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Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Currently, many students opt out of science subjects in high school which causes the
amount of students who learn science to decrease. In this essay, I will explore the factors that
contribute to this phenomenon and discuss the potential consequences.
Two main reasons are contributing to this issue. Firstly, science subjects require a
highly intellectually gifted student to learn this subject, and that student needs critical and logical
thinking to study this subject. For example, if I am a person who doesn’t have those, I will
become very bored when I attend classes and it will be an inefficient use of time and financial
resources for me if I don’t understand them. Secondly, science subjects require expensive
equipment and tuition, also they often organize extracurricular classes or experience trips that
cost a lot of money and are not very suitable for families with limited financial resources.
However, the declining number of students studying science will have negative impacts on
their country. Numerous professions may lose highly skilled individuals and this is due to
the country's progress as science-related industries play a pivotal role in the economy. This can
be very damaging to that country's finances.
In conclusion, the decline in the number of students pursuing science subjects at university
can be attributed to factors such as the perception of difficulty, lack of qualified teachers, and
financial barriers and this harms their country. Moreover, I believe governments should provide
financial support for science learners through scholarship programs to attract more individuals
to pursue this subject.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "opt out of" -> "abstain from"
    Explanation: Replacing "opt out of" with "abstain from" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning better with academic language.

  2. "amount of students" -> "number of students"
    Explanation: The term "amount" is generally used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is more appropriate for countable nouns like "students."

  3. "contribute to this phenomenon" -> "contribute to this trend"
    Explanation: Using "trend" is more specific and academically appropriate in the context of a decline in students studying science subjects.

  4. "Two main reasons are contributing to this issue." -> "Two primary factors contribute to this phenomenon."
    Explanation: "Primary factors" is a more precise term, and replacing "issue" with "phenomenon" enhances the academic tone.

  5. "intellectually gifted student" -> "intellectually adept student"
    Explanation: The term "adept" conveys proficiency and skill more effectively than "gifted" in an academic context.

  6. "critical and logical thinking" -> "analytical and logical reasoning"
    Explanation: "Analytical" is a more specific term, enhancing the precision of the description of the skills required for studying science subjects.

  7. "if I am a person who doesn’t have those" -> "if an individual lacks these"
    Explanation: Shifting to a more formal and general reference improves the academic tone.

  8. "attend classes" -> "participate in classes"
    Explanation: "Participate in classes" is a slightly more formal and active phrase than "attend classes."

  9. "inefficient use of time and financial resources" -> "inefficient allocation of time and financial resources"
    Explanation: Adding "allocation of" provides a more detailed and formal expression.

  10. "they often organize" -> "schools frequently organize"
    Explanation: Using "schools frequently organize" provides a more specific and formal reference to the entities responsible for organizing extracurricular activities.

  11. "Numerous professions may lose highly skilled individuals" -> "Various professions may lose highly qualified individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "numerous" with "various" and "skilled" with "qualified" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  12. "country’s progress as science-related industries" -> "nation’s advancement since science-related industries"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "very damaging to that country’s finances" -> "potentially detrimental to the nation’s economic stability"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more specific and formal expression.

  14. "In conclusion, the decline in the number of students pursuing science subjects at university" -> "To conclude, the diminishing enrollment of students in university-level science subjects"
    Explanation: The revised phrase offers a more structured and formal conclusion.

