Parents are putting a lot pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, evolving the quality of life accompanied by higher standard on individuals. Consequently, parents are putting a lot pressure on their children to succeed in this competitive world. Although this movement is not without some benefits but I am convincing that it is going to be a bit out of control.
As an explanation for the statement has been mentioned, it partly comes from parents' worry about their offspring's future. Since the labour market recorded an increasing number of employees who are seeking for job, we can easily imagine how rough the job competition is. As a consequence, to put yourself as parents, they simply concern about their children's career path and so on, forcing them to work hard, become a brilliant person to stand out from others then having a well-paid job. Along with the development of society, human's demand for high quality of life is getting more intense. As a result, they expect their offspring to succeed and break the cage of poverty has been last long for previous generations.
On the one hand, to discuss about a positive prospect, the pressure could work as a motivation and form an ambitious person. Based on some statistics, children raised by strict parents seem to be more independent and determined on achieving their setting goal. On the other hand, if pressure becomes a burden and goes wild, that will result in causing children's mental illness. For example, some parents are being overcontrol and keeping compelling them to follow their footsteps thus, they will become tenacious and undisciplined.Besides, children would avoid falling and always stay in a safe zone because they afraid of desperating their parents then gradually being insecure.
Ultimately, parents barely want their child to thrive but sometimes, lack of sympathy and compassion leads to misunderstanding or even a mental scar on children's soul.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is a bit colloquial for academic writing. "Currently" is a more formal alternative that maintains the intended meaning.
"evolving the quality of life accompanied by higher standard on individuals" -> "enhancing the quality of life alongside increased expectations on individuals"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative conveys the idea more effectively while using a more formal and precise vocabulary.
"putting a lot pressure" -> "placing significant pressure"
Explanation: "Putting a lot pressure" is grammatically incorrect and too informal. "Placing significant pressure" is more appropriate for academic writing and maintains clarity.
"I am convincing" -> "I am convinced"
Explanation: "I am convincing" is not grammatically correct in this context. "I am convinced" is the appropriate phrase to express personal belief or opinion.
"it is going to be a bit out of control" -> "it is likely to become increasingly uncontrollable"
Explanation: "a bit out of control" is too informal for academic writing. "Increasingly uncontrollable" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"As an explanation for the statement has been mentioned" -> "This statement can be explained by"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The suggested alternative provides a smoother transition and maintains clarity.
"Since the labour market recorded an increasing number of employees who are seeking for job" -> "As the labor market has witnessed a growing number of job seekers"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative uses more formal language and maintains clarity.
"we can easily imagine how rough the job competition is" -> "we can easily envision the intensity of job competition"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal. The suggested alternative uses a more formal vocabulary while conveying the same idea.
"to put yourself as parents" -> "putting themselves in the position of parents"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative is more concise and maintains clarity.
"so on" -> "and so forth"
Explanation: "So on" is too informal for academic writing. "And so forth" is a more formal alternative that maintains the intended meaning.
"break the cage of poverty has been last long for previous generations" -> "break free from the cycle of poverty that has persisted for previous generations"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The suggested alternative uses more formal language and maintains clarity.
"to discuss about a positive prospect" -> "to discuss a positive aspect"
Explanation: "To discuss about" is redundant. "To discuss a positive aspect" is more concise and maintains clarity.
"the pressure could work as a motivation" -> "the pressure could serve as motivation"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward. "Serve as motivation" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"setting goal" -> "set goals"
Explanation: "Setting goal" is grammatically incorrect. "Set goals" is the correct form in this context.
"if pressure becomes a burden and goes wild" -> "if pressure becomes overwhelming and unmanageable"
Explanation: "Goes wild" is too informal for academic writing. "Becomes overwhelming and unmanageable" is a more formal alternative.
"that will result in causing" -> "which may result in"
Explanation: "That will result in causing" is redundant and awkward. "Which may result in" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"are being overcontrol" -> "are overly controlling"
Explanation: "Are being overcontrol" is grammatically incorrect. "Are overly controlling" is the correct form in this context.
"compelling them to follow their footsteps thus, they will become tenacious and undisciplined" -> "compelling them to follow in their footsteps, potentially leading to stubbornness and lack of discipline"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative uses more formal language and maintains clarity.
"afraid of desperating their parents then gradually being insecure" -> "afraid of disappointing their parents and gradually becoming insecure"
Explanation: "Desperating" is not a standard term. "Disappointing" is a more suitable alternative. Additionally, "then" is used incorrectly; "and" is more appropriate for conjunction here.
"parents barely want their child to thrive" -> "parents undoubtedly desire their child to thrive"
Explanation: "Barely" implies almost not at all, which contradicts the intended meaning. "Undoubtedly" conveys a stronger affirmation in line with the context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons for parental pressure on children and evaluating whether this phenomenon is positive or negative. However, the analysis could be more nuanced and specific. While it mentions parental worry about their children’s future and the competitive job market, it lacks depth in exploring other potential reasons for parental pressure.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could delve into additional factors contributing to parental pressure, such as societal expectations, cultural norms, or parental aspirations for their children. Providing specific examples or data would strengthen the analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while parental pressure can serve as motivation, it can also have detrimental effects on children’s mental health. The stance is evident from the beginning and remains consistent throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s perspective in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing a brief outline of the main points supporting this position could reinforce coherence and aid reader comprehension.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. While it briefly mentions reasons for parental pressure and its potential positive and negative effects, it lacks elaboration and concrete examples to strengthen these points.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples to support each argument. This could involve citing relevant research studies, offering personal anecdotes, or providing hypothetical scenarios to illustrate the impact of parental pressure on children’s development.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing parental pressure on children to succeed. However, there are some instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of poverty and societal demands for a high quality of life, which detract from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should refrain from introducing extraneous topics that are not directly related to the prompt. Instead, it should prioritize addressing the specific aspects of parental pressure outlined in the prompt and avoid veering off into unrelated tangents.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and maintaining focus on the prompt. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay could enhance its effectiveness and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically, but there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets up the discussion adequately by addressing the topic of parental pressure on children. However, the subsequent paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing reasons for parental pressure to its potential positive aspects is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and tying them back to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow of the essay, consider creating a more seamless transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences. Each paragraph should build upon the previous one, providing a clear progression of ideas. Furthermore, ensure that the conclusion effectively reinforces the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs and offers a concise summary of the essay’s key points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at paragraphing, but there are issues with the structure and effectiveness of the paragraphs. While there is an attempt to separate ideas into distinct paragraphs, the transitions between them are not always smooth, leading to a disjointed flow. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on structuring each paragraph around a single main idea or argument to enhance clarity and coherence. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point, followed by supporting details or examples. Ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas within each paragraph and use transition words or phrases to connect them effectively. Consider breaking up longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is limited variety and effectiveness in their usage. Some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, are used sporadically throughout the essay, but their integration is not consistent. As a result, the connections between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes weak, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Increase the use of a variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Incorporate transitional words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "on the other hand," etc., to signal shifts in ideas or viewpoints. Additionally, use pronouns and referencing words to maintain coherence within paragraphs and ensure that each sentence contributes to the cohesion of the essay as a whole. Practice integrating cohesive devices more seamlessly to create a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but it lacks consistency and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "evolving the quality of life" could be improved with more precise and idiomatic language, such as "improving quality of life." Similarly, some vocabulary choices could be more precise and contextually fitting.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using a broader range of vocabulary that is both accurate and appropriate for the context. Aim for more sophisticated synonyms and expressions where possible. For example, instead of "puts a lot of pressure," consider "exerts significant pressure." Additionally, pay attention to collocations and idiomatic phrases to make your language more natural and nuanced.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage tends towards general expressions and lacks precision in certain areas. For instance, phrases like "the statement has been mentioned" could be more direct, such as "this is supported by the fact." Similarly, there are instances where vocabulary could be more specific to convey ideas more accurately.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary more precisely by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid vague or filler phrases and opt for more specific terminology. For example, replace generic terms like "good" or "bad" with more descriptive adjectives that provide clearer information.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, but there are some errors throughout the essay. For instance, "desperating" should be "disappointing," and "tenacious" might not be the most appropriate word in the context. Some words are used incorrectly or spelled inconsistently.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading your work carefully. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and review the meanings and usage of unfamiliar terms. Reading more can also help internalize correct spelling patterns.

