One of parents’ most important responsibilities is perhaps taking good care of their offspring. It is believed that it should be compulsory for all mums and dads to take parenting courses so that they are better prepared for parenthood. While I accept that such classes are beneficial, I do not agree that they should be mandatory.

One of parents’ most important responsibilities is perhaps taking good care of their offspring. It is believed that it should be compulsory for all mums and dads to take parenting courses so that they are better prepared for parenthood. While I accept that such classes are beneficial, I do not agree that they should be mandatory.

In today’s society, educating young people in whole family is always one of thorny problems . This issue can be solved by attending parenting courses yearly .Moreover, this activity bring to their children some better knowledge for growth, while it also get some negative aspects. Personally, I argue that it is the good way to educate children.
On the one hand, joining parenting groups still bring some benefits in the educating children problem. Firstly, parents can listen and sympathize with their kids . Children within growth period, they have some crazy activities so parents can learn to control them . For example, my brother is 17 years old and he always feels bored when he stay at home. My mom knows when being the stage of development , he is affected by negative things outside and she talk to him more to understand him rather than using violent activities to tech him.
On the other hand, this activities also have some evil influences . Clearly, parent spend more time for useless things . In other words, parent should not attend some classes teaching control children skills. Instead of it, trying to word hard to earn much money to carry your life and family . Additionally, they can take care themself due to having a good health is the best way to concern for others .
In conclusion, conecting between children and parent is a important issue and I agree that parent should attend parenting courses to help children ‘emotional development and nurturing skills

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "educating young people in whole family" -> "educating young people within the family"
   Explanation: The phrase "in whole family" is awkward and unclear. "Within the family" is more precise and grammatically correct, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.

2. "thorny problems" -> "challenging issues"
   Explanation: "Thorny problems" is an idiom that may sound informal and vague in an academic context. "Challenging issues" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.

3. "attending parenting courses yearly" -> "participating in annual parenting courses"
   Explanation: "Attending" is a bit informal and vague; "participating in" is more specific and formal. "Yearly" is also less common than "annual," which is more typically used in formal writing.

4. "bring to their children some better knowledge" -> "provide their children with enhanced knowledge"
   Explanation: "Bring to" is less formal and slightly vague; "provide with" is more direct and formal. "Some better knowledge" is also vague; "enhanced knowledge" is more precise.

5. "get some negative aspects" -> "have some negative consequences"
   Explanation: "Get" is too informal and vague for this context. "Have" is more appropriate, and "consequences" is a more precise term than "aspects" in this context.

6. "it is the good way" -> "it is a good method"
   Explanation: "The good way" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "A good method" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

7. "joining parenting groups still bring" -> "participating in parenting groups still brings"
   Explanation: "Joining" is less formal than "participating," and "bring" should agree in number with "groups," which is plural.

8. "listen and sympathize with their kids" -> "communicate and empathize with their children"
   Explanation: "Listen and sympathize" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Communicate and empathize" are more formal and academically appropriate terms.

9. "Children within growth period" -> "Children during their developmental period"
   Explanation: "Within growth period" is awkward and unclear. "During their developmental period" is more precise and formal.

10. "he is affected by negative things outside" -> "he is influenced by external factors"
    Explanation: "Negative things outside" is vague and informal. "External factors" is a more precise and formal term.

11. "talk to him more to understand him" -> "engage in more open communication with him"
    Explanation: "Talk to him more to understand him" is informal and lacks specificity. "Engage in more open communication with him" is more formal and precise.

12. "using violent activities to tech him" -> "using coercive methods to teach him"
    Explanation: "Violent activities" is too strong and informal, and "tech" is a typo. "Coercive methods" is a more appropriate and formal term.

13. "this activities" -> "these activities"
    Explanation: "This" is singular and incorrect when referring to a plural noun like "activities." "These" is the correct demonstrative pronoun.

14. "parent spend more time for useless things" -> "parents spend more time on unnecessary activities"
    Explanation: "Parent" should be plural to match the context, and "for useless things" is awkward and informal. "On unnecessary activities" is more precise and formal.

15. "trying to word hard to earn much money" -> "striving to work hard to earn a substantial income"
    Explanation: "Trying to word hard" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Striving to work hard" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Earn a substantial income" is more precise than "earn much money."

16. "conecting between children and parent" -> "connection between children and parents"
    Explanation: "Conecting" is a typo and should be "connection." Also, "parent" should be plural to match the context.

