nternational tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
nternational tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment.
Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
since the years of 20s, the global economic has changed on overall and particular the economic structure change in each nation. The new sectors have built and developed such as services and tourism while agriculture and industry have been stable and slowly grown. And with the Morden live now day, beside the financial is upgraded and brought more value to people, the working environment is also busy and changing continuously that caused certain pressures and stressful to both employee and employer.
Therefore, people used to choose traveling and rest for there holiday and vacation, that make the service and tourism are invested and developed more within a nation and worldwide. People from other regions, other nations have travelled to another place to discover and experience about new area, new landscape, new cultures, new food drink and more. Beside that, the international tourist has brought the new things to the local people at the tourism place and as well as improved the financial of that place. Of course, new things will be affected to the native culture however most of that is in the positive ways. Understanding that still there are some negative affects come behind such as environments, noise, thief, robber, etc.. But most of that can be managed well by the government since when they decided to open for tourist, they need to foresee and prepare and invest in the facilities structure as well as security forces to ensure the tourism sectors can be adapted with those affects and ensure the sustainable service as well as the benefit from this sector.
The good example that is tourism in Bangkok, Thai Land. Every year, there are Hundred thousand of tourists coming for many events around a year, but they did prepare well all the facilities, traffic and services to ensure to minimize the negative affects to the city and citizen; on the other hand they adjust the laws, regulations to be flexible for and opening economic of tourism to let their people and tourism and enjoys the event together without conflict. They also created new services, new habitat base on demand of tourists to bring their tourism more attractive and specially.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"since the years of 20s" -> "since the 2020s"
Explanation: The phrase "since the years of 20s" is unclear and informal. Using "since the 2020s" provides a precise and formal reference to the decade. -
"the global economic has changed" -> "the global economy has changed"
Explanation: "Economic" should be "economy" to correctly refer to the system of economic activity that involves the production, distribution, and consumption of goods and services. -
"on overall and particular the economic structure change" -> "overall and particularly the economic structure has changed"
Explanation: "On overall" is incorrect; "overall" should be used as an adverb to describe the extent or scope of something. "Particular" should be "particularly" to correctly modify the adverb "the economic structure has changed." -
"the new sectors have built and developed" -> "new sectors have been established and developed"
Explanation: "Have built" is incorrect as sectors are not physical structures that can be built. "Have been established" is more accurate and formal. -
"Morden live now day" -> "Modern life today"
Explanation: "Morden" is a typographical error and should be "Modern." "Now day" is informal and incorrect; "today" is the correct adverbial form. -
"beside the financial is upgraded" -> "besides the financial benefits being upgraded"
Explanation: "Beside" is incorrect; "besides" is the correct preposition. "The financial" should be "the financial benefits" to specify what is being upgraded. -
"brought more value to people" -> "provided greater value to individuals"
Explanation: "Brought more value to people" is somewhat informal and vague. "Provided greater value to individuals" is more precise and formal. -
"the working environment is also busy and changing continuously" -> "the working environment is also increasingly busy and dynamic"
Explanation: "Changing continuously" is redundant; "dynamic" conveys the same meaning more succinctly and formally. -
"caused certain pressures and stressful" -> "caused certain pressures and stress"
Explanation: "Stressful" is an adjective and should not be used as a noun. "Stress" is the correct noun form. -
"people used to choose traveling" -> "people often choose to travel"
Explanation: "Used to choose" is incorrect in this context; "often choose to travel" is more natural and formal. -
"for there holiday and vacation" -> "for their holidays and vacations"
Explanation: "For there" is incorrect; "for their" is the correct possessive form. "Holiday" should be pluralized to "holidays" and "vacation" to "vacations" to match the plural subject. -
"make the service and tourism are invested" -> "encourage investment in the service and tourism sectors"
Explanation: "Make the service and tourism are invested" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Encourage investment in the service and tourism sectors" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"People from other regions, other nations have travelled" -> "Individuals from other regions and nations have traveled"
Explanation: "People" is too general; "individuals" is more specific and formal. "Have travelled" should be "have traveled" for consistency in verb tense. -
"new things to the local people at the tourism place" -> "new experiences to local residents at tourist destinations"
Explanation: "New things" is vague; "new experiences" is more specific and appropriate. "Local people" should be "local residents" for formality, and "tourism place" should be "tourist destinations." -
"Of course, new things will be affected to the native culture" -> "Of course, new influences will impact native cultures"
Explanation: "Affected to" is incorrect; "impact" is the correct verb. "Native culture" should be pluralized to "native cultures" to match the plural subject. -
"noise, thief, robber, etc." -> "noise, theft, robbery, etc."
Explanation: "Thief" and "robber" are singular nouns and should be pluralized to "theft" and "robbery" to match the plural context. -
"But most of that can be managed well by the government" -> "However, most of these issues can be effectively managed by the government"
Explanation: "But" is too informal; "However" is more formal. "Managed well" is vague; "effectively managed" is more precise. -
"since when they decided to open for tourist" -> "since they decided to open to tourists"
Explanation: "For tourist" is incorrect; "to
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism. However, it lacks a clear and balanced examination of both sides. The advantages are mentioned, such as economic benefits and cultural exchange, but the disadvantages are only briefly acknowledged without sufficient depth. For instance, while the essay mentions negative impacts like environmental issues and crime, it does not explore these concerns in detail or provide a clear comparison to the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline both the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism in separate paragraphs. Each point should be supported with specific examples and explanations. A more structured approach, such as a clear thesis statement followed by dedicated sections for each side of the argument, would help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of international tourism, it does not take a definitive stance on whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Phrases like "most of that is in the positive ways" suggest a leaning towards the benefits, but the lack of a clear conclusion leaves the reader uncertain about the author’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. A strong thesis statement that reflects the author’s stance on the balance of advantages and disadvantages would provide clarity. Additionally, summarizing the main points in the conclusion while reiterating the position would help solidify the argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to international tourism but lacks depth and development. For example, while it mentions the economic benefits and cultural exchanges, these ideas are not fully explored or supported with concrete examples. The mention of Bangkok as a case study is a good start, but it could be expanded with more specific details about how tourism has positively impacted the local economy and culture.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics, specific examples, or anecdotes that illustrate the impact of tourism on local communities. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall argument, ensuring that they contribute to the essay’s main thesis.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing international tourism. However, there are instances where the writing becomes somewhat convoluted, leading to a lack of focus. For example, the discussion about the pressures of modern life and the busy working environment seems tangential and does not directly relate to the core argument about tourism’s advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. It would be beneficial to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each section contributes to answering the question. Additionally, avoiding unrelated tangents will help keep the essay concise and relevant.
