Nowadays, people waste a lot of food that was bought from shops and restaurants. Why do you think people waste food? What can be done to reduce the amount of food they throw away?
Nowadays, people waste a lot of food that was bought from shops and restaurants. Why do you think people waste food? What can be done to reduce the amount of food they throw away?
In the modern world, the propensity for dissipating food which people bought from groceries and restaurants has been increasing. There are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon, including the luxurious lifestyle and advanced technologies. I will suggest some feasible solutions with a view to mitigating this negative development.
There are two driving factors of wasting food from stores and restaurants. Firstly, a luxurious lifestyle is one of the main culprits. Some individuals put emphasis on their images that belong to the upper-class; therefore, showing off valuable possessions by being a spendthrift is a way to meet their demand. Additionally, the staggering amount of money allows them to buy more than needed, causing the lower food quality in the long run, such as expired ones or even that, people do not want to eat left-overs. That leads to throwing away unfinished or unwanted dishes. The second justification is that given the momentous technological leap, enormous quantities of food have been grown and produced inexpensively. This also induces people to misuse food.
In order to prevent the food being squandered, shop retailers and restaurant managers should impose stricter punishments for irresponsible behavior. For example, restaurants require customers to charge extra for remaining unfinished dishes. The more food they have left, the more they have to pay – a policy that provokes them to put thoughtful and sufficient orders in place. Notwithstanding, it is challenging to meaningfully cut down food waste without raising public awareness. To this end, it is essential to cite the difference of social conditions. Famine in Africa may exemplify this point, most children are in line of poverty and dead due to shortage of food. When this social facet is publicized and reached to a wide range of citizens, it may encourage sympathy and remorse feelings, fostering an appreciation and friendly manner towards food.
In conclusion, the behavior of wasting food is attributed to the extravagant lifestyle and influx of cheaper products. However, I believe that the proposed measures, consisting of tighter regulations from shops and restaurants and the changes in individuals’ attitude, can be executed to reverse the trend.
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Errors and Improvements:
- "propensity for dissipating" -> "tendency to waste"
Explanation: "Propensity for dissipating" is overly verbose and not commonly used in academic writing. "Tendency to waste" is a more concise and appropriate phrase that maintains the formal tone. - "There are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon" -> "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon"
Explanation: The phrase "There are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon" is somewhat vague and lacks precision. "Several factors contribute to this phenomenon" provides a clearer and more direct expression of the idea. - "luxurious lifestyle" -> "affluent lifestyle"
Explanation: "Luxurious" is more commonly associated with indulgence and extravagance, while "affluent" more accurately describes a lifestyle characterized by wealth and abundance, aligning better with the context of the essay. - "culprits" -> "factors"
Explanation: "Culprits" is a more informal term typically used in criminal contexts. "Factors" is a neutral and more suitable term for discussing causes or contributors to a phenomenon in academic writing. - "a spendthrift" -> "lavish spender"
Explanation: "A spendthrift" is a less formal term, while "lavish spender" is more appropriate in academic writing and maintains the formal tone of the essay. - "Additionally" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Additionally" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Furthermore" serves as a more formal transition to introduce an additional point. - "staggering amount of money" -> "significant wealth"
Explanation: "Staggering amount of money" is somewhat colloquial. "Significant wealth" is a more formal and precise term to describe a large sum of money. - "inexpensively" -> "at low cost"
Explanation: "Inexpensively" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "At low cost" is a clearer and more formal alternative. - "to misuse food" -> "to waste food"
Explanation: "Misuse food" is unclear and awkward. "To waste food" accurately conveys the intended meaning in a more straightforward manner. - "impose stricter punishments" -> "implement stricter penalties"
Explanation: "Impose stricter punishments" is repetitive and slightly awkward. "Implement stricter penalties" is a clearer and more concise alternative. - "remaining unfinished dishes" -> "unfinished food items"
Explanation: "Remaining unfinished dishes" is redundant. "Unfinished food items" is a more precise and concise phrase. - "policy that provokes them to put thoughtful and sufficient orders in place" -> "policy that encourages more thoughtful ordering"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and convoluted. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise. - "publicized and reached to a wide range of citizens" -> "publicized and disseminated to a wide audience"
Explanation: "Reached to a wide range of citizens" is awkward. "Disseminated to a wide audience" is a more formal and precise expression. - "may encourage sympathy and remorse feelings" -> "may evoke sympathy and regret"
Explanation: "Encourage sympathy and remorse feelings" is overly verbose. "Evoke sympathy and regret" is a more concise and direct alternative. - "fostering an appreciation and friendly manner towards food" -> "cultivating an appreciation and responsible attitude towards food"
Explanation: "Friendly manner towards food" is unclear and informal. "Responsible attitude towards food" is more precise and maintains a formal tone. - "the behavior of wasting food" -> "the practice of wasting food"
Explanation: "Behavior of wasting food" is somewhat awkward. "Practice of wasting food" is a more natural and concise alternative. - "attributed to" -> "due to"
Explanation: "Attributed to" is slightly less formal. "Due to" is a more concise and appropriate term in academic writing. - "influx of cheaper products" -> "influx of inexpensive goods"
Explanation: "Influx of cheaper products" is somewhat colloquial. "Influx of inexpensive goods" is more formal and precise.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses reasons for food wastage, including a luxurious lifestyle and technological advancements, and proposes solutions such as stricter punishments and raising public awareness.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into specific examples or statistics related to food wastage and explore the interconnectedness of the reasons provided.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for stricter regulations and attitudinal changes to mitigate food wastage.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that every paragraph reinforces this stance can strengthen coherence and consistency.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing reasons for food wastage and proposing solutions. However, it lacks in-depth elaboration and supporting evidence.
