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Nowadays, many people drive to work or school instead of walking, cycling or using public transport. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many people drive to work or school instead of walking, cycling or using public transport.
Is this a positive or negative development?

In recent times, there has been a notable shift towards commuting to work or school by personal vehicles, as opposed to more sustainable alternatives like walking, cycling, or utilizing public transport. In my opinion, this trend is a negative development, as it has adverse consequences on both individuals and the environment.

To begin with, the overreliance on private vehicles contributes significantly to traffic congestion, especially during peak hours. This not only leads to increased travel times but also results in heightened stress levels for commuters. For instance, in many urban areas, rush-hour traffic has become a daily ordeal, negatively impacting the overall well-being of individuals and the efficiency of the transportation system.

Furthermore, the environmental implications of widespread car usage cannot be overlooked. The excessive emissions from combustion engines contribute to air pollution, posing serious health risks to the population. In addition, the environmental footprint of manufacturing and maintaining a large number of vehicles further exacerbates ecological concerns. A shift towards more sustainable modes of transportation, such as walking, cycling, or public transit, is crucial to mitigating these environmental challenges.

In conclusion, the growing preference for driving to work or school instead of opting for eco-friendly alternatives is a negative development. The increased traffic congestion and environmental impact associated with private vehicle usage highlight the need for a reevaluation of transportation choices. Encouraging the adoption of more sustainable modes of commuting can lead to a healthier and more environmentally friendly future.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In recent times" -> "Recently"
    Explanation: Replacing "In recent times" with "Recently" simplifies the expression without compromising formality, maintaining a clear and concise academic style.

  2. "as opposed to" -> "rather than"
    Explanation: Replacing "as opposed to" with "rather than" is a more formal choice that aligns better with academic writing, providing a smoother transition between options.

  3. "In my opinion" -> Omit
    Explanation: In academic writing, it is generally expected that the author’s opinions are presented as facts or arguments. Omitting "In my opinion" maintains a more authoritative and formal tone.

  4. "negative development" -> "undesirable trend"
    Explanation: "Undesirable trend" is a slightly more formal and precise term than "negative development," better suited for academic writing.

  5. "To begin with" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Replacing "To begin with" with "Firstly" is a more formal and structured way to introduce the first point in the essay.

  6. "overreliance" -> "excessive dependence"
    Explanation: "Excessive dependence" is a more formal phrase that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

  7. "contributes significantly to" -> "substantially contributes to"
    Explanation: Adding "substantially" before "contributes" adds emphasis and formality to the statement.

  8. "not only leads to" -> "not only results in"
    Explanation: "Not only results in" is a more precise and formal phrase, maintaining the academic style.

  9. "heightened stress levels" -> "elevated stress levels"
    Explanation: "Elevated stress levels" is a slightly more formal synonym that fits the academic context.

  10. "daily ordeal" -> "daily challenge"
    Explanation: "Daily challenge" is a more neutral and formal expression compared to "daily ordeal."

  11. "Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transitional word that enhances the essay’s academic tone.

  12. "cannot be overlooked" -> "should not be underestimated"
    Explanation: "Should not be underestimated" is a more formal and assertive way to emphasize the importance of the topic.

  13. "excessive emissions" -> "excessive exhaust emissions"
    Explanation: Adding "exhaust" before "emissions" specifies the type of emissions, making it more academically precise.

  14. "further exacerbates" -> "aggravates further"
    Explanation: "Aggravates further" is a formal synonym that maintains the academic style.

  15. "mitigating these environmental challenges" -> "addressing these environmental challenges"
    Explanation: "Addressing these environmental challenges" is a more formal and precise phrase, aligning better with academic writing.

  16. "Encouraging the adoption of" -> "Promoting the adoption of"
    Explanation: "Promoting the adoption of" is a slightly more formal and proactive way to express the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the shift towards personal vehicles, provides a clear opinion on whether it’s a positive or negative development, and outlines the reasons supporting the opinion.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect; the essay comprehensively addresses the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance that the trend of driving to work or school is a negative development is evident in the introduction and consistently supported in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: The clarity of the position is strong; however, to enhance it further, consider reinforcing the main stance in the conclusion to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples, such as traffic congestion during peak hours and the environmental implications of car usage, to bolster arguments.
    • How to improve: To add depth, consider providing more varied examples or exploring the consequences in more detail. This could include discussing potential solutions to the issues raised.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the negative consequences of the trend towards driving instead of using sustainable alternatives.
    • How to improve: To further enhance focus, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear connection to the central theme. Be cautious not to introduce ideas that may divert attention from the main argument.

