"Nowadays the differences between countries are becoming less evident because people follow the same media. Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?".

In this day and age, the dissimilarities of nations are rapidly reduced as people from all over the world share the same media. I would argue that the merits of this situation are superior to the drawbacks.

On the one hand, getting news from the same media platforms can pose some potential risks related to misinformation and dangerous challenges. First and foremost, in this society where dramas and scandals are gaining a gigantic amount of attention from social media users, some media outlets may report shocking news that is not clarified in order to attract readers. For instance, during the recent Olympic Paris 2024, various pages and influencers wrongfully reported that Imane Khelif, a female Algerian boxer, is actually a man and as a result, she was insulted, from both spectators and other competitors. Another negative aspect of having similar media is that dangerous challenges can be widely spreaded internationally at a fast pace. For instance, videos of TikTokers eating corns attached to drills receive millions of views and one of them got their hair plucked out as it stuck in the machine, while another broke their teeth. Therefore, it is evident that sharing the same media can lead to cyberbullying cases and paving the way for harmful activities.

On the other hands, there are various benefits that one can gain from using the same social platforms as people from other countries, mainly related to culture, awareness and spreading knowledge. Using the same social applications, people can gain insights of life from several other countries. To exemplify, following pages about Vietnamese history can help foreigners understand better about its events in the past and culture, helping promote globalisation. Another advantage is that users get to know about current events that are happening all around the world. The war between the Hamas and Israel might never be popularized across the globe without the media and thanks to it, international aid is sent to help poor souls. Besides, social media can act as an effective educational platform as communities are connected virtually. Teachers or influencers can use apps like TikTok or Facebook to teach knowledge that is not known by the majority of people. Hence, it is obvious that sharing the same media worldwide can be advantageous if used properly.

