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Nowadays, there is a tendency for media coverage to focus on urgent issues and situations rather than positive developments. Some people believe that it is harmful to individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a tendency for media coverage to focus on urgent issues and situations rather than positive developments. Some people believe that it is harmful to individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been a regular focus on urgent issues and situations in media coverage, rather than highlighting positive developments. However, some people claim that this focus is affecting the community negatively. I strongly disagree with this notion, and I will discuss the issue below.

On one hand, it is important for individuals to be aware of urgent situations that can affect the community's development. Understanding current issues helps society find ways to solve problems. For example, media raising citizens' awareness about the spread of COVID-19 has helped nations prevent citizens from contracting the coronavirus, reducing the number of people affected during the pandemic. Being informed about ongoing issues also prevents worst-case scenarios. Businesspersons who are aware of urgent situations have a better chance of maintaining their businesses and preventing bankruptcy compared to those who are not informed. However, consistently informing about negative issues can still have a negative impact on mental health.

On the other hand, providing urgent information can pose mental health challenges to society. The abundance of information every day may lead to a stressful life, especially for the younger generation, who may struggle to cope with the demands of modern life. The increasing prevalence of depression is evidence of this, primarily caused by the overwhelming amount of urgent information, often with a negative tone.

In conclusion, urgent information should be displayed as it plays an essential role in the development of the community by helping citizens prevent negative situations. However, it still has a negative impact on mental health, and it is crucial to strike a balance between providing timely information and ensuring the well-being of individuals in society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "regular focus" -> "consistent emphasis"
    Explanation: Replacing "regular focus" with "consistent emphasis" adds formality to the sentence by using a more sophisticated term, aligning with academic style.

  2. "claim" -> "assert"
    Explanation: Substituting "claim" with "assert" enhances the formal tone of the essay. "Assert" is a more precise and academically suitable term.

  3. "I strongly disagree with this notion" -> "I vehemently disagree with this assertion"
    Explanation: Changing "I strongly disagree with this notion" to "I vehemently disagree with this assertion" introduces a more forceful expression, maintaining formality while providing a nuanced alternative to "notion."

  4. "discuss the issue below" -> "examine the matter at hand"
    Explanation: Replacing "discuss the issue below" with "examine the matter at hand" offers a more formal and precise expression for presenting the upcoming discussion.

  5. "On one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Substituting "On one hand" with "Firstly" contributes to a more organized and structured presentation of ideas, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  6. "Understanding current issues helps society find ways to solve problems" -> "Comprehending contemporary challenges enables society to devise solutions"
    Explanation: Changing "Understanding current issues helps society find ways to solve problems" to "Comprehending contemporary challenges enables society to devise solutions" maintains clarity while employing more advanced vocabulary.

  7. "citizens’ awareness" -> "public awareness"
    Explanation: Replacing "citizens’ awareness" with "public awareness" is a more inclusive term, considering not only citizens but the broader public, enhancing the essay’s precision.

  8. "contracting the coronavirus" -> "acquiring the coronavirus"
    Explanation: Substituting "contracting the coronavirus" with "acquiring the coronavirus" offers a more formal expression while maintaining the intended meaning.

  9. "Businesspersons" -> "Entrepreneurs"
    Explanation: Changing "Businesspersons" to "Entrepreneurs" introduces a more formal and specific term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  10. "negative issues" -> "adverse circumstances"
    Explanation: Replacing "negative issues" with "adverse circumstances" adds nuance and formality to the statement, contributing to a more sophisticated tone.

  11. "pose mental health challenges" -> "exacerbate mental health concerns"
    Explanation: Substituting "pose mental health challenges" with "exacerbate mental health concerns" provides a more refined expression, emphasizing the intensification of mental health issues.

  12. "abundance of information every day" -> "daily deluge of information"
    Explanation: Changing "abundance of information every day" to "daily deluge of information" maintains clarity while introducing a more vivid and formal description.

