Nowadays, there is a surge of popularity of extreme travel to remote places. Is this a positive or negative trend?

It is argued that there has been a rapid growth of popularity of extreme travel to locations which are remote, for several years. I strongly agree with this idea. This essay will firstly discuss the feelings people have when traveling far away from the city and second, enhance the knowledge and life experience through the journey.
Traveling to distant locations helps people have cheerfulness and stimulates creation. Remote places such as islands, and mountains provide the city residents a feeling of being at one with nature which is better than a crowded city. In Ho Chi Minh City, for instance, a large majority of citizens are stressed and would like to relax far away from the city. Moreover, a trip to distant regions makes people feel like they have achieved an award.
Another reason to persuade that travel to remote locations is concretely a positive trend by the knowledge and life experiences received. Citizens may not know about life living there and how to survive if only reading books or magazines. In addition, extreme travel assists people in knowing more valuable techniques to protect and rescue themselves. There have been numerous cases of deaths in danger because of a lack of life skills.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that extreme travel to remote locations is beneficial for everyone nowadays. It not only influences constructively on physical and mental health but also supplies either knowledge or experience. Consequently, a surge of popularity of extreme travel to distant locations should be advocated.

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"It is argued that there has been a rapid growth of popularity of extreme travel to locations which are remote, for several years." -> "It is argued that there has been a significant increase in the popularity of extreme travel to remote locations over several years."
Explanation: The phrase "rapid growth of popularity" is somewhat vague and informal. "Significant increase in the popularity" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "for several years" is redundant with "over several years," which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"I strongly agree with this idea." -> "I strongly concur with this notion."
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "notion" is a more academic term than "idea," enhancing the formality of the statement.
"This essay will firstly discuss" -> "This essay will first discuss"
Explanation: "Firstly" is not typically used in formal academic writing; "first" is the correct adverbial form.
"enhance the knowledge and life experience through the journey." -> "enhance knowledge and life experiences through the journey."
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal verb than "enhance," and "experiences" is plural to match the plural subject "knowledge."
"cheerfulness" -> "euphoria"
Explanation: "Euphoria" is a more precise and formal term than "cheerfulness," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"provide the city residents a feeling of being at one with nature" -> "provide city residents with a sense of connection to nature"
Explanation: "With a sense of connection to nature" is more formal and precise than "a feeling of being at one with nature," which is somewhat poetic and less formal.
"a large majority of citizens are stressed" -> "a significant proportion of citizens experience stress"
Explanation: "Experience stress" is more precise and formal than "are stressed," which is somewhat colloquial.
"would like to relax far away from the city" -> "seek relaxation in distant areas"
Explanation: "Seek relaxation in distant areas" is more formal and concise than "would like to relax far away from the city."
"a trip to distant regions makes people feel like they have achieved an award" -> "a trip to distant regions gives individuals a sense of accomplishment"
Explanation: "Gives individuals a sense of accomplishment" is more formal and avoids the colloquialism of "feel like they have achieved an award," which is not typically used in this context.
"concretely a positive trend" -> "concretely a positive trend"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "a" should not be repeated.
"Citizens may not know about life living there and how to survive if only reading books or magazines." -> "Citizens may not be aware of the lifestyle and survival skills in these areas, even through reading books or magazines."
Explanation: "Be aware of the lifestyle and survival skills" is more precise and formal than "know about life living there and how to survive," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"extreme travel assists people in knowing more valuable techniques to protect and rescue themselves" -> "extreme travel enables individuals to acquire valuable techniques for self-protection and rescue"
Explanation: "Enables individuals to acquire" is more formal and precise than "assists people in knowing," and "self-protection and rescue" is a more formal phrase than "protect and rescue themselves."
"There have been numerous cases of deaths in danger" -> "There have been numerous cases of fatalities in dangerous situations"
Explanation: "Fatalities" is a more formal term than "deaths," and "in dangerous situations" is more precise than "in danger," which is vague.
"It not only influences constructively on physical and mental health but also supplies either knowledge or experience." -> "It not only positively influences physical and mental health but also provides either knowledge or experience."
Explanation: "Positively influences" is more formal than "influences constructively," and "provides" is more appropriate than "supplies" in this context, which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"a surge of popularity of extreme travel to distant locations should be advocated" -> "the surge in popularity of extreme travel to distant locations should be encouraged"
Explanation: "The surge in popularity" is grammatically correct and more formal than "a surge of popularity," and "encouraged" is more appropriate than "advocated" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive aspects of extreme travel to remote places. The writer presents two main points: the emotional benefits of escaping urban life and the knowledge gained from such experiences. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential negative aspects of extreme travel, which would provide a more balanced view of the trend.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly mentioning any potential drawbacks of extreme travel, such as environmental impact or safety concerns. Acknowledging these points would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of extreme travel, evident from the consistent use of phrases like "I strongly agree" and "I strongly believe." The writer’s stance is reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating that the essay will argue for the positive aspects rather than just stating the growth of popularity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the introduction should explicitly outline the writer’s position and the main points that will be discussed. This could be achieved by rephrasing the thesis statement to clearly indicate that the essay will argue that extreme travel is a positive trend.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to emotional well-being and knowledge gained from extreme travel. The examples provided, such as the stress of city life and the benefits of learning survival skills, are relevant and support the main arguments. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, the mention of "cheerfulness" and "stimulating creation" could be expanded with specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate these points more vividly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of extreme travel. This could involve discussing specific locations or experiences that highlight the positive impacts on travelers.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally remains focused on the topic of extreme travel and its benefits. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic could be clearer, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of life skills feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about the positive aspects of extreme travel.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the benefits of extreme travel. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the discussion of life skills back to the overall theme of personal growth and the positive outcomes of such travel experiences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument in favor of extreme travel. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further enhance the clarity, depth, and balance of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of extreme travel to remote locations. The introduction outlines the main points to be discussed, which helps in setting the stage for the reader. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the emotional benefits of travel but could better connect these ideas to the overall argument. The transition from discussing feelings to the idea of achieving an award feels abrupt and lacks a clear logical connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one. For example, after discussing the emotional benefits, you could introduce the idea of personal achievement more smoothly by linking it to how these feelings contribute to a sense of accomplishment.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, with the first addressing emotional benefits and the second discussing knowledge and life experiences gained from extreme travel. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions to enhance readability and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "In addition to emotional benefits, extreme travel also enriches individuals’ knowledge and life skills." This would provide a clearer connection to the essay’s overall argument and improve the flow between paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Another reason to persuade that travel to remote locations is concretely a positive trend" is awkwardly phrased and could benefit from a more straightforward transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," or "conversely," to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, use pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "remote locations," you could use "these destinations" in subsequent mentions to create a smoother reading experience.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "extreme travel," "remote places," "cheerfulness," and "life experiences." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "remote locations" is used multiple times, which could have been substituted with synonyms like "isolated areas" or "distant regions" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to travel and emotions. Utilizing synonyms and related terms can help avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "remote places," consider phrases like "off-the-beaten-path destinations" or "secluded locales." Additionally, introducing more descriptive adjectives could enrich the writing, such as "breathtaking" or "tranquil" to describe the locations.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances where word choice is imprecise. For example, the phrase "stimulates creation" is vague and could be better expressed as "stimulates creativity." Additionally, the term "achieved an award" is misleading in this context; it would be more accurate to say "feel a sense of achievement."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by considering the context in which words are used and ensuring that they fit the overall message of the essay. For instance, instead of "achieved an award," the writer could say "experience a sense of accomplishment." Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can also aid in finding more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "cheerfulness" and "concretely," which may detract from the overall impression of the writing. While the majority of the words are spelled correctly, these minor errors can impact the clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "It is argued that there has been a rapid growth of popularity of extreme travel to locations which are remote" showcases a complex structure that effectively introduces the topic. Additionally, phrases like "this essay will firstly discuss" and "another reason to persuade" indicate an attempt to use varied sentence openings. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where similar patterns are used to introduce ideas (e.g., "Remote places such as islands, and mountains provide…").
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and use different sentence types (e.g., rhetorical questions or conditional sentences). For instance, instead of repeating "Another reason to persuade," the writer could vary the phrasing to "Furthermore, it can be argued that…" or "Additionally, one significant benefit is that…". This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the feelings people have when traveling far away from the city" is grammatically correct but could be more concise. The use of commas is inconsistent; for example, "such as islands, and mountains" should omit the comma before "and mountains." Additionally, phrases like "a trip to distant regions makes people feel like they have achieved an award" could be clearer; "achieved an award" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Practicing the rules of comma usage, especially in lists and compound sentences, would be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing common collocations and phrases could help avoid awkward constructions. For example, instead of "achieved an award," the writer could say "feel a sense of accomplishment." Regular proofreading and revision of sentences for clarity and grammatical correctness will also aid in enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that there has been a rapid growth in the popularity of extreme travel to remote locations over several years. I strongly concur with this notion. This essay will first discuss the feelings people have when traveling far away from the city and second, how it enhances knowledge and life experiences through the journey.

Traveling to distant locations helps people experience euphoria and stimulates creativity. Remote places such as islands and mountains provide city residents with a sense of connection to nature, which is better than being in a crowded city. In Ho Chi Minh City, for instance, a large majority of citizens experience stress and would like to relax far away from the city. Moreover, a trip to distant regions gives individuals a sense of accomplishment.

Another reason to support the idea that travel to remote locations is concretely a positive trend is the knowledge and life experiences gained. Citizens may not be aware of the lifestyle and survival skills in these areas, even through reading books or magazines. In addition, extreme travel enables individuals to acquire valuable techniques for self-protection and rescue. There have been numerous cases of fatalities in dangerous situations due to a lack of life skills.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that extreme travel to remote locations is beneficial for everyone nowadays. It not only positively influences physical and mental health but also provides either knowledge or experience. Consequently, the surge in popularity of extreme travel to distant locations should be encouraged.