Nowadays, the crime rate is increasing, especially among teenagers. What are the reasons behind it? How can we reverse this trend?

In recent years, the increase in crime rates, particularly among teenagers, is more significant than ever before. In this essay, I will provide some underlying reasons and measures to tackle this phenomenon.

A contributory factor to this phenomenon is the lack of parental involvement. In fact, many adults are often busy with their work, leading to less time spent with their children. As a result, their children are easily exposed to criminal activities and other negative influences. For example, statistics in Viet Nam suggest, the majority of teen crimes come from divorced and single-parent families. Moreover, the widespread use of inappropriate content on social media platforms, which is not strictly controlled, also contributes to the increase of crime rates. Nowadays, it is common to encounter violent online content, encouraging teenagers to mimic in real- life. For instance, high-school teenagers have a tendency to imitate dangerous behaviours, such as smoking, and sharing these these actions on the internet, seeing it as a way to gain attention and approval from their peer.

The solution lies in educating teenagers both at home and in school, while also enforcing strict regulations. Educational institutions should focus on teaching teenagers to identify appropriate online content, and should advocate for engagement in healthy recreational activities. Meanwhile, parents should spend more time interacting with their children. For example, going on picnics at weekend not only encourages children to express their thought and feelings but also gives them a chance to develop their potential abilities. Moreover, stricter laws about crime rates among teenagers should be taken into consideration as a way to raise their awareness and reduce the rate of this phenomenon.

