Owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ? Do you think is a positive or negative situation?

Recently, it is a clear generalization that rental properties are overshadowed by possessing estates. Personally, I assume that having a self-own property is a positive trend as it bring not only material values but also sentimental one.

There are two primary causes that exert substantial contribution in client’s preference. Firstly, Real estate are commonly extortionate, attributed to prosperous, wealthy, thus, possessing a property reflects individual’s earning potential and financial stability. This stereotype yield a sense of accomplishment that plays a crucial role, as a basic human needs, not only earning admiration from relatives, co-workers,…, but also strengthen one’s self-esteem. Individuals are motivated from those compliments, as a consequence, actively striving to live a meaningful and satisfying life. Secondly, experts have proved that real estate is the best investment, owners could permanently benefit from it, for instance, they freely sell it at higher prices, renting, exchanging, as well as living. Simultaneously, profits earning from renting the residence could transfer into supportive financial resources or eventually serve as a savior whenever owner struggles in shortage of money.

Another point worth mentioning is that house owner has opportunity to enjoy valuable benefits that renting one couldn’t satisfied. Generally, one’s settlement determined their life quality, having a secure settlement would enhance life quality by providing enormous living quarters, aesthetic garden and cozy interior surrounded,… As a result, a sturdy property paving the way for building a spiritually strong household. Conversely, renting an accommodation, user are obligated to share walls and ceiling with other residents, which means that unintentional noises, distractions, interruptions are inevitable. This trend in long-term would not ensuring privacy, inappropriate for the elderly who demand for serene and quietness, infant whose sleep quality is undoubtedly influenced, or especially individual with psychological disorder.

To conclude, the partiality of possessing property obviously stem from its potential for making a living and the aspiration to be recognized of owner one. The decision of renting versus buying a house is a significant consideration for people. Having somewhere to be belongs to is a blessing that should be cherished with a great gratitude.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Recently, it is a clear generalization" -> "It is a widely acknowledged fact"
Explanation: The phrase "Recently, it is a clear generalization" is awkward and unclear. "It is a widely acknowledged fact" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"Personally, I assume" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "Personally, I assume" is informal and vague. "I contend" is more assertive and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a stronger stance.
"as it bring" -> "as it brings"
Explanation: "bring" should be in the plural form "brings" to agree with the plural subject "properties."
"sentimental one" -> "sentimental value"
Explanation: "Sentimental one" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Sentimental value" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"Real estate are commonly extortionate" -> "Real estate is often expensive"
Explanation: "Extortionate" is incorrectly used here; "expensive" is the correct term to describe high costs. "Real estate" is a singular noun, so "is" should be used instead of "are."
"prosperous, wealthy" -> "prosperous and wealthy"
Explanation: The comma after "prosperous" is incorrect. The correct usage is "prosperous and wealthy" to correctly connect the adjectives.
"yield a sense of accomplishment" -> "confer a sense of accomplishment"
Explanation: "Yield" is less formal and slightly vague in this context. "Confer" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"plays a crucial role, as a basic human needs" -> "plays a crucial role, as a fundamental human need"
Explanation: "basic human needs" should be "fundamental human need" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"motivated from those compliments" -> "motivated by these compliments"
Explanation: "From" is incorrect in this context; "by" is the correct preposition to indicate the source of motivation.
"simultaneously, profits earning" -> "simultaneously, earning profits"
Explanation: "Profits earning" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Earning profits" is the correct phrase.
"supportive financial resources" -> "additional financial resources"
Explanation: "Supportive" is vague and incorrectly used here. "Additional" is more precise and appropriate in this context.
"serve as a savior" -> "serve as a financial safety net"
Explanation: "Savior" is overly dramatic and informal for academic writing. "Financial safety net" is a more formal and precise term.
"house owner has opportunity" -> "homeowners have opportunities"
Explanation: "House owner" is grammatically incorrect; "homeowners" is the correct plural form. "Has opportunity" should be "have opportunities" to match the plural subject.
"couldn’t satisfied" -> "could not be satisfied"
Explanation: "Couldn’t" is a contraction and too informal for academic writing. "Could not be satisfied" is grammatically correct and formal.
"unintentional noises, distractions, interruptions are inevitable" -> "unintentional noises, distractions, and interruptions are inevitable"
Explanation: The list should be grammatically parallel and use "and" to connect the items.
"not ensuring privacy" -> "not ensuring privacy"
Explanation: The phrase "not ensuring" is redundant; "not ensuring" is sufficient and more concise.
"demand for serene and quietness" -> "require serenity and quiet"
Explanation: "Demand for serene and quietness" is awkward and verbose. "Require serenity and quiet" is more direct and formal.
"infant whose sleep quality is undoubtedly influenced" -> "infants whose sleep quality is undoubtedly affected"
Explanation: "Infant" should be plural "infants" to match the context, and "affected" is more precise than "influenced" in this context.
"individual with psychological disorder" -> "individuals with psychological disorders"
Explanation: "Individual" should be plural "individuals" to match the plural context, and "disorder" should be plural "disorders" to be grammatically correct.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing why owning a home is important and whether this situation is positive or negative. The author argues that owning a home is a positive trend, citing reasons such as financial stability and personal fulfillment. However, the response could be more explicitly structured to clearly delineate the reasons for homeownership and the evaluation of its positivity or negativity. For instance, the second part of the question could be more directly answered with a clear statement of opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is clearly addressed in separate sections. A more explicit thesis statement in the introduction could clarify the stance on whether homeownership is positive or negative. Additionally, summarizing the reasons in the conclusion could reinforce the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring homeownership, but the clarity wavers at times. Phrases like "Personally, I assume that having a self-own property is a positive trend" indicate a personal opinion but could be more assertively stated. The conclusion reiterates the importance of homeownership but does not strongly emphasize whether it is positive or negative, which may leave the reader uncertain.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use definitive language and avoid hedging phrases. Strengthening the thesis statement and ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument will help maintain clarity. A more decisive conclusion that restates the position unequivocally would also enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of homeownership, such as financial stability and personal fulfillment. However, some ideas lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while it mentions that real estate is a good investment, it does not provide concrete examples or statistics to support this claim. Additionally, the argument about the quality of life improvements from owning a home could be elaborated with more specific details or anecdotes.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or data to support claims. Expanding on each point with relevant details and real-life scenarios will strengthen the argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help to connect ideas more smoothly and logically.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of homeownership versus renting. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, such as when discussing psychological disorders without a clear connection to the main argument. This could distract from the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the importance of homeownership and its implications. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from improved structure, more definitive language, deeper support for ideas, and tighter focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of home ownership over renting, with two main points outlined in separate paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses the societal perceptions and financial implications of owning property, while the second focuses on the personal benefits of home ownership. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing societal perceptions and individual benefits is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about how these ideas connect.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences that explicitly connect the main idea of each paragraph back to the thesis. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition to this," or "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph contains a distinct focus, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more structured. For instance, the first paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation between the causes of preference for home ownership and the implications of those causes.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph to summarize the key point and reinforce how it relates to the overall argument. This will help to create a more cohesive structure within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "To conclude," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where cohesion could be improved. For example, the use of ellipses ("…") in the first paragraph disrupts the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, use "Moreover," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, avoid using ellipses in formal writing; instead, complete thoughts clearly to maintain professionalism and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "real estate," "financial stability," and "self-esteem" being effectively employed. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the term "property" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternatives, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "property," alternatives like "home," "residence," or "dwelling" could be integrated. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "homeownership," "investment," or "tenancy," could elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "material values but also sentimental one" should be "material values but also sentimental values." Additionally, the phrase "this stereotype yield a sense of accomplishment" contains a grammatical error and could be more clearly articulated as "this stereotype yields a sense of accomplishment."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is crucial to ensure that nouns are used in their correct forms and that subject-verb agreements are maintained. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context can help in understanding the nuances of word usage. Practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary can also reinforce correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bring" instead of "brings," "client’s" instead of "clients’," and "user" instead of "users." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay multiple times, focusing specifically on commonly misspelled words and grammatical structures. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Firstly, Real estate are commonly extortionate" and "Another point worth mentioning is that house owner has opportunity to enjoy valuable benefits" shows an attempt to incorporate different structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors that impede clarity. For instance, "this stereotype yield a sense of accomplishment" should be "this stereotype yields a sense of accomplishment," indicating a lack of subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and varying the sentence openings. Incorporating introductory clauses, conditional sentences, and relative clauses can add depth. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Firstly" or "Secondly," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Moreover," to create more fluid transitions. Additionally, revising sentences for grammatical accuracy will help improve clarity and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall effectiveness. For example, "bring not only material values but also sentimental one" should be "brings not only material value but also sentimental value." There are also issues with punctuation, such as the misuse of commas in phrases like "co-workers,…," which should be corrected to "co-workers," and the inconsistent use of articles, as seen in "house owner" instead of "homeowner." These errors disrupt the flow and make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and ensuring that plural nouns are correctly formed. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used appropriately can enhance clarity. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied sentence structures, significant grammatical and punctuation errors hinder its effectiveness. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, it is a clear generalization that rental properties are overshadowed by owning estates. Personally, I contend that having a self-owned property is a positive trend, as it brings not only material value but also sentimental value.

