Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make?
Has this been a positive or negative development?

The emergence of technology has influenced many aspects of human life, especially the way society interacts with each other. That understanding might lead to a question about how this development can change the way people communicate and the effects that it brings to us. In this essay, I would like to suggest the answer to that case and give a plausible conclusion regarding that matter.
To begin with ,this innovation brings many positive effects for human lives as long as it is used at a normal level. Firstly, these tools have a big impact on business and education. To illustrate, thanks to the internet, people and companies around the globe are able to connect with each other effortlessly; therefore, many labor markets and businesses can increase their relationships through exchanges of goods, resulting in a better economy. In addition, students and teachers can also gain access to a vast array of knowledge on the internet without geographical boundaries. Secondly, many people use social media platforms as a way to be well-informed and make new friends. Consequently, people can easily find individuals with shared interests, and they can interact via computers rather than in person. For example, Facebook is well-known and being used worldwide for its rapid access to knowledge and many user profiles.
However, the advancement of technology may negatively influence the interaction in which society has. Since the rise of chatting applications, the amount of face-to-face meetings has dropped dramatically. Thus, people choose to hide from society, but are very active in a virtual world. For example, it is easily seen that many people have become addicted to using their phones more frequently and tend to neglect other human beings near them. Also, they prefer to talk via social media rather than talking in person, which leads to isolation, loss of family bonds and many social relationships in their life.
In conclusion, technology has certainly revolutionized communication between people, even it changes the way people used to communicate with others regarding more social media meetings.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The emergence of technology has influenced many aspects of human life, especially the way society interacts with each other." -> "The advent of technology has significantly impacted various aspects of human life, particularly the manner in which society interacts with one another."
   Explanation: Replacing "emergence" with "advent" and "especially" with "particularly" enhances the formal tone. Using "significantly impacted" instead of "influenced" and "one another" instead of "each other" refines the language to be more precise and formal.

2. "how this development can change the way people communicate and the effects that it brings to us." -> "how this development may alter the manner in which people communicate and the consequences it may have for us."
   Explanation: Changing "how this development can change" to "how this development may alter" and "the effects that it brings to us" to "the consequences it may have for us" introduces a more cautious and academically appropriate tone, emphasizing potential outcomes rather than definite effects.

3. "To begin with,this innovation brings many positive effects for human lives as long as it is used at a normal level." -> "Initially, this innovation yields numerous benefits for human lives when utilized at a moderate level."
   Explanation: Replacing "To begin with" with "Initially" and "brings many positive effects for human lives" with "yields numerous benefits for human lives" improves the formality and precision of the statement. "At a normal level" is vague and informal; "at a moderate level" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.

4. "these tools have a big impact on business and education" -> "these tools significantly impact business and education"
   Explanation: Removing "a big" and replacing it with "significantly" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.

5. "people and companies around the globe are able to connect with each other effortlessly" -> "individuals and organizations worldwide can connect seamlessly"
   Explanation: Replacing "people and companies" with "individuals and organizations" and "effortlessly" with "seamlessly" refines the language to be more formal and precise.

6. "many people use social media platforms as a way to be well-informed and make new friends" -> "many individuals utilize social media platforms to stay informed and form new connections"
   Explanation: Replacing "many people" with "many individuals" and "as a way to be well-informed and make new friends" with "to stay informed and form new connections" uses more precise and formal language.

7. "the advancement of technology may negatively influence the interaction in which society has" -> "the advancement of technology may negatively impact societal interactions"
   Explanation: Changing "the interaction in which society has" to "societal interactions" corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase, making it more direct and formal.

8. "the amount of face-to-face meetings has dropped dramatically" -> "the frequency of face-to-face interactions has significantly decreased"
   Explanation: Replacing "the amount of face-to-face meetings" with "the frequency of face-to-face interactions" and "dropped dramatically" with "significantly decreased" uses more precise and formal language.

9. "people choose to hide from society, but are very active in a virtual world" -> "individuals opt to withdraw from society, yet remain highly active in the virtual realm"
   Explanation: Replacing "people choose to hide" with "individuals opt to withdraw" and "but are very active in a virtual world" with "yet remain highly active in the virtual realm" refines the language to be more formal and precise.

10. "it is easily seen that many people have become addicted to using their phones more frequently" -> "it is evident that many individuals have developed a dependency on their phones"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is easily seen" with "it is evident" and "have become addicted to using their phones more frequently" with "have developed a dependency on their phones" uses more formal and precise language.

