Parents have more influences on a child’s development than school does. Do you agree or disagree?
The influences on parents and schools on children’s development is still under discussion. It is believed that the impact of parents on a child’s development outweighs that of the school. From my personal standpoint, I totally agree with this statement for some following reasons.
First and foremost, parents are the main factor that equip their children with social skills such as teaching them how to do the household chores and telling them moral lessons based on their past experiences.Light housework helps children to provide for themselves when they frow up and valuable lessons gained from stories that they can make informed decisions to avoid negative consequences on life. Consequently, all of these serve to boost their offspring’s soft skills, which are essential in their children’s real life later on
Furthermore, parents play a role as models, directly influencing on children’s behavior. They observe, imitate their parents’ actions, and adopt to behave with people in life. When parents are good role models. the children will become people with good personalities. On the contrary, children will earn to behave unethically from their parents if their parents misbehave.
In summary, parents’ guidance guarantees the future success of their children. Hence, parents need to tackle proper methods to help their children develop into fully-fledged people in the future
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"frow up" -> "grow up"
Explanation: Correcting the typo from "frow up" to "grow up" improves the accuracy and formality of the sentence, maintaining a professional tone.
"Consequently, all of these" -> "Consequently, all these"
Explanation: Removing "of" after "all" streamlines the sentence, making it more concise and adhering to a formal writing style.
"serve to boost their offspring’s soft skills" -> "contribute to enhancing their offspring’s soft skills"
Explanation: Replacing "serve to boost" with "contribute to enhancing" adds precision and sophistication to the language, aligning with academic style.
"behavior" -> "behaviors"
Explanation: Changing "behavior" to "behaviors" ensures subject-verb agreement, enhancing the grammatical correctness of the sentence.
"When parents are good role models." -> "When parents serve as positive role models,"
Explanation: Expanding the sentence and replacing the period with a comma improves flow and provides a more formal expression of the idea.
"children will earn to behave unethically" -> "children may learn to behave unethically"
Explanation: Correcting "earn" to "learn" and adding "may" introduces a conditional aspect, making the statement more nuanced and academically appropriate.
"guarantees" -> "ensures"
Explanation: Substituting "guarantees" with "ensures" maintains the meaning while employing a slightly more formal and precise term.
"fully-fledged people" -> "well-rounded individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "fully-fledged people" with "well-rounded individuals" adds a more sophisticated and precise description of the desired outcome, fitting an academic context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the question. It supports the idea that parents have a significant influence on a child’s development, citing reasons such as teaching social skills and being role models. However, it lacks depth in discussing how this influence surpasses that of schools.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address the prompt, consider discussing specific ways in which parents’ influence outweighs that of schools, providing balanced arguments or counterarguments where applicable.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance agreeing with the statement that parents’ influence outweighs that of schools. However, the argumentation lacks depth and could benefit from more nuanced reasoning and examples.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by providing more detailed examples and perhaps contrasting them with instances where schools might have a significant impact.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about how parents influence a child’s development, such as teaching social skills and serving as role models. However, these ideas lack depth and sufficient elaboration. There is a lack of specific examples or studies to support the assertions made.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, studies, or anecdotes to reinforce arguments. Elaborate on each point with more detail and perhaps explore contrasting perspectives to strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay broadly stays on topic by discussing the influence of parents on a child’s development. However, it doesn’t delve deeply into comparing this influence with that of schools, deviating from a more comprehensive analysis of the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure a more balanced discussion by directly comparing and contrasting the influences of parents and schools on child development. Avoid going too far off-topic by focusing on the key elements presented in the prompt.
Suggestions for Overall Improvement:
- Develop a more balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument.
- Provide specific examples, studies, or statistics to support claims.
- Compare and contrast the influences of parents and schools more explicitly.
- Maintain a clear structure with well-developed paragraphs for each argument or idea.
- Ensure sufficient word count to fully develop arguments and ideas without being under the specified word limit.
This essay shows promise in its argument, but it requires more depth, evidence, and a balanced exploration of the prompt to enhance its overall quality.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance at the beginning, supporting the idea that parents hold a greater influence on a child’s development than schools. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and thorough exploration. The essay would benefit from a more structured approach, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs expanding on specific aspects (like social skills and behavioral influence), and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider employing a traditional essay structure: introduction (presenting the thesis and outlining key points), body paragraphs (each discussing a separate aspect of parental influence), and a conclusion (reiterating the main argument and summarizing key points).
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks proper division into distinct paragraphs, leading to a lack of clarity and coherence between ideas. Sentences are bundled together without clear transitions, making it challenging for the reader to follow the essay’s flow of thought.
