Online shopping is now replacing shopping in the store. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? In about 250 words, write an essay to express your opinion on the issue. Use reasons and examples to support your position.

Online shopping is becoming more popular than ever, and is believed to be replacing shopping in the store. From my point of view, this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.
On the one hand, purchases on the web are much more advantageous. Firstly, they enable consumers to shop anywhere at any time and without having to ever leave the house. Online items are also relatively cheaper so customers can buy what they want at a bargain price. Secondly, websites like Lazada or Shopee have many features that can assist buyers more so than at any market or shop offline. To acquire an item, consumers sometimes have to go to many stores, wasting both time and effort, but online, with just a click of a mouse, buyers can select from stores worldwide with features such as sort by color, origin, material or size and have it shipped directly to the front door.
On the other hand, certain risks are unavoidable when shopping online. Firstly, consumers are in danger of being scammed by untrustworthy stores and websites. Additionally, in the wrong hands, sensitive information like credit card number, IP address or phone number can do a lot of damage. Secondly ,items online might not always be up to par with the images previewed. As consumers cannot try the product themselves, it may be slightly too big or made in an uncomfortable material, as is the case with clothing, or have defects due to shipping.
In conclusion, the development of online shopping becoming more popular and replacing in-store shopping is both positive and negative. Therefore, it is up to the customers which method to choose.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Online shopping is becoming more popular than ever" -> "Online shopping is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: The phrase "increasingly prevalent" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "than ever."
"is believed to be replacing" -> "is perceived as replacing"
Explanation: "Is perceived as" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone of the statement.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal and commonly accepted phrase in academic writing.
"purchases on the web" -> "online purchases"
Explanation: "Online purchases" is a more concise and formal way to refer to transactions made over the internet.
"much more advantageous" -> "significantly advantageous"
Explanation: "Significantly advantageous" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "much more."
"relatively cheaper" -> "more affordable"
Explanation: "More affordable" is a more precise term that better fits the context of discussing prices in an academic essay.
"buy what they want at a bargain price" -> "acquire items at discounted prices"
Explanation: "Acquire items at discounted prices" is more formal and specific, avoiding the colloquial "buy what they want at a bargain price."
"have many features that can assist buyers more so than at any market or shop offline" -> "offer numerous features that enhance the shopping experience more effectively than offline markets or shops"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the comparison, using "enhance the shopping experience" and "more effectively" to improve precision and formality.
"wasting both time and effort" -> "incurring both time and effort"
Explanation: "Incurring" is a more formal term that better suits academic writing, replacing the more casual "wasting."
"with just a click of a mouse" -> "with a single mouse click"
Explanation: "With a single mouse click" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action.
"do a lot of damage" -> "can cause significant harm"
Explanation: "Can cause significant harm" is more formal and specific, avoiding the colloquial "do a lot of damage."
"items online might not always be up to par with the images previewed" -> "online items may not always meet the expectations set by the previewed images"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the comparison, using "meet the expectations" instead of "be up to par with."
"it may be slightly too big or made in an uncomfortable material" -> "it may be slightly oversized or made from an uncomfortable material"
Explanation: "Oversized" and "made from" are more precise terms that enhance the formality and clarity of the description.
"have defects due to shipping" -> "suffer from defects resulting from shipping"
Explanation: "Suffer from defects resulting from" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of shipping on products.
"the development of online shopping becoming more popular and replacing in-store shopping" -> "the increasing popularity of online shopping and its replacement of in-store shopping"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the structure of the sentence, improving readability and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of online shopping. The author presents a balanced view, acknowledging the advantages such as convenience and cost-effectiveness, as well as the drawbacks like the risk of scams and product discrepancies. However, the conclusion lacks a definitive stance on whether the overall development is positive or negative, which is essential for fully answering the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Instead of stating that it is "up to the customers which method to choose," the author could assert whether they believe the positive aspects outweigh the negatives or vice versa, providing a more conclusive answer to the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but lacks a clear, consistent stance throughout. While the introduction suggests a balanced view, it does not explicitly favor one side, which can confuse readers about the author’s true opinion.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear position by explicitly stating their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the essay. For example, they could use phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" to indicate their stance more clearly and consistently.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas with examples, such as the convenience of online shopping and the potential risks involved. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, while the author mentions that online shopping can be cheaper, they could provide specific examples or statistics to support this claim, making the argument more compelling.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed examples or evidence. This could include citing specific studies or statistics regarding online shopping trends, or providing personal anecdotes that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of online shopping. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "features that can assist buyers" could be more explicitly linked to how these features contribute to the overall positive development of online shopping.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether online shopping is a positive or negative development. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument, reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more definitive position, providing stronger support for ideas, and ensuring that all points are directly relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points are logically organized, with the advantages presented first followed by the disadvantages, which is a common and effective approach. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but a more explicit transition could enhance the flow, such as "While there are significant advantages, there are also notable drawbacks to consider."
