Online shopping has had some disadvantages

I totally agree with the viewpoint that online shopping has some drawbacks because of some reasons. First of all, One of the common problems is that the delivery can be delayed. For example, bad weather or issues related to lack of inventory management can lead to delays in delivery that can cause your order to not arrive on time, frustrating shoppers, and making them unwilling to continue shopping online. Second, online shopping lacks a physical experience compared to in-store shopping. When you buy online, you can't touch, see in person, or try on the product before you decide to buy. This sometimes leads to you buying products that are not as expected. For example, a shirt looks very beautiful online but when received it is far from the image because information such as the material, color, and size of the product can be exaggerated to attract customers. Finally, the quality of the goods is not guaranteed. Many buyers have poor quality products, which do not match the description or images on the website. For example, there are customers who have bought fake phones, or cosmetics of unknown origin, which are harmful to health. This not only wastes time and money but also affects the health and psychology of customers when shopping online. In short, I agree with this opinion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I totally agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal and precise expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "I totally agree."
"because of some reasons" -> "due to certain reasons"
Explanation: "Due to certain reasons" is more formal and precise than "because of some reasons," which is vague and informal.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing compared to the more conversational "First of all."
"bad weather" -> "adverse weather conditions"
Explanation: "Adverse weather conditions" is a more precise and formal term than "bad weather," which is too simplistic and informal for academic writing.
"issues related to lack of inventory management" -> "issues arising from inadequate inventory management"
Explanation: "Issues arising from inadequate inventory management" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"can cause your order to not arrive on time" -> "may result in delayed delivery"
Explanation: "May result in delayed delivery" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential consequences of delivery issues.
"frustrating shoppers" -> "disappointing customers"
Explanation: "Disappointing customers" is a more formal and precise term than "frustrating shoppers," which is somewhat colloquial.
"making them unwilling to continue shopping online" -> "leading them to reconsider online shopping"
Explanation: "Leading them to reconsider online shopping" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the impact on consumer behavior.
"online shopping lacks a physical experience" -> "online shopping lacks the tactile experience"
Explanation: "The tactile experience" is a more precise and formal term than "a physical experience," which is somewhat vague.
"you can’t touch, see in person, or try on" -> "you cannot physically touch, inspect, or try on"
Explanation: "Cannot physically touch, inspect, or try on" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the contraction "can’t," which is not suitable for academic writing.
"This sometimes leads to you buying products that are not as expected" -> "This may result in purchasing products that do not meet expectations"
Explanation: "May result in purchasing products that do not meet expectations" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "you buying."
"a shirt looks very beautiful online" -> "a shirt appears attractive online"
Explanation: "Appears attractive" is a more formal expression than "looks very beautiful," which is subjective and colloquial.
"far from the image" -> "differ significantly from the image"
Explanation: "Differ significantly from the image" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"Many buyers have poor quality products" -> "Numerous customers receive substandard products"
Explanation: "Numerous customers receive substandard products" is more formal and specific than "Many buyers have poor quality products."
"which are harmful to health" -> "which pose health risks"
Explanation: "Pose health risks" is a more precise and formal way to describe the potential health impacts, replacing the vague "are harmful to health."
"wastes time and money" -> "results in wasted time and financial loss"
Explanation: "Results in wasted time and financial loss" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"affects the health and psychology of customers" -> "impacts the health and psychological well-being of customers"
Explanation: "Impacts the health and psychological well-being of customers" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of online shopping, which is a positive aspect. However, it does not fully explore the topic as it only presents a limited number of drawbacks without acknowledging any counterarguments or the broader context of online shopping. The essay mentions three main disadvantages: delivery delays, lack of physical experience, and quality concerns, but these points are somewhat repetitive and lack depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to explore a wider range of disadvantages and consider including a brief mention of any potential advantages of online shopping for balance. Additionally, providing more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay clearly states a position in favor of the viewpoint that online shopping has disadvantages. However, the expression "I totally agree" is somewhat informal and could be more academic. The conclusion reiterates the position but does not expand on it or reflect on the implications of these disadvantages.
- How to improve: The writer should adopt a more formal tone and use varied vocabulary to express agreement. Additionally, reinforcing the position with a concluding statement that summarizes the main points and reflects on their significance would provide a stronger closure to the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and generally well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific disadvantage. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. The examples provided are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to effectively illustrate the points being made. For instance, the mention of "fake phones" could be backed up with a specific case or statistic to enhance credibility.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. Including data, studies, or real-life anecdotes could provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of online shopping disadvantages. However, the discussion could be more cohesive, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For instance, the transition between the lack of physical experience and quality concerns could be smoother to enhance the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each paragraph transitions logically to the next. Using linking phrases and summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument can help create a more cohesive essay.

Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that online shopping has disadvantages, structured around three main points: delivery delays, lack of physical experience, and quality concerns. Each point is introduced with a transition phrase, such as "First of all," "Second," and "Finally," which helps guide the reader through the argument. The logical progression from one point to the next is mostly effective, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning. However, the introduction could be more specific about the drawbacks, and the conclusion feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a summary of the points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider revising the introduction to explicitly outline the three main drawbacks that will be discussed. Additionally, a more developed conclusion summarizing the key points and reiterating the main argument would provide a stronger closure to the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a single disadvantage of online shopping, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing; for instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one for the introduction and another for the first disadvantage. This would create a more distinct separation between the introduction and the body of the essay.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting with an introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument, followed by individual paragraphs for each disadvantage. This would not only improve clarity but also enhance the overall organization of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "first of all," and "in short," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the usage could be more varied; for instance, the essay relies heavily on "for example," which could be diversified with alternatives like "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." This repetition can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve the range of cohesive devices, practice incorporating synonyms and varied phrases for examples and transitions. Additionally, consider using linking words to connect sentences within paragraphs, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently," to enhance the flow and cohesion of ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and effective use of cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in the introduction and conclusion, paragraphing, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in the context of discussing the drawbacks of online shopping. Terms like "drawbacks," "delayed," "inventory management," and "exaggerated" are appropriate and relevant. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "online shopping" and "products." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "online shopping," you could use "e-commerce," "digital shopping," or "internet retail." Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe drawbacks could make the essay more engaging. For example, instead of saying "common problems," you might say "frequent challenges" or "typical issues."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the quality of the goods is not guaranteed" is somewhat vague. It would be more precise to specify what aspects of quality are often compromised (e.g., durability, authenticity). Additionally, the phrase "which do not match the description or images" could be clearer if it specified that the discrepancies often involve "size," "color," or "material."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on using more specific terms and phrases. Instead of saying "poor quality products," you could specify "substandard electronics" or "counterfeit goods." This not only clarifies your point but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors and inconsistencies that detract from the overall quality. For example, "One" should be lowercase as it follows a comma, and "which are harmful to health" could be better phrased as "which can be harmful to health" for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "making them unwilling to continue shopping online" could be more effectively expressed as "leading to reluctance in future online shopping."
- How to improve: To improve spelling and grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing regularly can also help reinforce correct spelling and grammar usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more diverse vocabulary, being more specific in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling and grammar, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in "when you buy online, you can’t touch, see in person, or try on the product before you decide to buy" effectively conveys multiple ideas in one sentence. However, the essay tends to rely on a few repetitive structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding sentences, which could limit the overall range. The phrase "I totally agree with the viewpoint that online shopping has some drawbacks because of some reasons" is somewhat formulaic and could be expressed in a more varied manner.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, try incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using different clauses. For example, instead of starting with "First of all," consider using phrases like "To begin with," or "One significant issue is…" Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If customers are not satisfied, they may choose to shop elsewhere"), can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors. For example, "One of the common problems is that the delivery can be delayed" is grammatically correct, but the use of "One" should be lowercase as it follows a comma. Additionally, the phrase "which do not match the description or images on the website" is correctly punctuated, but the sentence could be clearer if it were broken into two sentences for better readability. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "which are harmful to health," where the word "which" could be replaced with "that" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on proofreading for capitalization errors and consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones to enhance readability. Additionally, reviewing the rules for relative clauses can help in choosing the appropriate relative pronoun. Practicing with exercises that target common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules, can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance their writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

I strongly concur with the viewpoint that online shopping has some drawbacks due to certain reasons. Firstly, one of the common problems is that delivery can be delayed. For example, adverse weather conditions or issues arising from inadequate inventory management may result in delayed delivery, frustrating shoppers and making them unwilling to continue shopping online. Secondly, online shopping lacks the tactile experience compared to in-store shopping. When you buy online, you cannot physically touch, inspect, or try on the product before you decide to buy. This may result in purchasing products that do not meet expectations. For example, a shirt appears attractive online, but when received, it may differ significantly from the image because information such as the material, color, and size of the product can be exaggerated to attract customers. Finally, the quality of the goods is not guaranteed. Numerous customers receive substandard products, which do not match the description or images on the website. For example, there are customers who have bought fake phones or cosmetics of unknown origin, which pose health risks. This not only results in wasted time and financial loss but also impacts the health and psychological well-being of customers when shopping online. In short, I agree with this opinion.