Nowadays, people spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, many individuals hold the view that people spend their free time less actively than in the past. From the personal view, it is justifiable to partially consent with the course of thinking. By analyzing the various relevant factors, this piece of literature will cast light on the aforementioned statement.

On one hand, advocates of this belief attribute its validity to several causes. First and foremost, the development of technology influence almost every aspect of daily life including free time. For instance, there are a lot of recreational softwares that could connect people with others by providing an environment for interaction. Added to this, people simply think it is no need to go outside for entertainment activities anymore. In the shadow of this, there is a tendency for the inclination towards a more sedentary lifestyle. From these arguments, the consensus on the given claim proved to be radical and reasonable.

However, it is a misconception for overlooking the flawness of this thinking. The most glaring one is that daily routine still include the psychical activities. To illustrate, commuting is basically an outdoor action that people have to avoid being in a static place. Based on the reasoning, it is evident that the subscription to such belief will do a disservice.

To bring the writing to a close, it is sensible to partially agree with the given claim. In the future, it is predicted that people will still continue to immerse themselves into the virtual world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Recently, many individuals hold the view that" -> "Recently, many individuals believe that"
Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and commonly used in academic writing than "hold the view that," which can sound slightly archaic and less precise.
"From the personal view, it is justifiable to partially consent with the course of thinking." -> "From a personal perspective, it is reasonable to partially agree with this viewpoint."
Explanation: "From a personal perspective" is more formal and precise than "From the personal view." Additionally, "reasonable" is more appropriate in academic contexts than "justifiable," which can imply a moral or ethical justification that may not be intended here.
"By analyzing the various relevant factors, this piece of literature will cast light on the aforementioned statement." -> "By examining the relevant factors, this analysis will shed light on this assertion."
Explanation: "Examine" is more specific and academically appropriate than "analyze," and "shed light on" is a more formal expression than "cast light on." Also, "this analysis" is clearer and more direct than "this piece of literature."
"advocates of this belief attribute its validity to several causes" -> "proponents of this belief attribute its validity to several reasons"
Explanation: "Proponents" is more specific and formal than "advocates," and "reasons" is more commonly used in academic writing than "causes" when discussing the basis of an argument.
"the development of technology influence" -> "the development of technology influences"
Explanation: "Influences" should be plural to match the plural subject "technologies."
"there are a lot of recreational softwares" -> "there are numerous recreational software applications"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "a lot," and "software applications" is the correct term for referring to software designed for entertainment purposes.
"could connect people with others by providing an environment for interaction" -> "can facilitate connections among individuals by creating an interactive environment"
Explanation: "Can facilitate connections" is more precise and formal than "could connect," and "creating an interactive environment" is more specific and academically appropriate than "providing an environment for interaction."
"people simply think it is no need to go outside for entertainment activities anymore" -> "people believe there is no need to venture outdoors for entertainment"
Explanation: "Believe" is more formal than "think," and "venture outdoors" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of leaving one’s usual indoor environment.
"the inclination towards a more sedentary lifestyle" -> "the trend towards a more sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Trend" is a more commonly used term in academic writing than "inclination," which can be less specific.
"the consensus on the given claim proved to be radical and reasonable" -> "the consensus on this claim is both radical and reasonable"
Explanation: "Is" is more appropriate for a present tense statement, and "both" is more formal than "proved to be."
"it is a misconception for overlooking the flawness of this thinking" -> "this is a misconception that overlooks the flaws in this thinking"
Explanation: "This is a misconception that overlooks" corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the subject of the sentence.
"daily routine still include the psychical activities" -> "daily routines still include physical activities"
Explanation: "Physical" is the correct adjective for describing activities that involve the body, and "routines" should be plural to match the context.
"commuting is basically an outdoor action" -> "commuting is primarily an outdoor activity"
Explanation: "Primarily" is more precise and formal than "basically," and "activity" is the correct term for describing actions like commuting.
"it is sensible to partially agree with the given claim" -> "it is reasonable to partially agree with this assertion"
Explanation: "Reasonable" is more formal than "sensible," and "this assertion" is more precise than "the given claim."
"it is predicted that people will still continue to immerse themselves into the virtual world" -> "it is anticipated that people will continue to immerse themselves in the virtual world"
Explanation: "Anticipated" is more formal than "predicted," and "immerse themselves in" is grammatically correct and more formal than "immerse themselves into."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether people spend their free time less actively than in the past. However, it only partially answers the question. The introduction suggests apartial agreement, but the body does not provide a balanced view or sufficient evidence to support this stance. The conclusion reiterates the partial agreement without fully exploring the implications or providing a clear rationale for this position.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly state whether the author agrees or disagrees with the statement in the introduction and maintain that stance throughout. Additionally, it should provide specific examples and evidence for both sides of the argument, ensuring that all aspects of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. The phrase "it is justifiable to partially consent" introduces ambiguity about the author’s stance. The body paragraphs do not consistently reflect this position, as they seem to lean towards supporting the idea that people are less active, but the counterargument is not well-developed or clearly linked back to the main position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this stance. Using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument will help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the influence of technology on leisure activities, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of "recreational softwares" lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. The counterargument regarding physical activities is also weak and does not effectively challenge the initial claim.