Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of re;ationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of re;ationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

More and more people tend to communicate with each other through some kinds of technologies. It can be convenient for people that they can contact immediately comparing to traditional way. I personally believe that this is a positive tendency because it can be suitable for individual’s schedules or in the urgent circumstances and even increasing the international integration

Initially, it can bring benefits in broadening the relationship of people because some people who live in faraway can be easier to contact with their friends. Thanks to it, through social networking- a kind of technology, for example, when more and more applications appear, people can chat and contact with their friends who can come from faraway province or even the foreiners. In the past, individuals have to correspond with theirs faraway friends and they have to wait a long time or even go to the post office in some situations. Thus, it can be convenient for people to create a long-lasting relationship with other people or even increasing the unity around some countries. Moreover, with the development of technologies in modern life, people can chat online,send images to share with their friends about their life or even call by videocall. It reduces the cost because in the past, with no appearance of apps, people have to spend their money to contact with others through public telephone. So, it not only bringing a lot of benefits with others but also increasing the tight bond of relationships if people have lived further than others.

It can be seen that this tendency has a positive impact on how people can solve the urgent circumstances. For example, when the manager have to deal with a problem but he or she can not create a face-to-face meeting , he or she can work with other people through online meeting. Thus, people can make use of these technologies to solve some urgent situations.

To conclude, the development of technology can help people to tighten their relationships and become more convenient with other people if they donot have time to arrange an appointment. It is a positive development in individual’s lives

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "More and more people tend to communicate" -> "Increasingly, people are inclined to communicate"
   Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more precise and formal adverb that enhances the academic tone, while "are inclined to" is a more formal expression than "tend to," which is somewhat colloquial.

2. "some kinds of technologies" -> "various forms of technology"
   Explanation: "Various forms of technology" is more specific and academically appropriate than "some kinds of technologies," which is vague and informal.

3. "It can be convenient for people that they can contact immediately comparing to traditional way" -> "This facilitates immediate contact, compared to traditional methods"
   Explanation: "This facilitates immediate contact, compared to traditional methods" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction and informal phrasing of the original.

4. "I personally believe" -> "I contend"
   Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more personal and informal "I personally believe."

5. "suitable for individual’s schedules" -> "convenient for individual schedules"
   Explanation: Removing the possessive "individual’s" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.

6. "in the urgent circumstances" -> "in urgent circumstances"
   Explanation: Removing "the" before "urgent circumstances" corrects the article usage, as "urgent" is an adjective modifying "circumstances."

7. "increasing the international integration" -> "enhancing international integration"
   Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more precise and formal verb than "increasing," which is somewhat vague in this context.

8. "some people who live in faraway can be easier to contact" -> "individuals residing in distant locations can more easily contact"
   Explanation: "Individuals residing in distant locations can more easily contact" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal original phrase.

9. "social networking- a kind of technology" -> "social networking, a type of technology"
   Explanation: Adding a comma after "networking" corrects the punctuation, and "type" is more specific than "kind," which is less formal.

10. "come from faraway province or even the foreiners" -> "come from distant provinces or even foreigners"
    Explanation: "Distant provinces" and "foreigners" are more precise and formal terms than "faraway province" and "foreiners," which are incorrect and informal.

11. "have to correspond with theirs faraway friends" -> "must correspond with their distant friends"
    Explanation: "Must" is more formal than "have to," and "their" is the correct possessive form, replacing the incorrect "theirs."

12. "send images to share with their friends" -> "share images with friends"
    Explanation: "Share images with friends" is a more natural and concise way to express the action, avoiding the awkward construction of the original.

13. "call by videocall" -> "make videocalls"
    Explanation: "Make videocalls" is a more natural and formal way to describe the action of using video calls, compared to the awkward "call by videocall."

14. "it not only bringing a lot of benefits with others but also increasing the tight bond of relationships" -> "it not only offers numerous benefits to others but also strengthens relationships"
    Explanation: "Offers numerous benefits to others" and "strengthens relationships" are more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal original phrases.

15. "if people have lived further than others" -> "if individuals reside in distant locations"
    Explanation: "Reside in distant locations" is more formal and precise than "have lived further than others," which is awkward and informal.

16. "the manager have to deal with a problem" -> "the manager must address a problem"
    Explanation: "Must address" is more formal and precise than "have to deal with," which is colloquial.

17. "he or she can not create a face-to-face meeting" -> "they cannot schedule a face-to-face meeting"
    Explanation: "Schedule" is a more precise verb than "create," which is incorrect in this context, and "they" is more inclusive and formal than "he or she."

18. "he or she can work with other people through online meeting" -> "they can collaborate with others through online meetings"
    Explanation: "Collaborate" is a more precise term than "work," and "online meetings" is more formal than "online meeting."

