Nowadays, newspapers and TV shows often report detailed descriptions of crimes. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Today’s mass media has often increasingly depicted crimes in great detail. While this gradual change in the way crimes are reported may cause some problems, the overall impact has been tremendously positive.
Admittedly, there are good reasons to say that reporting detailed descriptions of crimes is an unwise idea. The key argument here is that being exposed to violent, horrible pieces of news might make people to have a more negative outlook on life. By reading and watching about tragic accidents, people who are emotionally vulnerable could suffer from anxiety, commitment issue and stress. Furthermore, exposure to such kinds of news could renders juveniles obsessed with criminal actions, fame and violence. Young people may idolize criminals, thus try to imitate their illicit activities to gain attention that might lead them to a life of crime.
Despite the negatives mentioned above, the benefits of the new approach to crimes’ depictions are more significant. Firstly, by doing so, people can comprehend the disturbing nature of criminal actions which would enhance vigilance in the society and encourage people to report any sign of criminal for their and their loved-ones’ safety. Additionally, they would be familiar with how a crime was shaped and then able to deter potential offenders. Secondly, with an appropriate criminal education, juveniles can see the serious consequences of breaking the law, thus might lay the foundation for the reduction in the crime rate in the future.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of the decision to report crimes detailedly outstrip the disadvantages. This is provided that, on the society level, enhanced awareness in the community would play an important role in combating crimes which demands greater community engagement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Today’s mass media" -> "Contemporary mass media"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "Today’s," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"often increasingly" -> "increasingly often"
Explanation: The correct order is "increasingly often," as "increasingly" is an adverb that modifies the frequency, and "often" is an adverb that describes the manner.
"great detail" -> "detailed manner"
Explanation: "Detailed manner" is a more formal and precise phrase than "great detail," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"tremendously positive" -> "significantly beneficial"
Explanation: "Significantly beneficial" is more academically appropriate than "tremendously positive," which uses emotional language that is less suitable for formal writing.
"unwise idea" -> "ill-advised approach"
Explanation: "Ill-advised approach" is a more formal and precise term than "unwise idea," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"might make people to have" -> "may lead people to have"
Explanation: "May lead people to have" is grammatically correct and more formal than "might make people to have," which is awkward and incorrect.
"horrible pieces of news" -> "disturbing news"
Explanation: "Disturbing news" is a more precise and formal term than "horrible pieces of news," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"renders juveniles obsessed" -> "may render juveniles obsessed"
Explanation: "May render" is more appropriate as it indicates possibility rather than certainty, which is more academically cautious.
"fame and violence" -> "fame and violent behavior"
Explanation: "Violent behavior" is a more specific and formal term than "violence," which is too broad and informal.
"try to imitate" -> "attempt to emulate"
Explanation: "Attempt to emulate" is more formal and precise than "try to imitate," which is less formal and slightly colloquial.
"crimes’ depictions" -> "the depiction of crimes"
Explanation: "The depiction of crimes" is grammatically correct and more formal than "crimes’ depictions," which is awkward and less standard.
"doing so" -> "this approach"
Explanation: "This approach" is clearer and more direct than "doing so," which is vague and less formal.
"report any sign of criminal" -> "report any signs of criminal activity"
Explanation: "Report any signs of criminal activity" is grammatically correct and more specific than "report any sign of criminal," which is grammatically incorrect.
"their and their loved-ones’ safety" -> "their own safety and that of their loved ones"
Explanation: "Their own safety and that of their loved ones" is grammatically correct and more formal than "their and their loved-ones’ safety," which is awkward and informal.
"detailedly" -> "in detail"
Explanation: "In detail" is the correct adverbial form, whereas "detailedly" is not a standard adverb.
"provided that" -> "assuming that"
Explanation: "Assuming that" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "provided that," which is less common in this context.
"on the society level" -> "at the societal level"
Explanation: "At the societal level" is more formal and precise than "on the society level," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt, acknowledging the disadvantages of detailed crime reporting while ultimately arguing that the advantages outweigh these negatives. The writer presents a clear understanding of the topic, discussing the emotional impact on vulnerable individuals and the potential for negative influences on youth. This is balanced with arguments about increased societal vigilance and the potential for crime reduction through education. However, while the essay mentions both sides, the exploration of disadvantages could be slightly more nuanced to provide a more comprehensive view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could delve deeper into the disadvantages by providing specific examples or statistics that illustrate the negative effects of crime reporting. This would create a more balanced argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the complexities involved in the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the advantages of detailed crime reporting outweigh the disadvantages. The use of phrases like "I strongly believe" in the conclusion reinforces this stance. The logical flow from the acknowledgment of disadvantages to the emphasis on advantages helps in maintaining clarity. However, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of disadvantages to the advantages. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a phrase like "However, it is important to consider…" could signal a shift in focus, making the argument more fluid.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the emotional impact of crime reporting and the potential for increased vigilance in society. Each point is supported with reasoning, such as the idea that understanding crime can lead to greater safety awareness. However, some points, particularly regarding the negative effects on youth, could benefit from further elaboration or examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should consider incorporating specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points being made. For instance, referencing studies that show a correlation between crime reporting and public anxiety could provide stronger backing for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the implications of detailed crime reporting without straying into unrelated areas. The arguments are relevant and directly address the prompt. However, there are minor instances where the phrasing could be more precise, such as the phrase "thus try to imitate their illicit activities," which could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all phrases are precise and directly related to the main argument. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any vague language or generalizations can help tighten the focus and enhance the overall coherence of the response.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively addresses the prompt, meriting a band score of 8. With some refinements in depth of analysis, coherence, and supporting details, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first address the disadvantages before moving on to the advantages of detailed crime reporting. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, within the paragraphs, some ideas could be more clearly connected. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts on individuals to the benefits of societal awareness could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help signal shifts in the argument and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of societal benefits from the educational aspects for juveniles, which would provide a clearer structure and enhance readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, especially when introducing new ideas or arguments. For example, after discussing the societal benefits of crime reporting, a new paragraph could focus solely on the educational aspect for juveniles, allowing for a more detailed exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, the essay relies heavily on basic connectors and could benefit from more sophisticated linking words and phrases that demonstrate relationships between ideas, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Consequently."
