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ome people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

ome people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The proposal to use government funds for incorporating artworks such as paintings and statues in urban areas to enhance their allure has garnered support in recent years. Although I acknowledge the underlying rationale of this perspective, I argue that other facets of urban development should take precedence over enhancing the attractiveness of these areas.
Certainly, there are valid reasons to advocate for government-sponsored art in cities. Artistic installations in public spaces can significantly alter the aesthetic and cultural landscape of an area. They serve as symbols of cultural identity, reflecting the history and values of the community. Art in public spaces also provides accessibility to cultural experiences for a broader demographic, breaking down the barriers of traditional art galleries and museums. For example, cities like Barcelona, adorned with Gaudí's architectural masterpieces, exemplify how art can become a cornerstone of urban identity and appeal, drawing tourists and locals alike.
However, the appeal of urban areas relies on more than just aesthetic enhancements. Crucial aspects like infrastructure, green spaces, and public services play a pivotal role in making cities livable and attractive. Efficient public transportation systems, well-maintained parks, and quality public services are fundamental to the daily lives of residents and can significantly impact a city's appeal. Again the attractiveness of Barcelona is not just attributed to its artistic heritage but also to their emphasis on high-quality public services and sustainable urban planning, which is the original recognition before its artistic beauty . Therefore, while art can enrich urban spaces, the allocation of government funds should prioritize these essential elements that directly impact the quality of life and functionality of a city.
In conclusion, although the integration of art in urban spaces has its merits, I maintain that government funding should be more strategically directed towards improving fundamental urban infrastructure and services. These elements are crucial in enhancing the overall attractiveness and livability of towns and cities, extending beyond the aesthetic contributions of art alone.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "garnered support" -> "gained support"
    Explanation: Replacing "garnered support" with "gained support" maintains formality by using a more precise and traditional expression.

  2. "Although I acknowledge" -> "While I acknowledge"
    Explanation: Changing "Although I acknowledge" to "While I acknowledge" introduces a slightly more formal transition while retaining the concessive nature of the statement.

  3. "Certainly, there are valid reasons" -> "Certainly, there are compelling reasons"
    Explanation: Substituting "valid" with "compelling" adds a nuanced emphasis, conveying a stronger sense of justification in the context of the argument.

  4. "advocate for" -> "advocate the"
    Explanation: Changing "advocate for" to "advocate the" streamlines the expression, making it more concise and aligned with formal language conventions.

  5. "Crucial aspects like" -> "Crucial elements such as"
    Explanation: Replacing "aspects like" with "elements such as" enhances precision, contributing to a more scholarly and refined tone.

  6. "play a pivotal role" -> "play a crucial role"
    Explanation: Substituting "pivotal" with "crucial" maintains the significance of the role played by infrastructure, green spaces, and public services while using a term that is slightly more formal.

  7. "drawing tourists and locals alike" -> "attracting tourists and residents alike"
    Explanation: Changing "drawing" to "attracting" and "locals" to "residents" provides a more formal and precise description of the impact of art on both tourists and residents.

  8. "but also to their emphasis" -> "but also to its emphasis"
    Explanation: Correcting the pronoun from "their" to "its" ensures grammatical consistency and clarity in referring to the singular noun "Barcelona."

  9. "which is the original recognition" -> "which was the initial recognition"
    Explanation: Replacing "is" with "was" and "original" with "initial" enhances the temporal precision of the statement, aligning it more closely with formal language standards.