  13. "may lead to a stressful life" -> "may contribute to a stressful existence"
    Explanation: Replacing "may lead to a stressful life" with "may contribute to a stressful existence" offers a more nuanced and formal expression, aligning with academic style.

  14. "especially for the younger generation" -> "particularly among the younger demographic"
    Explanation: Substituting "especially for the younger generation" with "particularly among the younger demographic" introduces a more formal and precise term.

  15. "amount of urgent information, often with a negative tone" -> "volume of imperative information, frequently with a negative tenor"
    Explanation: Changing "amount of urgent information, often with a negative tone" to "volume of imperative information, frequently with a negative tenor" maintains clarity while employing more sophisticated vocabulary in line with academic style.

  16. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: Replacing "In conclusion" with "To conclude" is a more formal and concise transition phrase commonly used in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the main parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the prevalence of media focus on urgent issues versus positive developments and explores both viewpoints—supporting the importance of being informed about urgent situations while also highlighting the potential negative impact on mental health.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider expanding on the "positive developments" aspect mentioned in the prompt. Adding specific examples or counterarguments regarding the significance of positive news coverage would provide a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. It presents a disagreement with the idea that media focus on urgent issues is harmful while acknowledging the negative impact on mental health. Each paragraph supports this position effectively.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph maintains a direct link to the central argument. This could involve explicitly connecting how each aspect discussed (awareness of urgent situations, mental health impact) relates back to the overall stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas, providing examples (e.g., COVID-19 awareness, impact on business) to illustrate viewpoints. However, the essay slightly lacks focus in discussing the impact on mental health caused by overwhelming information.
    • How to improve: To improve focus, consider dedicating more space to the mental health aspect. Develop this argument further with additional examples or research that specifically illustrate the detrimental effects of constant exposure to negative news on mental health.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains relevant to the prompt by discussing the impact of media coverage focusing on urgent issues versus positive developments. It explores the consequences of this emphasis on both society and individuals.
    • How to improve: To further enhance relevance, ensure that each point made directly connects back to the central argument, reinforcing the stance taken on the impact of media coverage.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, it could benefit from more extensive exploration of the positive developments aspect and further development of the mental health impact caused by excessive exposure to urgent news. Ensuring a tighter focus on these areas would elevate the essay’s coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization with a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively introduces the topic, and each paragraph flows coherently into the next. For instance, the essay begins by acknowledging the prevalence of media coverage on urgent issues, then proceeds to present arguments supporting the importance of such coverage and, finally, addresses the potential negative impacts.
    • How to improve: While the overall logical flow is strong, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for even smoother connectivity. Ensure that each paragraph builds seamlessly on the preceding one, reinforcing the essay’s overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, demonstrating mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and ideas within them are generally well-developed. The essay maintains a coherent structure that aids in the reader’s understanding.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing further, pay attention to maintaining a consistent structure within each paragraph. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Additionally, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for improved overall cohesion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence. Transition words and phrases are appropriately utilized to guide the reader through the essay. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices may be refined for greater precision and accuracy.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-incorporated, consider reviewing the essay to identify any instances where the use of these devices could be more precise. Ensure that each cohesive device enhances the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, be mindful of maintaining consistency in their usage throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively meets the criteria for Coherence and Cohesion at the Band 7 level. To elevate the score, focus on refining transitions for smoother connectivity between paragraphs and ensuring precise and consistent use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a broad range of vocabulary throughout. There’s a display of lexical diversity, showcasing words like "abundance," "prevalence," "overwhelming," "development," "negative impact," and more. These choices contribute to a comprehensive and varied vocabulary repertoire. For instance, phrases like "consistently informing about negative issues" and "maintaining their businesses and preventing bankruptcy" demonstrate a capacity to convey nuanced meanings.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a commendable array of vocabulary, enhancing the use of idiomatic expressions or more nuanced phrases could elevate the lexical resource further. For instance, employing idiomatic expressions or idioms could add depth and sophistication to the language. Additionally, exploring synonyms or alternative phrasings for commonly used words could enrich the vocabulary even more.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits precise vocabulary usage, effectively conveying ideas. However, there are instances where word choices could be refined for greater precision. For instance, phrases like "a stressful life" might benefit from a more specific description, providing clarity regarding the aspects contributing to stress in modern life.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider utilizing more specialized vocabulary where applicable. For example, instead of "a stressful life," consider specifying stressors such as "academic pressure," "career demands," or "information overload." Additionally, pay attention to context-specific words that precisely capture the intended meaning without ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of spelling, with occasional errors that minimally impact communication. The errors observed are infrequent and don’t hinder the overall clarity or comprehension of the text. For instance, "businesspersons" might be more commonly written as "business people," and "notion," which may not fully align with its context.
    • How to improve: While the spelling is generally accurate, continued exposure to varied written material and proofreading techniques could aid in minimizing these infrequent errors. Employing spelling and grammar checkers or seeking feedback during the revision process could also help ensure a consistently high level of accuracy in written work.

