Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Currently, many students abstain from science subjects in high school which causes the
number of students who learn science to decrease. In this essay, I will explore the factors that
contribute to this trend and discuss the potential consequences.
Two main reasons are contributing to this issue. Firstly, science subjects require a
highly intellectually adept student to learn this subject, and that student needs critical and logical thinking to study this subject. For example, if an individual lacks these, I will
become very bored when I participate in classes and it will be an inefficient use of time and financial resources for me if I don’t understand them. Secondly, science subjects require expensive equipment and tuition, also schools frequently organize extracurricular classes or experience trips that cost a lot of money and are not very suitable for families with limited financial resources.
However, the declining number of students studying science will have negative impacts on
their country. Various professions may lose highly qualified individuals and this is due to
the nation's advancement since science-related industries play a pivotal role in the economy. This can be potentially detrimental to the nation's economic stability.
In conclusion, the decline in the number of students pursuing science subjects at university
can be attributed to factors such as the perception of difficulty, lack of qualified teachers, and
financial barriers and this harms their country. Moreover, I believe governments should provide
financial assistance for students pursuing science disciplines through scholarship programs to attract more individuals
to pursue this subject

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Errors and Improvements:

"Currently, many students abstain from science subjects in high school which causes the number of students who learn science to decrease."
-> "Presently, numerous students refrain from engaging with science subjects in high school, leading to a decline in the overall number of students pursuing science."
Explanation: Replacing "Currently" with "Presently" adds formality, and the phrase "abstain from" is replaced with "refrain from engaging with" for a more precise and academic expression.
"Two main reasons are contributing to this issue."
-> "Two primary factors contribute to this phenomenon."
Explanation: "Reasons" is replaced with "factors" for specificity, and the phrase is restructured to enhance conciseness and formality.
"Firstly, science subjects require a highly intellectually adept student to learn this subject, and that student needs critical and logical thinking to study this subject."
-> "Firstly, excelling in science subjects demands a student with high intellectual aptitude, necessitating proficiency in critical and logical thinking."
Explanation: The phrase "highly intellectually adept student" is streamlined to "student with high intellectual aptitude" for clarity, and redundancy is eliminated for conciseness.
"For example, if an individual lacks these, I will become very bored when I participate in classes and it will be an inefficient use of time and financial resources for me if I don’t understand them."
-> "For instance, a deficiency in these skills may lead to boredom during class participation, resulting in an inefficient use of time and financial resources if the subject remains incomprehensible."
Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity, and the first-person perspective is maintained while improving formality.
"Secondly, science subjects require expensive equipment and tuition, also schools frequently organize extracurricular classes or experience trips that cost a lot of money and are not very suitable for families with limited financial resources."
-> "Secondly, science subjects entail substantial expenses, including costly equipment and tuition fees. Moreover, schools often arrange extracurricular activities or field trips, imposing financial burdens unsuitable for families with limited resources."
Explanation: The sentence is refined for clarity and formality, and the conjunction "also" is replaced with "Moreover" for a smoother transition.
"However, the declining number of students studying science will have negative impacts on their country."
-> "Nevertheless, the diminishing enrollment in science programs will adversely affect the nation."
Explanation: The phrase is revised for conciseness and formality, and "negative impacts on their country" is replaced with "adversely affect the nation" for precision.
"Various professions may lose highly qualified individuals and this is due to the nation’s advancement since science-related industries play a pivotal role in the economy."
-> "Several professions may experience a loss of highly qualified individuals, attributing this to the nation’s progress, as science-related industries significantly contribute to the economy."
Explanation: The sentence is restructured for clarity and formality, and "Various" is replaced with "Several" for specificity.
"Moreover, I believe governments should provide financial assistance for students pursuing science disciplines through scholarship programs to attract more individuals to pursue this subject."
-> "Furthermore, it is my contention that governments should offer financial assistance, such as scholarship programs, to encourage more individuals to pursue science disciplines."
Explanation: The phrase is refined for formality, and the first-person perspective is maintained while improving the overall expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the question. It explores the reasons for the decline in students choosing science subjects and discusses the potential effects on society. Relevant examples are provided to support the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a more detailed analysis of the consequences on society. Additionally, ensure that the reasons provided are interconnected and contribute to a more cohesive argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout. The writer acknowledges the decline in students choosing science subjects and supports the idea that this trend has negative consequences for the country.
- How to improve: To strengthen the position, consider incorporating a clear thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states the writer’s perspective on the issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some degree of clarity. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on these ideas. For instance, the explanation of the reasons for the decline in science subjects could be more detailed and nuanced.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing more examples and expanding on the implications of the presented reasons. Develop each point more thoroughly to create a more comprehensive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from a more focused approach. There is a brief mention of the impact on the economy, but it could be more explicitly linked to the overall discussion.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made is directly related to the main topic. Clearly connect the consequences mentioned to the decline in students studying science subjects, creating a more cohesive and tightly-knit essay.

