Older people do not get enough exercise these days. Discuss possible solutions to encourage them to exercise more

Nowadays, a large number of the older people do not get enough exercise, which raises
concerns about their long-term health. To deal with the issue of exercise, seniors play an
important role in increasing the overall quality of life. In this essay, the solutions to improve
quality physical activity among older adults will be discussed.
First, one effective solution to encourage elderly individuals to exercise more is to realize
community based group exercise programs. Create a community based on walking clubs of
fitness challenges. To increase awareness and promote motivation of the elderly to exercise
regularly. Besides, encourage older people to approach physical activities daily. Such as
doing light chores, raising their spirits in low-impact activities.
Secondly, another possible solution is using simple fitness apps or wearable devices to help
seniors track their progress. In modern life, the fitness app has broadened knowledge.
These devices are so suitable to track physical activities and set daily goals for the older
adults. For example, the older people can follow and know the limits of their health.
Furthermore, working with healthcare providers to create personalized exercise plans based
on the physical condition of each other elderly individual.
In conclusion, physical inactivity is a major effect contributing to many health problems faced
by elderly. Therefore, maintaining the activity lifestyle of the older people becomes more
important to support their physical and mental health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"a large number of the older people" -> "a significant proportion of older individuals"
Explanation: "A significant proportion of older individuals" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "a large number of the older people."
"do not get enough exercise" -> "engage in insufficient physical activity"
Explanation: "Engage in insufficient physical activity" is a more formal and specific phrase that better captures the intended meaning in an academic context.
"raises concerns about their long-term health" -> "raises concerns regarding their long-term health"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "about," which is somewhat informal.
"seniors play an important role" -> "seniors assume a crucial role"
Explanation: "Assume a crucial role" is more formal and emphasizes the significance of the seniors’ involvement, enhancing the academic tone.
"increase the overall quality of life" -> "enhance overall quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal verb than "increase" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"realize community based group exercise programs" -> "establish community-based group exercise programs"
Explanation: "Establish" is more specific and formal than "realize," which is not typically used in this context.
"Create a community based on walking clubs of fitness challenges" -> "Establish a community centered around walking clubs and fitness challenges"
Explanation: "Establish a community centered around" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and formality.
"To increase awareness and promote motivation of the elderly to exercise regularly" -> "To enhance awareness and motivation among the elderly to engage in regular exercise"
Explanation: "Enhance awareness and motivation among the elderly to engage in regular exercise" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of the original.
"doing light chores, raising their spirits in low-impact activities" -> "participating in light chores and low-impact activities to boost their spirits"
Explanation: "Participating in" and "boost their spirits" are more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"using simple fitness apps or wearable devices" -> "utilizing simple fitness apps or wearable devices"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is a more formal synonym for "using," which is preferred in academic writing.
"track their progress" -> "monitor their progress"
Explanation: "Monitor" is a more precise and formal term than "track" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay.
"the fitness app has broadened knowledge" -> "fitness apps have expanded knowledge"
Explanation: "Expanded" is more appropriate than "broadened" in this context, and "apps" should be plural to match the generalization.
"so suitable to track physical activities" -> "suitable for tracking physical activities"
Explanation: "Suitable for tracking" is grammatically correct and more formal than "so suitable to track."
"set daily goals for the older adults" -> "set daily goals for older adults"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "older adults" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formality.
"the older people can follow and know the limits of their health" -> "older adults can track and understand their health limitations"
Explanation: "Track and understand their health limitations" is more precise and formal, replacing the awkward and vague original phrasing.
"working with healthcare providers to create personalized exercise plans" -> "collaborating with healthcare providers to develop personalized exercise plans"
Explanation: "Collaborating" and "develop" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic tone.
"physical inactivity is a major effect contributing to many health problems faced by elderly" -> "physical inactivity is a significant contributor to numerous health problems affecting the elderly"
Explanation: "A significant contributor to numerous health problems affecting the elderly" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses more precise vocabulary.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing possible solutions to encourage older people to exercise more. However, it lacks depth in exploring these solutions. For instance, while community-based exercise programs are mentioned, the explanation is vague and lacks specific examples of how these programs could be implemented or what they might entail. Similarly, the mention of fitness apps is not sufficiently developed to show how they can be effectively utilized by older adults.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each proposed solution. For instance, discussing specific types of community programs, potential partnerships with local organizations, or examples of successful initiatives could enhance the response. Additionally, elaborating on how fitness apps can be user-friendly for seniors and providing examples of popular apps would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that older people need to exercise more, but it lacks a strong, clear stance throughout. The introduction mentions the importance of seniors in increasing quality of life, but this idea is not consistently tied back to the solutions proposed. The conclusion reiterates the importance of maintaining an active lifestyle but does not clearly connect this back to the solutions discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link each solution back to the overarching argument about the importance of exercise for older adults. Using phrases such as "This solution directly addresses…" or "By implementing this, we can ensure…" can help reinforce the connection between the solutions and the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the writer mentions community programs and fitness apps, there is limited elaboration on how these ideas can be effectively implemented or their potential impact. For example, the discussion of community-based programs lacks specifics on how these programs would operate or be marketed to seniors.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each solution with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the effectiveness of these approaches. Providing evidence or case studies of successful programs can strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on solutions to encourage exercise among older adults. