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Online shopping is becoming more popular. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of work required?

Online shopping is becoming more popular. How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of work required?

There is an ongoing trend that online shopping is gradually turning to be more ubiquitous. This trend has both positive and negative impacts on our living environment and the related sorts of jobs.
First and foremost, online shopping means individuals must not commute in a long distance to get to shopping malls or shopping sites, leading to the decline in utilizing private vehicles such as cars and motorbikes. Subsequently, this pattern potentially helps declining the environmental pollution. As an illustration, in Vietnam, the fume released by vehicles is declining considerably, attributed to the popularity of online shopping that individuals must not employ personal vehicles. Furthermore, online shopping creates myriad opportunities for delivery men to earn their livelihoods, although online shopping does not require clerks, it demands more and more delivery services, leading to the higher job prospects and income for unemployed people. For instance, in the world, online shopping is on the range which deals with the unemployment for several individuals.
However, shopping through social networks can potentially pose a threat to the environment if there are more and more delivery men on the streets using vehicles. Although people do not have to travel to the shopping places such as shopping malls and stores, resulting in the declining of fume, the prominent appearance of more and more delivery men using their vehicles to deliver items or goods to buyer can release more fumes. Long stories short, this trend is not effective in solving environmental pollution.
To solve these issues, people should use massive transportations to deliver items or goods which can help decrease the fume released. It is imperative for government to encourage citizens to walk on foot to go shopping which can both improve their physical health and well-being and safeguard our planet.
In a nutshell, online shopping has both positive and negative impacts on the environment and the related work.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "turning to be more ubiquitous" -> "becoming increasingly prevalent"
    Explanation: Replacing "turning to be more ubiquitous" with "becoming increasingly prevalent" improves formality and expresses the idea more precisely.

  2. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: Substituting "First and foremost" with "Primarily" maintains the transition while using a more formal and concise term.

  3. "means individuals must not commute in a long distance" -> "eliminates the need for individuals to travel long distances"
    Explanation: Changing "means individuals must not commute in a long distance" to "eliminates the need for individuals to travel long distances" enhances clarity and formality.

  4. "declining the environmental pollution" -> "reducing environmental pollution"
    Explanation: The phrase "declining the environmental pollution" is awkward; replacing it with "reducing environmental pollution" is more grammatically sound and formal.

  5. "illustration" -> "for example"
    Explanation: Substituting "illustration" with "for example" is a more common and appropriate phrase for introducing an example in academic writing.

  6. "fume released by vehicles is declining considerably" -> "vehicle emissions have significantly decreased"
    Explanation: Changing "fume released by vehicles is declining considerably" to "vehicle emissions have significantly decreased" enhances precision and formality.

  7. "in Vietnam" -> "within the Vietnamese context"
    Explanation: Adding "within the Vietnamese context" provides more specificity and aligns with academic precision.

  8. "delivery men" -> "delivery personnel"
    Explanation: Using "delivery personnel" instead of "delivery men" is a gender-neutral and more formal term.

  9. "livelihoods" -> "livelihood"
    Explanation: Adjusting "earn their livelihoods" to "earn their livelihood" simplifies the expression without losing meaning.

  10. "does not require clerks" -> "does not involve in-store clerks"
    Explanation: Substituting "does not require clerks" with "does not involve in-store clerks" offers a more precise description.

  11. "higher job prospects and income for unemployed people" -> "increased employment opportunities and income for those without jobs"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more formal and specific expression.

  12. "on the range which deals with" -> "at a scale that addresses"
    Explanation: Replacing "on the range which deals with" with "at a scale that addresses" improves clarity and formality.

  13. "shopping through social networks" -> "making purchases via social media platforms"
    Explanation: Changing "shopping through social networks" to "making purchases via social media platforms" is more precise and formal.

  14. "Long stories short" -> "In summary"
    Explanation: Substituting "Long stories short" with "In summary" maintains conciseness while adhering to formal language standards.

  15. "not effective" -> "ineffective"
    Explanation: Replacing "not effective" with "ineffective" is a more formal and direct term.

  16. "massive transportations" -> "mass transportation"
    Explanation: Adjusting "massive transportations" to "mass transportation" is a more standard and concise term.

  17. "which can help decrease" -> "aiding in the reduction of"
    Explanation: Substituting "which can help decrease" with "aiding in the reduction of" adds formality and precision.

  18. "imperative for government" -> "imperative for the government"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "government" ensures grammatical correctness.

  19. "go shopping" -> "shop"
    Explanation: Simplifying "go shopping" to "shop" maintains clarity and conciseness.