In summary, while the essay successfully addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing a more detailed analysis of the consequences, incorporating a clear thesis statement, extending and supporting ideas with more examples, and ensuring a more focused approach to stay on topic. These adjustments will contribute to a more comprehensive and cohesive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing reasons and effects, and a concluding statement. However, the lack of a distinct thesis statement in the introduction slightly hampers the clarity of the essay’s main argument. Additionally, there’s a need for smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points of the essay. To enhance logical flow, use transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, presenting distinct ideas in separate paragraphs. However, there’s room for improvement in terms of paragraph structure and coherence. Some paragraphs lack a clear topic sentence, and the overall organization could be refined for a more seamless transition between ideas.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical order, and use transitions at the beginning or end of paragraphs to connect ideas more smoothly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, to connect ideas. However, there’s a tendency to overuse certain words and phrases (e.g., "science subjects"), and the variety of cohesive devices could be expanded for more sophisticated connections.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporating synonyms and varied sentence structures. Avoid repetitive language, and use a mix of pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional expressions to create more nuanced connections between sentences and ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining the introduction for better clarity, enhancing paragraph structure with clear topic sentences, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated and varied expression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. The writer uses words such as "abstain," "adept," "extracurricular," and "detrimental," showcasing an attempt at varied vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in expanding the range further.
- How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more advanced or specialized terms related to science and education. For instance, instead of using "individual," use "learner" or "student." This can add depth to your expression and demonstrate a higher level of lexical proficiency.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays some precision in vocabulary usage, but there are instances where words could be more accurately chosen. For example, the phrase "I will become very bored" could be refined to convey the idea more precisely, perhaps by using "lose interest" or "find it unengaging."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the exact meanings of words and choose vocabulary that aligns precisely with your intended message. A thesaurus can be a useful tool to find more nuanced alternatives. Additionally, consider the context in which you use words to ensure they fit seamlessly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, "efficient" is misspelled as "inefficient." These errors, though infrequent, can affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully, and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, focus on commonly misspelled words and practice them regularly. Developing a habit of proofreading before submission can significantly reduce such errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in vocabulary use and spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement to achieve a higher band score. Expanding the range of vocabulary, using words more precisely, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and advanced piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. For instance, there is a mix of compound and complex sentences, contributing to a moderate level of variety. However, some structures are repetitive, such as the use of "this subject" in multiple sentences, which could be improved for better fluency and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses or varying the placement of dependent and independent clauses. This will add sophistication to the writing and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "I will become very bored" (should be "it will become very boring") and "if an individual lacks these" (should be "if an individual lacks these skills"). Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are minor errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent spacing.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and choose precise words to convey ideas accurately. Additionally, review the use of commas for better clarity and coherence. A thorough proofreading before submission will help eliminate minor errors and improve overall grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a reasonably diverse range of sentence structures and maintains a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, there is room for improvement in terms of varying sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical errors. Consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions and carefully proofreading for grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency. This will contribute to a more polished and refined essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

At present, a significant number of students opt not to engage with science subjects during their high school years, resulting in a decrease in the overall enrollment of students pursuing science at the university level. In this essay, I will delve into the factors contributing to this trend and discuss its potential consequences.

Two primary factors contribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, excelling in science subjects demands a student with high intellectual aptitude, necessitating proficiency in critical and logical thinking. For instance, a deficiency in these skills may lead to boredom during class participation, resulting in an inefficient use of time and financial resources if the subject remains incomprehensible. Secondly, science subjects entail substantial expenses, including costly equipment and tuition fees. Moreover, schools often arrange extracurricular activities or field trips, imposing financial burdens unsuitable for families with limited resources.

Nevertheless, the diminishing enrollment in science programs will adversely affect the nation. Several professions may experience a loss of highly qualified individuals, attributing this to the nation’s progress, as science-related industries significantly contribute to the economy. Furthermore, it is my contention that governments should offer financial assistance, such as scholarship programs, to encourage more individuals to pursue science disciplines.

In conclusion, the decline in the number of students pursuing science subjects at university can be attributed to factors such as the perception of difficulty, lack of qualified teachers, and financial barriers, and this harms their country. Moreover, I believe governments should provide financial assistance for students pursuing science disciplines through scholarship programs to attract more individuals to pursue this subject.