In conclusion, the rise in teenage crime can be attributed to a lack of parental involvement and exposure to inappropriate content found on social media. To tackle this issue, parents, schools and also the government should be involved and collaborate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years, the increase in crime rates, particularly among teenagers, is more significant than ever before." -> "In recent years, the escalating crime rates among teenagers have reached unprecedented levels."
Explanation: The phrase "more significant than ever before" is somewhat vague and informal. "Escalating" and "reached unprecedented levels" provide a more precise and formal description of the trend, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"In this essay, I will provide some underlying reasons and measures to tackle this phenomenon." -> "This essay will examine the underlying causes and propose measures to address this phenomenon."
Explanation: The first person "I" is too informal for academic writing. Using "This essay" instead maintains a more objective tone, and "examine" and "propose" are more precise verbs for academic writing than "provide."
"lack of parental involvement" -> "insufficient parental involvement"
Explanation: "Insufficient" is a more precise term that conveys a clearer meaning than "lack," which can be vague and imprecise in this context.
"many adults are often busy with their work" -> "many adults are frequently occupied with their work"
Explanation: "Frequently occupied" is a more formal and precise way to describe the busy nature of adults, enhancing the academic tone.
"less time spent with their children" -> "reduced time spent with their children"
Explanation: "Reduced" is a more formal synonym for "less," which is typically used in academic writing to describe quantitative changes.
"easily exposed to" -> "vulnerable to"
Explanation: "Vulnerable to" is a more precise and formal term that better conveys the susceptibility of children to negative influences.
"the majority of teen crimes come from" -> "the majority of teenage crimes originate from"
Explanation: "Originate from" is a more formal and precise phrase than "come from," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"the increase of crime rates" -> "the rise in crime rates"
Explanation: "Rise" is a more commonly used term in academic discourse when discussing increases in statistics, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"encouraging teenagers to mimic in real-life" -> "encouraging teenagers to emulate in real-life"
Explanation: "Emulate" is a more precise and formal term than "mimic," which is somewhat informal and less specific in this context.
"high-school teenagers have a tendency to imitate dangerous behaviours" -> "high school students tend to imitate dangerous behaviors"
Explanation: "Tend to imitate" is a more formal expression, and "students" is the correct term for those in school, rather than "teenagers."
"going on picnics at weekend" -> "organizing weekend picnics"
Explanation: "Organizing" is a more formal verb than "going on," and "weekend picnics" is a more precise and formal way to describe the activity.
"gives them a chance to develop their potential abilities" -> "offers opportunities for them to develop their potential abilities"
Explanation: "Offers opportunities for" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of providing chances for development.
"stricter laws about crime rates among teenagers" -> "more stringent laws addressing crime rates among teenagers"
Explanation: "More stringent" is a more precise and formal adjective than "stricter," and "addressing" is a more appropriate verb than "about" in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons behind the increase in teenage crime and proposing solutions. The reasons mentioned include lack of parental involvement and exposure to inappropriate content on social media, which are relevant and well-articulated. The solutions proposed, such as education and stricter regulations, align well with the identified causes. However, while the essay does cover both aspects, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the solutions, as they are somewhat generalized.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples of educational programs or community initiatives that have successfully reduced teenage crime. Additionally, discussing potential challenges in implementing these solutions would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that both parental involvement and social media influence are significant factors in rising teenage crime rates. The writer’s stance is evident in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the main arguments. However, there are moments where the connection between the reasons and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated, which would strengthen the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the reasons to the solutions. For instance, after discussing the lack of parental involvement, they could directly state how increased parental engagement can mitigate this issue.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with a logical flow from identifying causes to proposing solutions. The use of examples, such as the impact of social media and the importance of parental involvement, supports the arguments well. However, some ideas, particularly the solutions, could be extended further. For example, the mention of "healthy recreational activities" could be elaborated with specific examples of such activities.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each solution. This could include mentioning specific programs or strategies that have been effective in other contexts, thereby providing a stronger foundation for their proposals.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of teenage crime, addressing both causes and solutions without deviating into unrelated areas. The structure is coherent, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument. However, there are minor instances of repetition, such as the phrase "these actions" in the context of teenage behavior, which could distract from the main points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence adds new information or perspective. Avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that each example directly supports the main argument will help in maintaining clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates ideas. By providing more specific examples and ensuring clear connections between points, the writer could further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, with the first paragraph discussing causes and the second focusing on solutions. However, the transition between the causes and solutions could be more explicit. For instance, the first body paragraph ends with a discussion of negative influences, but the link to the solutions in the next paragraph is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the causes, you could add a sentence like, "Given these challenges, it is crucial to explore potential solutions." This would create a smoother transition between paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph addresses the reasons behind the increase in teenage crime, while the second discusses solutions. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, in the second paragraph, you could begin with, "To combat the rising trend of teenage crime, several proactive measures can be implemented." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "moreover," and "as a result." These devices help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, there is some repetition, particularly with the phrase "for example," which appears multiple times in close succession. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using alternatives such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently." For instance, instead of repeating "for example," you could use "to illustrate" or "as evidence of this." This will not only improve the variety but also maintain the reader’s interest.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contributory factor," "inappropriate content," and "potential abilities." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "teen crimes" and "crime rates," which could have been varied to enhance the richness of the language. The use of phrases like "leading to less time spent" could also be expressed in more varied ways to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "crime rates," you could use "criminal activity" or "offending rates." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "juvenile delinquency" or "social disintegration," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "encouraging teenagers to mimic in real-life" could be more clearly stated as "encouraging teenagers to imitate violent behaviors in real life." The phrase "develop their potential abilities" is somewhat vague and could be more specific, such as "develop their talents" or "enhance their skills."
- How to improve: Focus on using more specific terms that convey your ideas more clearly. Instead of "inappropriate content," you might specify "violent or explicit content." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clear. For example, revise "sharing these these actions" to "sharing these behaviors," correcting the repetition and enhancing clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. The phrase "these these actions" contains a typographical error, and "Viet Nam" should be consistently styled as "Vietnam." Such errors can undermine the reader’s confidence in the writer’s attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch typographical errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with the correct spelling of proper nouns and common terms to avoid inconsistencies.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, improvements can be made in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing clarity, and proofreading diligently, the essay could reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "In recent years" and "For example" effectively sets the context and provides clarity. However, some sentences are overly similar in structure, such as "As a result, their children are easily exposed to criminal activities and other negative influences" and "Moreover, the widespread use of inappropriate content on social media platforms… also contributes to the increase of crime rates." This repetition can detract from the overall fluency and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "Moreover, the widespread use of inappropriate content… also contributes," you could rephrase it as, "In addition to parental neglect, the widespread use of inappropriate content on social media platforms, which often goes unchecked, significantly contributes to the rising crime rates." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "statistics in Viet Nam suggest, the majority of teen crimes come from divorced and single-parent families" contains a misplaced comma that disrupts the flow. Additionally, the sentence "sharing these these actions on the internet" contains a typographical error with the repetition of "these." Furthermore, the phrase "at weekend" should be corrected to "on weekends" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage. A useful strategy is to read the essay aloud to catch misplaced commas or awkward phrasing. Additionally, proofreading for typographical errors will help eliminate mistakes like the repetition of "these." Finally, ensure that prepositions are used correctly; in this case, "on weekends" is the appropriate form.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the escalating crime rates, particularly among teenagers, have reached unprecedented levels. This essay will examine the underlying causes and propose measures to address this phenomenon.

A contributory factor to this issue is the insufficient parental involvement. In fact, many adults are frequently occupied with their work, leading to reduced time spent with their children. As a result, their children become vulnerable to criminal activities and other negative influences. For example, statistics in Vietnam suggest that the majority of teenage crimes originate from divorced and single-parent families. Moreover, the widespread use of inappropriate content on social media platforms, which is not strictly controlled, also contributes to the rise in crime rates. Nowadays, it is common to encounter violent online content, encouraging teenagers to emulate such behaviors in real life. For instance, high school students tend to imitate dangerous behaviors, such as smoking, and share these actions online, viewing them as a way to gain attention and approval from their peers.

The solution lies in educating teenagers both at home and in school, while also enforcing strict regulations. Educational institutions should focus on teaching teenagers to identify appropriate online content and advocate for engagement in healthy recreational activities. Meanwhile, parents should spend more time interacting with their children. For example, organizing weekend picnics not only encourages children to express their thoughts and feelings but also offers opportunities for them to develop their potential abilities. Moreover, more stringent laws addressing crime rates among teenagers should be considered as a way to raise their awareness and reduce the prevalence of this phenomenon.

In conclusion, the rise in teenage crime can be attributed to a lack of parental involvement and exposure to inappropriate content found on social media. To tackle this issue, parents, schools, and the government should collaborate and take an active role.