There are two primary causes that exert substantial contributions to clients’ preferences. Firstly, real estate is commonly extortionate, attributed to the prosperous and wealthy; thus, owning a property reflects an individual’s earning potential and financial stability. This stereotype yields a sense of accomplishment that plays a crucial role as a fundamental human need, not only earning admiration from relatives and co-workers but also strengthening one’s self-esteem. Individuals are motivated by these compliments; as a consequence, they actively strive to live a meaningful and satisfying life. Secondly, experts have proved that real estate is the best investment. Owners could permanently benefit from it; for instance, they can freely sell it at higher prices, rent it out, exchange it, or simply live in it. Simultaneously, profits earned from renting the residence could be transferred into additional financial resources or eventually serve as a financial safety net whenever the owner struggles with a shortage of money.

Another point worth mentioning is that homeowners have opportunities to enjoy valuable benefits that renting cannot confer. Generally, one’s settlement determines their quality of life; having a secure home would enhance life quality by providing spacious living quarters, an aesthetic garden, and a cozy interior. As a result, a sturdy property paves the way for building a spiritually strong household. Conversely, when renting accommodation, users are obligated to share walls and ceilings with other residents, which means that unintentional noises, distractions, and interruptions are inevitable. This trend, in the long term, does not ensure privacy and is inappropriate for the elderly who require serenity and quiet, infants whose sleep quality is undoubtedly affected, or especially individuals with psychological disorders.

To conclude, the preference for owning property obviously stems from its potential for making a living and the aspiration to be recognized as a homeowner. The decision of renting versus buying a house is a significant consideration for people. Having somewhere to belong is a blessing that should be cherished with great gratitude.