In summary, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, presenting a definitive position, elaborating on ideas with supporting evidence, and maintaining a tight focus on the topic throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a series of ideas related to international tourism and its impacts, but the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the opening sentences introduce broad economic changes without clearly linking them to the topic of tourism. The transition from discussing economic changes to the benefits of tourism feels abrupt and lacks a coherent structure. Additionally, the essay does not follow a clear argument structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the author’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced by a topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Using an outline before writing can help in structuring the essay logically. For example, the first paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of tourism, while the second could address the disadvantages, followed by a conclusion that weighs these points.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which significantly hampers readability. Ideas are presented in long blocks of text without distinct breaks, making it challenging to identify separate points or arguments. For example, the discussion about the positive impacts of tourism and the subsequent mention of negative effects are jumbled together, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: The author should divide the essay into clear paragraphs, each with a specific focus. A suggested structure could be: one paragraph for the introduction, one for the advantages of international tourism, one for the disadvantages, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the discussion and presents a final viewpoint. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that indicates the main idea.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for guiding the reader through the text. While there are some attempts to use linking words (e.g., "therefore," "beside that"), these are not consistently applied, and the connections between ideas often feel weak. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of tourism to its negative impacts lacks a cohesive device that would signal this shift effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "in addition," "on the other hand," and "for example." These devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in writing exercises can also help the author become more comfortable with their application.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the author should focus on organizing information logically, using clear paragraphing, and employing a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity and flow of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms related to tourism and economics such as "global economic," "services," "tourism," and "financial." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with phrases like "new things," "local people," and "tourism sectors." This repetition limits the overall impression of lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "new things," alternatives like "novelties," "innovations," or "fresh experiences" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "local inhabitants" or "community members" could replace "local people" to add variety.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the global economic has changed on overall," which should be "the global economy has changed overall." Additionally, phrases like "the financial is upgraded" are vague and could be more accurately expressed as "the financial situation has improved." The use of "affects" instead of "effects" also demonstrates a lack of precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing the definitions of words and ensuring they fit the context is crucial. For instance, using "impact" instead of "affect" when discussing the consequences of tourism would enhance clarity. Engaging in exercises that emphasize word choice and context can also be beneficial.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Morden" (should be "modern"), "there holiday" (should be "their holiday"), and "Hundred thousand" (should be "hundreds of thousands"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also aid in improving spelling skills.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the global economic has changed on overall" and "the working environment is also busy and changing continuously" show a basic level of complexity. However, there is a noticeable lack of complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument. The use of transitional phrases is minimal, which affects the flow and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "the international tourist has brought the new things to the local people," the writer could say, "Although international tourists have brought new experiences to local people, they have also introduced challenges that must be addressed." Additionally, using a variety of conjunctions and transitional phrases can help improve the overall flow of ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the global economic has changed on overall" should be "the global economy has changed overall." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "the international tourist has brought" instead of "international tourists have brought." Punctuation is often missing or misused, as seen in the run-on sentences and lack of commas where necessary, which makes it difficult to follow the writer’s arguments.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that nouns and verbs match in number. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing basic rules can help. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to sentence boundaries and use commas to separate clauses appropriately. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation is needed for clarity. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors before submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.
By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of the essay, potentially improving the overall band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
Since the years of the 2020s, the global economy has changed overall, and particularly the economic structure has changed in each nation. New sectors have been established and developed, such as services and tourism, while agriculture and industry have remained stable and grown slowly. With modern life today, besides the financial benefits being upgraded and providing greater value to people, the working environment is also increasingly busy and dynamic, which has caused certain pressures and stress for both employees and employers.
Therefore, people often choose to travel and rest for their holidays and vacations, which encourages investment in the service and tourism sectors both within a nation and worldwide. Individuals from other regions and nations have traveled to discover and experience new areas, landscapes, cultures, food, drinks, and more. Besides that, international tourists have brought new experiences to local residents at tourist destinations and have improved the finances of those places. Of course, new influences will impact native cultures; however, most of these changes are in positive ways.
Understanding that there are still some negative effects, such as environmental issues, noise, theft, robbery, etc., most of these can be effectively managed by the government since they decided to open to tourists. They need to foresee, prepare, and invest in the facilities and security forces to ensure the tourism sector can adapt to these effects and ensure sustainable services as well as benefits from this sector.
A good example is tourism in Bangkok, Thailand. Every year, there are hundreds of thousands of tourists coming for many events throughout the year, but they have prepared well with all the facilities, traffic, and services to minimize the negative effects on the city and its citizens. On the other hand, they have adjusted laws and regulations to be flexible and open the economy of tourism, allowing their people and tourists to enjoy events together without conflict. They have also created new services and habitats based on the demands of tourists to make their tourism more attractive and special.
