: One way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles. How could this alleviate congestion? What other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?

: One way to solve the problem of congestion on the roads is to increase the tax on private vehicles.
How could this alleviate congestion?
What other measures can you suggest to deal with congestion in cities?

Traffic jams have always been a serious issue since vehicles were first invented, especially in recent years due to the number of vehicles appearing on the streets. Raising tax on private privately-owned vehicles is a measure to combat congestion. In this essay, I will explain the reasons why this solution can fight against traffic jams and suggest some other ways to deal with this annoying issue.
First, only when tax on privately-owned vehicles is higher is the people whose income is low can not afford it. For example, vietnamese people in city centers mostly use public transportations such as buses, trains,…etc as a daily commuting since the tax and the price of cars, motorbikes,…etc is unaffordable and most of people income is low and it would take years to save for a vehicles. As a result, this solution of raising taxes plays a vital role in reducing congestion on the roads. Furthermore, this also leads people to commute via environmentally friendly vehicles such as electric transportation such as trains.
Higher tax on privately-owned vehicles is a good solution but there are a variety of measures that can effectively solve the problem of traffic jams on the streets. One of them is flexible working schedules. Companies should promote their employees to work from home or avoid working during rush hours. Flexible working schedules can significantly decrease not only congestion but also traffic collisions since people do not have to be stressed by getting to their place late. Another solution is raising people’s awareness about environmental problems such as air pollution, climate change,..etc, encouraging them to use environmentally friendly public transits in order to alleviate congestion and protect our living environment.
In conclusion, the issue of congestion has become pervasive across the world, it can be mitigated by several measures, it is crucial to adopt a comprehensive strategy

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Traffic jams have always been a serious issue" -> "Traffic congestion has consistently been a significant concern"
   Explanation: Replacing "serious issue" with "significant concern" refines the tone to be more formal and precise, aligning better with academic language.

2. "especially in recent years due to the number of vehicles appearing on the streets" -> "particularly in recent years due to the increasing number of vehicles on the roads"
   Explanation: "Increasing number of vehicles on the roads" is more specific and accurate than "number of vehicles appearing on the streets," which is vague and informal.

3. "Raising tax on private privately-owned vehicles" -> "Increasing taxes on privately owned vehicles"
   Explanation: "Raising tax" is redundant with "taxes," and "private privately-owned vehicles" is awkwardly phrased; "privately owned vehicles" is clearer and more direct.

4. "is a measure to combat congestion" -> "is a strategy to mitigate congestion"
   Explanation: "Strategy" is a more precise term than "measure" in this context, and "mitigate" is academically appropriate for discussing the reduction of congestion.

5. "the people whose income is low can not afford it" -> "individuals with lower incomes may not be able to afford it"
   Explanation: "Individuals with lower incomes" is more formal and precise than "the people whose income is low," and "may not be able to afford" is more polite and appropriate than "can not afford."

6. "vietnamese people in city centers mostly use" -> "Vietnamese residents in urban centers primarily use"
   Explanation: "Vietnamese residents" is more formal and specific than "Vietnamese people," and "urban centers" is a more formal term than "city centers."

7. "the tax and the price of cars, motorbikes,…etc" -> "the tax and the cost of vehicles, including cars and motorbikes"
   Explanation: "Cost of vehicles, including cars and motorbikes" is more specific and avoids the informal "…etc."

8. "it would take years to save for a vehicles" -> "it may take years to save for a vehicle"
   Explanation: "A vehicle" should be singular to match the singular verb "save," and "may" is more appropriate than "would" for speculative statements.

9. "Higher tax on privately-owned vehicles is a good solution" -> "Increased taxation on privately owned vehicles is a viable solution"
   Explanation: "Increased taxation" is more precise than "Higher tax," and "viable solution" is more formal than "good solution."

10. "flexible working schedules" -> "flexible work schedules"
    Explanation: "Work schedules" is a more common and formal term than "working schedules."

11. "avoid working during rush hours" -> "avoid working during peak hours"
    Explanation: "Peak hours" is a more formal and widely recognized term than "rush hours."

12. "since people do not have to be stressed by getting to their place late" -> "since individuals are less likely to feel stressed about arriving late"
    Explanation: "Individuals are less likely to feel stressed about arriving late" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "do not have to be stressed by."

13. "raising people’s awareness about environmental problems" -> "raising public awareness of environmental issues"
    Explanation: "Public awareness of environmental issues" is more formal and precise than "people’s awareness about environmental problems."