19. "donot have time to arrange an appointment" -> "do not have time to schedule an appointment"
    Explanation: "Do not" is the correct form of the contraction, and "schedule" is more formal than "arrange" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt regarding how technology has affected relationships and whether this change is positive or negative. The author discusses the convenience of technology in maintaining long-distance relationships and highlights its role in urgent situations. However, the exploration of the negative aspects of technology on relationships is notably absent, which limits the depth of the response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a discussion of potential negative impacts of technology on relationships, such as reduced face-to-face interaction or superficial connections. This could be achieved by adding a paragraph that acknowledges these drawbacks and provides a balanced view of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the changes brought by technology are positive. This is evident in phrases like "I personally believe that this is a positive tendency." However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which could more explicitly summarize the arguments made.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should reiterate the main arguments supporting the positive view in the conclusion. Additionally, using transitional phrases to link ideas can help maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of technology for long-distance communication and its utility in urgent situations. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting examples. For instance, the mention of social networking could be expanded with specific examples of popular platforms and their impacts on relationships.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific applications or platforms that facilitate communication could help illustrate the points made. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies on technology’s impact on relationships could add credibility.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on how technology affects relationships. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the cost of communication without clearly linking it back to the impact on relationships.
  • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the effects of technology on relationships. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples back to the central theme and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly support the main argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects of technology’s impact on relationships, more detailed examples and support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents a personal opinion, while the subsequent paragraphs expand on specific points regarding the positive impacts of technology on relationships. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing broadening relationships to urgent circumstances feels abrupt and could benefit from clearer linking phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits of technology in broadening relationships, a phrase like "In addition to enhancing personal connections, technology also plays a crucial role in…" could help bridge the two main ideas more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. The discussion on social networking and cost savings, while related, could be clearer if each point had its own paragraph.
  • How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph, supported by relevant examples. This will not only improve clarity but also make it easier for the reader to follow your argument. For instance, consider separating the discussion of social networking from the cost-saving aspect into two distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "thanks to it" and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "it can be" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "it can be," try alternatives like "this allows for," "this facilitates," or "this leads to." Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "on the one hand… on the other hand," to create more nuanced connections between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing the points mentioned above will enhance clarity, structure, and engagement, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits of technology in communication. Phrases such as "broadening the relationship," "urgent circumstances," and "long-lasting relationship" indicate an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the essay also includes repetitive phrases and limited synonyms, such as "contact with" and "friends," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "contact with," alternatives like "connect with," "reach out to," or "communicate with" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to technology and relationships, such as "interpersonal connections" or "digital communication platforms," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "individual’s schedules or in the urgent circumstances" could be clearer if rephrased to "individual schedules or in urgent situations." Additionally, the term "foreiners" is a misspelling of "foreigners," and the phrase "the foreiners" is awkwardly constructed.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is both accurate and contextually appropriate. Reviewing and revising sentences for clarity can help. For example, instead of "Thanks to it, through social networking- a kind of technology," a clearer phrasing could be "Thanks to social networking technologies." Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors and awkward constructions will enhance overall clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "foreiners" instead of "foreigners," "donot" instead of "do not," and "theirs" instead of "their." These mistakes can distract the reader and impact the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and reviewing frequently misspelled terms can help reduce errors in future essays. Keeping a list of commonly confused words and their correct forms may also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the writer uses a compound sentence in "It can be convenient for people that they can contact immediately comparing to traditional way." However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication of the writing. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "Thanks to it, through social networking- a kind of technology, for example, when more and more applications appear, people can chat and contact with their friends who can come from faraway province or even the foreiners."
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "It can be convenient for people that they can contact immediately," the writer could say, "It is convenient for people to contact each other immediately, especially when compared to traditional methods." Furthermore, varying the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases can help create more fluid and engaging sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "comparing to traditional way" should be "compared to traditional ways," and "individual’s schedules or in the urgent circumstances" lacks clarity and should be rephrased for better understanding. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after commas and inconsistent use of hyphens (e.g., "social networking- a kind of technology"), hinder readability. There are also subject-verb agreement errors, such as "the manager have to deal" instead of "the manager has to deal."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Moreover, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes, such as ensuring that commas and periods are correctly placed and that spaces follow punctuation marks. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on errors.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy in grammar and punctuation will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

More and more people tend to communicate with each other through various forms of technology. It can be convenient for people that they can contact others immediately compared to traditional methods. I personally believe that this is a positive tendency because it can be suitable for individuals’ schedules or in urgent circumstances and even enhances international integration.

Initially, it can bring benefits in broadening the relationships of people because those who live far away can more easily contact their friends. Thanks to social networking, a type of technology, for example, as more and more applications appear, people can chat and connect with friends who may come from distant provinces or even foreigners. In the past, individuals had to correspond with their distant friends and wait a long time or even go to the post office in some situations. Thus, it can be convenient for people to create long-lasting relationships with others and even increase unity among some countries. Moreover, with the development of technology in modern life, people can chat online, send images to share with their friends about their lives, or even make videocalls. It reduces costs because, in the past, without the appearance of apps, people had to spend money to contact others through public telephones. So, it not only offers numerous benefits to others but also strengthens relationships if individuals reside in distant locations.

It can be seen that this tendency has a positive impact on how people can solve urgent circumstances. For example, when a manager must address a problem but cannot schedule a face-to-face meeting, he or she can collaborate with others through online meetings. Thus, people can make use of these technologies to solve urgent situations.

To conclude, the development of technology can help people tighten their relationships and become more convenient for others if they do not have time to arrange an appointment. It is a positive development in individuals’ lives.