Nowadays, many people use the Internet to get medical advice instead of going to see a doctor. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In recent days, due to the development of the Internet, people attend to searching Google for advice when they meet problem with their health instead of meeting a doctor in person. From my view, it is a negative developments.
Firsly, it is a convenient way when we can know about our problem as quickly as we can with just one click. However, by this way, we can meet a lot of fake news which is not true and it can affect to our mind if that information said that we have cancer and we will fear of dead
Secondly, everyone has a different health issue, so online advice could be wrong even some persons may die without proper medicines likes doctors. For example, in Siri Lanka, every years has a lot of people die by using the online treatment without going to see doctors
To conclude, the online medical advice is full of free cost so many people use it and not going to see doctor. However, it may brings more ricks than advantage so people must consider when use it and it will be better to see doctors to know clearly about your problem

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"attend to searching Google" -> "resort to searching Google"
Explanation: "Attend to" is not typically used in the context of searching on Google. "Resort to" is a more appropriate phrase to convey the idea of turning to Google for information.
"meet problem with their health" -> "encounter health issues"
Explanation: "Meet problem with their health" is awkward phrasing. "Encounter health issues" is a more concise and natural way to express the same idea.
"it is a negative developments" -> "it is a negative development"
Explanation: "Developments" should be singular to agree with "it is." Also, "development" is more precise in this context.
"Firsly" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firsly" contains a misspelling. "Firstly" is the correct spelling of the ordinal number.
"as quickly as we can with just one click" -> "quickly with just one click"
Explanation: Removing "as" improves the flow of the sentence and makes it more concise.
"a lot of fake news" -> "a plethora of misinformation"
Explanation: "Fake news" is informal language. "Misinformation" is a more formal and accurate term.
"which is not true" -> "that may not be accurate"
Explanation: "Which is not true" is a bit informal. "That may not be accurate" maintains formality and precision.
"affect to our mind" -> "impact our mental well-being"
Explanation: "Affect to our mind" is awkward phrasing. "Impact our mental well-being" is more precise and formal.
"if that information said that we have cancer and we will fear of dead" -> "if such information suggests we have cancer, leading to fear of death"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more grammatically correct expression.
"everyone has a different health issue" -> "everyone faces unique health issues"
Explanation: "Has a different health issue" is less formal. "Faces unique health issues" maintains formality and clarity.
"online advice could be wrong" -> "online advice may be inaccurate"
Explanation: "Could be wrong" is less precise. "May be inaccurate" conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.
"even some persons may die without proper medicines likes doctors" -> "some individuals may die due to lack of proper medical attention"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested alternative is clearer and more grammatically correct.
"in Siri Lanka" -> "in Sri Lanka"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of the country name.
"every years" -> "every year"
Explanation: "Every years" is grammatically incorrect. "Every year" is the correct form.
"a lot of people die by using the online treatment" -> "many people die due to reliance on online treatments"
Explanation: "A lot of people die by using the online treatment" is informal. "Many people die due to reliance on online treatments" maintains formality and clarity.
"not going to see doctor" -> "not seeking medical attention from a doctor"
Explanation: "Not going to see doctor" is informal. "Not seeking medical attention from a doctor" is more formal.
"it may brings more ricks than advantage" -> "it may pose more risks than advantages"
Explanation: "It may brings" is grammatically incorrect. "Pose more risks than advantages" is the correct phrasing.
"so people must consider when use it" -> "thus, individuals must consider its use"
Explanation: "When use it" is grammatically incorrect. "Its use" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"and it will be better to see doctors to know clearly about your problem" -> "and it is advisable to consult doctors for a clear understanding of one’s health issues"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and is awkwardly structured. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the question by discussing the reasons why people turn to the internet for medical advice instead of visiting a doctor. However, it lacks depth in exploring both the positive and negative aspects of this trend. It briefly mentions the convenience of online advice but focuses more on the negative consequences such as encountering fake news and the potential risks of relying solely on online information.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should thoroughly examine both sides of the issue. It should delve into the reasons why people find online medical advice appealing while also acknowledging the drawbacks. Providing specific examples or statistics could enhance the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against relying on online medical advice, stating it as a negative development. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, as the author discusses the potential risks associated with seeking medical information online.
- How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is commendable, it’s essential to ensure that the argument is balanced. Acknowledging potential benefits of online medical advice, even while arguing against it, can strengthen the essay’s credibility and persuasiveness.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in elaboration and support. For instance, it mentions encountering fake news and the potential risks of incorrect online advice without providing further elaboration or evidence to support these claims. Additionally, the example of people dying in Sri Lanka due to online treatment lacks specificity and supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support its arguments. This could include citing reputable sources, providing real-life case studies, or incorporating personal anecdotes to illustrate the points more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing why people opt for online medical advice instead of consulting a doctor. However, it briefly veers off-topic in the conclusion when it mentions the cost factor of online advice without fully connecting it back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the essay should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central theme of why individuals choose online medical advice over seeing a doctor. If introducing additional factors like cost, they should be integrated seamlessly into the main argument to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance against relying solely on online medical advice, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more thorough development of ideas, and improved coherence to fully address the prompt and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with logical organization. For instance, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which could outline the main points to be discussed. Additionally, the body paragraphs jump between ideas without smooth transitions, making the flow of information somewhat disjointed. The conclusion briefly summarizes the points made but does not offer a strong closure to the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s crucial to start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that previews the main points of the essay. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea and transition smoothly to the next. Consider using topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph’s main point. Finally, ensure the conclusion reinforces the thesis and provides a succinct summary of the main arguments presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness could be improved. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details or examples. However, some paragraphs lack a clear topic sentence, making it challenging to understand the main point. Additionally, the length of paragraphs varies, with some being overly long and others too short.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs that begin with a clear topic sentence summarizing the main idea. Provide supporting details and examples to develop each point effectively within the paragraph. Aim for a balanced paragraph length to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is limited variety and effectiveness. For instance, transitions such as "firstly" and "secondly" are used to introduce ideas within paragraphs, but there is a lack of more sophisticated cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional phrases.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in addition," etc., to signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, use pronouns and other referential devices to maintain coherence and avoid repetition.