In conclusion, though sharing the same media can make misconceptions and deadly actions popular, the benefit it brings is significant as humanitarian activities as well as educational contents are promoted. From my perspective, if used right, the advantages of this trend are far more substantial than the shortcomings.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In contemporary times" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"dissimilarities of nations" -> "differences between nations"
Explanation: "Differences between nations" is a more accurate and commonly used term in academic discourse, replacing the less precise "dissimilarities of nations".
"getting news from the same media platforms" -> "accessing news from the same media platforms"
Explanation: "Accessing" is a more formal and precise verb than "getting" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"gigantic amount" -> "substantial amount"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more academically appropriate term than "gigantic," which can sound informal and exaggerated.
"wrongfully reported" -> "incorrectly reported"
Explanation: "Incorrectly reported" is a more precise term that avoids the emotional connotation of "wrongfully," which can imply intentional wrongdoing.
"widely spreaded" -> "widely spread"
Explanation: "Spreaded" is a misspelling; the correct form is "spread."
"videos of TikTokers eating corns attached to drills" -> "videos of TikTokers attempting to eat corn attached to drills"
Explanation: Clarifies the activity being depicted in the videos, avoiding the awkward and unclear phrase "eating corns."
"paving the way for harmful activities" -> "facilitating harmful activities"
Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more precise and formal term than "paving the way for," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"On the other hands" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error; "On the other hand" is the correct phrase.
"Using the same social applications" -> "Utilizing the same social media platforms"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "using," and "social media platforms" is a more precise term than "social applications."
"get to know about" -> "learn about"
Explanation: "Learn about" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "get to know about," which is somewhat informal.
"poor souls" -> "victims"
Explanation: "Victims" is a more formal and precise term than "poor souls," which can be seen as overly emotional and informal.
"educational platform" -> "educational medium"
Explanation: "Medium" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "platform" in this context, referring to the means of communication rather than a physical location.
"if used right" -> "if used correctly"
Explanation: "If used correctly" is a more formal and precise expression than "if used right," which is colloquial.
"the advantages of this trend are far more substantial than the shortcomings" -> "the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh the drawbacks" is a more formal and precise way to compare the advantages and disadvantages, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of shared media across countries. The writer presents a clear argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The discussion of misinformation and dangerous challenges as drawbacks is relevant and well-articulated, while the benefits related to cultural awareness and education are also thoroughly explored. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the overall impact of these advantages and disadvantages in the context of the question, which would strengthen the response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more explicit comparison of the magnitude of the advantages versus disadvantages. This could involve providing more quantitative data or examples that illustrate the extent of both sides, thereby reinforcing the argument that the advantages indeed outweigh the disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing that the advantages of shared media outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the conclusion, where the writer reaffirms their stance. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases more effectively when shifting between the disadvantages and advantages. Phrases like "Despite these drawbacks," or "Conversely," could help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas and supports them with relevant examples. For instance, the mention of the misinformation surrounding the Algerian boxer and the dangerous TikTok challenges are strong examples that illustrate the potential risks of shared media. Similarly, the examples of cultural insights and educational opportunities provided by shared media effectively support the advantages discussed. However, some ideas could be further developed to provide deeper analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the writer could elaborate on the implications of the examples provided. For instance, discussing the broader societal impact of misinformation or the long-term benefits of cultural exchange could provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the implications of shared media on cultural differences. The writer does not deviate from the prompt and maintains relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the examples could be more tightly linked to the central argument, particularly in the disadvantages section.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument. This can be achieved by briefly explaining how each example ties back to the overall thesis, reinforcing the connection between the points made and the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of analysis, and explicit connections to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic: the first focuses on the disadvantages of shared media, while the second highlights the advantages. This organization allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, a linking sentence at the end of the first paragraph could better connect the two sides of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, the benefits of shared media cannot be overlooked" would create a clearer transition to the advantages discussed in the second paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. The first paragraph discusses the risks of shared media, while the second paragraph outlines its benefits. However, the second body paragraph begins with "On the other hands," which contains a grammatical error that detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects its main idea. Additionally, correct grammatical errors such as "On the other hands" to "On the other hand" to maintain clarity and professionalism. This will enhance the overall readability and coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for instance," and "besides," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous. For example, "for instance" is used multiple times without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases such as "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using conjunctions like "however," "moreover," and "conversely" can help to create more nuanced connections between ideas. This will enhance the richness of the writing and improve coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and logical flow. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Phrases such as "dissimilarities of nations," "potential risks," and "globalisation" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more diverse. For instance, the repeated use of "media" and "social media" could be supplemented with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "media," terms like "news outlets," "information platforms," or "digital channels" could be utilized. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic—such as "cultural homogenization" or "information dissemination"—could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "gaining a gigantic amount of attention" could be more effectively expressed as "gaining significant attention." Additionally, the term "spreaded" is incorrect; the correct form is "spread." Such inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words. Moreover, proofreading for grammatical errors, such as the incorrect form of "spread," is essential. Engaging in exercises that focus on collocations and idiomatic expressions could also improve precision in vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "spreaded" instead of "spread." While the overall spelling is quite strong, these errors can undermine the perceived proficiency of the writer.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a consistent proofreading routine. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in reinforcing correct spelling habits. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also contribute to improvement in this area.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hands" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way points are introduced and elaborated. The phrase "can pose some potential risks" is somewhat redundant, and the use of "can" is repeated in several places, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "can," the writer might use alternatives such as "may," "might," or "has the potential to." Additionally, including more varied sentence lengths and types (e.g., using rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences) could make the writing more engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "dangerous challenges can be widely spreaded" contains a grammatical mistake; the correct form is "spread." Additionally, the sentence "the war between the Hamas and Israel might never be popularized across the globe without the media" could be clearer with a slight rephrasing for better grammatical flow. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "as a result" in the sentence discussing Imane Khelif.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Practicing the correct forms of irregular verbs and ensuring that all verbs are in the appropriate tense will be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, the dissimilarities between nations are rapidly reducing as people from all over the world share the same media. I would argue that the merits of this situation are superior to the drawbacks.

On the one hand, accessing news from the same media platforms can pose some potential risks related to misinformation and dangerous challenges. First and foremost, in this society where dramas and scandals are gaining a substantial amount of attention from social media users, some media outlets may report shocking news that is not clarified in order to attract readers. For instance, during the recent Olympic Paris 2024, various pages and influencers incorrectly reported that Imane Khelif, a female Algerian boxer, is actually a man, and as a result, she was insulted by both spectators and other competitors. Another negative aspect of having similar media is that dangerous challenges can be widely spread internationally at a fast pace. For instance, videos of TikTokers attempting to eat corn attached to drills receive millions of views, and one of them got their hair plucked out as it got stuck in the machine, while another broke their teeth. Therefore, it is evident that sharing the same media can lead to cyberbullying cases and facilitate harmful activities.

On the other hand, there are various benefits that one can gain from utilizing the same social media platforms as people from other countries, mainly related to culture, awareness, and spreading knowledge. By using the same social applications, people can gain insights into life from several other countries. To exemplify, following pages about Vietnamese history can help foreigners learn about its events in the past and culture, helping promote globalization. Another advantage is that users get to know about current events that are happening all around the world. The war between Hamas and Israel might never be popularized across the globe without the media, and thanks to it, international aid is sent to help victims. Besides, social media can act as an effective educational medium as communities are connected virtually. Teachers or influencers can use apps like TikTok or Facebook to teach knowledge that is not known by the majority of people. Hence, it is obvious that sharing the same media worldwide can be advantageous if used correctly.

In conclusion, though sharing the same media can make misconceptions and harmful actions popular, the benefits it brings are significant as humanitarian activities as well as educational content are promoted. From my perspective, if used correctly, the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks.