal and precise term, replacing "pull factor" which is somewhat informal and less commonly used in academic writing.
"As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like" -> "As concerning as the aforementioned issues are"
Explanation: "As concerning as the aforementioned issues are" is more formal and avoids the informal construction "sound like," aligning better with academic style.
"I am convinced that these problems would be solved" -> "I am convinced that these issues could be resolved"
Explanation: "Could be resolved" is a more formal and precise expression than "would be solved," which is slightly less formal and less specific in the context of potential solutions.
"A sustainable solution to this is that" -> "A sustainable solution is"
Explanation: Removing "to this" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal, which is preferred in academic writing.
"issues accompanied with the fact the migration" -> "issues arising from the fact of migration"
Explanation: "Issues arising from the fact of migration" corrects the grammatical error and provides a clearer, more formal expression of the relationship between the issues and the migration phenomenon.
"big cities" -> "large cities"
Explanation: "Large cities" is a more formal and precise term than "big cities," which is somewhat informal and less specific in an academic context.
"issues would be well-addressed" -> "issues could be effectively addressed"
Explanation: "Could be effectively addressed" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential for successful resolution, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying the causes of migration from hometowns to big cities, such as the scarcity of job opportunities and the allure of better infrastructure and amenities in urban areas. The author also proposes solutions, including rural development initiatives and improvements in local amenities. However, while the causes are well articulated, the solutions could benefit from further elaboration and specificity. For instance, mentioning specific types of job creation or examples of successful rural development programs could strengthen the response.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is matched with a corresponding solution. Additionally, providing concrete examples or case studies could illustrate the proposed solutions more vividly, making the argument more persuasive.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the issues of migration and the necessity for solutions. The author states their belief in the effectiveness of the proposed solutions, which helps to anchor the argument. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reinforcing the position taken throughout the essay, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument by using phrases like "I am convinced" and "I believe."
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more assertive position, the writer should use more definitive language in the conclusion. Phrases such as "It is essential that" or "The solutions must be implemented" would convey a stronger stance and leave a more impactful impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in discussing the causes of migration. The author supports these ideas with logical reasoning, such as the connection between job scarcity and the need to migrate. However, the support for the proposed solutions is less robust; while the solutions are mentioned, they lack detailed examples or evidence that would bolster their credibility.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. For instance, citing successful rural development projects or studies showing the impact of improved local amenities on job retention could provide stronger backing for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of migration from hometowns to big cities and the associated causes and solutions. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from causes to solutions.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of migration and its implications. Avoiding overly general statements and ensuring that every sentence adds value to the argument will help maintain focus throughout the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples, assert a clearer position, and ensure that all ideas are thoroughly supported.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first paragraph detailing the causes of migration and the second discussing potential solutions. Each paragraph flows well into the next, maintaining a coherent narrative throughout. For example, the transition from discussing job scarcity in rural areas to the benefits of urban living is smooth, allowing the reader to easily follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between points within paragraphs could strengthen the flow of ideas. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," could help in connecting related ideas more explicitly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first body paragraph discusses the causes of migration, while the second addresses solutions. This separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently feels somewhat merged with the preceding content without a clear transition.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly separated from the body paragraphs, perhaps by starting it on a new line or using a transitional phrase that signals the end of the discussion. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This can help maintain clarity and keep the reader engaged.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "chief of these," "an added to this," and "as worrying as the aforementioned problems sound like." These phrases help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "an added to this," you could use "in addition" or "moreover." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using synonyms can enhance cohesion and make the writing more engaging. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in practice essays can help in developing this skill.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By focusing on clearer topic sentences, distinct paragraph separation, and a more varied use of cohesive devices, the essay can be further improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "migration," "employment opportunities," "urban centers," and "sustainable job market." The use of phrases like "noticeable trend" and "pull factor" also indicates an understanding of more nuanced vocabulary. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "opportunities" could be replaced with synonyms like "prospects" or "positions" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader variety of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "employment opportunities," consider using "job prospects" or "career openings." Engaging with a thesaurus while drafting can help identify alternative vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the absence of diverse employment prospects" could be misinterpreted as suggesting that there are no job opportunities at all, rather than indicating a lack of variety. Additionally, the phrase "the allure of an enhanced quality of life" is somewhat vague; it could benefit from more specific descriptors of what constitutes "enhanced quality of life."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to clarify vague terms and ensure that the vocabulary used conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "enhanced quality of life," the writer could specify what aspects are improved, such as "better healthcare access" or "improved educational facilities." This will provide clearer insights into the argument being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "infrastructure," "facilities," and "demographic" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is not an issue in this essay, the writer can continue to maintain this standard by regularly practicing spelling through writing exercises and proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch any potential errors before submission.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "This state of affairs can be attributed to a host of factors" and "The absence of diverse employment prospects prompts individuals to seek opportunities in larger cities" showcase the use of complex structures effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures, such as starting several sentences with "The absence of" or "An added to this is." This can detract from the overall variety and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the way sentences are initiated. Use introductory phrases, clauses, or transitional words to create a more dynamic flow. For example, instead of starting with "The absence of," you could rephrase it as "Due to the lack of diverse employment prospects…" Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths and types, such as rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences, could further enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "An added to this is that big cities tend to provide better infrastructure" contains a grammatical error; it should be "An addition to this is that big cities…" or "Additionally, big cities tend to provide better infrastructure." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could be used to enhance clarity, such as before "where the job market is more diverse and dynamic" to separate the clauses more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to sentence construction and ensure that phrases are correctly formed. Reviewing basic grammar rules regarding conjunctions and sentence connectors can help avoid such errors. Additionally, practice using punctuation effectively, especially with complex sentences, to ensure clarity and coherence. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation that may disrupt the flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are two main contributors to the fact that numerous individuals choose to relocate from their homelands to urban centers in search of employment opportunities rather than remaining in their home country. The primary reason is that many birthplaces, particularly in rural areas, often face a scarcity of job opportunities. The absence of diverse employment prospects prompts individuals to seek opportunities in larger cities, where the job market is more diverse and dynamic, leading to a concentration of the workforce in urban centers. An additional factor is that big cities tend to provide better infrastructure, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle amenities. The allure of an enhanced quality of life serves as a significant pull factor for individuals looking to relocate from their hometowns, further contributing drastically to the demographic shift towards urban areas.

As worrying as the aforementioned problems sound, I am convinced that these issues would be solved if the following solutions are adopted. An immediate remedy is the implementation of comprehensive rural development initiatives. Governments can focus on creating robust job opportunities in local areas, ensuring a diverse and sustainable job market that diminishes the necessity for migration. This entails not only investing in existing industries but also actively promoting the establishment of new businesses, fostering a robust local economy. A sustainable solution to this is that the authorities should enhance local amenities and infrastructure in hometowns to match the standards of contemporary living. These strategies aim to make hometowns more attractive, providing residents with an equally comfortable and fulfilling lifestyle, thereby eliminating the imperative for migration.

In conclusion, the issues accompanied by the migration of individuals from hometowns to big cities in search of employment are indeed problematic. Nonetheless, I believe that these issues would be well addressed if the proposed methods are implemented.