17. "help children ‘emotional development" -> "aid children’s emotional development"
    Explanation: "Help" is less formal than "aid," and "children" should be possessive to agree with "development."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of parenting courses. However, it does not fully engage with the requirement to argue whether these courses should be compulsory. The introduction states a personal stance against mandatory courses but fails to elaborate on this position throughout the essay. The discussion of benefits is somewhat vague and does not clearly connect to the argument against compulsion.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should clearly outline the reasons for opposing mandatory parenting courses in the introduction and then develop those reasons in the body paragraphs. Each paragraph should directly relate back to the prompt, ensuring that both sides of the argument are thoroughly explored.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position against mandatory parenting courses but lacks clarity and consistency. The argument is muddled by the inclusion of points that seem to support the idea of attending courses without clearly linking them to the main argument against compulsion. For instance, the mention of benefits in the first body paragraph contradicts the stance taken in the introduction.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear and consistent position by explicitly stating the reasons against compulsion in the introduction and reiterating these points in the conclusion. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help reinforce the main argument and keep the focus on the position taken.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the statement about parents learning to control their children’s behavior is not adequately supported with examples or explanations. Additionally, the discussion of negative influences is vague and does not provide concrete evidence or reasoning to back up the claims made.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or research findings that illustrate the points being made. Each idea should be clearly articulated, extended with further explanation, and supported with relevant evidence to strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the focus shifts to the idea of parents working hard to earn money. This point, while related to parenting, does not directly support the argument about parenting courses and can confuse the reader about the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all points made in the essay directly relate to the argument about parenting courses. It may be helpful to create an outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and does not stray from the main topic.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, developing and supporting ideas with specific examples, and staying on topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is often disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of parenting courses to the negative aspects is abrupt and lacks a clear linking sentence. Additionally, the argument about parents needing to work hard for financial stability appears disconnected from the main topic of parenting courses.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should use clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Each paragraph should begin with a sentence that introduces the key point, followed by supporting details. Transition phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In addition" can help guide the reader through the argument and maintain a coherent flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their effectiveness is undermined by inconsistent structure and unclear focus. The first body paragraph mixes several ideas without clearly delineating them, making it hard for the reader to follow. For example, the discussion about the brother’s behavior and the mother’s response lacks a clear connection to the main argument about parenting courses.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting evidence and examples. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of parenting courses, while the second could address the drawbacks. This separation will improve clarity and allow for a more structured argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "On the other hand." However, the range is limited, and some devices are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For example, "this activity bring to their children some better knowledge for growth" is not only grammatically incorrect but also lacks clarity in its meaning. Additionally, the use of "this activities" is inconsistent with standard English grammar.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "However," and "Consequently." It is also essential to ensure grammatical accuracy when using these devices. Practicing sentence structures that incorporate these cohesive devices can help improve overall fluency and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a basic argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "thorny problems," "negative aspects," and "emotional development." However, the range is limited and often repetitive, with phrases like "parenting courses" and "educating children" appearing multiple times without variation. This indicates a lack of flexibility in vocabulary use.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "parenting courses," alternatives like "parenting workshops," "child-rearing seminars," or "family education programs" could be employed. Additionally, varying phrases such as "educating children" with "raising children," "nurturing young minds," or "guiding youth" would demonstrate a broader vocabulary range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "this activity bring to their children some better knowledge for growth," which is awkwardly phrased and unclear. The phrase "crazy activities" is also vague and informal, lacking the specificity needed for an academic essay. Furthermore, "evil influences" is an overly dramatic term that may not accurately convey the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For example, instead of "crazy activities," a more precise term could be "impulsive behaviors" or "risk-taking activities." Additionally, replacing "evil influences" with "negative influences" or "harmful effects" would enhance the clarity of the argument. The writer should also consider the context and connotation of words to ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "conecting" (connecting), "parent" (should be plural as "parents"), and "tech" (should be "teach"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Creating a list of frequently used vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling through repeated practice can also help solidify spelling skills. Reading more academic texts can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, reinforcing learning.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with it, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structure, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "this activity bring to their children some better knowledge for growth" and "parent should not attend some classes teaching control children skills" showcase basic sentence forms. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "children within growth period, they have some crazy activities," but these are often awkwardly constructed and lack clarity. The use of conjunctions is limited, which restricts the flow and complexity of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences with dependent clauses. For instance, instead of "parent should not attend some classes teaching control children skills," a more complex structure could be, "While some parents may find parenting classes beneficial, others believe that their time would be better spent focusing on their careers." Additionally, varying the use of passive voice and different forms of verbs can add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "This issue can be solved by attending parenting courses yearly" lacks a subject in the second clause, leading to confusion. The phrase "this activity bring to their children some better knowledge" should be "this activity brings" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing commas in "Firstly, parents can listen and sympathize with their kids," detract from the overall readability of the essay. The use of periods and commas is inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and fragments, as seen in "Children within growth period, they have some crazy activities."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that every sentence has a clear subject and predicate. Practicing sentence combining exercises can help in creating more complex sentences. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper sentence structure and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, educating young people within the family is always one of the challenging issues. This issue can be addressed by attending parenting courses annually. Moreover, this activity provides their children with enhanced knowledge for growth, while it also has some negative consequences. Personally, I argue that it is a good method to educate children.

On the one hand, participating in parenting groups still brings some benefits in the education of children. Firstly, parents can listen to and empathize with their kids. Children during their developmental period engage in some crazy activities, so parents can learn to control them. For example, my brother is 17 years old, and he always feels bored when he stays at home. My mom knows that during this stage of development, he is influenced by negative things outside, and she talks to him more to understand him rather than using coercive methods to teach him.

On the other hand, these activities also have some negative influences. Clearly, parents spend more time on unnecessary activities. In other words, parents should not attend classes teaching child control skills. Instead, they should strive to work hard to earn a substantial income to support their lives and families. Additionally, they can take care of themselves, as having good health is the best way to care for others.

In conclusion, the connection between children and parents is an important issue, and I agree that parents should attend parenting courses to aid children’s emotional development and nurturing skills.