Nowadays, many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are divided on whether travelling to foreign countries by visitors causes a detrimental impact on the areas travelled to. Even though there are some advantages to those countries, I believe they are far outweighed by the potential disadvantages.
Admittedly, travelling overseas may be advantageous in some ways. One of them is that doing so helps the local authority to earn the revenue from the travel industry, which allows them to use funds for building new roads or schools and develop public transports. As a result, this could improve living standards of the local people. Furthermore, this forms of travelling enables many countries to create job opportunities in different fields for local citizens, which provides them with a better salary. Therefore, local people could financially support their families and enhance their well-beings.
However, the drawbacks of travelling to foreign countries are more significant relating to environment and animal life. In terms of the former, tourism development could lead to environmental pollution because of the behaviour of littering trash into the river or the forest. Therefore, this could cause water contamination and destroy the plants’ growth. Regarding to the latter, animal habitat in these areas would be affected due to overseas travelling. This is because animals may be disturbed by tourists, making them to leave their habitation. As a result, this may cause the negative impact on their breeding and the balance of the surrounding ecosystem.
In conclusion, it is clear that benefits from travelling to foreign countries are outweighed by the potential disadvantages regarding environment and animal life. Based on the presented arguments, I completely disagree with the proposed idea.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Opinions are divided on whether travelling to foreign countries by visitors causes a detrimental impact on the areas travelled to." -> "Opinions vary on whether travel to foreign countries by visitors has a detrimental impact on the visited areas."
Explanation: Replacing "travelling" with "travel" and restructuring the sentence for clarity improves the formal tone. Additionally, using "visited areas" instead of "areas travelled to" is more precise.
"Even though there are some advantages to those countries, I believe they are far outweighed by the potential disadvantages." -> "While there are certain advantages for the host countries, I contend that they are significantly outweighed by potential drawbacks."
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "Even though" with "While" and offering a more nuanced expression with "significantly outweighed" instead of "far outweighed."
"One of them is that doing so helps the local authority to earn the revenue from the travel industry, which allows them to use funds for building new roads or schools and develop public transports." -> "One such advantage is that it assists local authorities in generating revenue from the travel industry, enabling them to allocate funds for constructing new infrastructure such as roads and schools, as well as developing public transportation."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while employing more precise language, avoiding informal phrasing like "doing so" and replacing "public transports" with the more accurate "public transportation."
"Furthermore, this forms of travelling enables many countries to create job opportunities in different fields for local citizens, which provides them with a better salary." -> "Furthermore, this form of travel enables many countries to generate job opportunities in various fields for local citizens, thereby improving their income."
Explanation: Correcting the grammar and replacing "forms of travelling" with "form of travel" contributes to a more polished and grammatically accurate expression. Additionally, specifying "improving their income" instead of "provides them with a better salary" enhances precision.
"Regarding to the latter, animal habitat in these areas would be affected due to overseas travelling." -> "Concerning the latter, animal habitats in these areas would be adversely affected by international travel."
Explanation: The recommended changes improve the formality of the sentence by replacing "Regarding to" with "Concerning," and "overseas travelling" with the more precise "international travel."
"This is because animals may be disturbed by tourists, making them to leave their habitation." -> "This is because animals may be disturbed by tourists, prompting them to abandon their habitats."
Explanation: The suggested revision corrects the awkward phrasing by replacing "making them to leave" with "prompting them to abandon," resulting in a more fluid and academically appropriate sentence.
"As a result, this may cause the negative impact on their breeding and the balance of the surrounding ecosystem." -> "Consequently, this may have a detrimental impact on their breeding patterns and the overall balance of the surrounding ecosystem."
Explanation: The improved version enhances precision by specifying "breeding patterns" and offering a more formal expression with "Consequently" instead of "As a result."
"In conclusion, it is clear that benefits from travelling to foreign countries are outweighed by the potential disadvantages regarding environment and animal life." -> "In conclusion, it is evident that the benefits of traveling to foreign countries are outweighed by the potential disadvantages concerning the environment and animal life."
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality of the concluding statement by using more precise language, such as "concerning" instead of "regarding," and "evident" instead of "clear."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "Opinions are divided on whether travelling to foreign countries by visitors causes a detrimental impact on the areas travelled to. Even though there are some advantages to those countries, I believe they are far outweighed by the potential disadvantages."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets up the topic but lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position. It would be beneficial to explicitly mention whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the idea that travel has a negative impact. Additionally, providing a brief roadmap of the main points to be discussed could enhance the clarity of the essay’s structure.
- Improved example: "Opinions are divided on whether traveling to foreign countries by visitors causes a detrimental impact on the areas traveled to. While there are some advantages to these countries, I firmly believe that the potential disadvantages far outweigh the benefits. In this essay, I will elaborate on both perspectives and argue why the drawbacks are more significant."
Quoted text: "Admittedly, travelling overseas may be advantageous in some ways. One of them is that doing so helps the local authority to earn the revenue from the travel industry, which allows them to use funds for building new roads or schools and develop public transports. As a result, this could improve living standards of the local people. Furthermore, this forms of travelling enables many countries to create job opportunities in different fields for local citizens, which provides them with a better salary. Therefore, local people could financially support their families and enhance their well-beings."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph presents some positive aspects of travel but lacks depth and specific examples. To improve, consider providing concrete examples of countries where tourism has led to infrastructure development and job creation. This would add credibility to your argument and strengthen your position.
- Improved example: "Admittedly, traveling overseas can bring about advantages. For instance, countries like Thailand and Malaysia have successfully utilized tourism revenue to build modern infrastructure such as roads and schools, significantly improving the living standards of their local populations. Moreover, the tourism industry has created diverse job opportunities, enhancing the financial well-being of local citizens. In Thailand, for instance, the hospitality sector employs a significant portion of the workforce, contributing to economic stability."
Quoted text: "However, the drawbacks of travelling to foreign countries are more significant relating to environment and animal life. In terms of the former, tourism development could lead to environmental pollution because of the behaviour of littering trash into the river or the forest. Therefore, this could cause water contamination and destroy the plants’ growth. Regarding to the latter, animal habitat in these areas would be affected due to overseas travelling. This is because animals may be disturbed by tourists, making them to leave their habitation. As a result, this may cause the negative impact on their breeding and the balance of the surrounding ecosystem."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the paragraph identifies drawbacks, it lacks specific examples and elaboration. Enhance your argument by providing detailed instances of environmental degradation caused by tourism. You could refer to cases where irresponsible tourism has led to significant harm to natural habitats, supporting your viewpoint with real-life examples.
- Improved example: "However, the drawbacks of traveling to foreign countries are more significant, particularly concerning the environment and animal life. For instance, popular tourist destinations like Bali have witnessed severe environmental pollution due to the irresponsible disposal of waste by tourists. This has led to water contamination, negatively impacting marine life and disrupting the delicate balance of ecosystems. Additionally, increased human presence in wildlife habitats, as seen in African safari destinations, has disturbed animal breeding patterns, posing a threat to the biodiversity of these regions."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but lacks depth in supporting arguments with specific examples, impacting the overall coherence and persuasiveness. To improve, incorporate more concrete examples and ensure a clear stance is maintained throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits overall coherence and cohesion, organizing ideas in a clear and logical manner. There is a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion structure. The essay employs cohesive devices effectively to connect sentences and ideas. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical. The use of referencing is generally clear but could benefit from more precision. Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are areas where it could be improved for smoother transitions.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion Precision: While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, focus on ensuring that the connections between sentences are more nuanced and less mechanical. This can be achieved by varying sentence structures and employing a wider range of cohesive devices.
Refine Referencing: Strengthen the clarity of referencing by ensuring that pronouns and other referencing elements consistently and unmistakably point to the intended antecedents. This will contribute to a smoother flow of ideas.
Logical Paragraphing: While the essay generally employs logical paragraphing, there is room for improvement. Ensure that each paragraph revolves around a central topic, and transitions between paragraphs are seamless. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By refining these aspects, the essay can achieve a more cohesive and logically structured presentation, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and some awareness of style and collocation is evident. The writer effectively conveys ideas with varied vocabulary, particularly in discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of traveling to foreign countries. The essay also contains some errors in word choice, such as "forms of traveling" instead of "forms of travel" and "well-beings" instead of "well-being." These errors, along with occasional issues in word formation and spelling, slightly impact the overall lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, focus on refining word choice and avoiding minor inaccuracies. Review and proofread the essay to correct spelling and word formation errors. Additionally, strive for more precise and sophisticated vocabulary when expressing ideas, ensuring consistency and appropriateness throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of complex sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer exhibits good control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall accuracy. For instance, in the first paragraph, there is an awkward use of "those countries" and "far outweighed," which could be expressed more smoothly. Additionally, there are some minor issues with subject-verb agreement in sentences like "this forms of travelling" and "local people could financially support their families."