Overall, the essay showcases a strong command of vocabulary, demonstrating a wide range of words while maintaining precision in conveying ideas. To enhance lexical resource further, exploring more idiomatic expressions or nuanced vocabulary choices and paying attention to specific spelling nuances could lead to an even more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, incorporating a mix of simple and complex sentences. There is effective use of varied sentence beginnings, such as introductory phrases and clauses. The transitions between ideas are generally smooth, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. This is indicative of a Band 8 performance in terms of grammatical range and sentence structure.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays a strong command of sentence structures, consider integrating more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to further enhance the sophistication of your writing. Experiment with the placement of dependent and independent clauses for added variety.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly showcases accurate grammar usage, with only occasional, minor errors. Most sentences are well-constructed and effectively convey the intended meaning. Instances of grammatical errors are infrequent and do not impede comprehension. This aligns with the characteristics of a Band 8 performance in grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: To further elevate your grammatical accuracy, pay extra attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Ensure that your sentences are consistently error-free by thoroughly proofreading for minor grammatical nuances. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify any remaining minor errors.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits well-controlled punctuation, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing. Most punctuation marks are appropriately used, aiding in the effective organization of ideas. However, there are occasional instances where punctuation could be refined for increased precision. Overall, the punctuation usage aligns with the characteristics of Band 7.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure precision and avoid any potential ambiguity. Additionally, consider incorporating a variety of punctuation marks, such as semicolons or dashes, to add nuance to your sentence structures. Consistent practice and careful review will contribute to further enhancing your punctuation skills.

In summary, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with characteristics aligning closely with a Band 8 level. To continue improving, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and refining punctuation usage. Thorough proofreading and attention to specific grammatical nuances will contribute to achieving an even higher level of proficiency in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, media coverage has consistently emphasized urgent issues and situations rather than highlighting positive developments. Some argue that this focus has a detrimental effect on the community. I vehemently disagree with this assertion, and I will examine the matter at hand below.

On one hand, it is vital for individuals to stay informed about urgent situations that can impact the community’s progress. Comprehending contemporary challenges enables society to devise solutions. For instance, media coverage raising public awareness about the spread of COVID-19 has aided nations in preventing the acquisition of the coronavirus, thereby reducing the pandemic’s overall impact. Furthermore, being informed about ongoing issues helps prevent worst-case scenarios. Entrepreneurs, for instance, who stay informed about urgent situations, have a better chance of sustaining their businesses and averting bankruptcy compared to their less informed counterparts. However, the consistent emphasis on negative issues can still have adverse effects on mental health.

On the other hand, the constant stream of imperative information, frequently with a negative tenor, may contribute to a stressful existence, particularly among the younger demographic. The escalating prevalence of depression is evidence of this, primarily stemming from the daily deluge of information on urgent matters.

To conclude, while the presentation of urgent information is crucial for community development and problem-solving, it is essential to recognize its potential adverse impact on mental health. Striking a balance between providing timely information and ensuring the well-being of individuals in society is of utmost importance.

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