14. "it is crucial to adopt a comprehensive strategy" -> "it is essential to implement a comprehensive strategy"
    Explanation: "Implement" is more specific and formal than "adopt" in this context, and "essential" is more emphatic than "crucial."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing how increasing taxes on private vehicles could alleviate congestion and suggesting additional measures such as flexible working schedules and raising awareness about environmental issues. However, the explanation of how the tax increase would alleviate congestion is somewhat vague and lacks depth. The connection between higher taxes and reduced congestion is not clearly articulated, and the discussion on other measures could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more detailed explanation of how raising taxes directly impacts congestion. For instance, they could discuss how higher costs may discourage car ownership or usage, leading to fewer vehicles on the road. Additionally, expanding on the suggested measures with concrete examples or statistics could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that raising taxes on private vehicles is a viable solution to congestion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between discussing the tax increase and the other measures could be smoother, and the conclusion does not strongly restate the main argument.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. Using transition phrases that link the ideas together and reiterating the importance of the tax increase in the conclusion would help solidify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, including the tax increase and alternative measures. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the discussion on flexible working schedules lacks specific examples of how this could be implemented or its potential effectiveness. The mention of environmental awareness is relevant but could be better supported with examples of successful campaigns or statistics.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating data, case studies, or real-world examples would enhance the credibility of the arguments and provide a more compelling case for each suggested solution.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on congestion and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the discussion of environmental awareness, which, while relevant, feels slightly tangential to the main topic of congestion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the issue of congestion. When introducing related topics, they should clearly link them to the main argument to avoid any perceived deviation from the topic. A clear structure with topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph would help keep the essay focused.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in clarity, depth, and support for the arguments made. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the main argument and the additional measures to be discussed. The first body paragraph focuses on the impact of raising taxes on private vehicles, while the second body paragraph introduces alternative solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing tax to flexible working schedules lacks a clear linking statement, which can confuse readers about how these ideas relate.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect the ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the tax increase, a transitional sentence could link to the next paragraph by stating how financial measures can be complemented by changes in work culture.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the tax implications and the other on the environmental benefits of public transport. This would allow for a more focused discussion in each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is not overloaded with information. Aim for a balance where each paragraph covers a single point in detail. For instance, after discussing the tax increase, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about the environmental benefits of public transport, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of that idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel abrupt. For instance, the transition from discussing tax to flexible working schedules lacks a cohesive device that would help the reader understand the relationship between these two solutions.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can create a smoother reading experience.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a Band Score of 7, improvements can be made in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "congestion," "traffic jams," "privately-owned vehicles," and "environmentally friendly." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "privately-owned vehicles" and "congestion," which appear multiple times without variation. Additionally, the phrase "annoying issue" lacks sophistication and could be replaced with a more formal term.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "privately-owned vehicles," alternatives such as "personal vehicles" or "private cars" could be employed. Additionally, the writer could explore more advanced vocabulary related to urban planning and traffic management, such as "infrastructure" or "mobility solutions."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the people whose income is low can not afford it" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly articulated as "individuals with low incomes may find it unaffordable." Furthermore, the term "public transportations" should be corrected to "public transportation," as it is an uncountable noun in this context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Reviewing sentence structures and ensuring that terms are used correctly will enhance the overall quality. Additionally, utilizing a thesaurus to find more suitable words can help in expressing ideas more clearly and accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "vietnamese" (should be "Vietnamese"), "transportations" (should be "transportation"), and "most of people income" (should be "most people’s income"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in improving overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and sophistication of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional sentences in "only when tax on privately-owned vehicles is higher is the people whose income is low can not afford it" shows an attempt to incorporate more complex grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and structural errors that detract from clarity, such as "the price of cars, motorbikes,…etc is unaffordable and most of people income is low" which could be restructured for better flow and understanding.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, using phrases like "In addition," or "Moreover," at the beginning of sentences can enhance coherence. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and participial phrases could add complexity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity. For example, "the people whose income is low can not afford it" should be rephrased to "people with low incomes cannot afford it" for grammatical accuracy. The phrase "such as buses, trains,…etc" is also incorrect; it should be "such as buses and trains." Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and ellipses, which disrupt the flow of reading. The sentence "it can be mitigated by several measures, it is crucial to adopt a comprehensive strategy" is a run-on sentence that should be split into two separate sentences or connected with a conjunction.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and run-on sentences can help improve clarity. Utilizing tools such as grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on the above areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Traffic congestion has consistently been a significant concern since vehicles were first invented, particularly in recent years due to the increasing number of vehicles on the roads. Increasing taxes on privately owned vehicles is a strategy to mitigate congestion. In this essay, I will explain the reasons why this solution can help alleviate traffic jams and suggest some other measures to address this pressing issue.

First, when the tax on privately owned vehicles is raised, individuals with lower incomes may not be able to afford them. For example, Vietnamese residents in urban centers primarily use public transportation such as buses and trains for their daily commutes, as the tax and the cost of vehicles, including cars and motorbikes, are often unaffordable. Many people may take years to save for a vehicle. As a result, this solution of raising taxes plays a vital role in reducing congestion on the roads. Furthermore, it also encourages people to commute via environmentally friendly modes of transport, such as electric trains.

While higher taxes on privately owned vehicles can be an effective solution, there are a variety of other measures that can also help solve the problem of traffic jams. One of these measures is implementing flexible work schedules. Companies should promote flexible working arrangements, allowing employees to work from home or avoid working during peak hours. Flexible work schedules can significantly decrease not only congestion but also traffic collisions, since individuals are less likely to feel stressed about arriving late.

Another solution is raising public awareness of environmental issues such as air pollution and climate change. By encouraging people to use environmentally friendly public transport, we can alleviate congestion and protect our living environment.

In conclusion, the issue of congestion has become pervasive across the world. It can be mitigated by several measures, and it is essential to implement a comprehensive strategy to effectively address this problem.