By addressing these aspects, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, leading to a more organized and effective argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary, albeit with some limitations. Phrases like "development of the Internet," "fake news," "proper medicines," and "online treatment" show an attempt to convey ideas effectively. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance precision and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary that accurately reflects the nuances of the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "online," consider alternatives like "internet-based" or "web-based." Additionally, employing synonyms or related terms can enrich the expression of ideas without sacrificing clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "fake news" and "online treatment" effectively convey specific concepts. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "it is a negative developments" (should be "development"), "Siri Lanka" (should be "Sri Lanka"), and "brings more ricks" (should be "risks"). These inaccuracies slightly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, proofreading for spelling errors and grammatical accuracy is crucial. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse materials and actively seeking out synonyms and antonyms for common terms can contribute to more precise expression. It’s also advisable to consult reputable sources for accurate terminology, especially when discussing specific topics like healthcare.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some spelling errors throughout the text, such as "Firsly" (should be "Firstly"), "developments" (should be "development"), "Siri Lanka" (should be "Sri Lanka"), and "ricks" (should be "risks"). While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, they do affect the overall professionalism and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: Employing proofreading techniques, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools, can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with common spelling patterns and practicing spelling through writing exercises can enhance accuracy over time. Developing a habit of reviewing and revising your writing before submission is essential for improving spelling proficiency and overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is limited variety in sentence structures, with a tendency towards simple constructions. For instance, the essay predominantly uses simple sentences, such as "In recent days, due to the development of the Internet, people attend to searching Google for advice when they meet problem with their health instead of meeting a doctor in person." Complex sentences are less frequent, and there is little evidence of compound-complex structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and effectiveness, the writer should incorporate a more diverse array of sentence structures. This could involve incorporating complex sentences with dependent clauses to provide more depth and complexity to their arguments. Additionally, utilizing compound-complex sentences can help to express ideas more fully and demonstrate a higher level of syntactic sophistication. Practicing sentence variation through deliberate sentence structure exercises can aid in achieving this improvement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies present throughout. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("people attend to searching Google"), article usage ("a convenient way when we can know"), and verb tense consistency ("may die without proper medicines likes doctors"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("In recent days, due to the development of the Internet") and incorrect comma usage in compound sentences ("However, by this way, we can meet a lot of fake news"), detract from the clarity and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on practicing fundamental grammar rules and punctuation conventions. Reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can help address recurring errors. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation rules, such as comma usage in compound and complex sentences, and mastering the use of commas for clarity and coherence will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Proofreading carefully for grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies before submission is crucial to ensuring clear and effective communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, due to the widespread availability of the Internet, many individuals resort to searching Google for advice when faced with health issues instead of consulting a doctor in person. From my perspective, this trend has negative implications.

Firstly, it offers a convenient way to access information about our health problems quickly with just one click. However, relying on online sources can expose us to a plethora of misinformation, leading to unnecessary worry and anxiety. For instance, if false information suggests that we have a serious illness like cancer, it can instill fear of death in us.

Secondly, since every individual’s health condition is unique, online advice may not always be accurate. In some cases, following online advice without consulting a medical professional can result in harmful consequences, including death due to lack of appropriate treatment. For example, in Sri Lanka, there have been instances where individuals have died as a result of relying solely on online treatments without seeking medical assistance.

In conclusion, while online medical advice is readily available at no cost, its use may entail more risks than benefits. It is imperative for people to exercise caution when relying on such advice and to consider consulting doctors for accurate diagnosis and treatment of their health issues.