Nowadays, there is a growing trend of online shopping. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this trend?

Currently, the phrase “E-commerce” has become more and more popular, especially online shopping. Therefore, more and more people choose to buy products on online platforms. While this practice offers significant advantages, it also presents several disadvantages. This phenomenon will explore the benefits and the flaws of online shopping.
On the beneficial side, there are noticeable strengths of this trend. One noteworthy point is the convenience. To explain, buying online eliminates the need for the commute and helps you to save time trying or choosing products. Another convenience is that you can easily see the feedback from everyone to assess whether you should buy this or not. Or you also find similar products if the one is out of stock. Moreover, another strength is the discount. You can apply various coupons to reduce the price. And at the end, you can attain the reasonable price that you are pleased with.
On the contrary, there are also drawbacks to consider. One foremost drawback is the low-quality products. When you buy goods online, you also face the risk. In light of the fact that a lot of sellers take the real image from the initiated shop and see it as belonging to them. Then, the buyers do not know and buy a different product. Moreover, lately, the new pitfall of online shopping is fake shippers. Many individuals have faced this case with the enormous defrauded price. Owing to the fact that you will fill your private information to sign in the platform. Therefore, the hackers can steal your information and contact you as the shipper.
In conclusion, the growing trend of online shopping can give incredible advantages, such as the convenience and cheap price with discounts. However, it also offers several disadvantages, the lack of quality and lots of pitfalls.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Currently, the phrase “E-commerce” has become more and more popular" -> "Currently, the term "E-commerce" has gained significant popularity"
Explanation: Replacing "more and more" with "significant" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning better with academic style by avoiding colloquial expressions.
"more and more people choose to buy products on online platforms" -> "an increasing number of individuals opt for purchasing products on online platforms"
Explanation: "An increasing number of individuals opt for purchasing products" is more formal and precise, avoiding the repetitive and informal "more and more people choose to buy products on online platforms".
"this practice offers significant advantages" -> "this practice presents significant advantages"
Explanation: "Presents" is a more formal verb choice than "offers" in this context, fitting better in academic writing by emphasizing the presentation of information rather than the act of giving.
"the flaws of online shopping" -> "the drawbacks of online shopping"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "flaws," which can be seen as too vague and informal for academic writing.
"One noteworthy point is the convenience" -> "One significant advantage is the convenience"
Explanation: "Significant advantage" is more precise and formal than "noteworthy point," which is somewhat vague and less specific in an academic context.
"buying online eliminates the need for the commute" -> "online shopping eliminates the need for commuting"
Explanation: "Online shopping" is a more specific term than "buying online," and "commuting" is a more formal term than "the commute," enhancing the academic tone.
"you can easily see the feedback from everyone" -> "consumers can readily access feedback from various sources"
Explanation: "Consumers" is a more formal term than "you," and "readily access feedback from various sources" is more precise and formal than "easily see the feedback from everyone," which is too casual and vague.
"Or you also find similar products if the one is out of stock" -> "Alternatively, consumers can also locate similar products if the desired item is out of stock"
Explanation: "Alternatively" is a more formal conjunction than "Or," and "consumers can also locate similar products" is more precise and formal than "you also find similar products," which is too conversational for academic writing.
"You can apply various coupons to reduce the price" -> "Consumers can apply various coupons to reduce the price"
Explanation: Replacing "You" with "Consumers" maintains a formal tone and avoids the first-person singular, which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"And at the end, you can attain the reasonable price that you are pleased with" -> "Ultimately, consumers can secure a reasonable price that meets their satisfaction"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is a more formal transition than "And at the end," and "secure a reasonable price that meets their satisfaction" is more formal and precise than "attain the reasonable price that you are pleased with," which is overly casual and personal.
"the low-quality products" -> "substandard products"
Explanation: "Substandard" is a more precise and formal term than "low-quality," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the risk" -> "the risk of receiving substandard products"
Explanation: Adding "of receiving substandard products" clarifies the type of risk being discussed, enhancing the specificity and formality of the statement.
"the new pitfall of online shopping is fake shippers" -> "a new pitfall of online shopping is fraudulent shipping"
Explanation: "Fraudulent shipping" is a more specific and formal term than "fake shippers," which is colloquial and vague.
"the enormous defrauded price" -> "substantial financial losses"
Explanation: "Substantial financial losses" is a more precise and formal way to describe the financial consequences of fraudulent shipping, avoiding the awkward and unclear "enormous defrauded price."
"the hackers can steal your information and contact you as the shipper" -> "hackers can steal personal information and impersonate the shipper"
Explanation: "Impersonate the shipper" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of hackers, replacing the less formal "contact you as the shipper."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping, as required by the prompt. The introduction clearly states that the essay will explore both sides of the trend, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, the advantages of convenience and discounts are well articulated, while the drawbacks of low-quality products and the risk of fraud are also presented. However, the depth of analysis for each point could be improved, as some benefits and drawbacks are mentioned but not fully explored.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the benefits and drawbacks. For instance, citing studies on consumer satisfaction with online shopping or statistics on online fraud could provide a stronger foundation for the arguments presented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the online shopping trend. The use of phrases like "on the beneficial side" and "on the contrary" helps to delineate the two perspectives. However, the conclusion could be more decisive in summarizing the overall stance on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the conclusion should explicitly state which side is more significant or provide a balanced view that reflects the complexity of the issue. This could involve a sentence that summarizes the overall impact of online shopping based on the discussed points.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping. For example, the convenience of online shopping is well introduced, and the mention of discounts adds depth. However, some ideas, such as the risk of low-quality products and fraud, could benefit from further elaboration and examples to fully support the claims. The explanation of how fake shippers operate is somewhat vague and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples for each point. For instance, discussing specific types of fraud or providing a personal anecdote about a negative online shopping experience could make the argument more relatable and convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping as required by the prompt. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be clearer, such as the use of "the new pitfall of online shopping is fake shippers," which could be misinterpreted or seen as slightly off-topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points are directly relevant to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding vague terms and ensuring that each point is explicitly tied back to the main topic will help reinforce the essay’s relevance throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view of online shopping. With more detailed examples, clearer conclusions, and stronger elaboration on key points, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the dual nature of online shopping. The body paragraphs are organized into benefits and drawbacks, which is a logical approach. However, the transition between points could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing convenience to discounts lacks a clear linking sentence that ties these ideas together. Similarly, the transition from benefits to drawbacks could benefit from a more explicit contrast.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For instance, when moving from one benefit to another, phrases like "In addition to convenience, another significant advantage is…" can help guide the reader. Similarly, when transitioning to drawbacks, phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand" can provide clearer connections between contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping. Each paragraph contains a main idea, supported by examples. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The benefits paragraph is longer and more detailed than the drawbacks paragraph, which may give the impression that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding on the drawbacks with additional examples or explanations. For instance, the point about low-quality products could be elaborated with specific examples or statistics to provide more depth. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help reinforce the structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "On the contrary," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the use of "Or you also find similar products" is somewhat informal and disrupts the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "In contrast" to enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and improve cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "online shopping," you could use "this practice" or "this method" in subsequent sentences to maintain coherence without redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing, potentially raising their band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping. Terms such as "E-commerce," "convenience," "discount," and "pitfall" are effectively used. However, there is a noticeable repetition of phrases like "more and more" and "strengths," which limits the lexical variety. For example, the phrase "more and more people choose to buy products on online platforms" could be rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "more and more," alternatives like "an increasing number of" or "a growing number of" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "numerous advantages" or "various drawbacks" would diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the new pitfall of online shopping is fake shippers" could be misleading; "fake shippers" might not accurately convey the intended meaning of fraudulent sellers or scams. Additionally, the phrase "the lack of quality" is vague and could be more specific, such as "the prevalence of counterfeit or substandard products."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific terms that accurately describe the issues discussed. Instead of "fake shippers," terms like "fraudulent sellers" or "scam websites" would be clearer. Encouraging the use of precise adjectives and nouns will help convey the intended message more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "defrauded" is used correctly, but "shippers" in the context of the essay might be misinterpreted, as it is not a common term associated with online shopping. The phrase "the initiated shop" is also unclear and could be a typographical error or misuse of "initiated."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any typographical errors or misused terms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or incorrect word choices. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly used terms in the context of online shopping will aid in using the correct vocabulary.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a reasonable range of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "buying online eliminates the need for the commute" and "you can apply various coupons to reduce the price" showcase effective use of complex structures. However, there are instances where sentence variety is limited, particularly in the use of conjunctions and transitions. For example, the repeated use of "Another" at the beginning of consecutive sentences can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider using a broader range of linking words and phrases to introduce new points (e.g., "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In addition to this," etc.). This will not only diversify sentence openings but also improve the overall flow of the essay. Experimenting with different sentence types, such as using conditional clauses or participial phrases, can also add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon will explore the benefits and the flaws of online shopping" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer to say "This essay will explore the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning, particularly in longer sentences. For instance, "Owing to the fact that you will fill your private information to sign in the platform" should have a comma after "fact" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Paying attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will enhance readability. Additionally, practicing grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls in English writing can help solidify understanding and application of grammatical rules. Consider revising sentences for clarity and correctness, ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the phrase “E-commerce” has become more and more popular, especially online shopping. Therefore, an increasing number of people choose to buy products on online platforms. While this practice offers significant advantages, it also presents several disadvantages. This phenomenon will explore the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping.

On the beneficial side, there are noticeable strengths of this trend. One noteworthy point is the convenience. To explain, buying online eliminates the need for commuting and helps you save time when trying or choosing products. Another convenience is that you can easily see feedback from various sources to assess whether you should buy a product or not. Alternatively, you can also locate similar products if the desired item is out of stock. Moreover, another strength is the availability of discounts. You can apply various coupons to reduce the price. Ultimately, you can secure a reasonable price that meets your satisfaction.

On the contrary, there are also drawbacks to consider. One foremost drawback is the risk of receiving substandard products. When you buy goods online, you face this risk because many sellers take the real images from the original shop and claim them as their own. As a result, buyers may unknowingly purchase a different product. Moreover, a new pitfall of online shopping is fraudulent shipping. Many individuals have faced substantial financial losses due to this issue. Owing to the fact that you will fill in your private information to sign in to the platform, hackers can steal your information and impersonate the shipper.

In conclusion, the growing trend of online shopping can provide incredible advantages, such as convenience and lower prices with discounts. However, it also presents several disadvantages, including the risk of low-quality products and various pitfalls.