Nowadays, people are delaying the time of having their children? Why does this happen? What is the impact?

It is true that the reproductive timeline has been determined late and more independently. There are a number of reasons behind this situation and several outcomes are listed

A multi-faceted factor is responsible for the aforementioned problem. In the past, developing career before getting married was not a widely adopted option as many people had limited access to general knowledge. As a result, marrying earlier and embarking in parenthood were generally followed. On the contrary, in this day and age, as individuals have enough knowledge and people's mindset turns progressive, people prioritize pursuing their dreams such as following careers. Therefore, delaying having children is becoming more and more common.

A range of impacts resulting from postponing having kids are worth mentioning. First and foremost, the rising financial stability is a direct benefit of the phenomenon. This can be attributed to the fact that delaying childbirth can allow individuals to establish their careers, accumulate savings, and potentially purchase a home before starting a family. Consequently, with consistently wealthy jobs, they can meet the needs of their family and provide their children with comfortable lives. Moreover, this trend also brings about societal pressures. This is because the expectations of society on each individual is to have children to sustain a family's bloodline. Therefore, it is especially challenging to those who face reproduction pressures from family as to be only child.

In conclusion, there are several causes for the decreasing incident of giving birth in early twenties, and various potential effects are given rise

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that the reproductive timeline has been determined late and more independently." -> "It is evident that the reproductive timeline has shifted later and more independently."
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and assertive opening phrase than "It is true," which is somewhat colloquial. "Shifted later" is more precise than "determined late," which is vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"There are a number of reasons behind this situation and several outcomes are listed" -> "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon, and various outcomes are discussed"
Explanation: "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon" is more specific and academically appropriate than "There are a number of reasons behind this situation." "Discussed" is more formal than "listed," which is too simplistic for academic writing.
"developing career before getting married" -> "pursuing a career before marriage"
Explanation: "Pursuing a career" is a more formal and precise term than "developing career," which is less commonly used in this context.
"people’s mindset turns progressive" -> "individuals’ perspectives become more progressive"
Explanation: "Individuals’ perspectives become more progressive" is more formal and specific than "people’s mindset turns progressive," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"embarking in parenthood" -> "entering parenthood"
Explanation: "Entering parenthood" is the correct phrase, whereas "embarking in parenthood" is grammatically incorrect.
"delaying having kids" -> "postponing parenthood"
Explanation: "Postponing parenthood" is a more formal and precise term than "delaying having kids," which is too informal for academic writing.
"the rising financial stability" -> "increased financial stability"
Explanation: "Increased financial stability" is a more formal and precise term than "the rising financial stability," which is less commonly used in this context.
"with consistently wealthy jobs" -> "with stable and well-paying careers"
Explanation: "Stable and well-paying careers" is more specific and formal than "consistently wealthy jobs," which is awkwardly phrased.
"meet the needs of their family" -> "meet the needs of their families"
Explanation: "Meet the needs of their families" is grammatically correct, whereas "meet the needs of their family" incorrectly assumes a singular family unit.
"the expectations of society on each individual" -> "societal expectations of each individual"
Explanation: "Societal expectations of each individual" is more formal and grammatically correct than "the expectations of society on each individual."
"to have children to sustain a family’s bloodline" -> "to have children to maintain family lineage"
Explanation: "Maintain family lineage" is a more formal and precise term than "sustain a family’s bloodline," which is somewhat archaic and less commonly used.
"giving birth in early twenties" -> "giving birth in the early twenties"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "early twenties" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the phrase.
"given rise" -> "resulting"
Explanation: "Resulting" is a more direct and formal term than "given rise," which is awkward and less commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons for delaying childbirth and the impacts of this trend. The first paragraph discusses the shift in societal norms regarding marriage and parenthood, attributing it to increased career focus and access to education. The second paragraph outlines the benefits of financial stability and societal pressures related to childbearing. However, while the reasons are mentioned, the impacts could be elaborated further, particularly in terms of societal implications beyond just pressures.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples of the impacts on both individuals and society, such as effects on population demographics, potential changes in family dynamics, or long-term economic implications. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges the reasons for and impacts of delaying childbirth. However, the phrasing in the introduction, particularly "the reproductive timeline has been determined late," is somewhat vague and could confuse readers about the author’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the causes and effects but lacks a strong, definitive statement that ties the ideas together.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the introduction should present a more straightforward thesis statement that clearly outlines the essay’s focus. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively and restate the significance of the issue, reinforcing the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the reasons for delaying childbirth and the impacts on financial stability and societal expectations. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while financial stability is mentioned as a benefit, there is little elaboration on how this affects family life or children’s upbringing. The societal pressures are introduced but not fully explored, leaving the reader wanting more depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, discussing how financial stability can lead to better educational opportunities for children or how societal pressures can affect mental health would enhance the depth of the argument. Each idea should be supported with relevant examples or statistics where possible.