Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
There has been a growing phenomenon that people are using other payment platforms instead of cash. This essay will cast light on both merits and demerits of this prevalent tendency and I would like to expose my perspective later.
On the one hand, credit or debit cards can be an almost perfect substitute for banknotes due to various reasons. In particular, money is just a representation of our wealth and is prevalent because of its convenience, especially its portability. In these days and ages, people can easily transfer their money to other bank accounts if there is wifi connection. In addition, the more extreme development of advanced technologies, the better coverage of wifi to the whole nation. Consequently, citizens will be capable of exchanging money or purchasing things in almost everywhere of the nation if there is wifi, which is highly common.
On the other hand, there are still many improvements that have to be fixed to these kinds of payment platforms. It can be observed that in many remote areas, their electrical systems have many problems, not to mention the wifi system. Besides, it can cause quite significant trouble because of its lagging or delay. For instance, I used to be stuck in a workshop for approximately an hour because the online transfer system was lagging. Additionally, I had to call my mom to bring the cash to the workshop at the end.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that these new payment platforms is convenient, however, it still in its developing terms and still cannot completely substitute banknotes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There has been a growing phenomenon" -> "There is a growing trend"
Explanation: "There is a growing trend" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the passive voice and simplifying the phrase for clarity and formality. -
"cast light on" -> "illuminate"
Explanation: "Illuminate" is a more precise and formal term that enhances the academic tone of the essay. -
"I would like to expose my perspective later" -> "I will present my perspective later"
Explanation: "I will present my perspective later" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "expose." -
"almost perfect substitute" -> "near-perfect substitute"
Explanation: "Near-perfect" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "almost perfect," which can sound informal and vague. -
"money is just a representation of our wealth" -> "money serves as a representation of wealth"
Explanation: "Serves as" is a more formal and precise phrase than "is just," which can be seen as overly casual for academic writing. -
"In these days and ages" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal and precise temporal reference than "in these days and ages," which is colloquial. -
"the more extreme development of advanced technologies, the better coverage of wifi to the whole nation" -> "the more advanced the technology, the greater the coverage of Wi-Fi across the nation"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure, using "the more advanced the technology" and "the greater the coverage" for a more precise and formal expression. -
"almost everywhere of the nation" -> "virtually everywhere in the nation"
Explanation: "Virtually everywhere" is a more precise and formal phrase than "almost everywhere," and "in the nation" is grammatically correct compared to "of the nation." -
"have to be fixed" -> "need to be addressed"
Explanation: "Need to be addressed" is a more formal and precise term than "have to be fixed," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"It can be observed that" -> "It is observable that"
Explanation: "It is observable that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce an observation. -
"their electrical systems have many problems" -> "their electrical infrastructure faces numerous challenges"
Explanation: "Infrastructure faces numerous challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe issues with electrical systems. -
"not to mention the wifi system" -> "including the Wi-Fi system"
Explanation: "Including" is more appropriate for listing examples, and "Wi-Fi" should be capitalized as it refers to a proper noun. -
"can cause quite significant trouble" -> "can cause considerable difficulties"
Explanation: "Considerable difficulties" is a more formal and precise term than "quite significant trouble," which is somewhat informal. -
"I used to be stuck" -> "I was delayed"
Explanation: "I was delayed" is a more formal and less personal way to describe the experience, fitting better in an academic context. -
"it still in its developing terms" -> "it remains in its developmental stages"
Explanation: "Remains in its developmental stages" is a clearer and more formal expression than "still in its developing terms," which is awkward and unclear.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using plastic money as a replacement for cash. The first body paragraph highlights the convenience and portability of credit and debit cards, which are valid advantages. The second body paragraph outlines the limitations of these payment methods, particularly in remote areas where technology may not be reliable. However, the essay could have better elaborated on the advantages, providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion. This could involve expanding on the advantages by including examples of how plastic money can enhance security or facilitate online shopping. Additionally, discussing the potential social implications of cashless transactions could add depth to the analysis.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument, but it lacks a definitive stance. The phrase "I would like to expose my perspective later" suggests that the author will provide a personal viewpoint, yet this is not clearly articulated in the conclusion. The conclusion states that plastic money is convenient but still developing, which is somewhat ambiguous and does not reinforce a strong position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For instance, they could argue that while plastic money offers significant advantages, it should not completely replace cash, thus providing a more definitive stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of plastic money but does not extend or support them sufficiently. For example, the mention of convenience is a strong point, but it could be enhanced by discussing specific scenarios where plastic money is beneficial, such as in emergencies or for international travel. The disadvantages are somewhat supported by a personal anecdote, which adds credibility, but more examples could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss the impact of cashless transactions on consumer behavior or the potential risks associated with relying solely on electronic payments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of plastic money. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or could be more focused. For example, the mention of "advanced technologies" and "wifi coverage" could be more directly tied to the advantages of plastic money rather than being presented as a separate idea.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages of plastic money. They could also use topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly indicate how each point connects to the overall argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it can be improved by providing more detailed examples, maintaining a clearer position, and ensuring that all ideas are directly related to the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "On the one hand" is appropriately used, but the subsequent paragraph could benefit from a clearer contrasting phrase to signal the shift to disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand" more explicitly to indicate shifts in perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further developed to include more detailed examples or explanations, as it currently feels less robust than the first.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, aim to develop each paragraph with more depth. For instance, in the disadvantages paragraph, you could elaborate on the implications of technological failures beyond just personal anecdotes. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph to summarize the main point and reinforce the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "Consequently," which help connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the flow and clarity of ideas. For example, the use of "besides" in the disadvantages section is effective, but more alternatives could be introduced to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Nevertheless," and "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, developing paragraphs more thoroughly, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "phenomenon," "substitute," "merits," "demerits," and "advanced technologies." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For example, the phrase "these kinds of payment platforms" could be varied with alternatives like "digital payment systems" or "electronic payment methods." Additionally, phrases like "in these days and ages" could be simplified to "nowadays" for clarity and conciseness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus or practicing with vocabulary exercises can help in finding alternative words that convey the same meaning but add variety to the writing.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay does use some vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the more extreme development of advanced technologies" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "the rapid advancement of technology." Additionally, the phrase "the better coverage of wifi to the whole nation" could be rephrased to "improved Wi-Fi coverage across the nation" for greater clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to ensure that the chosen words fit the context appropriately. Reading more academic texts can also expose the writer to precise language usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "wifi" should be capitalized as "Wi-Fi," and "is" in the conclusion should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "platforms." Additionally, the phrase "in its developing terms" is awkward and could be better expressed as "in its developmental stages."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring proper capitalization. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, revising for clarity, and thorough proofreading can significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the phrase "In particular, money is just a representation of our wealth and is prevalent because of its convenience, especially its portability" showcases a compound structure that effectively combines ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional clauses or varied introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In addition" or "On the one hand," the writer could use phrases like "Although credit cards offer convenience, they also present challenges in remote areas." This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "there are still many improvements that have to be fixed to these kinds of payment platforms" could be more clearly expressed as "there are still many improvements that need to be made to these payment platforms." Additionally, the sentence "it is undeniable that these new payment platforms is convenient" contains a subject-verb agreement error; "is" should be "are" to match the plural subject "platforms." Punctuation is generally correct, but the essay could benefit from more varied punctuation to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for grammatical mistakes before submission can help catch errors. For punctuation, the writer could experiment with using commas to create more complex sentences, which would improve the overall sophistication of the writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been a growing phenomenon of people using other payment platforms instead of cash. This essay will illuminate both the merits and demerits of this prevalent tendency, and I will present my perspective later.
On the one hand, credit and debit cards can be a near-perfect substitute for banknotes due to various reasons. In particular, money serves as a representation of our wealth and is popular because of its convenience, especially its portability. In recent times, people can easily transfer their money to other bank accounts if there is a Wi-Fi connection. In addition, the more advanced the technology, the greater the coverage of Wi-Fi across the nation. Consequently, citizens will be capable of exchanging money or purchasing things virtually everywhere in the nation if there is Wi-Fi, which is highly common.
On the other hand, there are still many improvements that need to be addressed regarding these kinds of payment platforms. It is observable that in many remote areas, their electrical infrastructure faces numerous challenges, including the Wi-Fi system. Besides, it can cause considerable difficulties because of lagging or delays. For instance, I was delayed in a workshop for approximately an hour because the online transfer system was lagging. Additionally, I had to call my mom to bring cash to the workshop in the end.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that these new payment platforms are convenient; however, they remain in their developmental stages and still cannot completely substitute banknotes.