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that better connect the ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each point within the paragraphs is clearly linked to the main argument of the essay. You might also consider summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph to reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with clear distinctions between the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, which aids readability. However, the introduction could be more developed to provide a stronger foundation for the argument. The conclusion, while present, could also be expanded to summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by briefly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the essay. In the conclusion, reiterate the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs to reinforce the overall message. This not only provides closure but also helps to emphasize the coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices effectively, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the one hand," which help to organize the points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. For instance, while the use of "Firstly" and "Secondly" is appropriate, varying the language with alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Conversely" could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. This can include using synonyms or phrases that indicate contrast or addition more creatively. For example, instead of repeating "Firstly" and "Secondly," consider using "To begin with" or "Another key point" for advantages, and "Conversely" or "In contrast" for disadvantages. This will not only improve the cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By focusing on improving transitions, expanding the introduction and conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advantageous," "scammed," and "sensitive information." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "shop anywhere at any time" is repetitive and could be expressed in different ways to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, phrases like "wasting both time and effort" could be varied to include synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For example, instead of "wasting both time and effort," the writer could use "squandering valuable time and resources." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "untrustworthy stores" and "bargain price." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more accurately chosen. For example, the phrase "items online might not always be up to par with the images previewed" could be more clearly articulated. The term "up to par" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific phrase like "may not match the quality depicted in the images."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey exact meanings. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which certain words are used and ensuring that they align with the intended message. Practicing paraphrasing and using more specific terms can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the inconsistent use of "credit card number" (which could be more formally referred to as "credit card information") and the spacing before punctuation marks (e.g., "Secondly ,items" should be "Secondly, items").
- How to improve: To improve spelling and punctuation accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and paying attention to common punctuation rules can help minimize errors. Additionally, practicing writing and reviewing spelling lists can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling and punctuation accuracy. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, practicing precise language use, and thorough proofreading will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument and highlights contrasting points. Additionally, the sentence "To acquire an item, consumers sometimes have to go to many stores, wasting both time and effort" showcases a complex structure that adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the inclusion of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses, such as "Although online shopping offers convenience, it also presents risks that consumers must navigate." Additionally, varying the way sentences begin can create a more engaging flow. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Firstly" or "Secondly," try using adverbial phrases or different transition words like "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Consequently."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "items online might not always be up to par with the images previewed" is grammatically correct, but the use of "previewed" could be more effectively expressed as "shown" or "displayed." Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "Secondly ,items online might not always be up to par." Overall, the essay’s clarity is not significantly hindered by these issues, but they do detract from the overall polish.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is important to proofread the essay for minor errors, particularly in punctuation. Ensure that there are no spaces before commas or other punctuation marks. Additionally, practicing the use of articles and prepositions can help avoid common mistakes. For instance, in the phrase "the development of online shopping becoming more popular," consider rephrasing it to "the development of online shopping, which is becoming more popular," to clarify the relationship between the clauses. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also aid in improving overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially increasing the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Online shopping is becoming more popular than ever and is perceived as replacing shopping in stores. In my opinion, this trend has both benefits and drawbacks.

On the one hand, online purchases are significantly advantageous. Firstly, they enable consumers to shop anywhere at any time without having to leave the house. Online items are also relatively more affordable, so customers can acquire items at discounted prices. Secondly, websites like Lazada or Shopee offer numerous features that enhance the shopping experience more effectively than offline markets or shops. To acquire an item, consumers sometimes have to visit many stores, incurring both time and effort. However, online, with a single mouse click, buyers can select from stores worldwide, utilizing features such as sorting by color, origin, material, or size, and have their purchases shipped directly to their front door.

On the other hand, certain risks are unavoidable when shopping online. Firstly, consumers are in danger of being scammed by untrustworthy stores and websites. Additionally, in the wrong hands, sensitive information like credit card numbers, IP addresses, or phone numbers can cause significant harm. Secondly, items purchased online may not always meet the expectations set by the previewed images. As consumers cannot try the product themselves, it may be slightly oversized or made from an uncomfortable material, as is often the case with clothing, or suffer from defects resulting from shipping.

In conclusion, the increasing popularity of online shopping and its replacement of in-store shopping has both positive and negative aspects. Therefore, it is up to the customers to choose which method to use.