Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

In this day and age, many father or mother try to put more burdens on their child cause they believe that would allow their child to be more successful. In my point of view this trend exist due to some justifications and it is definetely a disadvantaged development.

There are many reasons why some parents believe that their children with more pressure could easily being successful. First of all, in social media exist many successful individuals come from a poor family. Because of that, may parents have misconceptions about why they can achieve their goals. Secondly, many famous people have share their experience about how they have achievement but some of these humans misguide the others by an unsuitable way for listener. Due to the fact that each individual have different way to reach their goals so some advices maybe uncomfortable for them and could lead these children to the worst failure in their life.

As many mentioned justification, i extremely think the way parents putting too much burden on their child is a negative development. To be specific, a child do not have a tough mental health thus they could not handle many problems in their life without their parents's helping. Due to this reason, when their relationship try to put more burden in their life, they could think that is because their parents is not loving them anymore. Moreover, it can be more worse when the children do not obey their parents anymore and try to do some evil social work like be addicted to drugs or bulling. Some of these poor-loved children could try to end their life cause they do not have any motivation to continue this hard life.

To sum up, may reason why parents try to make their children more stressful such as they think this is teh best way for children's succeed, however, this is the most ineffective way for their child cause it could lead to they became a evil element. Because of this, parents not only need to understand their child but also their difficulty so a father or a mother could find the most effective way for their children's succeed.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to the colloquial phrase "In this day and age," which is often considered too informal for academic writing.

2. "many father or mother try" -> "many parents attempt"
   Explanation: "Parents" is the correct noun form, and "attempt" is more formal than "try," aligning better with academic style.

3. "put more burdens on their child cause they believe" -> "place additional burdens on their children because they believe"
   Explanation: "Place" is more formal than "put," and "children" should be plural to match the context. "Because" is also more formal than "cause."

4. "would allow their child to be more successful" -> "may enable their children to achieve greater success"
   Explanation: "May enable" suggests possibility and potential, which is more precise than "would allow," and "achieve greater success" is more formal than "be more successful."

5. "In my point of view this trend exist" -> "From my perspective, this trend exists"
   Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal expression than "In my point of view," and "exists" should be used with a capital "E" for grammatical correctness.

6. "definetely" -> "definitely"
   Explanation: "Definitely" is the correct spelling.

7. "could easily being successful" -> "could easily achieve success"
   Explanation: "Achieve success" is grammatically correct and more formal than "being successful."

8. "in social media exist many successful individuals" -> "in social media, there are many successful individuals"
   Explanation: "There are" is grammatically correct and more formal than "exist," and the comma is necessary for proper punctuation.

9. "may parents have misconceptions" -> "many parents may have misconceptions"
   Explanation: "Many parents" should be placed before "may" for correct sentence structure.

10. "have share their experience" -> "have shared their experiences"
    Explanation: "Shared" is the correct past participle form, and "experiences" should be plural to match the context.

11. "have achievement but some of these humans misguide" -> "have achieved success, but some of these individuals misguide"
    Explanation: "Achieved success" is grammatically correct, and "individuals" is more formal than "humans."

12. "an unsuitable way for listener" -> "an unsuitable method for listeners"
    Explanation: "Method" is more specific than "way," and "listeners" should be plural to match the context.

13. "each individual have different way" -> "each individual has a different way"
    Explanation: "Has" agrees with the singular subject "individual," and "a different way" is grammatically correct.

14. "a child do not have a tough mental health" -> "a child does not have a tough mental health"
    Explanation: "Does not" is the correct form of the verb for negation, and "mental health" should be singular.

15. "without their parents’s helping" -> "without parental help"
    Explanation: "Parental help" is a more formal and concise expression than "their parents’ helping."

16. "they could think that is because their parents is not loving them anymore" -> "they might believe that their parents no longer love them"
    Explanation: "Might believe" is more formal than "could think," and "no longer love" is grammatically correct.

17. "it can be more worse" -> "it can be even worse"
    Explanation: "Even worse" is grammatically correct and more formal than "more worse."

18. "they became a evil element" -> "they become an evil element"
    Explanation: "Become" is the correct verb form, and "an evil element" is grammatically correct.