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples, statistics, or studies to back up their claims. Each idea should be elaborated upon with clear explanations and connections to the main argument. This will help to create a more compelling and persuasive essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the main idea of how people spend their free time. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the counterargument section, where the relevance of commuting as a physical activity is not clearly linked to the main argument about leisure time.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the question of how free time is spent. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument, and any examples used should be relevant to the discussion of active versus inactive leisure activities.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive and cohesive in addressing the prompt. By clarifying the position, developing ideas with supporting evidence, and ensuring relevance throughout, the author can improve their Task Response score significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons supporting the belief that people are less active, while the second paragraph counters this view. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the second body paragraph where the shift from discussing sedentary lifestyles to commuting feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the contrary," "In addition to this") can help bridge ideas more effectively, making the argument easier to follow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The introduction sets up the discussion well, and the conclusion summarizes the argument effectively. However, the body paragraphs could be more evenly balanced in terms of length and depth of analysis. The first paragraph is more developed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second body paragraph with additional examples or explanations that support the counterargument. This could involve discussing other forms of physical activity that people engage in or providing statistics on activity levels over time.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "added to this," and "however." These phrases help in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "In the shadow of this" is somewhat vague and does not effectively link back to the previous point.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This could include more specific connectors like "consequently," "furthermore," and "despite this." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device used clearly relates to the ideas being connected, enhancing clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the score. Focusing on logical organization, balancing paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and compelling argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "advocates," "recreational," and "sedentary." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the development of technology influence almost every aspect of daily life" could be enhanced by using synonyms for "influence," such as "affect" or "impact." Additionally, the term "psychical activities" is a misnomer; the correct term is "physical activities."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. Reading a variety of texts and noting down new vocabulary can help. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also improve lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, "the flawness of this thinking" is not a standard expression; the writer likely meant "the flaws in this thinking." Additionally, the phrase "the consensus on the given claim proved to be radical and reasonable" is confusing, as "radical" does not align well with "reasonable" in this context. The use of "subscription to such belief will do a disservice" is also vague and could be clarified.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and expressions. Consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can help in finding the right words. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness will aid in using vocabulary more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "softwares" (which should be "software," as it is an uncountable noun) and "flawness" (which should be "flaws"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, although reliance solely on them is not advisable.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "First and foremost, the development of technology influence almost every aspect of daily life including free time." shows an attempt at complexity, but it has grammatical errors (e.g., "influence" should be "influences"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, conditional clauses) and varying sentence lengths. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "There are" or "It is," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses that provide more context or detail. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentence forms, such as using participial phrases or subordinating conjunctions, can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its clarity and coherence. For example, "the development of technology influence" should be "the development of technology influences" to agree in number. The phrase "the flawness of this thinking" is awkward; "flawlessness" or "flaws in this thinking" would be more appropriate. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "including free time" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, as seen in the aforementioned example. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors in subject-verb agreement and word forms, would be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help improve clarity. Reading well-written essays can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context, which can serve as a model for the writer’s own work.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of structures used and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Regular practice and targeted feedback on these areas will help the writer progress toward a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, many individuals hold the view that people spend their free time less actively than in the past. From a personal perspective, it is reasonable to partially agree with this viewpoint. By examining the relevant factors, this analysis will shed light on this assertion.

On one hand, proponents of this belief attribute its validity to several reasons. First and foremost, the development of technology influences almost every aspect of daily life, including leisure time. For instance, there are numerous recreational software applications that can facilitate connections among individuals by creating an interactive environment. Additionally, people believe there is no need to venture outdoors for entertainment activities anymore. In light of this, there is a trend towards a more sedentary lifestyle. From these arguments, the consensus on this claim is both radical and reasonable.

However, this is a misconception that overlooks the flaws in this thinking. The most glaring one is that daily routines still include physical activities. To illustrate, commuting is primarily an outdoor activity that people engage in to avoid remaining in a static place. Based on this reasoning, it is evident that subscribing to such a belief will do a disservice.

To bring the writing to a close, it is reasonable to partially agree with the given claim. In the future, it is anticipated that people will continue to immerse themselves in the virtual world.