Parents are supposed to respect their children’s privacy in both virtual and real worlds. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Parents are supposed to respect their children’s privacy in both virtual and real worlds.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Respecting privacy is a fundamental need for everyone, including children. Therefore, parental care should be exercised with moderation to avoid infringing on their children’s privacy in both virtual and real-life settings. From my perspective, I partially agree with this view, recognizing the importance of both privacy and parental guidance.
To begin with, respecting children's privacy can have significant positive effects on both children and parents. Childhood is a crucial period during which children begin to form their identities and make decisions that will shape their futures. Allowing them the freedom to explore their interests and express themselves is essential, especially in today’s digital age, where they have access to diverse sources of inspiration, including influential figures who can serve as positive role models. Furthermore, violating children's privacy can lead to conflicts that strain family relationships, provoke objectionable behavior, and harm the emotional well-being of adolescents. On the other hand, when parents respect their children’s privacy, it fosters a sense of trust and strengthens the bond between them, creating an environment where both parties can comfortably share their feelings and views.
However, the role of parental protection in a child’s development cannot be overlooked. Teenagers, who are often perceived as immature and inexperienced, are vulnerable to various risks in today’s world. Without proper guidance, they may struggle to navigate the complexities of life. Parental involvement is crucial in teaching them how to deal with difficulties and make sound decisions. This is particularly important in the context of the digital world, where children are exposed to potential dangers such as cyberbullying, online predators, and addictive behaviors. Parents play a vital role in ensuring their children’s safety and helping them develop healthy online habits.
In conclusion, while parental observation and guidance are undeniably important, children also deserve privacy as they grow and mature. Striking a balance between these two aspects is key. Appropriate parental guidance, combined with respect for their privacy, can ensure the safety and well-being of children, both physically and mentally, as they navigate the challenges of adolescence.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Respecting privacy is a fundamental need for everyone, including children." -> "Respecting privacy is an essential requirement for all individuals, including children."
Explanation: Replacing "fundamental need" with "essential requirement" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic language.
"parental care should be exercised with moderation" -> "parental care should be exercised with moderation and sensitivity"
Explanation: Adding "and sensitivity" clarifies the type of moderation intended, emphasizing the need for both caution and empathy in parental actions.
"infringing on their children’s privacy" -> "infringing upon their children’s privacy"
Explanation: "Upon" is the correct preposition to use in this context, enhancing the formal tone and grammatical accuracy.
"From my perspective, I partially agree" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," which is preferred in academic writing to maintain a neutral and objective tone.
"significant positive effects" -> "substantial positive impacts"
Explanation: "Impacts" is a more precise term in academic contexts, suggesting a direct influence or effect, whereas "effects" can be broader and less specific.
"Childhood is a crucial period" -> "Childhood is a pivotal period"
Explanation: "Pivotal" conveys a stronger sense of importance and criticality, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"Allowing them the freedom to explore" -> "granting them the freedom to explore"
Explanation: "Granting" is a more formal verb than "allowing," which is typically less formal and more conversational.
"provoke objectionable behavior" -> "encourage undesirable behavior"
Explanation: "Encourage" is more precise and formal than "provoke," which can imply a more active and negative influence.
"fosters a sense of trust" -> "nurtures a sense of trust"
Explanation: "Nurtures" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "fosters," implying a more deliberate and supportive action.
"strengthen the bond between them" -> "strengthen their bond"
Explanation: Removing "between them" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone by avoiding unnecessary redundancy.
"Teenagers, who are often perceived as immature and inexperienced" -> "Teenagers, frequently viewed as immature and inexperienced"
Explanation: "Frequently viewed" is more formal and precise than "often perceived," aligning better with academic style.
"Without proper guidance" -> "Without adequate guidance"
Explanation: "Adequate" is a more precise term than "proper," which can be vague and subjective.
"how to deal with difficulties" -> "how to manage challenges"
Explanation: "Manage" is a more formal and precise term than "deal with," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Striking a balance between these two aspects is key" -> "Achieving a balance between these two aspects is crucial"
Explanation: "Achieving" and "crucial" enhance the formality and emphasize the importance of balance in a more academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of respecting children’s privacy and the necessity of parental guidance. The writer states a partial agreement with the view, which indicates an understanding of the complexity of the issue. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees. The response mentions both sides but does not clearly define the balance or the specific conditions under which privacy should be respected or parental guidance should be prioritized.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, providing specific examples or scenarios where privacy should be respected versus where parental guidance is essential would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, indicating partial agreement with the statement. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the introduction and conclusion articulate a balanced view, some body paragraphs could be misinterpreted as leaning too heavily towards one side without sufficient clarification of the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. This can be achieved by including topic sentences that reflect the position taken and summarizing how each point supports that position. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas regarding the importance of privacy and parental guidance. The points made about the positive effects of respecting privacy and the potential risks of neglecting parental involvement are well-articulated. However, some ideas could be further developed with examples or evidence to provide stronger support. For instance, the mention of cyberbullying and online predators could be expanded with specific statistics or studies that illustrate the risks involved.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that illustrate the points made. This could involve discussing real-life situations where a lack of privacy led to negative outcomes or where parental guidance successfully mitigated risks.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the balance between respecting children’s privacy and the necessity of parental guidance. However, there are moments where the discussion could become more focused. For instance, the essay could benefit from a more direct connection between the points made and the specific aspects of privacy and guidance mentioned in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by revisiting the wording of the prompt in the topic sentences and ensuring that all supporting details are relevant to the main argument. Additionally, summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument at the end of each paragraph can help reinforce the topic’s relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it could benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more developed examples, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position. Each paragraph develops a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of respecting children’s privacy and the second addressing the necessity of parental guidance. The progression from one idea to another is smooth, with each paragraph building on the previous one, which enhances the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second paragraph (e.g., "Conversely," or "On the flip side,") could help signal the shift in focus from privacy to parental guidance, making the contrast more explicit.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, providing a clear framework for the essay. The body paragraphs are appropriately structured, with relevant examples and explanations that support the main arguments.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could benefit from ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point discussed. This would reinforce the argument and provide a stronger transition to the next paragraph. For instance, ending the first body paragraph with a statement that links the importance of privacy to the need for parental guidance could create a more cohesive argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "however," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas and indicate relationships between them. The use of cohesive devices contributes to the clarity of the argument and aids in guiding the reader through the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" could enhance the richness of the text and provide more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, the writer could consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and improve cohesion, such as replacing "parents" with "guardians" or "caregivers" in certain contexts to maintain variety.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and appropriate use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively conveying complex ideas. Terms such as "infringing," "crucial," "navigate," and "addictive behaviors" showcase a strong command of language. The use of phrases like "fosters a sense of trust" and "positive role models" reflects an ability to articulate nuanced thoughts. However, while the vocabulary is varied, there are instances where synonyms or more sophisticated alternatives could enhance the richness of the language. For example, the phrase "significant positive effects" could be replaced with "profoundly beneficial impacts" to elevate the language further.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions. Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more complex texts can help identify alternative phrases that convey similar meanings but with greater depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, particularly in discussing the balance between privacy and parental guidance. Phrases like "emotional well-being" and "vulnerable to various risks" are used accurately. However, there are moments where the language could be more precise. For instance, the term "objectionable behavior" is somewhat vague; specifying what types of behaviors (e.g., rebellious actions, risky behaviors) would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that convey specific meanings. When discussing concepts, consider elaborating on them with more detailed descriptors. For example, instead of saying "various risks," specify the types of risks, such as "cyberbullying and exposure to inappropriate content."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "fundamental," "essential," and "navigate" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong grasp of spelling conventions. This level of accuracy contributes positively to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing through writing exercises and proofreading. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading essays aloud can also help catch any potential errors that might be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, the essay reflects a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Childhood is a crucial period during which children begin to form their identities and make decisions that will shape their futures" showcases the writer’s ability to convey intricate ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which adds to the overall fluency and coherence. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the phrase "On the other hand, when parents respect their children’s privacy, it fosters a sense of trust" could be restructured to enhance engagement, perhaps by using an introductory clause or a rhetorical question.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses, use inversion for emphasis, and experiment with different ways to connect ideas, such as using participial phrases or relative clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "However" or "To begin with," the writer could use phrases like "Despite this," or "In light of these considerations," to create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "parental care should be exercised with moderation to avoid infringing on their children’s privacy" is grammatically sound and effectively communicates the intended meaning. However, there are a few punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma in the complex sentence "While parental observation and guidance are undeniably important children also deserve privacy as they grow and mature," which could lead to confusion regarding the sentence’s structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should pay close attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences where clauses are involved. Practicing the rules of punctuation in complex and compound sentences will help clarify meaning and improve readability. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can further solidify the writer’s command of English grammar. Engaging in exercises focused on sentence combining and punctuation will also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, the writer can further enhance their writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Respecting privacy is a fundamental need for everyone, including children. Therefore, parental care should be exercised with moderation and sensitivity to avoid infringing upon their children’s privacy in both virtual and real-life settings. From my perspective, I partially concur with this view, recognizing the importance of both privacy and parental guidance.