In summary, while the essay displays a sufficient range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and variety. Focus on incorporating more nuanced vocabulary choices and refining spelling accuracy to elevate the overall lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication. For instance, while some complex sentences are utilized, there is a tendency towards simplicity in structure. Adding more complex and compound-complex sentences would enrich the essay’s style and improve its flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and coherence of the essay, try incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce more compound and compound-complex sentences to vary the rhythm and complexity of your writing. Additionally, consider employing techniques such as parallelism and inversion to add stylistic flair and clarity to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("evolving the quality of life accompanied by higher standard on individuals"), article usage ("a lot pressure"), and word choice ("become tenacious and undisciplined"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect placement of conjunctions, detract from the clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise your writing carefully. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word choice to ensure clarity and precision in your expression. Additionally, practice using punctuation correctly, particularly commas and conjunctions, to improve the flow and coherence of your sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, there’s a growing emphasis on enhancing the quality of life alongside increased expectations on individuals. Consequently, parents are placing significant pressure on their children to succeed in this competitive environment. While this trend may offer some benefits, I am convinced that it is likely to become increasingly uncontrollable.

This statement can be explained by parents’ concerns about their children’s future prospects. As the labor market has witnessed a growing number of job seekers, we can easily envision the intensity of job competition. Thus, parents find themselves worrying about their children’s career paths, compelling them to work hard and stand out from the crowd in order to secure well-paid jobs. Furthermore, as society progresses, the desire for a higher quality of life intensifies, leading parents to aspire for their offspring to break free from the cycle of poverty that has persisted for previous generations.

To discuss a positive aspect, the pressure could serve as motivation and help shape ambitious individuals. Studies indicate that children raised by strict parents often demonstrate greater independence and determination in achieving their goals. However, if pressure becomes overwhelming and unmanageable, it may result in adverse effects such as children experiencing mental health issues. For instance, some parents are overly controlling, compelling their children to follow in their footsteps, potentially leading to stubbornness and lack of discipline. Moreover, children may become afraid of disappointing their parents and gradually become insecure, thus avoiding risks and remaining within their comfort zones.

Ultimately, while parents undoubtedly desire their child to thrive, it’s crucial to strike a balance between setting expectations and providing support. Lack of empathy and understanding can lead to misunderstandings or even leave lasting emotional scars on children.