  20. "In a nutshell" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: Replacing "In a nutshell" with "In conclusion" is a more formal way to signal the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt – the impact on the environment and the kinds of work required. The discussion about reduced commuting, leading to a decline in private vehicle usage and the positive effect on environmental pollution, is well-explored. Additionally, the mention of the increased demand for delivery services and its impact on job prospects is relevant.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both parts of the prompt, providing more specific examples or statistics could enhance the depth of the analysis. Additionally, explicitly stating the positive and negative impacts on the environment and work, as suggested in the prompt, would improve the clarity of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance by discussing both positive and negative impacts of online shopping on the environment and related work. The introduction clearly presents the idea that online shopping has both positive and negative effects, and this position is maintained throughout.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the overall stance in the introduction or conclusion, ensuring the reader can easily identify the writer’s viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing reduced commuting, environmental pollution, job prospects, and the potential negative impact of increased delivery services. However, the development of ideas could be more detailed, providing more examples or elaborating on the presented concepts.
    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, delve deeper into the potential consequences of increased delivery services and explore the positive impacts on job prospects in more detail. Providing specific examples and real-world scenarios would strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the impact of online shopping on the environment and related work. However, there is a slight deviation in the paragraph discussing the potential threat to the environment due to increased delivery services.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic. In the mentioned paragraph, connect the discussion back to the broader theme of online shopping and its overall impact.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, enhancing specificity, providing more detailed examples, and maintaining a tighter focus in certain areas would elevate the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction, followed by two body paragraphs discussing positive and negative impacts, and concludes with a brief summary. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the positive impacts to the potential negative impact of delivery men is somewhat abrupt. The logical progression is generally sound, but minor improvements in transitions would enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through shifts in focus. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" can help signal changes in perspective and create a smoother transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear focus, but some sentences within paragraphs are lengthy, making the structure less effective. Breaking down lengthy sentences into shorter, focused ones would improve readability.
    • How to improve: Aim for a balance between sentence length and clarity. Ensure that each sentence conveys a single idea, making it easier for the reader to follow. Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance overall paragraph structure and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitions (e.g., "First and foremost," "Furthermore," "In a nutshell") and pronouns (e.g., "this trend," "these issues"). However, the usage can be more sophisticated. Some transitions are overused, and the connection between sentences could be strengthened for a more seamless flow.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a mix of transitional words and phrases. Also, focus on maintaining consistency in their usage throughout the essay. Instead of repeating phrases, experiment with synonyms and alternative transition words to add variety. Ensure that each cohesive device contributes to a clear and cohesive narrative.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, improvements in transitions, sentence structure, and cohesive device usage would enhance coherence and cohesion, leading to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary. It covers the topic adequately and includes some specific terms related to environmental issues and employment. However, there’s room for improvement as certain terms and expressions are repeated, and a more varied vocabulary could enhance the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider introducing more synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For instance, instead of repeating phrases like "shopping places," use alternatives such as "retail establishments" or "commercial venues." Additionally, vary sentence structures to avoid repetitive language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is moderate. Some terms are used accurately, such as "environmental pollution" and "unemployment," but there are instances of imprecise language, like "long stories short," which is an informal expression.
    • How to improve: Focus on using precise and formal language consistently. Replace informal expressions with more appropriate alternatives. For example, instead of "long stories short," use "in summary" or "to summarize." Be attentive to context and choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable; however, there are a few errors, such as "turning to be" (should be "becoming") and "massive transportations" (should be "mass transportation").
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to verb forms and choose appropriate singular or plural forms. Proofread carefully to catch spelling errors and consider using tools like spell-check to enhance accuracy. Additionally, be mindful of word choice to ensure the correct use of terms.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, using terms precisely, and ensuring correct spelling, the essay could achieve a higher score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as the one starting with "First and foremost," and varied sentence beginnings. However, the essay could benefit from more varied structures, especially in the development of ideas within paragraphs. There is a reliance on simple sentence structures, and some sentences are overly long and complex, affecting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, aim for a more balanced mix of sentence structures. Use a combination of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Break down complex ideas into simpler sentences for clarity. Vary sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "the decline in utilizing" (use of gerund after preposition), and punctuation errors like missing commas in compound sentences. There are also awkward expressions, like "the range which deals with the unemployment," which could be more effectively phrased.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving precision in grammar usage. Pay attention to prepositions and conjunctions, ensuring they are used appropriately. Revise sentences for clarity, and use commas correctly in compound sentences. Be cautious with word choices and ensure expressions are clear and idiomatic. Proofread carefully to catch and correct such errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, refinement in sentence structure variety and attention to specific grammatical details can elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing trend wherein online shopping is becoming increasingly prevalent. This trend has both positive and negative impacts on our living environment and the kinds of jobs associated with it.

Primarily, online shopping eliminates the need for individuals to travel long distances to reach shopping malls or sites, reducing the reliance on private vehicles such as cars and motorbikes. Consequently, this pattern has the potential to significantly decrease environmental pollution. For example, within the Vietnamese context, vehicle emissions have significantly decreased due to the popularity of online shopping, as individuals no longer need to use personal vehicles.

Moreover, online shopping creates increased employment opportunities and income for delivery personnel. While online shopping does not involve in-store clerks, it fosters a growing demand for delivery services, contributing to higher job prospects and income for those without jobs. This trend is observed globally, where online shopping has addressed unemployment issues for several individuals.

However, the shift towards making purchases via social media platforms may pose a threat to the environment if there is an increasing number of delivery personnel using vehicles. Although people no longer need to travel to physical shopping places like malls and stores, leading to a decrease in emissions, the proliferation of delivery personnel using vehicles to deliver items can counteract these benefits. In summary, this trend may not be entirely effective in solving environmental pollution.

To address these issues, it is imperative for the government to encourage the use of mass transportation for delivering items or goods, which can aid in the reduction of emissions. Additionally, promoting walking as a means to go shopping can improve physical health and well-being while contributing to environmental preservation.

In conclusion, online shopping has both positive and negative impacts on the environment and the associated workforce. Balancing the convenience of online shopping with eco-friendly practices is crucial for creating a sustainable and positive impact on our planet.

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