People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. Why is this happening? What can be done to reduce people’s consumption?
It is reported that the consumption of sugary beverages has witnessed a considerable increase. This essay will outline a number of rationales explicating this phenomenon associated with putting forward a variety of solutions for this issue.
The growth of sugar-sweetened drink consumers is attributed to several factors. One main cause of this issue is that a number of media companies, to attractwith the aim of attracting a notable number of customers as well as increase their revenue, have launched a profusion of advertising campaigns. The rise in the production of magnetic billboards or seductive images on social websites may have a significant impact on grabbing purchasers attention. Therefore, they would have a tendency to acquire larger quantities of sugary drink products despite the fact that they are nonessential goods containing high amounts of sugar, major determinants of several health issues, such as obesity. Furthermore, the demand for boosting work efficiency soars higher as the time progresses. Consuming more sugary beverages could keep people awake, along with increasing energy levels to heightened creativity, since there is a shoot-up in the amount of work or homework they have to deal with. Indeed, countries with high work intensity, namely Japan and Germany, have seen a substantial upward trend in caffeine-oriented drink consumption regardless of health concerns of having diabetes and the heightening of the risk of getting cardiovascular diseases.
As a result, actions must be taken as soon as possible to tackle the negative impacts arising from the increasing amount of sugary drinks’ consumption. Reducing people’s preference for sweet beverages will require concerted action on several levels, ranging from manufacturers in the beverage industry to the government. Beverage manufacturers, in order to make consumers drink more healthfully, are recommended to reduce the sugar rate as well as offering smaller single-serving bottles of sugary drinks. For instance, Coca-Cola, one of the most extensive producers of non-alcoholic beverage drinks in the world, has introduced low-sugar products and no-added sugar drinks, also known as “Light Cola” and “Zero Cola,” respectively. Changes in the recipe of this company have created a great influence on producing low-sugar drinks, responding to consumers’ desires for more choices across categories. Also, it is urged that the government should implement soda tax like cigarettes and alcohol, as their health risks could pose to residents. Enacting a new law about advertising of sugary drinks targeted at children – a vulnerable group, should be an urgent mission owing to a result of reducing consumption, raising additional revenue, and improving population health. For example, to address the problem of high consuming sugar-based drinks, Mexico’s government has heightened the tax on these kinds of drinks for the purpose of reducing sales.
In conclusion, sugary drinks consumption, however, has a tendency to rise causing numerous health risks to consumers, there are a number of viable solutions to counteract this problem.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"a considerable increase" -> "a substantial increase"
Explanation: Replacing "considerable" with "substantial" enhances the formality of the sentence without changing its meaning.
"explicating" -> "explaining"
Explanation: "Explicating" is less common and more formal than "explaining," but "explaining" is more natural and fits well in this context.
"with the aim of attracting" -> "in an effort to attract"
Explanation: The phrase "with the aim of attracting" can be replaced with "in an effort to attract" to make the sentence more concise and formal.
"profusion of advertising campaigns" -> "a multitude of advertising campaigns"
Explanation: "Profusion" is less commonly used in academic writing, and "multitude" is a suitable alternative that maintains formality.
"magnetic billboards or seductive images" -> "enticing billboards or alluring images"
Explanation: "Magnetic" in this context is vague, so replacing it with "enticing" and "seductive" with "alluring" maintains the idea of attraction while using more precise language.
"grabbing purchasers attention" -> "capturing consumers’ attention"
Explanation: "Grabbing" is informal, and "capturing" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
"they would have a tendency to acquire" -> "they are more likely to purchase"
Explanation: Replacing "they would have a tendency to acquire" with "they are more likely to purchase" is more direct and formal.
"nonessential goods containing high amounts of sugar" -> "nonessential products with high sugar content"
Explanation: Rearranging the words to "nonessential products with high sugar content" maintains clarity and formality.
"heightened creativity" -> "increased creativity"
Explanation: "Heightened" is a less common word in this context, and "increased" is a simpler and more suitable choice.
"there is a shoot-up in the amount of work" -> "there is an increase in the workload"
Explanation: "Shoot-up" is informal, and "increase in the workload" is a more precise and formal expression.
"upward trend in caffeine-oriented drink consumption" -> "rising trend in the consumption of caffeinated beverages"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more explicit and formal, avoiding the informal term "caffeine-oriented."
"actions must be taken" -> "measures must be implemented"
Explanation: "Measures must be implemented" is a more formal way to express the need for action.
