people in many countries are spending less time with their family. What are the reasons and effects of this?

In developing society today, more and more people spend less time with members in family. This essay will give some reasons and bring a few solutions to this statement.

One of the most primary reasons is that adults are trying to achieve their goals. For instance, workers focus on their job in order to succeed in their career, they might come home late and bury themselves in work, so they do not have enough time for family. Students who want to reach high honors in studying, they definitely have to spend time going to extra classes and doing exercises instead of talking with parents. Furthermore, people today are significantly influenced by technology. Almost mature people now entertain by using smartphones or laptops in leisure time, so the distances between members is getting bigger and bigger.

There are some effective solutions for these problems. First of all, family members have to proactively spend time with others. The simplest thing is that they can gather and have dinner together, this is the time to tell and share about daily life. Moreover, adults should spend less time on technological devices. Instead, they can participate in some outside activities like playing sports or signing up for life skills courses which all family members can attend, so they can have more time with each other and connect more.

In conclusion, the biggest reason is that young people now dedicate too much time on their personal aims. people should try more spend time talking to parents to reduce burdens

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In developing society today" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "developing," which can be vague and imprecise in this context.
"more and more people spend less time with members in family" -> "an increasing number of individuals spend less time with family members"
Explanation: "An increasing number of individuals" is more formal and specific than "more and more people," and "family members" is the correct grammatical form.
"This essay will give some reasons and bring a few solutions to this statement." -> "This essay will discuss the reasons and propose several solutions to this phenomenon."
Explanation: "Discuss" and "propose" are more precise and formal than "give" and "bring," and "phenomenon" is a more academic term than "statement."
"One of the most primary reasons" -> "One of the primary reasons"
Explanation: "Primary" is correct without "most" in this context, as it is an absolute term.
"adults are trying to achieve their goals" -> "adults strive to achieve their objectives"
Explanation: "Strive" is more formal and precise than "trying," and "objectives" is a more formal term than "goals."
"workers focus on their job in order to succeed in their career" -> "workers focus on their careers to succeed"
Explanation: Simplifying "in order to succeed in their career" to "to succeed" enhances clarity and formality.
"they might come home late and bury themselves in work" -> "they may arrive late and immerse themselves in work"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might," and "immerse" is a more precise verb than "bury themselves."
"Students who want to reach high honors in studying" -> "Students seeking high academic honors"
Explanation: "Seeking high academic honors" is more formal and precise than "want to reach high honors in studying."
"they definitely have to spend time going to extra classes and doing exercises" -> "they must allocate time to attend additional classes and complete exercises"
Explanation: "Allocate time" and "attend additional classes" are more formal and precise than "spend time going to extra classes."
"Almost mature people now entertain by using smartphones or laptops" -> "Many adults now engage in leisure activities using smartphones or laptops"
Explanation: "Many adults" is more precise than "almost mature people," and "engage in leisure activities" is more formal than "entertain by using."
"the distances between members is getting bigger and bigger" -> "the distance between family members is increasing"
Explanation: "Distance" should be singular, and "increasing" is more formal than "getting bigger and bigger."
"First of all, family members have to proactively spend time with others" -> "Firstly, family members must actively spend time with each other"
Explanation: "Firstly" is more formal than "First of all," and "must actively spend time with each other" is more precise and formal.
"The simplest thing is that they can gather and have dinner together" -> "A simple approach is for them to gather and share a meal together"
Explanation: "A simple approach" is more formal than "The simplest thing," and "share a meal" is more precise than "have dinner."
"adults should spend less time on technological devices" -> "adults should reduce their time spent on technological devices"
Explanation: "Reduce their time spent" is more formal and precise than "spend less time."
"Instead, they can participate in some outside activities like playing sports or signing up for life skills courses" -> "Instead, they can engage in outdoor activities such as playing sports or enrolling in life skills courses"
Explanation: "Engage in outdoor activities" and "enrolling in" are more formal and precise than "participate in some outside activities like" and "signing up for."
"people should try more spend time talking to parents to reduce burdens" -> "individuals should make more of an effort to communicate with their parents to alleviate burdens"
Explanation: "Make more of an effort" and "alleviate" are more formal and precise than "try more spend time" and "reduce."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both reasons for spending less time with family and potential solutions. The reasons provided include the pursuit of personal goals and the influence of technology, which are relevant to the question. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between reasons and effects, as it primarily focuses on reasons and only briefly mentions solutions without explicitly discussing the effects of reduced family time.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly outline the effects of spending less time with family in addition to the reasons. This could involve discussing emotional impacts, social consequences, or changes in family dynamics. A clearer structure that separates reasons, effects, and solutions would enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position regarding the reasons for reduced family time but lacks a strong, consistent stance throughout. The introduction states that the essay will provide reasons and solutions, but the conclusion does not effectively summarize or reinforce the main arguments. The phrase "the biggest reason is that young people now dedicate too much time on their personal aims" could be misleading, as it implies a focus on young people rather than adults, which was initially discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion reflects the main points discussed in the body of the essay. It would be beneficial to restate the reasons and their implications clearly, reinforcing the overall argument. Additionally, using consistent terminology throughout the essay can help maintain clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the reasons for spending less time with family, such as career ambitions and technology use. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the influence of technology is mentioned, it lacks depth in exploring how it specifically affects family interactions. The solutions provided are practical but could be better supported with examples or elaboration on their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each reason and effect with specific examples or data. For instance, discussing statistics on family time or citing studies on technology’s impact on relationships could strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing more detailed examples of how proposed solutions can be implemented would make the essay more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for reduced family time and suggesting solutions. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces a new idea about young people without adequately linking it back to the main discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay are directly related to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently referring back to the main question throughout the essay and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to answering it. A clear outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and maintaining topic relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from clearer structure, deeper exploration of points, and a more consistent focus on the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage by stating the issue at hand. The first body paragraph presents reasons for the decline in family time, while the second body paragraph offers solutions. However, the transition between the reasons and solutions could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "There are some effective solutions for these problems" could be more explicitly linked to the preceding discussion about reasons, perhaps by summarizing the problems before introducing the solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "In light of these challenges, it is crucial to explore potential solutions" would create a clearer link between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses reasons, and the second addresses solutions. However, the conclusion lacks a strong summarization of the main points, which could reinforce the essay’s arguments. Additionally, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the reasons and solutions that will be explored in the essay. In the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument and provide a sense of closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "moreover," and "first of all," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the distances between members is getting bigger and bigger" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Additionally," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect more explicitly. Also, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but with targeted improvements in logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate word choices such as "developing society," "achieve their goals," and "technological devices." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "spend time" and "members of family." The use of phrases like "bury themselves in work" is effective but could be complemented with more varied expressions to enhance the overall lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "spend time," alternatives like "allocate time," "devote time," or "engage in activities" could be used. Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to family dynamics and technology could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the distances between members is getting bigger and bigger" could be more accurately expressed as "the emotional distance between family members is increasing." Furthermore, the term "mature people" is awkward; "adults" or "grown-ups" would be more suitable.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary choices and considering context will help. For instance, instead of "entertain by using smartphones," a more precise phrase would be "engage with entertainment through smartphones." Regular reading and practice with context-specific vocabulary can also aid in this improvement.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "signing up for life skills courses" is correct, but "people should try more spend time" contains a grammatical error that affects clarity. Additionally, "the biggest reason is that young people now dedicate too much time on their personal aims" could be clearer with correct phrasing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing grammar rules can enhance overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, refining word choices for precision, and focusing on spelling and grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "For instance, workers focus on their job in order to succeed in their career, they might come home late and bury themselves in work" attempts to combine ideas effectively. However, the use of compound sentences often leads to run-on sentences, which detracts from clarity. The phrase "students who want to reach high honors in studying, they definitely have to spend time going to extra classes" also illustrates a lack of variety, as it relies heavily on straightforward constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that effectively combine clauses. For example, instead of using "students who want to reach high honors in studying, they definitely have to spend time going to extra classes," the writer could revise it to "Students aiming for high honors must dedicate time to extra classes and assignments." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "people today are significantly influenced by technology. Almost mature people now entertain by using smartphones or laptops in leisure time" could be improved for grammatical accuracy. The term "mature people" is awkward and unclear; "adults" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the sentence "the distances between members is getting bigger and bigger" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "the distances between members are getting bigger and bigger." Punctuation errors, such as the comma splice in "they might come home late and bury themselves in work, so they do not have enough time for family," also hinder readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in compound sentences. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, an increasing number of individuals spend less time with family members. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and propose several solutions.

One of the primary reasons is that adults strive to achieve their objectives. For instance, workers focus on their careers to succeed, which often leads them to arrive home late and immerse themselves in work, leaving them with insufficient time for family. Similarly, students seeking high academic honors must allocate time to attend additional classes and complete exercises, which reduces their opportunities to engage with their parents. Furthermore, people today are significantly influenced by technology. Many adults now engage in leisure activities using smartphones or laptops, resulting in an increasing distance between family members.

There are several effective solutions to address these issues. Firstly, family members must actively spend time with each other. A simple approach is for them to gather and share a meal together, providing an opportunity to discuss and share their daily lives. Moreover, adults should reduce their time spent on technological devices. Instead, they can engage in outdoor activities such as playing sports or enrolling in life skills courses that all family members can participate in, fostering stronger connections.

In conclusion, one of the main reasons for this trend is that young people now dedicate too much time to their personal aims. Individuals should make more of an effort to communicate with their parents to alleviate burdens and strengthen family bonds.