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Nowadays modern robots have been widely use Do you think its disadvantages outweigh the advantages ?

Nowadays modern robots have been widely use
Do you think its disadvantages outweigh the advantages ?

I would argue there are more major advantages to be gained from the trend that in this day and age, advanced robots and machines have been gained in popularity, although some individuals tend to express concern about its possible negative aspects.
I would elaborate on several significant benefits gained from the situation given. Firstly, modern robots and machines are of great importance to households. For one thing, robots and devices support household members to do housework which is time-consuming. Therefore, they will have more spare time to do what they like and enjoy their life. Secondly, the usage of advanced robots and devices plays a pivotal role in workplaces like companies or factories. This means that they might work more productively than human workers in that they are capable of working for a long time without work breaks. In addition, robots and machines can work in hazardous working conditions, helping to avoid labor incidents.
Despite the major benefits mentioned above, some serious drawbacks of the trend should not be underestimated. One negative aspect is that among households if people depend excessively on advanced robots and machines, they might lead to a sedentary lifestyle and then be faced with some certain health issues, such as obesity. Doing housework may help them to burn the calories and keep fit effectively. Another negative aspect is that more human workers may become unemployed due to the development and popularity of advanced machines and robots. For one thing, robots and devices may subsitute for large numbers of human employees in various fields like manufacturing. Hence, the rate of unemployment may rise significantly, resulting in hardships in life of those losing jobs.
In conclusion, both positive and negative aspects of the trend have just been weighed up. As far as I am concerned, its benefits are considered much more significant


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there are more major advantages" -> "there are more significant advantages"
    Explanation: Replacing "major" with "significant" adds a more precise and formal tone to the statement, avoiding the use of overly informal language.

  2. "in this day and age" -> "currently" or "presently"
    Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression, and using "currently" or "presently" aligns better with formal language, maintaining a more academic tone.

  3. "have been gained in popularity" -> "have gained popularity"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "have gained popularity" removes unnecessary words while retaining the intended meaning, contributing to a more concise and formal expression.

  4. "some individuals tend to express concern about its possible negative aspects" -> "some individuals harbor concerns about potential drawbacks"
    Explanation: Replacing "tend to express concern about" with "harbor concerns about" adds a more formal and refined touch to the sentence.

  5. "I would elaborate on several significant benefits gained from the situation given" -> "I will elucidate several substantial benefits arising from the current situation"
    Explanation: Substituting "elaborate on" with "elucidate" and "given" with "arising from the current situation" elevates the language, making it more formal and academically appropriate.

  6. "For one thing" -> "Firstly" or "To begin with"
    Explanation: Using "Firstly" or "To begin with" provides a smoother transition between ideas, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  7. "they will have more spare time to do what they like and enjoy their life" -> "they will have additional leisure time to pursue their interests and enhance their quality of life"
    Explanation: Replacing "spare time to do what they like and enjoy their life" with "additional leisure time to pursue their interests and enhance their quality of life" introduces more specific and formal language.

  8. "plays a pivotal role" -> "plays a crucial role"
    Explanation: Substituting "pivotal" with "crucial" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal synonym.

  9. "might work more productively than human workers" -> "may exhibit higher productivity than human workers"
    Explanation: Replacing "might work more productively than" with "may exhibit higher productivity than" enhances precision and formality.

  10. "in that they are capable of working for a long time without work breaks" -> "because they can operate continuously without breaks"
    Explanation: Simplifying the expression to "because they can operate continuously without breaks" improves clarity and formality.

  11. "work in hazardous working conditions" -> "operate in hazardous environments"
    Explanation: Substituting "work in hazardous working conditions" with "operate in hazardous environments" is more precise and formal.

  12. "serious drawbacks of the trend should not be underestimated" -> "significant drawbacks of the trend should not be overlooked"
    Explanation: Replacing "serious" with "significant" and "underestimated" with "overlooked" maintains the gravity of the statement in a more formal manner.

  13. "lead to a sedentary lifestyle" -> "result in a sedentary lifestyle"
    Explanation: Substituting "lead to" with "result in" is more formal and academically appropriate.

  14. "and then be faced with some certain health issues" -> "and potentially face specific health issues"
    Explanation: Replacing "and then be faced with some certain health issues" with "and potentially face specific health issues" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  15. "subsitute for large numbers of human employees" -> "replace a significant number of human employees"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error and replacing "substitute for" with "replace" contributes to a more formal and accurate representation.

  16. "the rate of unemployment may rise significantly" -> "the unemployment rate may significantly increase"
    Explanation: Reordering the sentence and using "the unemployment rate may significantly increase" enhances formality and clarity.

  17. "resulting in hardships in life of those losing jobs" -> "resulting in hardships for those who lose their jobs"
    Explanation: Adjusting the phrase to "resulting in hardships for those who lose their jobs" improves grammatical structure and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both sides of the question but lacks depth in discussing the disadvantages. It briefly mentions concerns about a sedentary lifestyle and unemployment, but these points are not thoroughly developed.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more nuanced and detailed explanations of the disadvantages. Consider exploring additional negative aspects and offering more examples to support the points.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, asserting that the benefits of advanced robots and machines are more significant. This stance is consistently presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction and reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, such as the benefits of robots in households and workplaces, but lacks depth in elaboration. Examples are provided, but they could be more specific and detailed.
    • How to improve: To improve, expand on each point by providing more specific examples, details, and real-life scenarios. This will enhance the development of ideas and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly deviates when discussing the benefits of doing housework for health. While relevant, it needs to be more directly tied to the use of robots.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages and disadvantages of using advanced robots. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to addressing the prompt.