Overall, the essay is well-structured, effectively communicates the writer’s opinion, and supports arguments with relevant examples. To achieve an even higher score, consider reinforcing the main stance in the conclusion and providing more nuanced details or solutions in the body paragraphs. Additionally, be mindful of maintaining focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance clearly. Each paragraph develops a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to a cohesive and logically structured progression of ideas. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the impact on individuals and traffic congestion, while the second paragraph delves into the environmental implications. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s opinion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs. While the overall structure is sound, subtle improvements in the flow of ideas can be achieved by ensuring seamless connections between sentences.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the development of the argument. The introduction is concise but informative, presenting the topic and the writer’s viewpoint. Body paragraphs are well-structured, with each addressing a specific aspect of the prompt, such as traffic congestion and environmental impact. The conclusion succinctly wraps up the key points.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs for added fluency. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, setting the stage for the subsequent discussion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create a smooth flow. Transition words and phrases, such as "To begin with," and "Furthermore," guide the reader through the argument’s progression. Pronouns and referencing (e.g., "this trend," "these environmental challenges") contribute to coherence. The essay successfully avoids abrupt shifts between ideas.
    • How to improve: While the cohesive devices used are generally effective, consider incorporating a slightly wider variety to add nuance to the essay’s coherence. For instance, experiment with synonyms for common transition words to diversify the language without compromising clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, contributing to the achievement of a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions, varying sentence structures within paragraphs, and experimenting with a wider range of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "notable shift," "sustainable alternatives," "adverse consequences," and "excessive emissions." However, there is room for improvement in the variety of expressions, as some phrases, such as "negative development" and "environmental challenges," are repeated. Additionally, more nuanced vocabulary could enhance the precision of certain ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "negative development," you might use phrases like "detrimental trend" or "unfavorable shift." To add nuance, explore synonyms for terms like "environmental challenges," such as "ecological concerns" or "sustainability issues."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas. For example, the use of "overreliance," "adverse consequences," and "excessive emissions" demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic. However, there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For instance, when discussing the impact of traffic congestion, specifying the types of stress (e.g., psychological stress) and its effects on efficiency would enhance precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, delve deeper into the specific aspects of the ideas presented. Instead of using broad terms like "stress levels," specify the type of stress experienced by commuters, such as "psychological stress" or "frustration." This provides a clearer picture of the issues associated with traffic congestion.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors. Noteworthy is the correct spelling of complex terms like "efficiency" and "congestion." However, a couple of minor errors, such as "overreliance" (often written as "over-reliance") and "well-being" (sometimes written as "wellbeing"), should be addressed.
    • How to improve: While the overall spelling accuracy is commendable, pay attention to compound words. Ensure consistency in the usage of hyphens, such as in "overreliance" and "well-being." Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission will help catch and rectify such minor spelling variations.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, with a few areas where refinement could elevate the lexical resource. Focusing on vocabulary diversity, precision, and meticulous spelling will contribute to further enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There is a good balance between simple and complex constructions, enhancing the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For example, the essay employs relative clauses (e.g., "The excessive emissions from combustion engines contribute to air pollution, posing serious health risks to the population.") and compound sentences (e.g., "This not only leads to increased travel times but also results in heightened stress levels for commuters.") to convey ideas effectively.
    • How to improve: While the essay already showcases a diverse range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional sentences, to add nuance and complexity. For instance, introducing a conditional sentence to emphasize the importance of sustainable transportation could enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation throughout. Sentences are grammatically sound, and there are no major errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, or pronoun usage. Punctuation, including commas, periods, and colons, is appropriately employed to guide the reader and structure the ideas effectively. An example of accurate punctuation is seen in the use of a colon to introduce a list of sustainable transportation modes: "such as walking, cycling, or public transit."
    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical accuracy further, pay attention to minor issues such as ensuring consistency in article usage (e.g., "the efficiency of the transportation system") and checking for precision in word choices. While the essay is generally error-free, a careful review for minor grammatical nuances can enhance the overall polish of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning it a Band Score of 7. To enhance the score further, focus on incorporating a wider array of sentence structures and fine-tune minor grammatical details.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, there has been a noticeable shift towards commuting to work or school by personal vehicles, rather than choosing more sustainable alternatives like walking, cycling, or using public transport. In my opinion, this undesirable trend is a negative development, as it substantially contributes to adverse consequences for both individuals and the environment.

Firstly, the excessive dependence on private vehicles significantly contributes to traffic congestion, especially during peak hours. This not only results in increased travel times but also elevates stress levels for commuters. For example, in many urban areas, rush-hour traffic has become a daily challenge, negatively impacting the overall well-being of individuals and the efficiency of the transportation system.

Moreover, the environmental implications of widespread car usage should not be underestimated. The elevated stress levels and health risks are not only linked to increased air pollution from combustion engines but also aggravated further by the environmental footprint of manufacturing and maintaining a large number of vehicles. Addressing these environmental challenges requires a shift towards more sustainable modes of transportation, such as walking, cycling, or public transit.

In conclusion, the growing preference for driving to work or school, instead of opting for eco-friendly alternatives, is a negative development. The increased traffic congestion and environmental impact associated with private vehicle usage highlight the need for a reevaluation of transportation choices. Promoting the adoption of more sustainable modes of commuting can lead to a healthier and more environmentally friendly future.

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