"concerted action" -> "collaborative efforts"
Explanation: "Concerted action" can be replaced with "collaborative efforts" for a more formal tone.
"no-added sugar drinks" -> "sugar-free drinks"
Explanation: "No-added sugar drinks" can be simplified to "sugar-free drinks" without losing clarity.
"also known as" -> "referred to as"
Explanation: "Referred to as" is a more formal and common phrase in academic writing.
"Changes in the recipe of this company" -> "Revisions to the company’s recipe"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and specifies that it’s the company’s recipe being referred to.
"enacting a new law" -> "implementing new legislation"
Explanation: "Implementing new legislation" is a more formal way to describe the process of creating a new law.
"owing to a result of" -> "due to the result of"
Explanation: "Due to the result of" is a more concise and formal expression.
"heightened the tax" -> "increased the tax"
Explanation: "Increased the tax" is a more straightforward and formal way to convey the idea.
"sugar-based drinks" -> "sugary beverages"
Explanation: "Sugary beverages" is a more common and formal term for such drinks.
"has a tendency to rise" -> "tends to increase"
Explanation: "Tends to increase" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
- Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses why people are consuming more sugar-based drinks, citing reasons such as advertising and the need for increased energy. However, it could have delved deeper into the reasons and provided more specific examples. Additionally, while it mentions solutions, they could have been more detailed and comprehensive.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should thoroughly analyze the factors contributing to increased sugar-based drink consumption. Providing specific statistics or case studies would strengthen the argument. Moreover, offering a more comprehensive range of solutions with more elaborate explanations would enhance the response.
- Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It clearly acknowledges the problem of rising sugary drink consumption and proposes solutions to address it.
- How to improve: No improvement is needed in this aspect; the essay excels in presenting a clear position.
- Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with some evidence, such as mentioning advertising campaigns and the introduction of low-sugar products by Coca-Cola. However, the development of these ideas could be more extensive. For instance, providing more data or real-world examples would make the argument more convincing.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should extend the discussion on each idea, providing in-depth explanations, examples, and evidence. This would strengthen the overall quality of the essay.
- Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers off slightly, such as when discussing work efficiency and mentioning specific countries. While these points are somewhat related, they could be more directly tied to the main topic of sugary drink consumption.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should ensure that all points made directly contribute to the discussion of sugary drink consumption. Avoid going into tangential topics that do not significantly add to the argument.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and maintains a clear position throughout. However, it could benefit from providing more in-depth analysis and supporting evidence for the ideas presented. Additionally, ensuring that all points made are directly related to the main topic would further enhance the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression throughout. It starts with an introduction that outlines the essay’s purpose and then proceeds to discuss the reasons behind the increased consumption of sugary drinks and potential solutions. Each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, creating a coherent narrative.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer can consider providing clear transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through the essay. Additionally, it would be beneficial to maintain a consistent focus on addressing the "why" and "how to reduce" aspects of the prompt throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs with mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the topic, such as the reasons for increased consumption and potential solutions. The use of paragraphs helps maintain clarity and readability.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, the writer can ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence at the beginning, followed by supporting details and examples. Consistency in paragraph length can also contribute to improved overall structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, although there are some inaccuracies or inappropriate amounts. Cohesive devices like pronouns ("they," "it"), transition words ("therefore," "furthermore"), and references to previous ideas are used to connect sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer can work on ensuring that pronoun references are clear and unambiguous. Additionally, a more diverse range of transition words can be used to enhance the flow of the essay further. Care should be taken to use them appropriately to avoid any minor inaccuracies.
Overall, the essay exhibits a strong coherence and cohesion with minor areas for improvement in terms of enhancing transitional elements and ensuring complete clarity in the use of cohesive devices. The logical organization of ideas and effective use of paragraphs contribute to the overall strength of the essay in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary, with a variety of words and phrases used to express ideas. For instance, it uses phrases like "considerable increase," "magnetic billboards," "seductive images," "nonessential goods," "boosting work efficiency," "caffeine-oriented drink consumption," and "upward trend." These terms contribute to the overall richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further improve this aspect, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific terminology related to the sugar content in beverages, health implications, or marketing strategies. Expanding your vocabulary in these areas would enhance the essay’s depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys its meaning clearly, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "magnetic billboards or seductive images" could be more precise in describing the advertising techniques used. While it’s clear that the essay is referring to attractive advertising, a more precise choice of words could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Strive for greater precision by choosing words that specifically convey the intended meaning. Instead of "magnetic billboards or seductive images," you might use terms like "enticing visuals" or "captivating advertisements" to provide a clearer picture.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly detract from overall clarity. The errors are minor and do not impede comprehension.