11. "they prefer to talk via social media rather than talking in person" -> "they prefer to communicate through social media rather than engaging in face-to-face conversations"
    Explanation: Replacing "talk via social media" with "communicate through social media" and "talking in person" with "engaging in face-to-face conversations" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing how technology has affected relationships and evaluating whether this change is positive or negative. The first paragraph outlines the positive impacts, such as improved business communication and educational access, while the second paragraph highlights the negative consequences, like reduced face-to-face interactions and social isolation. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the effects discussed and the overall evaluation of whether these changes are positive or negative.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should clearly delineate the positive and negative impacts in separate sections, perhaps using headings or transitional phrases to guide the reader. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that weighs the pros and cons could provide a clearer answer to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both the positive and negative effects of technology on relationships. However, the position could be clearer. The introduction suggests a balanced view but does not strongly assert whether the overall impact is positive or negative. The conclusion also lacks a definitive statement on the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should take a clearer stance in the introduction and restate this position in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "Overall, I believe" can help clarify the writer’s viewpoint. Additionally, reinforcing this position throughout the essay with consistent language will strengthen the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of technology in business and education, as well as the drawbacks of social media leading to isolation. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while the essay mentions that technology allows people to connect globally, it does not explore the implications of this on personal relationships in depth. Similarly, the negative aspects could be supported with more specific examples or statistics.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples or evidence. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics on social media usage and its effects on mental health could provide stronger support for the claims made. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these changes on personal relationships would create a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on relationships. However, some sentences could be more concise and directly related to the prompt. For example, the opening sentence could be streamlined to focus more directly on the relationship aspect rather than the broader implications of technology.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt. This can be achieved by revisiting the prompt after writing each section to confirm relevance. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and instead concentrating on specific impacts of technology on relationships will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing clarity, depth, and focus will help improve the Task Response score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both positive and negative impacts of technology on relationships, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is mostly logical; for instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the positive aspects of technology, while the second addresses the negative consequences. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from positive to negative feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the main argument of the essay, reinforcing how these points relate to the overall impact of technology on relationships.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the introduction could be more concise, and the conclusion is somewhat vague and lacks a strong summary of the main points discussed.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by succinctly stating the main points that will be discussed in the essay. In the conclusion, summarize the key arguments made in the body paragraphs clearly and restate the overall impact of technology on relationships to reinforce the essay’s message.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the use of "thus" and "consequently" is appropriate, but more varied devices could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a mix of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," "Nevertheless," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "emergence," "innovation," "impact," and "isolation." However, the usage is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "the way society interacts" and "the way people communicate." This limits the variety and richness of the language used.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "the way," alternatives like "the manner in which" or "the methods of" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to technology and communication, such as "digital connectivity," "virtual engagement," or "interpersonal dynamics," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "used at a normal level" is vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. Additionally, "the amount of face-to-face meetings has dropped dramatically" could be more accurately expressed as "the frequency of face-to-face meetings has significantly decreased."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that clearly convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "normal level," they could specify "moderate usage" or "balanced engagement." Furthermore, ensuring that terms like "addicted" are used in a context that accurately reflects their severity can enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays correct spelling, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "to be well-informed" which could be better expressed as "to stay informed," and the use of "easily seen" could be more formally stated as "evident."
  • How to improve: To bolster spelling accuracy and overall language quality, the writer should proofread their work more thoroughly. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and ensure that the language flows more naturally. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can further enhance their writing quality.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and clarity. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To begin with" and "However" effectively organizes the essay’s flow. Complex structures are evident in sentences like "Since the rise of chatting applications, the amount of face-to-face meetings has dropped dramatically." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as "people can" and "many people use," which limits the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences, such as using adverbial clauses or varying the subject. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "people," the writer could use passive constructions or introductory phrases, such as "It is evident that…" or "One can observe that…". Additionally, incorporating more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, could help create more complex sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "this innovation brings many positive effects for human lives" should use "to" instead of "for," resulting in "to human lives." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing comma after "To begin with" and the incorrect use of "even" in the conclusion, which should be "even though." These errors can distract the reader and affect the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch common errors, particularly with prepositions and conjunctions. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding commas, especially in introductory phrases and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Practicing writing with a focus on punctuation could also enhance clarity and coherence in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The emergence of technology has influenced many aspects of human life, especially the way society interacts with each other. This understanding might lead to a question about how this development can change the way people communicate and the effects that it brings to us. In this essay, I would like to suggest answers to this question and provide a plausible conclusion regarding the matter.

To begin with, this innovation brings many positive effects for human lives as long as it is used at a moderate level. Firstly, these tools have a significant impact on business and education. To illustrate, thanks to the internet, people and companies around the globe are able to connect with each other effortlessly; therefore, many labor markets and businesses can increase their relationships through exchanges of goods, resulting in a better economy. In addition, students and teachers can also gain access to a vast array of knowledge on the internet without geographical boundaries. Secondly, many people use social media platforms as a way to stay informed and make new friends. Consequently, people can easily find individuals with shared interests, and they can interact via computers rather than in person. For example, Facebook is well-known and is used worldwide for its rapid access to knowledge and many user profiles.

However, the advancement of technology may negatively influence the interactions that society has. Since the rise of chatting applications, the frequency of face-to-face meetings has dropped dramatically. Thus, people choose to withdraw from society, yet remain highly active in the virtual realm. For example, it is evident that many individuals have developed a dependency on their phones and tend to neglect other human beings near them. Also, they prefer to communicate through social media rather than engaging in face-to-face conversations, which leads to isolation, loss of family bonds, and many social relationships in their lives.

In conclusion, technology has certainly revolutionized communication between people, and it has changed the way people used to interact with one another, particularly through social media.