To begin with, respecting children’s privacy can have substantial positive impacts on both children and parents. Childhood is a pivotal period during which children begin to form their identities and make decisions that will shape their futures. Allowing them the freedom to explore their interests and express themselves is essential, especially in today’s digital age, where they have access to diverse sources of inspiration, including influential figures who can serve as positive role models. Furthermore, violating children’s privacy can lead to conflicts that strain family relationships, provoke undesirable behavior, and harm the emotional well-being of adolescents. On the other hand, when parents respect their children’s privacy, it nurtures a sense of trust and strengthens the bond between them, creating an environment where both parties can comfortably share their feelings and views.

However, the role of parental protection in a child’s development cannot be overlooked. Teenagers, frequently viewed as immature and inexperienced, are vulnerable to various risks in today’s world. Without adequate guidance, they may struggle to navigate the complexities of life. Parental involvement is crucial in teaching them how to manage challenges and make sound decisions. This is particularly important in the context of the digital world, where children are exposed to potential dangers such as cyberbullying, online predators, and addictive behaviors. Parents play a vital role in ensuring their children’s safety and helping them develop healthy online habits.

In conclusion, while parental observation and guidance are undeniably important, children also deserve privacy as they grow and mature. Achieving a balance between these two aspects is crucial. Appropriate parental guidance, combined with respect for their privacy, can ensure the safety and well-being of children, both physically and mentally, as they navigate the challenges of adolescence.