Overall, the essay shows a good understanding of the topic and effectively presents arguments on both sides. However, to improve, the writer should provide more in-depth analysis of the disadvantages, reinforce the clarity of their position, offer more specific examples, and ensure that every point made directly relates to the essay prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. However, there are instances where the ideas could be more smoothly transitioned between sentences and paragraphs. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of robots in households to potential drawbacks could be more seamless to enhance the overall logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For instance, use words like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" to guide the reader through the shift in focus from advantages to disadvantages.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, but some improvement is needed in terms of paragraph structure. The second paragraph, for instance, contains two distinct ideas: benefits of robots in households and workplaces. Breaking it into two separate paragraphs would enhance clarity and make the content more reader-friendly.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. In this case, create a separate paragraph for the discussion on the benefits of robots in workplaces.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "Despite"). However, there is room for improvement in the use of more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices. This can include pronouns, synonyms, and more diverse transitional phrases.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices by incorporating pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and using synonyms for key terms. Additionally, experiment with a wider array of transitional phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of always using "Firstly" and "Secondly," try alternatives like "Moreover" or "In addition."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in the areas mentioned can elevate the overall organization and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using varied and sophisticated words. For instance, phrases like "advanced robots and machines," "sedentary lifestyle," and "subsistute" showcase an attempt to diversify the vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement, as certain terms, such as "trend," "significant benefits," and "certain health issues," are repetitively employed without providing alternative expressions or synonyms. Additionally, the essay lacks precise vocabulary in some instances, impacting the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider introducing synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used terms. For example, instead of consistently using "advanced robots and machines," you could incorporate words like "automatons," "technological marvels," or "sophisticated devices." Furthermore, strive for more precision in your language by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid overusing general terms, and opt for specific and nuanced vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with precision, as seen in phrases like "sedentary lifestyle" and "hazardous working conditions." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the trend" and "some certain health issues." These instances suggest a need for greater precision in selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words that accurately convey your thoughts. Instead of relying on broad terms like "the trend," specify what trend you are referring to, whether it’s the adoption of robots or the dependence on technology. Similarly, when discussing health issues, be specific about the types of problems that may arise due to a sedentary lifestyle. This will enhance the clarity and precision of your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some minor spelling errors, such as "subsitute" (substitute). These errors, while infrequent, impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to identify and rectify any spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar-checking tools to ensure a higher level of accuracy. Developing a habit of revising your work systematically can contribute to minimizing such errors and improving overall spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences. For instance, the writer uses complex sentences to present arguments, such as "Despite the major benefits mentioned above, some serious drawbacks of the trend should not be underestimated." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, as a more extensive range of sentence structures could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences, utilizing varied sentence openings, and experimenting with rhetorical devices. For example, using rhetorical questions or employing parallelism can add depth to your expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where errors or awkward constructions affect clarity. For instance, "there are more major advantages to be gained from the trend that in this day and age" could be revised to enhance clarity. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases ("Firstly") and a lack of consistent punctuation within lists.
    • How to improve: Review sentence structures for clarity and coherence, ensuring that each sentence effectively conveys the intended meaning. Pay attention to proper punctuation, especially after introductory elements and within lists. Consider utilizing a variety of sentence lengths to create a smoother flow and improve overall readability. Proofread carefully to catch and correct grammatical errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structure, but there is room for refinement to achieve a higher level of precision and sophistication. Keep practicing different sentence structures and pay close attention to punctuation rules to elevate the overall grammatical range and accuracy of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

I believe that the advantages of the widespread use of modern robots and machines currently outweigh the disadvantages. Although some individuals harbor concerns about potential drawbacks, I will elucidate several substantial benefits arising from the current situation.

Firstly, there are more significant advantages for households. Modern robots and machines have gained popularity for their ability to support household members in performing time-consuming housework. As a result, individuals will have additional leisure time to pursue their interests and enhance their quality of life. Secondly, in workplaces such as companies or factories, the use of advanced robots and devices plays a crucial role. They may exhibit higher productivity than human workers because they can operate continuously without breaks. Moreover, these machines can operate in hazardous environments, helping to avoid labor incidents.

Despite these major benefits, some individuals express concerns about potential drawbacks. One negative aspect is that excessive dependence on advanced robots and machines among households may result in a sedentary lifestyle and potentially lead to specific health issues, such as obesity. Engaging in housework can effectively help individuals burn calories and maintain fitness. Another drawback is the potential for increased unemployment among human workers. The development and popularity of advanced machines and robots may replace a significant number of human employees, particularly in fields like manufacturing. Consequently, the unemployment rate may significantly increase, resulting in hardships for those who lose their jobs.

In conclusion, while there are both positive and negative aspects to consider, the benefits of the trend are, in my opinion, much more significant. The efficiency and convenience brought about by modern robots and machines contribute positively to both households and workplaces, although careful consideration must be given to potential drawbacks to ensure a balanced perspective.

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