19. "a father or a mother could find the most effective way" -> "parents could find the most effective approach"
    Explanation: "Parents" is more inclusive and formal than "a father or a mother," and "approach" is a more academic term than "way."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses reasons why parents pressure their children and evaluates whether this is a positive or negative development. However, the exploration of reasons is somewhat superficial and lacks depth. For example, while the essay mentions social media and the influence of successful individuals, it does not elaborate on how these factors specifically contribute to parental pressure. The second part of the question is addressed, but the argument could be more nuanced.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each reason mentioned. For instance, they could include statistics or studies that show the impact of parental pressure on children’s mental health. Additionally, discussing both positive and negative aspects of parental pressure in a more balanced way would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that parental pressure is a negative development. However, the stance is somewhat undermined by vague language and inconsistent phrasing, such as "definetely a disadvantaged development." This could confuse readers about the writer’s true stance. Furthermore, the use of phrases like "may parents" instead of "many parents" detracts from the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that their position is consistently articulated throughout the essay. Using clear and precise language will help convey their argument more effectively. Additionally, reinforcing their position with strong concluding statements in each paragraph can help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding parental pressure, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For example, the mention of "famous people" and their misleading experiences lacks specific examples or references, which weakens the argument. The discussion about the potential negative outcomes of pressure is more developed but still lacks sufficient support.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. This could involve providing specific examples, anecdotes, or research findings that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, using topic sentences to clearly introduce each paragraph’s main idea would help in structuring the argument more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on parental pressure and its implications. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as the mention of children engaging in "evil social work" without sufficient context or explanation. This could distract from the main argument and confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument about parental pressure. Avoiding overly broad or vague statements and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear connection to the thesis will help keep the essay on topic.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task, there is significant room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some logical ideas, but the organization is often unclear. For instance, the transition from discussing the reasons parents apply pressure to the negative consequences is abrupt. The first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, the second paragraph attempts to explain the reasons but does so in a convoluted manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The structure does not effectively guide the reader through the essay’s main ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should begin with a clear introduction that includes a thesis statement outlining the main arguments. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Using a clear structure such as "reason 1, reason 2, negative effects" can help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but their effectiveness is compromised by unclear topic sentences and a lack of cohesion within and between them. For example, the second paragraph mixes reasons and examples without clear separation, leading to confusion. The third paragraph, while addressing negative effects, does not clearly connect back to the previous points made about parental pressure.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence will help the reader understand the focus. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next, using transition phrases to connect ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "to sum up," but these are limited and often incorrectly applied. The use of cohesive devices is not varied, and some phrases are awkward or grammatically incorrect, such as "may parents" instead of "many parents." This limits the overall clarity and fluidity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for example." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their application. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the lack of clear organization, effective paragraphing, and a varied use of cohesive devices significantly impacts the coherence and cohesion, resulting in a band score of 5. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, phrases like "put more burdens on their child" and "successful individuals come from a poor family" show an effort to convey complex ideas. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. Terms like "disadvantaged development" and "evil social work" are vague and do not effectively communicate the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more precise terms. For example, instead of "put more burdens," consider using "impose additional expectations" or "place increased demands." Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic, such as using terms like "pressure," "expectations," "mental health," and "well-being," would also improve the essay’s lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "may parents have misconceptions" should be "many parents." Additionally, "humans misguide the others by an unsuitable way for listener" is awkward and unclear; it could be rephrased for clarity. The term "poor-loved children" is also problematic, as it does not accurately convey the intended meaning of children lacking parental affection or support.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For example, replace "unsuitable way for listener" with "inappropriate advice for their audience." Additionally, ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense will enhance clarity, such as changing "a child do not have" to "a child does not have."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "definetely" (definitely), "may" (many), "achievement" (achievements), "bulling" (bullying), and "teh" (the). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially improve the lexical resource band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. For instance, many sentences follow a simple subject-verb-object format, such as "many father or mother try to put more burdens on their child." This structure is effective for clarity but lacks complexity. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "Due to the fact that each individual have different way to reach their goals," but these are often marred by grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("have" should be "has") and awkward phrasing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although many parents believe that pressure leads to success, it can actually harm their children’s mental health") can add depth to arguments. Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, phrases like "may parents have misconceptions" should be "many parents." There are also issues with verb forms, such as "could easily being successful," which should be "could easily be successful." Punctuation errors are present, particularly with commas; for instance, "a child do not have a tough mental health thus they could not handle many problems" would benefit from a comma before "thus" to separate the clauses. Additionally, the use of "their parents’s helping" contains an incorrect possessive form.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper verb forms, and correct possessive structures. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as proofreading for common errors, can help. Utilizing resources such as grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial. Furthermore, enhancing punctuation skills by reviewing rules for comma usage and sentence boundaries will improve the overall clarity of the writing.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, improving the range of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, many parents try to place additional burdens on their children because they believe that this would allow their children to be more successful. From my perspective, this trend exists due to some justifications, and it is definitely a disadvantageous development.

There are many reasons why some parents believe that their children, with more pressure, could easily achieve success. First of all, in social media, there are many successful individuals who come from poor families. Because of that, many parents may have misconceptions about why these individuals can achieve their goals. Secondly, many famous people have shared their experiences about how they have achieved success, but some of these individuals misguide others with unsuitable methods for listeners. Due to the fact that each individual has a different way to reach their goals, some advice may be uncomfortable for them and could lead these children to the worst failures in their lives.

As many mentioned justifications, I strongly think that the way parents are putting too much burden on their children is a negative development. To be specific, a child does not have a tough mental health, thus they could not handle many problems in their lives without parental help. Due to this reason, when their parents try to put more burdens in their lives, they might believe that this is because their parents no longer love them. Moreover, it can be even worse when the children do not obey their parents anymore and try to engage in harmful social behaviors, such as becoming addicted to drugs or bullying. Some of these poorly loved children could even try to end their lives because they do not have any motivation to continue this hard life.

To sum up, there are many reasons why parents try to make their children more stressed, such as believing this is the best way for their children’s success. However, this is the most ineffective way for their children because it could lead them to become harmful elements in society. Because of this, parents not only need to understand their children but also their difficulties, so that a father or mother could find the most effective approach for their children’s success.