- How to improve: Providing specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of food wastage and the effectiveness of proposed solutions can strengthen the essay’s argumentation.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the reasons for food wastage and suggesting measures to reduce it. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the prompt could be stronger.
- How to improve: Ensuring that every point made directly relates to the topic of food wastage and its reduction can improve focus and relevance.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents coherent arguments. To improve, the writer should aim for deeper analysis, stronger supporting evidence, and closer adherence to the topic throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue of food wastage and introduces the main reasons behind it. The body paragraphs discuss these reasons in detail, providing examples and explanations for each. Finally, the conclusion summarizes the main points and presents suggested solutions. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as the transition between discussing the reasons for food wastage and proposing solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure, consider refining the transitions between different sections of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear connections between ideas. Additionally, provide a stronger link between the discussion of reasons for food wastage and the proposed solutions to create a more cohesive argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to organize its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the reasons for food wastage or proposed solutions. Within each paragraph, there is a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide more depth and coherence, particularly in the body paragraphs discussing the reasons for food wastage.
- How to improve: Consider expanding upon each paragraph to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its topic and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While there are some instances of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("firstly," "additionally," "in conclusion"), they are not consistently utilized throughout the essay. This results in some disjointedness and could hinder the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay to enhance coherence and connectivity between ideas. This could include using cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these," "those"), conjunctions ("however," "therefore," "furthermore"), and repetition of key terms or ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary with a variety of words and phrases used effectively throughout. For instance, phrases like "propensity for dissipating," "culprits," "staggering amount of money," "meaningfully cut down," and "attributed to" showcase vocabulary diversity.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions. Explore specific vocabulary related to food waste, sustainability, and consumer behavior to deepen lexical variety.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, though there are moments where more precise word choices could enhance clarity. For instance, the phrase "propensity for dissipating" could be replaced with a clearer term like "tendency to waste." Similarly, "influx of cheaper products" might benefit from a more specific term like "availability of inexpensive goods."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings without unnecessary complexity. Consider using simpler terms where possible to enhance clarity and readability.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors such as "squandered" instead of "being squandered," and "provokes" instead of "encourages." Overall, the spelling accuracy is at a good level but could benefit from careful proofreading.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and utilizing spell-check tools. Review commonly misspelled words and practice regularly to develop consistent spelling skills.
In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary overall, showcasing a diverse range of terms relevant to the topic. To enhance lexical resource further, focus on precision in word choice and maintain consistent spelling accuracy through regular practice and attention to detail. Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt with insightful content and demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize various sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences such as "Some individuals put emphasis on their images that belong to the upper-class; therefore, showing off valuable possessions by being a spendthrift is a way to meet their demand." Additionally, there is a mix of compound and compound-complex sentences throughout the essay, showcasing a moderate variety in structures.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions like conditional sentences, inversion, and participial phrases. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and demonstrate a deeper command of English grammar.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits fairly accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly detract from the coherence of the essay. For example, "there are several reasons that lead to this phenomenon" could be revised for smoother flow.
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency to ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay. Additionally, review the use of articles (e.g., "the" or "a") and prepositions to refine sentence structure and clarity. Proofreading for awkward phrasing can also enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in sentence structure diversity and minor grammatical errors. With focused attention on incorporating a wider array of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay has the potential to achieve an even higher band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, there is a growing tendency to waste food purchased from stores and restaurants. This wastage can be attributed to several factors, including lavish lifestyles and advancements in technology. To address this issue, I propose some practical solutions aimed at reducing food wastage.
There are two primary reasons behind the squandering of food from retail outlets and eateries. Firstly, the desire for a luxurious lifestyle plays a significant role. Some individuals, striving to project an affluent image, tend to indulge in extravagant spending to showcase their status. Consequently, they end up purchasing more than necessary, leading to a decline in food quality over time, with items expiring or being left uneaten. This results in the disposal of unfinished or unwanted meals. Secondly, the remarkable technological advancements have led to the mass production of food at lower costs, further encouraging misuse.
To curb food wastage, it is imperative for retailers and restaurant managers to enforce stricter penalties for irresponsible behavior. For instance, restaurants could implement a policy where customers are charged extra for any food left uneaten on their plates. This incentivizes patrons to order more thoughtfully and avoid excessive waste. However, effectively reducing food wastage also requires raising public awareness. Highlighting social disparities, such as famine in Africa where children suffer from poverty and hunger, can evoke empathy and compassion among the wider populace, fostering a more respectful and considerate attitude towards food consumption.
In conclusion, the habit of wasting food stems from extravagant lifestyles and the availability of inexpensive products. Nevertheless, I believe that by implementing measures such as stricter regulations in retail and hospitality sectors, coupled with efforts to change individual attitudes towards food, we can reverse this trend.
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