People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends on the attitude of the student. Discuss both side and state your opinion

People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends on the attitude of the student.
Discuss both side and state your opinion

Some people argue that a person's educational success depends on the good teacher, while some others believe it is based on the student's attitude . In my opinion, I agree with the idea that it relies more on students' awareness.
On one hand, educational success depends on having a good teacher. A skilled and knowledgeable teacher can inspire, motivate, and guide students, making the learning process more engaging and effective.Moreover, they have the ability to adapt their teaching methods to accommodate diverse learning styles and create a good classroom environment. For example, young teachers often create a friendly and laughter-filled learning environment, which helps students focus on the lesson and create a sense of ease for receiving new knowledge.
On the other hand, those who believe that educational success depends on the attitude of the student emphasize determination in the learning process. Students with a positive attitude, strong work ethic, and a willingness to learn are more likely to excel academically, regardless of the quality of the teacher. They take ownership of their education, actively participate in class, seek out additional resources, and persist in the face of obstacles. For instance, students with a sense of ownership and responsibility for themselves are more likely to succeed because they have a higher capacity for learning and are less dependent on others.
To conclude, although a good teacher can improve students but in my view, students with good attitude have an important role in their study

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.
"good teacher" -> "competent teacher"
Explanation: "Competent" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "good," which can be vague and subjective.
"it is based on the student’s attitude" -> "it is contingent upon the student’s attitude"
Explanation: "Contingent upon" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone and precision of the statement.
"I agree with the idea that it relies more on students’ awareness" -> "I concur that it is more dependent on students’ awareness"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "dependent" is a more precise term than "relies," which can be vague.
"On one hand" -> "On the one hand"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is the correct idiomatic expression for introducing contrasting ideas in formal writing.
"A skilled and knowledgeable teacher" -> "A highly skilled and knowledgeable teacher"
Explanation: Adding "highly" emphasizes the level of expertise, which is more precise and formal.
"make the learning process more engaging and effective" -> "enhance the learning process’s engagement and effectiveness"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal verb than "make," and using "the learning process’s engagement and effectiveness" avoids the awkward construction of "make the learning process more engaging and effective."
"they have the ability to adapt" -> "they possess the capacity to adapt"
Explanation: "Possess the capacity" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ability to adapt.
"young teachers often create" -> "younger teachers frequently create"
Explanation: "Younger" is more specific than "young," and "frequently" is more formal than "often."
"friendly and laughter-filled learning environment" -> "congenial and laughter-filled learning environment"
Explanation: "Congenial" is a more formal synonym for "friendly," fitting better in academic contexts.
"which helps students focus on the lesson" -> "which facilitates students’ focus on the lesson"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more precise and formal verb than "helps," and using "students’" with the possessive form is grammatically correct.
"take ownership of their education" -> "assume responsibility for their education"
Explanation: "Assume responsibility" is a more formal and precise phrase than "take ownership," which is somewhat colloquial.
"are more likely to succeed because they have a higher capacity for learning" -> "are more likely to succeed due to their enhanced capacity for learning"
Explanation: "Due to their enhanced capacity" is a more formal and precise way to express causality and improvement.
"are less dependent on others" -> "are less reliant on others"
Explanation: "Reliant" is a more formal synonym for "dependent," aligning better with academic style.
"although a good teacher can improve students but" -> "although a good teacher can improve students, yet"
Explanation: The comma and "yet" correct the grammatical structure and enhance the formal tone of the transition between contrasting ideas.
"students with good attitude have an important role in their study" -> "students with a positive attitude play a crucial role in their studies"
Explanation: "Play a crucial role" is more formal and precise than "have an important role," and "studies" is the correct plural form for academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding educational success, mentioning the roles of both teachers and students. However, it lacks depth in discussing the perspectives. The argument for the teacher’s role is presented, but it could benefit from more concrete examples and a clearer connection to how this impacts educational success. The student’s attitude is mentioned, but the discussion is somewhat superficial and does not fully explore how this can lead to success in education.
- How to improve: To enhance this section, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both viewpoints. For instance, discussing specific attributes of effective teachers and how they contribute to student success, alongside a more comprehensive analysis of how a positive student attitude translates into academic achievement, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear opinion that student attitude is more crucial for educational success. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion attempts to summarize the argument but does not effectively reiterate the main points made in the body paragraphs, leading to a lack of cohesion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the central argument. This can be achieved by restating the opinion in the topic sentences of each paragraph and summarizing how the discussed points support this view in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both teachers and students but does not extend or support these ideas sufficiently. For example, while it mentions that good teachers can create a positive learning environment, it does not elaborate on how this environment specifically contributes to educational success. Similarly, while the importance of student attitude is noted, the essay lacks detailed examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotes that illustrate how a good teacher or a positive student attitude leads to better educational outcomes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the roles of teachers and students in educational success. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of teachers could be more directly tied to how their qualities specifically influence student success, rather than just stating that they create a friendly environment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument to the question of educational success and avoiding any tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of both sides of the argument, maintain a consistent position throughout, provide detailed support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, discussing both sides of the argument regarding educational success. The introduction effectively sets up the debate, while the body paragraphs are logically organized to present arguments for both the teacher’s influence and the student’s attitude. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the role of teachers, providing specific examples that illustrate their impact. The second body paragraph shifts to the student’s perspective, maintaining a coherent flow. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother to enhance the overall logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help signal the shift from discussing teachers to discussing students. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the importance of teachers, while the second addresses the student’s attitude. However, the concluding paragraph could be more developed to encapsulate the discussion and reinforce the writer’s opinion. Currently, it feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear summary of the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only states the writer’s opinion but also briefly summarizes the main arguments from both sides. This will provide a more cohesive end to the essay. Additionally, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea being discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "On one hand," and "On the other hand," which help to link ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions and conjunctions, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Nevertheless." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and effective use of paragraphs, there are opportunities for improvement in transitions, conclusion development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. Implementing these suggestions will help elevate the essay to an even higher standard.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "educational success," "skilled," "knowledgeable," "engaging," and "determination." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "good teacher" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms such as "effective educator" or "competent instructor" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good teacher," they could use "dedicated educator" or "inspiring mentor." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to education and learning could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "students’ awareness" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. It would be more effective to specify what aspect of awareness is being referred to, such as "students’ motivation" or "students’ engagement in their learning."
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on using specific terms that accurately reflect their ideas. For example, instead of saying "students’ awareness," they could clarify by stating "students’ motivation to learn" or "students’ proactive approach to their education." This will help convey their arguments more clearly and effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors present. However, there is a notable mistake in the phrase "students with good attitude," which should be corrected to "students with a good attitude." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make it a habit to proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and understanding their correct forms can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, using more precise language, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "A skilled and knowledgeable teacher can inspire, motivate, and guide students, making the learning process more engaging and effective" showcases the writer’s ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "students" or "those who believe," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different sentence openings and use more varied conjunctions and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "students," the writer could use phrases like "Those who adopt a proactive approach" or "In contrast, learners who…" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or participial phrases, could further enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "depends on the good teacher" should be "depends on a good teacher" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing space before the period in "attitude ." and the lack of a comma before "but" in the concluding sentence. These errors can disrupt the flow and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch minor errors, particularly with articles and punctuation. Practicing the rules of comma usage, especially in compound sentences, will also help. For example, the sentence "To conclude, although a good teacher can improve students but in my view, students with good attitude have an important role in their study" could be revised for clarity and correctness to "To conclude, although a good teacher can improve students, I believe that students with a positive attitude play a crucial role in their studies." This revision not only corrects grammatical issues but also enhances the overall clarity of the argument.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that a person’s educational success depends on having a good teacher, while others believe it is based on the student’s attitude. In my opinion, I concur that it is more dependent on students’ awareness.

On the one hand, educational success depends on having a competent teacher. A highly skilled and knowledgeable teacher can inspire, motivate, and guide students, making the learning process more engaging and effective. Moreover, they possess the capacity to adapt their teaching methods to accommodate diverse learning styles and create a positive classroom environment. For example, younger teachers frequently create a congenial and laughter-filled learning environment, which facilitates students’ focus on the lesson and creates a sense of ease for receiving new knowledge.

On the other hand, those who believe that educational success depends on the attitude of the student emphasize determination in the learning process. Students with a positive attitude, strong work ethic, and a willingness to learn are more likely to excel academically, regardless of the quality of the teacher. They assume responsibility for their education, actively participate in class, seek out additional resources, and persist in the face of obstacles. For instance, students with a sense of ownership and responsibility for their own learning are more likely to succeed due to their enhanced capacity for learning and are less reliant on others.

To conclude, although a good teacher can improve students, I believe that students with a positive attitude play a crucial role in their studies.