- How to improve: Introduce clear paragraph breaks to separate different points. Each paragraph should focus on a specific idea or argument. For instance, one paragraph could discuss how parents teach social skills, while another could elaborate on parents as role models. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diverse and effective use of cohesive devices. There’s a need for better transitions between sentences and ideas to create a smoother flow and connection between arguments. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices like pronouns, transitional phrases, and conjunctions is limited.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and paragraphs. Use transitional words and phrases (such as "furthermore," "consequently," "on the contrary") to link ideas and improve the overall coherence. Pronouns can also help in maintaining consistency and coherence, referring back to previously mentioned concepts or individuals.
Overall, to enhance coherence and cohesion in the essay, focus on structuring ideas into distinct paragraphs, employing transitional devices for smoother transitions between thoughts, and ensuring a more systematic approach to developing arguments. This will significantly improve the readability and logical flow of the essay, potentially raising the band score for this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there’s a lack of variety and depth in word choice. Phrases like "main factor," "real life," and "fully-fledged people" are repeatedly used, which limits the diversity of expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "children’s real life," exploring synonyms like "actual experiences" or "real-world situations" would enhance lexical richness.
- How to improve: To broaden vocabulary usage, employ a thesaurus to discover synonyms and alternate phrases that convey the intended meaning. Practice incorporating these synonyms in writing to familiarize yourself with their context and usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "Light housework helps children to provide for themselves when they frow up" could be refined for clarity. The term "frow up" seems to be a typographical error; using "grow up" would convey the intended meaning more accurately. Additionally, "earn to behave unethically" might benefit from a more precise term like "learn to exhibit unethical behavior."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully proofread your work for typographical errors. Moreover, when expressing complex ideas, consider using more specific terms that precisely convey your intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, but there are minor errors present, such as "frow up" (presumably intended as "grow up") and "earn" instead of "learn" in the phrase "earn to behave unethically."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, employ spell-check tools and allocate time for thorough proofreading. Additionally, reading more diverse materials and paying close attention to word spelling can aid in reinforcing correct spellings.
Overall, to enhance the Lexical Resource score:
- Diversify vocabulary by exploring synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition.
- Prioritize precision in word choice, ensuring terms accurately convey intended meanings.
- Devote extra attention to proofreading to rectify minor spelling errors and refine language usage for a more sophisticated essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly employs simple sentence structures, with limited variation. There is a noticeable lack of complex or compound sentences, hindering the expression of more nuanced ideas. For example, the use of "First and foremost" signals the beginning of a list, but the subsequent sentences maintain a similar structure, diminishing variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Introduce subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, while) to create more sophisticated connections between ideas. Experiment with different sentence lengths to add rhythm and flow to the essay.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "teaching them how to do the household chores and telling them moral lessons based on their past experiences.Light housework" lacks proper punctuation, making it confusing. There are also instances of subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing throughout.
- How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and sentence structure. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, break down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones to improve readability.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is inconsistently applied. There are instances where commas are missing, affecting the clarity of the ideas. For example, the phrase "parents’ guidance guarantees the future success of their children. Hence" requires a comma after "children" to indicate a natural pause.
- How to improve: Review the rules of punctuation, particularly focusing on the correct use of commas, periods, and apostrophes. Practice incorporating these punctuation marks in various contexts. Utilize online resources or grammar guides to reinforce punctuation rules. Paying attention to these details will enhance the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate surrounding the influences of parents and schools on children’s development remains ongoing. In my view, the impact of parents on a child’s growth surpasses that of the school. I firmly agree with this stance for several reasons.
Primarily, parents serve as the primary influencers in equipping their children with crucial social skills. They impart practical knowledge by involving children in household chores, teaching them essential life skills for their future. Additionally, through imparting moral lessons drawn from their own experiences, parents ensure their children can make informed decisions, avoiding potential pitfalls in life. Consequently, all these efforts contribute to enhancing their offspring’s soft skills, pivotal for their real-life scenarios later on.
Moreover, parents assume the role of influential models, significantly shaping their children’s behavior. Children keenly observe and emulate their parents’ actions, learning how to interact with others in society. When parents serve as positive role models, their children tend to mirror these positive behaviors, developing admirable personalities. Conversely, when parents exhibit unethical behavior, children may inadvertently learn to behave in a similar manner, influenced by their parents’ actions.
In conclusion, parental guidance is instrumental in determining the future success of their children. Therefore, parents should employ effective methods to aid their children in evolving into well-rounded individuals capable of navigating life’s challenges with confidence and integrity.