  10. "before its artistic beauty" -> "prior to its artistic beauty"
    Explanation: Substituting "before" with "prior to" contributes to a more formal and polished expression, maintaining the chronological clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the perspective advocating for government-sponsored art in cities while asserting a different priority regarding urban development.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider expanding on the reasons supporting the prioritization of other urban development aspects. Providing additional examples or statistical data that highlight the impact of infrastructure, green spaces, or public services could further strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position against prioritizing art in cities, emphasizing the importance of fundamental urban elements for livability and attractiveness.
    • How to improve: While the stance is clear, reinforcing it with stronger transitional phrases between paragraphs or using more definitive language throughout the essay could bolster the clarity of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents the ideas, offering examples such as Barcelona’s artistic heritage and the emphasis on urban infrastructure to support the argument.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, delve into specific instances or case studies from various cities or studies showcasing the direct correlation between urban infrastructure development and city attractiveness.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently focuses on the proposed topic, examining the role of art in cities versus the importance of fundamental urban elements.
    • How to improve: While maintaining relevance, ensure that each point directly contributes to the overall argument. Avoid any tangential discussions that may distract from the core argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively discussing the merits of incorporating art in urban spaces while emphasizing the priority of essential urban infrastructure and services. To improve, consider enriching the content with additional examples, data, or more emphatic language to reinforce the position and further elaborate on the reasons behind prioritizing other urban development aspects.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information. It begins with a concise introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance. Each subsequent paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the benefits of government-sponsored art to the broader considerations of urban development. The use of examples, such as Gaudí’s influence in Barcelona, effectively supports the argument and contributes to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While the logical organization is generally strong, consider reinforcing the essay’s overall structure by explicitly stating the main points in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion. This can enhance clarity for the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a distinct subtopic. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, aiding the overall coherence. The structure is coherent and contributes to the reader’s understanding of the writer’s viewpoint.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. Additionally, consider varying the length of sentences for added stylistic variety and emphasis.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("although," "however," "therefore") and cohesive ties ("these areas," "they," "For example"). These devices effectively link ideas and contribute to the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While the essay already utilizes cohesive devices well, consider introducing more sophisticated transitions and varied sentence structures. This can elevate the essay’s cohesion further, creating a smoother and more nuanced flow of ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To improve further, focus on reinforcing the structural elements in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and experimenting with more advanced cohesive devices to enhance overall fluency.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terms to convey ideas related to the topic. It employs words such as "incorporating," "allure," "advocate," "adorned," "cornerstone," "livable," "crucial," and "enrich," showcasing a reasonably diverse vocabulary.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates an ability to use an array of vocabulary, it could benefit from incorporating more specialized or nuanced terms related to urban development and art integration. Exploring synonyms or more precise descriptors could enhance the richness of expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely to articulate ideas. For instance, phrases like "crucial aspects," "livable and attractive," and "fundamental urban infrastructure" are employed effectively to convey specific meanings.
    • How to improve: To further enhance precision, consider using more context-specific vocabulary related to urban planning and artistic integration. Instead of general terms like "fundamental elements," employing more domain-specific terminology, such as "urban amenities" or "civic infrastructure," can elevate the precision of expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally proficient. There are no glaring spelling errors that impede readability or comprehension.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of spelling accuracy, continue employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and thorough manual review. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and practice regular writing exercises to reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent command of vocabulary and spelling accuracy. To improve further, consider diversifying and refining the vocabulary with more domain-specific terms related to urban development and art integration. Additionally, continue practicing spelling accuracy techniques to ensure consistent proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There is a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures, contributing to overall coherence and fluency. For instance, the essay effectively employs complex sentences when discussing the multifaceted role of art in urban spaces.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures within each paragraph. This can be achieved by introducing subordinating conjunctions and relative clauses to add depth and complexity to the analysis.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are minimal grammatical errors, and the sentence constructions contribute to a clear and precise expression of ideas. For instance, the correct use of verb tenses and subject-verb agreement enhances the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the grammatical accuracy is strong, continue to proofread carefully to catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked. Pay special attention to articles, prepositions, and verb forms to maintain a consistently high level of accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed, contributing to the overall readability. For instance, the essay effectively employs commas to indicate pauses and separate items in a list.
    • How to improve: Maintain the careful use of punctuation, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that commas are used consistently to avoid any potential confusion. Consider incorporating a variety of punctuation marks, such as colons or semicolons, to add nuance and variety to sentence structures.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To improve further, focus on refining sentence structures for greater variety, continue proofreading for minor grammatical errors, and maintain the effective use of punctuation for enhanced clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The idea of using government funds to introduce artworks such as paintings and statues into urban areas to enhance their appeal has gained support in recent years. While I acknowledge the underlying rationale of this perspective, I argue that other aspects of urban development should take precedence over enhancing the attractiveness of these areas.

Certainly, there are valid reasons to advocate for government-sponsored art in cities. Artistic installations in public spaces can significantly alter the aesthetic and cultural landscape of an area. They serve as symbols of cultural identity, reflecting the history and values of the community. Art in public spaces also provides accessibility to cultural experiences for a broader demographic, breaking down the barriers of traditional art galleries and museums. For example, cities like Barcelona, adorned with Gaudí’s architectural masterpieces, exemplify how art can become a cornerstone of urban identity and appeal, attracting tourists and residents alike.

However, the appeal of urban areas relies on more than just aesthetic enhancements. Crucial elements such as infrastructure, green spaces, and public services play a crucial role in making cities livable and attractive. Efficient public transportation systems, well-maintained parks, and quality public services are fundamental to the daily lives of residents and can significantly impact a city’s appeal. Again, the attractiveness of Barcelona is not just attributed to its artistic heritage but also to its emphasis on high-quality public services and sustainable urban planning, which was the initial recognition prior to its artistic beauty. Therefore, while art can enrich urban spaces, the allocation of government funds should prioritize these essential elements that directly impact the quality of life and functionality of a city.

In conclusion, although the integration of art in urban spaces has its merits, I maintain that government funding should be more strategically directed towards improving fundamental urban infrastructure and services. These elements are crucial in enhancing the overall attractiveness and livability of towns and cities, extending beyond the aesthetic contributions of art alone.

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