- How to improve: Continue to maintain a high level of spelling accuracy by proofreading your work carefully. Consider using spell-checking tools to catch any minor spelling mistakes that may arise.
Overall, your essay exhibits a solid vocabulary and spelling accuracy, with minor areas for improvement in precision. To enhance your lexical resource further, focus on incorporating topic-specific vocabulary and striving for greater precision in word choice. Your spelling is generally accurate but can benefit from careful proofreading to eliminate any minor errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
- Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes complex structures with some flexibility and accuracy, such as compound and complex sentences. For example, "The growth of sugar-sweetened drink consumers is attributed to several factors," shows the use of a complex sentence structure.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating conditional sentences, passive voice, or inverted sentence structures. For instance, "If advertising campaigns were regulated more strictly, the impact on consumers might be reduced."
- Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits mostly error-free sentences with occasional, minor errors. These errors are not pervasive but do exist. For instance, "to attractwith the aim of attracting" should be revised to "to attract, with the aim of attracting." There are a few instances of articles (e.g., "a result of reducing consumption" should be "the result of reducing consumption") and subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "countries with high work intensity… have seen a substantial upward trend" could be corrected to "countries with high work intensity… have seen substantial upward trends").
- How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, carefully proofread your essay to eliminate minor errors in articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. Pay close attention to sentence structure and ensure that all parts of the sentence are logically connected.
- Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs well-controlled punctuation. Commas are used effectively to separate items in lists and introduce clauses, as seen in "Coca-Cola, one of the most extensive producers…" However, there are a few minor issues, such as missing commas in compound sentences (e.g., "reducing consumption raising additional revenue" should be "reducing consumption, raising additional revenue").
- How to improve: To enhance punctuation skills, pay extra attention to the use of commas in compound sentences, and ensure that commas are correctly placed before coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, but, or) to join independent clauses.
Overall, this essay exhibits a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation, but minor errors persist. To improve your score, focus on refining these areas, while also continuing to diversify your sentence structures for added sophistication.
Bài sửa mẫu
It has been observed that the consumption of sugary beverages has significantly increased. This essay will explain why this is happening and propose various solutions to address this issue.
The increase in the consumption of sugar-sweetened drinks can be attributed to several reasons. One primary cause is the extensive use of advertising campaigns by media companies. In an effort to attract a large customer base and boost their profits, these companies have launched numerous advertising campaigns. The proliferation of enticing billboards and alluring images on social media platforms plays a significant role in capturing consumers’ attention. Consequently, people are more likely to purchase larger quantities of sugary drinks, even though these products are nonessential and contain high sugar content, which is a major contributor to various health problems, including obesity. Additionally, there is an increase in the workload and demands for increased creativity in many societies. People turn to sugary beverages to stay awake and boost their energy levels, especially when facing a rising workload or more homework. This has led to a rising trend in the consumption of caffeinated beverages, despite the associated health concerns such as diabetes and cardiovascular diseases, particularly in high-intensity work countries like Japan and Germany.
To address the negative impacts of the increasing consumption of sugary drinks, various measures must be implemented promptly. Reducing people’s consumption of sweet beverages requires collaborative efforts from both beverage manufacturers and the government. Beverage manufacturers should consider reducing the sugar content in their products and offering smaller single-serving bottles of sugary drinks. For example, Coca-Cola, one of the world’s largest producers of non-alcoholic beverages, has introduced low-sugar products such as “Light Cola” and “Zero Cola,” responding to consumers’ preferences for healthier options. Changes in the company’s recipe have greatly influenced the production of low-sugar drinks, providing consumers with more choices.
Additionally, governments should consider implementing a tax on sugary beverages, similar to taxes on cigarettes and alcohol, due to the health risks they pose to the population. Enacting new laws to restrict the advertising of sugary drinks targeted at children, who are a vulnerable group, should also be a priority. This can help reduce consumption, generate additional revenue, and improve the overall health of the population. For instance, Mexico’s government has successfully increased the tax on sugary drinks to reduce sales and combat the issue of high sugar-based drink consumption.
In conclusion, while there is a noticeable increase in the consumption of sugary drinks, there are practical solutions to mitigate this problem and the associated health risks. Collaboration between beverage manufacturers and governments is essential to encourage healthier choices and reduce the negative impacts of excessive sugar consumption.