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on the reasons for and impacts of delaying childbirth. However, there are moments where the connection to the topic could be clearer, particularly in the discussion of societal pressures, which feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the benefits of delaying parenthood.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking societal pressures back to the reasons for delaying childbirth and discussing how these pressures might influence individual decisions. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that all statements are relevant to the prompt will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from more detailed examples, clearer connections between points, and a stronger overall structure to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and impacts, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons for delaying childbirth to the impacts is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "A range of impacts resulting from postponing having kids are worth mentioning" could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing reasons, a sentence like "This shift in priorities leads to several notable impacts" would create a smoother transition to the next section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with separate sections for reasons and impacts. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be broken down further for clarity. For instance, the discussion about societal changes and individual priorities could be separated into distinct paragraphs to better highlight each point.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or theme. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on career development and the other on changing societal norms.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "as a result" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some connections feel forced. For example, the phrase "This is because the expectations of society on each individual is to have children" could be better integrated with the previous sentence for smoother flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Additionally, ensure that the devices used are contextually appropriate and enhance the overall flow rather than disrupt it.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "reproductive timeline," "financial stability," and "societal pressures." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "delaying having children" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "delaying having children," alternatives like "postponing parenthood" or "deferring childbirth" could be used. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to social trends and economic factors would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "reproductive timeline has been determined late" is awkward and unclear. The term "determined" is not the best choice in this context; it suggests a decision made by an authority rather than a societal trend. Furthermore, the phrase "the expectations of society on each individual is to have children" contains a grammatical error ("is" should be "are") and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For example, instead of "determined late," the writer could say "has shifted to later in life." Additionally, ensuring subject-verb agreement and using clearer phrases will enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling, but there are a few errors that could impact clarity. For instance, "the decreasing incident of giving birth in early twenties" should be "the decreasing incidence of giving birth in the early twenties." The omission of "the" before "early twenties" is a minor yet notable oversight.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors that may be overlooked during initial writing. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and exceptions can further reduce mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "As a result, marrying earlier and embarking in parenthood were generally followed" shows an attempt to convey more nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "A multi-faceted factor is responsible for the aforementioned problem" could be restructured to enhance clarity and engagement. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being split into shorter, more digestible parts.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For example, using introductory phrases or clauses can add complexity and interest. Additionally, practice using different types of sentences, such as conditional sentences ("If people delay having children, they may face…") or questions to engage the reader. This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the reproductive timeline has been determined late and more independently" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. The use of "as to be only child" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "as being an only child." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma after "In conclusion," which can lead to confusion in reading.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, consider revisiting rules regarding commas, particularly in complex sentences and lists. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that the reproductive timeline has shifted later and more independently. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon, and various outcomes are discussed below.

A multi-faceted range of reasons is responsible for this trend. In the past, pursuing a career before marriage was not a widely adopted option, as many people had limited access to general knowledge. As a result, marrying earlier and entering parenthood were generally the norm. On the contrary, in this day and age, as individuals have gained more knowledge and perspectives have become more progressive, people prioritize pursuing their dreams, such as establishing careers. Therefore, delaying having children is becoming increasingly common.

A range of impacts resulting from postponing parenthood is worth mentioning. First and foremost, the rising financial stability is a direct benefit of this phenomenon. This can be attributed to the fact that delaying childbirth allows individuals to establish their careers, accumulate savings, and potentially purchase a home before starting a family. Consequently, with stable and well-paying careers, they can meet the needs of their families and provide their children with comfortable lives. Moreover, this trend also brings about societal pressures. This is because societal expectations on each individual often include having children to maintain family lineage. Therefore, it is especially challenging for those who face reproductive pressures from family, particularly if they are only children.

In conclusion, there are several causes for the decreasing incidence of giving birth in the early twenties, and various potential effects arise from this trend.