people in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

There is a controversial issue around the world about the reduction of time spent with family. This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and a number of its associated effects.
The main factors causing this issue consist the work demands in offices and schools. Both children and parents need to concentrate on themselves, and these work load often occupy for the majority of their daily life. Consequently, people usually do not have much spare time to care about other's emotions and problems. At the same time, the rise of digital distractions also contribute to the indifference between family members in domestic environment. For instance, parents find mobile phones as a solution to their young's tantrum and people nowadays rather spend the leisure time on technological gadgets than family activities as these are more tiring. Moreover, when having any difficulty it is the norm to seek digital assistants and not consult to a close member.
There are several impacts from this friend and they are all tend to be detrimental. Initially, quality time together does not occur enough to build strong relationships between family members, therefore lead to unwanted arguments from conflicting opinions. Secondly, lack of time with siblings or parents can increase vulnerability to inappropriate contents on social media, especially young children whose cognitive process have not fully developed. In reality, those children might grow up with low self-esteem or in some some circumstances, they might commit crimes from the misunderstanding in their youth.
In conclusion, people are having less and less time with family largely due to work and digital distractions and the impacts of this on both individuals and families are severe.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a controversial issue around the world about the reduction of time spent with family." -> "There is a global controversy surrounding the reduction of time spent with family."
Explanation: The phrase "a global controversy surrounding" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and a number of its associated effects." -> "This essay will examine several reasons for this trend and its associated consequences."
Explanation: "Examine" is more specific and academically appropriate than "outline," and "consequences" is a more formal term than "effects."
"consist the work demands in offices and schools" -> "stem from work demands in offices and schools"
Explanation: "Stem from" is the correct prepositional phrase for indicating origin, whereas "consist" is incorrectly used here.
"Both children and parents need to concentrate on themselves" -> "Both children and parents must focus on their own needs"
Explanation: "Must focus on their own needs" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of "concentrate on themselves."
"and these work load often occupy for the majority of their daily life" -> "and these workloads often occupy the majority of their daily lives"
Explanation: "Workloads" is the correct plural form, and "daily lives" is grammatically correct compared to "daily life."
"people usually do not have much spare time to care about other’s emotions and problems" -> "individuals typically lack sufficient time to address others’ emotions and concerns"
Explanation: "Individuals typically lack sufficient time" is more formal and precise than "people usually do not have much spare time," and "address" is more formal than "care about."
"the rise of digital distractions also contribute to the indifference between family members in domestic environment" -> "the rise of digital distractions also contributes to the growing indifference among family members in domestic settings"
Explanation: "Contributes" should be singular to match "rise," and "growing indifference among family members in domestic settings" is more precise and formal.
"find mobile phones as a solution to their young’s tantrum" -> "use mobile phones as a solution to their children’s tantrums"
Explanation: "Use" is more appropriate than "find," and "children’s tantrums" is grammatically correct and more specific than "their young’s tantrum."
"people nowadays rather spend the leisure time on technological gadgets than family activities" -> "people today often prefer to spend leisure time on technological gadgets rather than engaging in family activities"
Explanation: "Today" is more formal than "nowadays," and "prefer to spend leisure time" is more precise and formal than "rather spend the leisure time."
"when having any difficulty it is the norm to seek digital assistants and not consult to a close member" -> "when encountering difficulties, it is common to seek digital assistance rather than consulting a close family member"
Explanation: "Encountering difficulties" is more formal than "having any difficulty," and "digital assistance" is more appropriate than "digital assistants," and "consulting a close family member" is grammatically correct.
"friend and they are all tend to be detrimental" -> "effects, which are all detrimental"
Explanation: "Effects" should be plural to match "are," and the phrase "which are all detrimental" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"quality time together does not occur enough to build strong relationships" -> "quality time together does not occur frequently enough to build strong relationships"
Explanation: "Does not occur frequently enough" is more precise and formal than "does not occur enough."
"lead to unwanted arguments from conflicting opinions" -> "lead to unwanted arguments arising from conflicting opinions"
Explanation: "Arising from" is more precise and formal than "from."
"lack of time with siblings or parents can increase vulnerability to inappropriate contents on social media" -> "insufficient time with siblings or parents can increase vulnerability to inappropriate content on social media"
Explanation: "Insufficient time" is more specific than "lack of time," and "content" should be singular to match "inappropriate."
"especially young children whose cognitive process have not fully developed" -> "especially young children whose cognitive processes have not yet fully developed"
Explanation: "Processes" should be plural to match "children," and "have not yet fully developed" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"In reality, those children might grow up with low self-esteem or in some some circumstances, they might commit crimes from the misunderstanding in their youth." -> "In reality, these children may grow up with low self-esteem or, in certain circumstances, commit crimes due to misunderstandings in their youth."