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a variety of linking words that indicate contrast, addition, and cause-effect relationships. For example, when transitioning from the disadvantages to the advantages, using "Nevertheless," or "Despite these concerns," can create a more nuanced connection between the two sides of the argument. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, implementing these suggestions can help elevate the writing to a higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of crime reporting. Phrases such as "emotionally vulnerable," "commitment issue," and "criminal education" showcase an ability to use specific terms related to psychology and crime. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "negative outlook on life" is somewhat common and could be replaced with a more nuanced expression like "pessimistic worldview."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "detailed descriptions," you could use "in-depth portrayals" or "comprehensive accounts." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations related to crime and media could enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are a few instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "commitment issue" is not commonly used in this context and may confuse readers. A more precise term could be "commitment issues" or "relationship difficulties." Similarly, "renders juveniles obsessed" could be better expressed as "may lead juveniles to become obsessed."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that terms are not only relevant but also commonly used in the context. Reviewing collocations and common phrases in academic writing can help. For example, instead of "to gain attention that might lead them to a life of crime," consider "to gain notoriety, potentially leading them into a life of crime."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. For instance, "renders" is used correctly, but "commitment issue" should be pluralized as "commitment issues" for grammatical accuracy. Furthermore, "juveniles" is spelled correctly, but the phrase "criminal actions, fame and violence" could benefit from clearer punctuation to avoid confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading essays, focusing on commonly misspelled words or phrases. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or grammar checking software can also help identify errors before final submission. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining high spelling standards, the essay could achieve an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "While this gradual change in the way crimes are reported may cause some problems, the overall impact has been tremendously positive" effectively combines a subordinate clause with an independent clause. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the benefits of the new approach to crimes’ depictions are more significant" could be rephrased to add complexity or use a different structure, such as a passive voice or an introductory phrase.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. For instance, you could use introductory phrases or clauses to add depth, such as "Although there are drawbacks to detailed crime reporting, it is essential to recognize the positive outcomes it can foster." Additionally, varying the placement of adverbials can create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "might make people to have a more negative outlook on life" should omit "to" for grammatical correctness, resulting in "might make people have a more negative outlook on life." Additionally, the phrase "could renders juveniles obsessed" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "could render." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are places where commas could enhance readability, such as before "thus" in "thus try to imitate their illicit activities."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of infinitives. Practicing sentence construction and proofreading for common errors can help. For punctuation, consider using a grammar-checking tool or peer review to identify areas where additional commas may improve clarity. For example, revising "thus try to imitate their illicit activities" to "thus, they may try to imitate their illicit activities" would clarify the sentence structure.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today’s mass media has increasingly depicted crimes in great detail. While this gradual change in the way crimes are reported may cause some problems, the overall impact has been tremendously positive.

Admittedly, there are good reasons to say that reporting detailed descriptions of crimes is an ill-advised approach. The key argument here is that being exposed to violent, horrible pieces of news might lead people to have a more negative outlook on life. By reading and watching tragic accidents, people who are emotionally vulnerable could suffer from anxiety, commitment issues, and stress. Furthermore, exposure to such kinds of news could render juveniles obsessed with criminal actions, fame, and violence. Young people may idolize criminals and thus attempt to emulate their illicit activities to gain attention, which might lead them to a life of crime.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, the benefits of the contemporary approach to the depiction of crimes are more significant. Firstly, by doing so, people can comprehend the disturbing nature of criminal actions, which would enhance vigilance in society and encourage people to report any signs of criminal activity for their own safety and that of their loved ones. Additionally, they would become familiar with how a crime was committed and then be able to deter potential offenders. Secondly, with appropriate criminal education, juveniles can see the serious consequences of breaking the law, thus laying the foundation for a reduction in the crime rate in the future.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that the advantages of the decision to report crimes in detail significantly outweigh the disadvantages. This is provided that, at the societal level, enhanced awareness in the community would play an important role in combating crime, which demands greater community engagement.