  15. "financial support for science learners" -> "financial assistance for students pursuing science disciplines"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more specific and aligns better with academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question by discussing the reasons for the decline in students choosing science subjects and the potential effects on society. The reasons are identified and explored in the first body paragraph, while the effects on society are discussed in the second body paragraph.
    • How to improve: While the essay answers both parts, providing a more detailed exploration of the effects on society could enhance the depth of the response. It would be beneficial to elaborate further on the consequences for society, such as the impact on technological advancements, innovation, and workforce development.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the decline in students pursuing science subjects is attributed to factors such as the perception of difficulty, lack of qualified teachers, and financial barriers.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main argument or thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This would provide a clear roadmap for the reader and reinforce the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the reasons for the decline in science subjects and the potential consequences. However, some ideas could be extended further with additional examples or elaboration for a more comprehensive analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, provide more specific examples or evidence to support each point. Additionally, consider elaborating on the potential consequences for society with concrete illustrations or real-world scenarios.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the reasons for the decline in students choosing science subjects and the effects on society. However, there are moments where the expression is unclear, such as in the phrase "if I am a person who doesn’t have those."
    • How to improve: Maintain clarity in expression and ensure that each point directly relates to the essay prompt. Avoid ambiguous statements and strive for precision in language to enhance the overall coherence and relevance.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the essay prompt and earns a band score of 8. To improve further, consider providing more detailed exploration of the effects on society, explicitly stating the main argument, extending ideas with additional examples, and ensuring clarity in expression to enhance coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly outlines the essay’s purpose, and the body paragraphs present two main reasons for the decline in students studying science, followed by the potential consequences. However, within paragraphs, there is room for improvement in the sequencing of ideas. For instance, the discussion of the negative impacts on the country could be more smoothly transitioned from the reasons presented.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and avoids abrupt shifts in topic.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use paragraphs, but there are issues with structure and effectiveness. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow. For example, the paragraph discussing the negative impacts of declining science students encompasses both the loss of skilled individuals and the economic consequences. This hinders clarity.
    • How to improve: Work on creating well-defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. In the mentioned paragraph, separate the discussion of skilled individuals and economic impacts into distinct paragraphs. This enhances readability and makes the essay more organized.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices. While there are instances of transition words like "firstly" and "secondly," the overall use is minimal. This impacts the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently), pronouns, and parallel structures. This will help create smoother connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent ideas, there is room for improvement in the organization of information, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but the choices often lack precision and sophistication. For instance, the repetitive use of "subject" and "science" could be diversified for a more nuanced expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and employ terms specific to the context. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "science," the essay could incorporate terms like "scientific disciplines," "academic domains," or "knowledge fields."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent. While there are instances of accurate and effective word choices (e.g., "intellectually gifted," "critical and logical thinking"), there are also imprecise expressions (e.g., "declining number of students studying science").
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on consistently selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of general terms, employ specific language to articulate ideas. For instance, replace "declining number of students studying science" with a more precise phrase like "diminishing enrollment in scientific disciplines."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling, with no glaring errors observed. However, attention to detail is crucial to maintaining this standard.
    • How to improve: The writer should continue to pay close attention to spelling details. Regular proofreading and utilizing spell-check tools can aid in maintaining accurate spelling. Additionally, a conscious effort to expand vocabulary can reduce the risk of misspelling less common words.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory lexical resource, but there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. Focusing on specific and varied vocabulary choices, alongside meticulous proofreading, will contribute to an enhanced lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on simple structures, affecting the overall variety. For instance, several sentences start with the subject pronoun "I," which can make the writing less engaging.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. Vary sentence openings to avoid repetition and make the writing more dynamic. Instead of always starting with "I," experiment with different sentence structures to create a smoother flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, there are instances of minor errors, such as in the phrase "if I am a person who doesn’t have those." The use of "those" is unclear, and it disrupts the sentence’s clarity. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas in some places.
    • How to improve: Focus on precision in expression. Clarify pronoun references and avoid ambiguous terms like "those." Proofread carefully for punctuation, ensuring proper comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Review the rules for comma placement in lists and between clauses to eliminate these errors.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures. To improve, work on diversifying sentence structures and addressing minor grammar and punctuation issues for a more polished and sophisticated piece.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, a considerable number of students abstain from opting for science subjects in high school, leading to a decline in the overall enrollment in science-related fields at the university level. In this essay, I will delve into the factors that contribute to this trend and discuss the potential consequences.

Two primary factors contribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, science subjects demand an intellectually adept student with analytical and logical reasoning skills. If an individual lacks these attributes, attending classes becomes a challenge, resulting in an inefficient allocation of time and financial resources. For instance, a student without critical thinking skills may find science classes monotonous and unproductive.

Secondly, the financial aspect poses a barrier to pursuing science subjects. These disciplines often require expensive equipment, tuition fees, and additional costs for extracurricular activities or experience trips. This can be a significant deterrent for families with limited financial resources, preventing students from considering science as a viable option.

The diminishing enrollment of students in university-level science subjects could have adverse effects on society. Various professions may lose highly qualified individuals, impacting the nation’s advancement since science-related industries play a crucial role in economic stability. This trend is potentially detrimental to the country’s overall financial well-being.

To address this issue, it is essential for governments to provide financial assistance for students pursuing science disciplines. Offering scholarships and support programs can alleviate the financial burden and make science education more accessible. This, in turn, can attract more individuals to participate in science-related studies, contributing to the nation’s progress.

In conclusion, the reluctance of students to choose science subjects at the university level can be attributed to factors such as perceived difficulty, lack of qualified teachers, and financial barriers. To mitigate these challenges and foster interest in science, it is crucial for governments to offer financial assistance to aspiring science learners, ensuring the continuous development of the nation’s intellectual and economic landscape.

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