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the benefits of physical activity without directly linking it back to the proposed solutions. This can create a sense of disconnection between the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the solutions proposed. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that directly reference the solutions can help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about the benefits of exercise without linking them to the solutions will help maintain clarity and focus.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each solution, maintain a clear and consistent position throughout, and ensure that all ideas presented are directly relevant to the topic of encouraging exercise among older adults.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the problem of inactivity among older adults and states the intention to discuss solutions. The body paragraphs are organized around two main solutions, which helps maintain a logical flow. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from community-based programs to the use of technology feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that connects the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing community-based programs, a sentence like "In addition to community initiatives, technology can also play a significant role in encouraging exercise among seniors" would create a more seamless transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct solution. The introduction sets the stage, while the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence that directly states the importance of community-based exercise programs before diving into the details.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This will help the reader quickly grasp the main idea of each section. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that summarizes the main point and links it back to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "secondly," and "furthermore," which help to indicate the order of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Besides, encourage older people to approach physical activities daily" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making it feel disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For example, instead of "Besides," which can be vague, consider using "Moreover, this approach can also encourage…" to create a stronger link between the ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant solutions, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "community based group exercise programs," "fitness challenges," and "personalized exercise plans." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "older people" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternatives, which could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions for "older people," such as "seniors," "elderly individuals," or "aged population." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the vocabulary. For example, instead of "light chores," one might say "light household chores" or "simple daily tasks."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "realize community based group exercise programs" is awkward and unclear; "implement" or "establish" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, the phrase "to increase awareness and promote motivation of the elderly" lacks clarity and could be rephrased for better precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. For instance, instead of "realize," use "implement" or "create." Additionally, rephrasing "promote motivation of the elderly" to "enhance motivation among seniors" would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, there are some minor issues, such as "community based" which should be hyphenated as "community-based." The phrase "the older people" could be more fluidly expressed as "older adults" or "the elderly."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay for hyphenation and other common spelling conventions. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and spelling errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common terms related to the topic can enhance spelling confidence.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for vocabulary use, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "First" and "Secondly" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "To deal with the issue of exercise, seniors play an important role in increasing the overall quality of life" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and engagement. Additionally, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, which can detract from the overall fluency.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For instance, instead of stating "Create a community based on walking clubs of fitness challenges," you might say, "Creating a community centered around walking clubs and fitness challenges can significantly enhance motivation among seniors." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can add interest, such as starting sentences with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "realize community based group exercise programs" should be "realizing community-based group exercise programs." The lack of hyphenation in "community based" is a grammatical oversight. Furthermore, punctuation issues arise in sentences like "Besides, encourage older people to approach physical activities daily. Such as doing light chores," where "Such as" should not start a new sentence. These errors can disrupt the flow and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of hyphens in compound adjectives. Additionally, ensure that phrases like "Such as" are properly integrated into the preceding sentence to maintain coherence. A helpful strategy is to proofread the essay for common grammatical errors and to read sentences aloud to catch awkward phrasing or punctuation mistakes.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, a significant proportion of older individuals do not engage in sufficient physical activity, which raises concerns regarding their long-term health. To address the issue of exercise, seniors assume a crucial role in enhancing their overall quality of life. In this essay, the solutions to improve physical activity among older adults will be discussed.

First, one effective solution to encourage elderly individuals to exercise more is to establish community-based group exercise programs. Creating a community centered around walking clubs and fitness challenges can significantly motivate older people to engage in regular physical activity. Additionally, it is important to encourage seniors to incorporate physical activities into their daily routines, such as participating in light chores and low-impact activities to boost their spirits.

Secondly, another possible solution is utilizing simple fitness apps or wearable devices to help seniors monitor their progress. In modern life, fitness apps have expanded knowledge about health and wellness. These devices are particularly suitable for tracking physical activities and setting daily goals for older adults. For example, older individuals can track and understand their health limitations, which can empower them to stay active. Furthermore, collaborating with healthcare providers to develop personalized exercise plans tailored to the physical condition of each elderly individual can enhance their exercise experience.

In conclusion, physical inactivity is a significant contributor to numerous health problems affecting the elderly. Therefore, maintaining an active lifestyle for older people becomes increasingly important to support their physical and mental health.