Explanation: "May" is more tentative and appropriate than "might," and "due to misunderstandings" is clearer and more formal than "from the misunderstanding."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying reasons for the decline in family time, such as work demands and digital distractions, as well as the effects of this trend, including weakened relationships and increased vulnerability among children. However, while the reasons are presented, they could be more thoroughly explored. For instance, the mention of "work demands" is somewhat vague and could benefit from specific examples or statistics to illustrate the extent of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples or data to support the reasons given. Additionally, expanding on the effects with more concrete examples or case studies would strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative implications of spending less time with family. The introduction sets the stage for discussing both reasons and effects, and the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel abrupt and may confuse the reader about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer should use more transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the essay’s position more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented, but they lack depth and support. For example, the statement about digital distractions could be expanded with specific examples of how these distractions manifest in daily life. Additionally, the essay mentions "detrimental" impacts but does not elaborate on how these effects play out in real-world scenarios, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. Providing statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons and effects of reduced family time. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of "digital assistants," which could be seen as tangential to the main argument about family time.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the core question of family time reduction. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of points, clearer transitions, and more specific examples to enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized around specific reasons and effects, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons for reduced family time, while the second addresses the effects. However, the connection between ideas could be more explicitly stated. For example, the transition from discussing work demands to digital distractions could benefit from a clearer linking sentence to enhance the logical progression of thoughts.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, after discussing work demands, you could add a sentence like, "In addition to these work-related pressures, another significant factor is the rise of digital distractions." This would help clarify the relationship between the ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of work demands from digital distractions, as they are two distinct reasons. This would allow for a more focused exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one dedicated to work demands and another to digital distractions. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each reason. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, which will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "moreover," and "initially," which help to link ideas and indicate the relationship between them. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this friend" appears to be a typographical error, which disrupts the flow and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "furthermore" or "in addition" to add information, and "on the other hand" to present contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly and that there are no typographical errors, as these can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score. By focusing on clearer transitions, more effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "controversial issue," "digital distractions," and "cognitive process." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "time spent with family" and "work demands." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "work demands," alternatives like "professional obligations" or "occupational responsibilities" could be used. Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can add depth to the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "the majority of their daily life" could be more accurately expressed as "the majority of their waking hours." Additionally, the term "young’s tantrum" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "a child’s tantrum."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully consider word choice and context. It would be beneficial to review and revise sentences to ensure that the vocabulary used conveys the intended meaning clearly. For example, replacing "indifference between family members" with "disconnection among family members" would provide a clearer picture of the emotional distance being described.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "work load" (should be "workload"), "contribute" (should be "contributes"), and "some some circumstances" (repetition error). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases relevant to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the use of "Consequently, people usually do not have much spare time to care about other’s emotions and problems" shows an attempt at a complex structure. However, many sentences are quite similar in structure, which limits the overall variety. For instance, the phrases "the work demands in offices and schools" and "the rise of digital distractions" follow a similar noun phrase structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Both children and parents need to concentrate on themselves," the writer could say, "While both children and parents need to concentrate on their individual responsibilities, they often neglect family time." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more dynamic flow in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "the main factors causing this issue consist the work demands" is incorrect; it should be "the main factors causing this issue consist of the work demands." Additionally, the phrase "these work load often occupy for the majority of their daily life" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("work load" should be "workloads"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, particularly with collective nouns (e.g., "workloads" instead of "work load"). Practicing sentence structure exercises can help reinforce the correct use of prepositions, such as "consist of." Furthermore, the writer should review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where commas should be placed.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a controversial issue around the world regarding the reduction of time spent with family. This essay will outline a number of reasons for this trend and several of its associated effects.

The main factors causing this issue stem from work demands in offices and schools. Both children and parents need to concentrate on their own needs, and these workloads often occupy the majority of their daily lives. Consequently, people usually do not have much spare time to care about others’ emotions and problems. At the same time, the rise of digital distractions also contributes to the indifference between family members in domestic environments. For instance, parents find mobile phones as a solution to their children’s tantrums, and people nowadays often prefer to spend their leisure time on technological gadgets rather than engaging in family activities, as these are seen as more tiring. Moreover, when encountering difficulties, it is common to seek digital assistance rather than consulting a close family member.

There are several impacts from this trend, and they are all detrimental. Initially, quality time together does not occur frequently enough to build strong relationships between family members; therefore, this can lead to unwanted arguments arising from conflicting opinions. Secondly, insufficient time with siblings or parents can increase vulnerability to inappropriate content on social media, especially for young children whose cognitive processes have not fully developed. In reality, these children may grow up with low self-esteem or, in certain circumstances, commit crimes due to misunderstandings in their youth.

In conclusion, people are spending less and less time with family largely due to work demands and digital distractions, and the impacts of this on both individuals and families are severe.