How to improve:
To improve, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for smoother expression and ensuring consistent subject-verb agreement. Also, careful proofreading is essential to catch and rectify minor errors that may impact the overall clarity of the essay. It is crucial to maintain the complexity of sentences while avoiding awkward phrasing to enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether travel to foreign countries for leisure has a negative impact on the visited areas sparks a debate. While there are some advantages to these countries, I contend that the potential disadvantages far surpass the benefits.

Certainly, traveling abroad can bring certain advantages. For instance, it can contribute to the local authorities’ revenue from the tourism industry, enabling them to invest in infrastructure like roads and schools, as well as public transportation. Consequently, this could uplift the living standards of the local people. Additionally, such travel creates job opportunities in various fields for local citizens, leading to improved salaries and enhanced well-being.

However, the downsides of foreign travel, particularly concerning the environment and animal life, are more noteworthy. In terms of the former, tourism development may result in environmental pollution due to the improper disposal of waste into rivers or forests, causing water contamination and hampering plant growth. As for the latter, the habitats of animals in these areas may be disrupted by tourists, forcing them to abandon their homes. Consequently, this disturbance could negatively impact their breeding patterns and upset the balance of the surrounding ecosystem.

In conclusion, the benefits derived from traveling to foreign countries are overshadowed by the potential disadvantages related to the environment and animal life. Given the arguments presented, I strongly disagree with the notion that the positive aspects outweigh the negative consequences.